Suffolk Punter

Funniest Things To Happen During A Punt

36 posts in this topic

Come on guys & girls! what is the funniest thing that you have happen during a punt??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are thousands but I had one guy manage to get through a 1 hour appt with 3 sheets of toilet paper stuck to his arse. I was to embarrassed to say anything. Another one wanted A levels on him and shat himself as he farted when he cum. Or the time I split a guys foreskin that he didn't tell me was not meant to be moved (if that makes sense) and he just kept shouting at me. Or perhaps the guy that kept his boxers on and just poked hi little willy though his shorts during a 2 hour appt. Chap that insisted on putting condoms on his fingers as well as dick. Chap that wanted to wrestle only whilst wearing silk ladies undies like I say too many to list here probably the pensioner that had a 3 girl appt and put his false teeth on the bedside table.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are thousands but I had one guy manage to get through a 1 hour appt with 3 sheets of toilet paper stuck to his arse. I was to embarrassed to say anything. Another one wanted A levels on him and shat himself as he farted when he cum. Or the time I split a guys foreskin that he didn't tell me was not meant to be moved (if that makes sense) and he just kept shouting at me. Or perhaps the guy that kept his boxers on and just poked hi little willy though his shorts during a 2 hour appt. Chap that insisted on putting condoms on his fingers as well as dick. Chap that wanted to wrestle only whilst wearing silk ladies undies like I say too many to list here probably the pensioner that had a 3 girl appt and put his false teeth on the bedside table.

Apologies just noticed I am logged into Mr D's account and not mine. Quite funny really !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Apologies just noticed I am logged into Mr D's account and not mine. Quite funny really !

You guys should write a book !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Apologies just noticed I am logged into Mr D's account and not mine. Quite funny really !

I hadn't noticed the name change tbh and am quite used you you and K posting from the same account. Often it's good entertainment trying to guess which one of you was posting. In the case above, it was fairly obvious lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On my very first punt, I found the courage to ring the buzzer of the parlour door after walking back and forth on the pavement several times over the space of a long hour. So far, so good I thought. But then a curt voice on the speaker said to come back later as the ladies were busy. A short time passed, and I buzzed and was let in and told to sit in the toilet! So much for the first time. Finally, I entered a bleak room but was soon joined by a gorgeous lady from New Zealand. Everything was going great, until halfway through the punt and being stark-naked, the door opened and in walked one of her mates! Needless to say, she apologised and left. Having said all that, I haven't had so many unusual experiences in one punt since. Talk about a first time encounter!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

guess mine would be a regular of mine, who loves me to give him a oily handjob, deciding to prep his penis with the lube by my bed whilst i visited the little girls room. Upon returning, we soon realised that he had used the wrong lube and was getting the 'heated' sensation off my warming bottom lube instead. I shouldn't laugh but both are clearly labelled and in different containers. lol oh well, when you got to do something, it's not always good to do it yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You guys should write a book !

Come on Mr & Mrs D at least a internet page of the funniest things to happen!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Was in a punt and enjoying the company of a mature but very accomadating lady - just got into the 69 position and she broke wind - ok so we both laughed it off BUT the odour that followed, well - I am sure she had been on a very spicy curry or Caribbean meal. Saw her many times after and every punt was a joy as we both fell about laughing whenever an unexpected wind release occured !! She was also quite a renowned Fanny Farter !!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A few, more that I laugh about now rather than at the time.

Girl wanted to try on my wedding ring and it got stuck! :blink: That was a horrible 10 minutes, trying to get it off and thinking of excuses as to how I could have lost it.

A really clumsy girl. She had these string tassles on her skirt that she first got caught on the doorhandle. She managed to fall on her arse when taking off her knickers. Finally stubbed her toe on the bed. :lol:

A first time girl. We had a brief shower that was basically her sparing water quickly over me for 30 seconds. Then she got on the bed grabbed a condom and held it out to me at arms length grinning at me. I think I spent most of that session teaching her what she should be doing and even as much as how to give a blowjob. She was rather sweet though but I knew it was not the job for her. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

for me a funny time was when i was with a lovely lady from maidenhead, in missionary and really giving it to her, as she climaxed she let out a loud fart an then turned red in em barresment...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A wg I went to see farted just after I had been giving her RO....it did put me off and Im sure she was very embarrased but I carried on with the punt to completion...remember thinking thank god it didnt happen while we were in the 69 position :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A mouse ran across the bedroom floor just after her knickers had come off and just as she had the condom in her hand ready to roll it on me... queue loud screams from her... she jumps upright and stands on the bed, shaking in fear... the mouse runs out of the room under the door... it takes about 10 minutes to calm her down, with endless half-Polish / half-English apologies from her along the way. We did fuck in the end but all chance of there being time for a second round had gone west, and really her heart wasn't in it. Shame really, since she was very good looking and quite friendly up until the rodent incident.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are thousands but I had one guy manage to get through a 1 hour appt with 3 sheets of toilet paper stuck to his arse. I was to embarrassed to say anything. Another one wanted A levels on him and shat himself as he farted when he cum. Or the time I split a guys foreskin that he didn't tell me was not meant to be moved (if that makes sense) and he just kept shouting at me. Or perhaps the guy that kept his boxers on and just poked hi little willy though his shorts during a 2 hour appt. Chap that insisted on putting condoms on his fingers as well as dick. Chap that wanted to wrestle only whilst wearing silk ladies undies like I say too many to list here probably the pensioner that had a 3 girl appt and put his false teeth on the bedside table.

too much comedy, could make a tv show on this. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh that toilet paper story is priceless! This is just my second post here, not sure if this counts, but I only started working a few months ago, and my 2nd client, whilst doing doggy, asked me to, err, bark like a doggie. Now I am game for almost anything, so I went for it, but could barely hold back laughing, and was really unsure of which bark I should be doing, so it was a variation of maltese poodle yaps, german sheperd woofs and greyhound barks (he didnt seem to mind), next time I think I need clearer instructions. :wacko:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Arranged to see my regular (an indie) at 2.00. Suggested she wore just a dress which could be easily unzipped to reveal all. I would ring her a few minutes before arriving when she was to start using her vibrator to make herself nice and wet and ready to cum.

