swalesnewbie

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

42 posts in this topic

OK, so, this isnt directly related to working girls, but I at least thought I could get an honest opinion from other punters (but ladies, please feel free to add your advise too).

I've been with my wife for nearly 10 years (the last 3 married), we've always got on well, but sex was never a huge part of our lives the occasional evening sex either before or in bed, and morning sex on the odd weekend, since our chaild came along 6 years ago, the morning sex is out the window, and the evening sex is maybe once a month when/if we're not to full/tired.

the lack of sex at home has never bothered me too much, i've been punting since before i was with her, and have always found enough to keep me going, i've met some amazing women, and had the same crap punts lots of us have. (i tend to go for half hour to an hour walk ins, or find someone on the other site and visist them at lunch time in work).

Now to my main point. I recently (about 3 months ago) got in touch with an old flame, we'd never properly gone out with each other properly, but had slept together on 1 occasion, I always assumed she wasn't interested in me, because although she would flirt after a drink, and we got on well, she never seemed that interested in me, it turns out she was very interested in me, but thought i only wanted fun (i was completely in love with her at the time, but too young n naive at pulling to show her how i felt).

anyway, so we're chatting away online, and i say how much i always wanted her. she was shocked and said she'd always felt the same.

we're both married. she has 2 young children, i have the one. we've only managed to meet a few times, and spent 1 more night together, we get on well, always have a good laugh, and both have very high kinky sex drives.

do you think if i was with her, I'd still feel the need to punt?, loads of sex at home, and the oppertunity of swinging and sharing in the future......

do i leave my wife who i do love and get on well with, but need to punt at least a couple of times a month. or leave for my new love, who could, maybe offer me so much more?

thanks for reading, god i go on a bit.......

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Ok, whilst I understand that men usually have a higher NEED for sex than women (not in all cases though), I think you are really trying to have your cake and eat it here.

You need to decide whether to stay with your wife (and if you wish, see WG's on the side) OR leave your wife and start up with this other woman.

Punting is relatively easy to hide and cover up without your wife finding out but an affair with this other woman is an incredibly dangerous prospect for your marriage. What if this woman falls in love with you and reveals all to your wife when you stop seeing her? A woman scorned and all that...

That is WHY men in marriages where their sexual needs are not being met see SPs for protected sex - cause they don't want the risk attached.

I think you are just infatuated with this other woman and I don't think any good will come of it tbh, but that's just my opinion. Do you know that she would leave her husband and uproot her kids for you? Do you want to live apart from your child? :unsure:

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no sorry if i didnt make it clear, i'm not thinking of staying with my wife, both myself and my new love, are in love, and thinking of leaving our current marriages, but I'm just thinking will i be happy with her, or will i still need the thrill of punting.

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My take on it is this, you can still continue to see her, punt and stay with your wife. Seeing her shouldnt be a problem coz you're both married, if she was single, it would have been different. however, dont be in a hurry to leave your wife and child,you both need to date for a while say about a year to 18months and see if the fire is still there but frankly, leaving someone you've been with for 10 years is not an easy decision to make especially if there's a child involved. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. My grandmother used to say "come see me and come live with me are two different things.I leave you to reflect on these these two sayings. Good luck to you!

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Mmmmh, things always sound rather more exiting across the fence and one can easily have a steamy love affair without mundane everyday life getting in the way. I wonder if you have not build up a rather idealised version of this other woman based on flirts and the one sexual encounter plus the regrets of what could have been. That means reality and regularity have not tainted this picture and you view her with lust tinted goggles rather than actually armed with all facts. Your wife cannot compete with someone you perceive as having a high kinky sex drive as this person has not lived with you through everyday situations. You may find out that with 2 kids this woman is now not nearly as exciting and less inclined to regular kinky sessions once you actually live together. Right now all your contact is super sexually charged but I would not be surprised that could very quickly fizzle out when you remove the illicit excitement of furtive encounters and secret get-togethers. That is not even taking into account the added stress, trauma of separation and guilt of wrecking two marriages. All those factors can quickly zap even the highest libido. Just a thought...

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taking all your points on board, tis why i'm asking advise, i know it's very delicate situation with no easy answer.

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I don't think you should be asking others for advice on this. It is your decision and it should not be influenced by strangers.

Having said that, I think you are playing a very dangerous game here. You are willing to sacrifice precious time with your child to be with this old flame? Sorry but that makes no sense to me and I think it shows that you have no devotion.

If you're not happy with your wife and with your marriage, you should leave the marriage on good terms with your wife and remain single for a considerable amount of time before delving in to another relationship.

You are having a classic case of 'the grass is greener' syndrome and I think you are old enough to know that it is rarely the case!

The thrill of punting is quite unique and for what it's worth, I think you would still feel the need to punt once the excitement of the affair you're having tails off, and believe me, it does.

