Helen Jones

Clients feelings.

86 posts in this topic

Gentlemen.

I know there are 50 ways to leave your lover.....but how many ways are there to tell a client there will not be a second date ?

How would you prefer to be told you are no longer welcome as a client.

I am beginning to find it more and more tedious when trying to get my message across to gentlemen who seem to be oblivious to the message " I no longer wish to see you"

. Its exceptionally hard work to get this message across without actually shouting into his face!

The smellies, the rude or obnoxious and the general pleb are easy enough to refuse, but when its a decent chap who for one reason or another you would simply no longer like to see, its a bit more difficult don't you think?.

I don't want to insult anybody, and certainly won't walk over anyones feelings, but some guys can become intolerable either by habit or by personality and its not easy giving them their marching orders.

Would you prefer it straight forward shooting from the hip and outlining the reasons by say email.

Or.....

In the form of an excuse that you suspect isnt true but you know is designed to prevent hurt feelings.

My own idea of social ettiquette says I should politley refuse and fib about why to spare any feelings.

Reality says men dont listen and make promises and excuses for shortcomings.

I'd like to hear from clients how you would prefer to be rejected when requesting a further date and would you understand and accept that decision.

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I think all you can do is be truthful, I would rather someone tell me the truth than lie. At least he can sort it out (whatever the reason for not seeing him anymore) and then maybe be able to cont with another WG.

:D

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Really difficult... because its bound to be an unwelcome message however you phrase it.

The only thing I know for sure is that I'd prefer to be told "not going to see you again", rather than have booking requests, etc ignored.

In theory I suppose I'd also prefer to be told real reason... it gives a chance to reflect, and a possibility in some cases of altering things so that other ladies don't also "elbow" in future. In practice I suspect I'd prefer an outrageous lie... something like "I'm beginning to like you a bit too much".

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Telling me this way via a roundabout generalised thread hasn't done anything for my feelings.

Unless the post is at least ruling out that I am one of "The smellies, the rude or obnoxious and the general pleb".

Not sure why they are easy to be rid of unless you don't mind hurting their feelings.

I guess you'll just have to tell me straight:

Dear Monkey face, I am moving to Namibia tomorrow so regret I won't be available for any future weekly 5-minute cum twice with anal play appointments."

I will try to take it like a monkey.

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The smellies, the rude or obnoxious and the general pleb are easy enough to refuse, but when its a decent chap who for one reason or another you would simply no longer like to see, its a bit more difficult don't you think?

As a man, who therefore has no feelings, I'm not sure what these mystery reasons could be :D ... it might help if you told us some examples of other reasons that you might have.

Personally I'd rather be told the reasons straight... although whatever they were, I'd probably conclude that you were a crazy woman, who didn't know what she was on about and that I wouldn't have wanted to see you again anyway :):)

I understand why you might be reluctant to though, as someone could really take offence and become dangerous as a result... so it's a difficult one.

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Would you prefer it straight forward shooting from the hip and outlining the reasons by say email.

...

My own idea of social ettiquette says I should politley refuse and fib about why to spare any feelings.

If the "problem" is the simple, perennial one, that the lady has been so good at her profession that the client makes it apparent by his body language that he thinks that the relationship has developed beyond the professional one, then, IMHO, the lady MUST say "John, you are getting too fond of me! I simply cannot see you again."

If, however, it is something different (other than, that you've just realised that you went to school with my daughter) I'd much prefer to have an honest explanation, so that I can (perhaps) try not to commit the same sin next time.

What I think you must make clear is that your decision is final, and that there will be NO reconsideration.

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Really difficult... because its bound to be an unwelcome message however you phrase it.

Thats one consideration I'm aware of, even if the reasons are not personal people do tend to take rejection as a personal attack or insult. Its so difficult to get across the fact that as a male and female for whatever reason we simply dont click, which is usually my "fault" and nothing the client has done wrong or is wrong with the guy as a person.

Of course it happens all the time the other way around!

A lot more chaps fail to make contact again, than return to meet for a second/third time.

I'm sure the client means no disrespect to the escort, and none is taken. In a perfect world it would work both ways.

Unless the post is at least ruling out that I am one of "The smellies, the rude or obnoxious and the general pleb".

Not sure why they are easy to be rid of unless you don't mind hurting their feelings.

Less guilt if he has actually done something to help make me decide to end our involvement. :D

Theres not one particular person I'm trying to eliminate, its the uncertainty of whether a message gets through to someone who should be reading it loud and clear but doesn't seem to be. How do you ensure that message gets through without needlessy hurting peoples feelings or sounding disrespectful and dreadfully hard and uncaring.