As I arrived at her suburban house to park on driveway, a guy was just leaving the drive and getting into a car parked outside. He looked at me oddly as I drove in. Funny, I thought - she only sees two sex clients a day and on this day her regular visits at 9.00 am. Must have been a very long session! Go up to front door, which by arrangement is always on the latch, and trip over plastic bag full of rhubarb.

Enter to find her in pvc 'nurse's dress', vibrator in hand but not in use, laughing in embarrassed way. Seems the guy was a non-sex regular massage client who had no idea as to her other occupation. Although she had told him that she would be busy at 2.00, he had arrived with said rhubarb and knocked on door. She was on her way to door carrying big vibrator, in her tarty uniform (which I would have NOT specified had I known - not turned on by pvc or nurses). She thought it was me knocking at door and realised just at the last moment as she was about to open the door that it was the 'rhubarb man' and had to hide behind net curtain.

We both fell about laughing.

Vibrator unused but dress swiftly removed - and a lovely sight to behold!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Typical blokes eh, it's all fart and knob gags! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi all.

I think this might be my first post on here... not sure, so hello everyone. :)

This is my FR for the girl:

http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=100893

This girl was absolutely hilarious, she is Irish, and although I didn't mention in the FR, when she attempted a cockney accent she sounded like Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins. When she attempted the accent, I took the piss out of her a bit and replied "Oh really Mary" in a more extreme Dick van Dyke accent. I don't know how it happened but we ended up singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious together. It was surreal, singing the song, both naked dancing around the room of a massage parlour after our session. lol.

Still finding it funny now. Sorry my story doesn't involve mishaps with bodily fluids etc... but I thought it was funny all the same. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had resumed punting after a break of a few years. I had such a fabulous time with the first escort I saw that I just had to see her again.

My second visit was a month later and the anticipation had been killing me the previous week. The lady was wearing some really sexy fetish wear and PVC thigh boots as I requested and I was so horny. Just as we started to get down to business the hotel fire alarm went off. Unsure whether it was a false alarm we hesitated for about a minute. Then we could hear people running down the corridor so we both quickly changed and she managed to get out of her PVC boots and we went to the car park with all the other guests.

We were there about 30 minutes making small talk and it was a bit bizarre now seeing her in her tracksuit bottoms.

Anyway, we got back to the room and resumed where we left off but although I didn't get my full hour as planned, I had a great time and we laughed about the whole thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

vibrating love eggs inserted in ones ass for the session - my "date"came to retrieve them and the cord broke.....took another 20 mins to complete the extraction, mainly due to us both pissing our selves and me wondering how I was going to explain the situation to my misses if I had to go to A&E. I wont go in to how we managed to get um out!

she didn't even charge me for the the extra 20 mins - a quality girl, shame she disappeared off the scene!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

vibrating love eggs inserted in ones ass for the session - my "date"came to retrieve them and the cord broke.....took another 20 mins to complete the extraction, mainly due to us both pissing our selves and me wondering how I was going to explain the situation to my misses if I had to go to A&E. I wont go in to how we managed to get um out!

she didn't even charge me for the the extra 20 mins - a quality girl, shame she disappeared off the scene!

That's bloody hilarious.

On a side issue, how did the eggs feel?

Cheers Linc

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quite a few spring to mind but one client rang as he neared my location and

asked if there was anywhere to park his bike. I was SO tempted to say yes just

bring it indoors and I would be ready bent over when he arrived.... but I got the

impression he didn't have the best sense of humour so I just advised him to chain

it up in a certain safe place.

:D

In my earlier out call days I visited a scrap yard one hot summer evening and in

the corner was a rusty old caravan. Inside was my date and he was also

very rusty .... and crusty.... and extremely dusty.... ie the whole appointment including the er...

accommodation... was horrendous and as we say up here 'mingin' ! In fact it was so

awful it was funny.... specially the flies buzzing around the action.

oh the shame of it all :o:P:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quite a few spring to mind but one client rang as he neared my location and

asked if there was anywhere to park his bike. I was SO tempted to say yes just

bring it indoors and I would be ready bent over when he arrived.... but I got the

impression he didn't have the best sense of humour so I just advised him to chain

it up in a certain safe place.

:D

In my earlier out call days I visited a scrap yard one hot summer evening and in

the corner was a rusty old caravan. Inside was my date and he was also

very rusty .... and crusty.... and extremely dusty.... ie the whole appointment including the er...

accommodation... was horrendous and as we say up here 'mingin' ! In fact it was so

awful it was funny.... specially the flies buzzing around the action.

oh the shame of it all :o:P:D

Hmmm.. lovely!?! :eek: The things you ladies put up with...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Going for a punt, waiting on the lady to enter the room, then she apppeared , first thoughts were, I recognise thsi lady to within a couple of seconds, I should do , she is one of my staff from work !

We parted , it was never metioned again ,we now work in different parts of the country now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Going for a punt, waiting on the lady to enter the room, then she apppeared , first thoughts were, I recognise thsi lady to within a couple of seconds, I should do , she is one of my staff from work !

We parted , it was never metioned again ,we now work in different parts of the country now.

Quite, quite: you parted, but was this immediately, or, after she had er, um, ah ...?

Surely, when each of you has blown his/her cover, no reason not to go through with it was there?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now