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taking all your points on board, tis why i'm asking advise, i know it's very delicate situation with no easy answer.

You are married with a child and you LOVE your wife, your partner of 10 years. Take the fantastic sex with this other lady out of the equation and put her 2 kids and every day to day life into the mix and then see where you stand.! If you still love your wife , my guess is that leaving her will be a big mistake. Cut everything else out, make a real and genuine effort to get things going with your wife on all fronts and see where that leaves you. Certainly, do not leave for the sex now.

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no sorry if i didnt make it clear, i'm not thinking of staying with my wife, both myself and my new love, are in love, and thinking of leaving our current marriages, but I'm just thinking will i be happy with her, or will i still need the thrill of punting.

I don't think that any of us can give a definitive answer as to whether you will be happy with her, any more than you can answer that same question.

Personally I wouldn't be too quick to leave your wife. I'd see how things pan out with your new love before you make any drastic decisions. You've only met her a few times since you made contact - yet you're both talking about leaving your respective marriages. It all seems a bit too premature to me.

Carry on as you are. Don't burn your boats just yet.

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Here's my opinion though I guess I will b slated!

From what I have read on this forum, the 'type' of man that sees prostitutes when I a relationship with someone they apparently love don't ever stop.You say you love your wife and have the commitment of a child though you still see wg's and have done since before you met. You are wondering whether you will stop for this woman who you mmay have loved yrs ago but are now infatuated with.Well if being in love has never stopped you, what is different now?:)

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Here's my opinion though I guess I will b slated!

From what I have read on this forum, the 'type' of man that sees prostitutes when I a relationship with someone they apparently love don't ever stop.You say you love your wife and have the commitment of a child though you still see wg's and have done since before you met. You are wondering whether you will stop for this woman who you mmay have loved yrs ago but are now infatuated with.Well if being in love has never stopped you, what is different now?:)

only thing missing from home is enough sex, i know in a new relationship you tend to have more sex, but we're alot more sexually aware, and likeminded in our sexual preferences. over the last few years the love for my wife has changed and the closeness has completely gone. i suppose i care, more than love her nowadays.

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Well, if that is the situation with your wife then maybe it is time to move on.Its not healthy to be more of a companion than a lover. Unless both of you are happy with that,of course.

However, splitting with your wife is one thing, but io think you should make mega sure that this woman is the sex kitten you reckon she is before you jump into another commitment.

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only thing missing from home is enough sex, i know in a new relationship you tend to have more sex, but we're alot more sexually aware, and likeminded in our sexual preferences. over the last few years the love for my wife has changed and the closeness has completely gone. i suppose i care, more than love her nowadays.

Sounds to me like a classic case of thinking the grass is greener

More often than not, it is NOT the case, though obviously there are the odd times when it is time to move on.

Give it all serious consideration, maybe you just need to TALK to your wife more.

Sadly, lots of good marriages can fail simply due to lack of communication.

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Everything said here is true, you also need to factor into it the stress of financial strain if your wife takes you for everything you have got, then meets another man who your own children think is mr wonderful but who you cannot stand being around your children. The stress of realising that you actually miss your wife like crazy but know that it is too late, cos she has met mr wonderful. Some one elses kids jumping on your belly at 7am on a sunday morning, someone elses dad not liking you or worse, hating your cos his kids think YOU are mr wonderful, (despite you secretly resenting them cos you have to spend you life with them, your money on them, what you have left of it) your exwife perhaps thinking that your new lady love is a brazen husband stealing trollop and fighting you tooth and nail through the courts to ensure that ms b. r. Hussey never has your kids under her roof for more than 2 hours every 4th weekend. etc etc etc.

Sorry, you should never stay for the kids, but you cannot leave without considering them and the implications further down the line.x

Oh yes, and the awful realisation that your relationship with your new lady is now verging on identical to the one you had with your ex-wife...que...facebook for any other X fumbles from your teens.x

I dont mean to be disrespectful but it can get messy.x

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From what I can see, you have already made up your mind. Each time anybody suggests a genuine reason why you shouldn't rush into things, you have a counter comment in the defence of your 'new love.'

In your OP, you asked should you leave your wife, or leave for your new love, . You also stated in your second post that you don't want to stay with your wife. Either way, you obviously don't want to salvage your marriage, but that doesn't automatically mean that your new love is so commited to the idea.

My verdict- you seem to have already decided to leave. A woman that is still married with a family, won't be able to sneak off very often, and will probably leave you frustrated. Hence why you punt in the first place. Circles spring to mind :-/

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Your main question to us seems to be 'Do you think I'd punt if I were with the new lady I'm in love with ?'.

Well, you've been in love for 3 months, are you still punting ? You've not said.