Personally I'd rather be told the reasons straight... although whatever they were, I'd probably conclude that you were a crazy woman, who didn't know what she was on about and that I wouldn't have wanted to see you again anyway

I wish everyone thought like that!

I understand why you might be reluctant to though, as someone could really take offence and become dangerous as a result... so it's a difficult one.

I'm not reluctant as such, its more a case of discovering the most suitable way of refusing further meetings with 1st time clients without being rude or thoughtless of their personal feelings. Men are quite sensitive little souls usually and saying no can be a minefield of miscontruction and wounded egos.

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No anwer to this prob. Men may claim they want to be told it "as it is", but they dont. Suggest you push him onto one of your mates. The only quick cure for infatuation, is finding another person to fall for.

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Hi Helen,

Rejection is never going to sound great to any guy, so your " I no longer wish to see you", polite reply is probably the best, and certainly the one I'd appreciate the most. If you want a nice excuse you could always say the guy reminds you of your, brother / father / ex, and hence you find it very uncomfortable...... Just a thought!

Good luck.

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In my profession, I have to reject scores of people a week. Sometimes they are very passionate, committed people. At first you start trying to do the "decent" thing. Telling them why they did not make it, and generally trying to be helpful and objective.

I quickly developed a policy of simply not replying and engaging in any dialogue. Total radio silence.

Why? A small but vociferous minority became deeply offended, took it personally and bore a grudge which manifested itself in a variety of guises, some of them deeply unpleasant but nearly all just a waste of time. What you have to understand is their response is down to the rejectees own psychological issues - something, that you can't and shouldn't attempt to deal with - period.

If they do get through later, by using another ID phone etc., a simple, sorry I would have loved to see you but..... I only see my regulars now, health issues, moving, retiring (insert_generic_excuse_here) should suffice. It's important that it is an absolute categorical no.

99% of people will just move on. The 1% of nutters don't.

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honesty would always be my priority here and i have perhaps been lucky that none of the ladies i have seen have binned me,permanently.I think one lady suggested that they wanted a break from seeing me and i have respected this,one i perhaps got too close to and the usually boundaries became a bit blurred,on my part.

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Helen. You might be putting off prospective clients who fear they may not come up to your standards. Just a thought.

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I think all you can do is be truthful, I would rather someone tell me the truth than lie. At least he can sort it out (whatever the reason for not seeing him anymore) and then maybe be able to cont with another WG.

:D

Bunny, unless you're being economical with the truth, you are a woman. In which case the above is sooooooooo not true. :):)

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On the rare occasions when I have decided not to see a client again for whatever reason..... and if he has attempted and failed to book me several times after I have ignored his calls, I just email or text if I know it is permitted,

saying "sorry but I will not be able to offer you any more appointments" or similar words. No reason need be given, just as no reason needs to be given to the ladies when a client stops calling.

It is the best way for me and it has worked well without my receiving pestering

follow ups and questions.

As long as I am polite when I let them know, then that is all there is to it.

I have only twice been slightly less than polite but that was with men who I really did not like at all and for good reason, guys who had pissed me off big time.

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I would prefer something simple such as, "I`d prefer not to see you any more," rather than ignoring bookings.

There was a girl I really liked at work who I asked out once and she just said that she was flattered but she had to say no. I thought that was really decent of her. No excuses, no bs, just simple honesty. I really appreciated that.

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I just email or text if I know it is permitted,

saying "sorry but I will not be able to offer you any more appointments" or similar words. No reason need be given, just as no reason needs to be given to the ladies when a client stops calling.

I probably disagree with you here Adele. If a client doesn't return to see you, it is probably nothing that you have done. On the contrary, if you refused to see me again, it would almost certainly be because of something I'd done. For that reason, I personally would like to know (however difficult the feedback was to take).

Just out of interest ... what, hypothetically, might a reason be to refuse to see a punter again (assuming he was clean & polite, and paid on time, etc. etc.). I'm not saying that a lady has to see anyone who is clean & polite, pays, and hasn't become a stalker :D Just wondered.

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If I was to be on the receiving end of such a demand (I think) I would be content with:

WG: I think it would be best if we didn't see each other any more

Me: What on earth are you on about?

WG: I prefer to keep things on a professional basis and the way things have been going I don't think it can continue that way

Me: Have I upset you? I didn't mean to, I can change and not be so impulsive if that's the problem

WG: I am sorry but I have thought about it in detail and have decided that it would best not to continue. It is a confusing situation and I am sorry (then close the door)

Me: Please...

WG: I'm sorry...

But then again each situation will of course be different depending on the client. If I ever found myself becoming emotionally attached to the WG I would think about what I have typed above and compare it to what she might be saying and take the hint. Although after 5 punts with different WG's I am happily enjoying myself with different girls and can't see the 'problem' occurring (thus far?). Better knock on wood...