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It seems to me there are two possibilities:

1. You were both made for each other, and this rekindling of your old relationship will result in you walking off into the sunset hand in hand to live happily ever after.

2. You're both a bit bored with married life, kids, mortgage, routine, and looking for some excitement that you're justifying to yourselves as long lost love.

Maybe you'll strike lucky and it's number 1, but if it's number 2 you'll probably both be looking over the fence again in a couple of years.

My advice:

1. Think with your head, not with your dick.

2. Think about the implications for your respective children

And a final observation. If this new woman is the real true love of your life, and the sex is great, why would you even need to ask if you're likely to carry on punting?

Good luck.

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Unfortunately if you leave your family you risk destroying your child's happiness, possibly scarring him/her for the rest of their life. Possibly your wife too. And your old flame may do the same to her children.

It's not just what you want/need now. The children always suffer most in these situations, and at 6 years old he/she is old enough to feel the loss, but too young to understand why it's happened.

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I always wonder what people are rthinking when they say that kids suffer in a break up.well yes of course they do but would theuy not suffer if they discovered much later that they beloved dad wasn't really happy with their mother. Not exactly overjoyed to hear their parents relationship was a sham and daddy slept with prostitutes and/or had an affair.

I would have detested my dad.

Anyway, I do not think with the OP its a case of the grass is greener. He has already said he has that he has lost the closeness with his wife, so it doesn't sound like he is throwing away a wonderful life for a fling.Yes he might regret it but I don't think he should stay with his wife just because they have history and that generally things are ok ish. This is the reason so many men cheat because they are just making do.

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Here's my opinion though I guess I will b slated!

From what I have read on this forum, the 'type' of man that sees prostitutes when I a relationship with someone they apparently love don't ever stop.You say you love your wife and have the commitment of a child though you still see wg's and have done since before you met. You are wondering whether you will stop for this woman who you mmay have loved yrs ago but are now infatuated with.Well if being in love has never stopped you, what is different now?:)

Lindi -- do you have any advice for women as to how they can spot the 'type' of man you refer to above, before they might take that step and agree to marry these guys ?

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If you're going to continue to see this other women then you have to leave your wife as soon as possible because what you're doing at the moment is horrible and selfish. It's one thing to see WG's to meet your sexual needs (although I don't agree with people doing that either) but having a relationship with someone else who you have feelings for whilst staying with your wife is a pretty awful thing to do. If you're going to see this other women and throw your marriage away, do it as soon as possible to save your wife's feelings as much as possible.

To answer your main question, which is an odd thing to even ask in this situation to be honest, I'd imagine you'll fizzle out with this girl and be back to seeing WG's in no time and be back here in a few months asking whether you should leave your new wife etc. It just seems extremely selfish and greedy to be seeing WG's, a bit on the side and your wife.

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Well, if that is the situation with your wife then maybe it is time to move on.Its not healthy to be more of a companion than a lover. Unless both of you are happy with that,of course.

However, splitting with your wife is one thing, but io think you should make mega sure that this woman is the sex kitten you reckon she is before you jump into another commitment.

:o :o --- I would disagree completely. Its far more important that your partner is more a friend than a sex kitten. The Op is clearly mixed up and needs decent advice. On the one hand he says he loves his wife and that the only thing missing is some decent sex,on the other hand he wabts to leave her for the sex kitten but wonders whether he will continue to shag escorts if he sets up shop with her !! Whether the sex kitten is a real sex kitten is neither here nor there. He should sort himself out with his wife.

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Hmm cumandgo, maybe it could be difficult to spot the 'type'. However, I would not find it difficult to spot if a man was completely happy with me. If he wasn't very open sexually or didn't discuss things I'd be suspicious as to why. If he never commented on attractive women. If he pretended he didn't like porn!lol.If he treated like a companion and not a lover. All these would raise alarm.Oh and if he hardly had sex with me but never mentioned it I wouldb e very worried as to why.

So no, it would be hard to spot the type but easy to spot the behaviour of a man that wasn't getting all he wanted from me.

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Hmm cumandgo, maybe it could be difficult to spot the 'type'. However, I would not find it difficult to spot if a man was completely happy with me. If he wasn't very open sexually or didn't discuss things I'd be suspicious as to why. If he never commented on attractive women. If he pretended he didn't like porn!lol.If he treated like a companion and not a lover. All these would raise alarm.Oh and if he hardly had sex with me but never mentioned it I wouldb e very worried as to why.

So no, it would be hard to spot the type but easy to spot the behaviour of a man that wasn't getting all he wanted from me.

The problem here is that I reckon the vast majority of these guys reckon they are 'completely' sexually happy with their girl before they tie the knot ! How are the girls to weed them out at that crucial time ?

Hmmm, you are the first wife I have heard say that husband's commenting about the attractivness of other women should give her comfort that he only has sexual eyes for her ! :)

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