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Just out of interest ... what, hypothetically, might a reason be to refuse to see a punter again (assuming he was clean & polite, and paid on time, etc. etc.). I'm not saying that a lady has to see anyone who is clean & polite, pays, and hasn't become a stalker Just wondered.

I can hardly give hypotheticals here can I :D because they would be actuals! But I think I know what you meant to say.

Ladies including myself often say that a client need only be clean, honest, reliable etc but there are a hundred reasons why he may no longer be welcome to

book an appointment.

Overstepping boundaries is usually a good reason to be given the pvc boot :) by me and those boundaries can range from trying to get far too involved in my personal life, being seriously indiscreet in a number of ways, having abominable manners or attitude etc.

The above may give the impression that I meet many stupid buggers but it is not the case at all. This is my seventh year in this wicked job and over all that time I have met very few bad apples compared to the great many good

lads!

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Overstepping boundaries is usually a good reason to be given the pvc boot :) by me

:D:)

Mind you, I might pay extra for that Adele :)

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Overstepping boundaries is usually a good reason to be given the pvc boot by me

Mind you, I might pay extra for that Adele

Oh I don't charge extra..... all part of the service sir!

:):D:)

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those boundaries can range from trying to get far too involved in my personal life, being seriously indiscreet in a number of ways, having abominable manners or attitude etc.

If getting involved in personal life is a reason, then that can be told right on the face. The only consideration I may give to the 'man' is if it is ever the very first time that he is punting - in this case, I think the ladies should hold back and probably lie only coz it may lead to a broken ego...and whatever else!!

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On the rare occasions when I have decided not to see a client again for whatever reason..... and if he has attempted and failed to book me several times after I have ignored his calls, I just email or text if I know it is permitted,

saying "sorry but I will not be able to offer you any more appointments" or similar words. No reason need be given, just as no reason needs to be given to the ladies when a client stops calling.

It is the best way for me and it has worked well without my receiving pestering

follow ups and questions.

As long as I am polite when I let them know, then that is all there is to it.

I have only twice been slightly less than polite but that was with men who I really did not like at all and for good reason, guys who had pissed me off big time.

I usually will tell the chap why I can no longer see him. On some occasions it's actually been rectifiable, but others not so. Either way the client gets to know and HOPEFULLY doesn't repeat the same with another lady. There has been one occasion when, to tell the guy why I could no longer see him, would have caused him personal hurt. So I simply let him know I was uncomfortable seeing him - which is the truth. He pressed me for the absolute reason behind this, and via numerous texts(he knows I do not like excessive texting), gettting rather agitated in the process. I was really trying to be tacful and just had to say "trust me I'm simply not comfortable with you". He did get the hump, but guys surely you would not wish to press to see a lady if you knew she wasn't happy seeing you?Surely not conducive to a good appointment for either of you?

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I think all you can do is be truthful, I would rather someone tell me the truth than lie. At least he can sort it out (whatever the reason for not seeing him anymore) and then maybe be able to cont with another WG.

:D

Yes agree that would work for me.

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I do think in such a situation the lady should tell the guy and the reasons. OK, maybe not the ladies job, but say if it is a hygiene issue for example, the guy can resolve it and be better moving forward. None of us are born perfect in our dealings with everyone we meet.

I don't think the lady should conduct it in a scenario where she is at risk, but could do it via email, phone, etc.

I do think it rude just to ignore the guy if he has generally been OK in his dealings with you.

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Just wanted to add to this- those of you who have said that a simple, honest message from a wg stating "I will not be able to offer any more appointments, sorry" have showed yourselves to be reasonable and level-headed people...... and it is not usually the reasonable, level headed punter who you need to say this to, so it doesn't often work unfortunately!

Those who might show traits which warrant such a definitive message are usually the punter who is too intense and hasn't quite grasped the boundaries, (and thus becomes quite scary to deal with, turns up unannounced, or sulks and shouts when you decline to give him your real name or agree to marry him etc). Or it can be the punter who has deep rooted issues that make his attitude really difficult to deal with in a polite, friendly and professional manner. (An example I am thinking of in the past was someone who used to get quite hysterically depressed and angry with himself as the appointment went on as his own personal guilt set in- I didn't really enjoy the intense therapy sessions these turned into after the second or third go!)

In short, those punters you don't want to see again tend not to take a simple honest "no more please" message in a very reasonable manner. Instead, you run the risk of upsetting unreasonable, slightly unstable, scarily intense and often potentially frightening (without realising how frightening their behaviour is, perhaps) punters. For this reason, I find blanket silence works best in this situation.

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