Lara Brooks

Ex Client Threatening To Kill Himself

70 posts in this topic

Help, I need some advice on what to do regarding an ex client who has emailed me saying he’s “going to end it”. I ended our strictly working relationship on the 11th November after I felt he got too close (whether actual or imagined) and was fed up of him opening his mouth and putting his foot in it. Since then he’s bombarded me with emails (6 emails in 24 hours on one day) and can’t get his head around why I won’t see him again even though I’ve explained in depth. This has made me even more certain it was right to stop seeing him even though he wasn’t a bad person. He swears he hasn’t become too close so I don’t understand why he’s just not accepting it.

Regarding the suicide threat, I’m not sure what to do. If he’s serious he needs professional help. I have his address and could contact whoever to make sure he’s OK. But I suspect he’s just feeling sorry for himself and is bluffing; I get the impression that people who are serious about ending their lives do it without telling anyone first. Any advice?

Lara.

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But I suspect he’s just feeling sorry for himself and is bluffing; I get the impression that people who are serious about ending their lives do it without telling anyone first. Any advice?

Lara.

Not a good situation to be in Lara and as you state you are out of your depth, so may have to call in some help. Apparently, it's a myth that people don't tell anyone before they attempt suicide - read it in a scientific magazine earlier this year and from recent experience with a friend, it confirms it.

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Help, I need some advice on what to do regarding an ex client who has emailed me saying he’s “going to end it”. I ended our strictly working relationship on the 11th November after I felt he got too close (whether actual or imagined) and was fed up of him opening his mouth and putting his foot in it. Since then he’s bombarded me with emails (6 emails in 24 hours on one day) and can’t get his head around why I won’t see him again even though I’ve explained in depth. This has made me even more certain it was right to stop seeing him even though he wasn’t a bad person. He swears he hasn’t become too close so I don’t understand why he’s just not accepting it.

Regarding the suicide threat, I’m not sure what to do. If he’s serious he needs professional help. I have his address and could contact whoever to make sure he’s OK. But I suspect he’s just feeling sorry for himself and is bluffing; I get the impression that people who are serious about ending their lives do it without telling anyone first. Any advice?

Lara.

You could try telephoning the Samaritans. They would be experienced in these matters and totally discrete. It would put your mind at rest which is part of their reason for offering their service

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As someone who works with mental health I would advise you that you cannot accept responsibility for the health of others. Your client's feelings and actions are not your responsibility and ultimately you cannot alter them.

Do nothing - do not respond - you will only fuel his issue

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As someone who works with mental health I would advise you that you cannot accept responsibility for the health of others. Your client's feelings and actions are not your responsibility and ultimately you cannot alter them.

Do nothing - do not respond - you will only fuel his issue

It's a rotten situation to find yourself in Lara, but the advice above sounds good sense to me.

If the guy is just applying emotional blackmail, then contacting him is the worse thing you can do. If he is serious, what can you really do to help ? He needs to face his demons on his own.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

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If you have his address, I'd phone the Police ,the Police do things called 'welfare calls'.That way, you haven't got yourself involved with his situation in that you have made contact with him again,which is probably what he wants if he is attention seeking. If he is serious,then let them deal with it, if he isn't then that whole experience of police officers banging on his door, perhaps breaking it down if they don't get an answer ,might teach him a lesson.Personally if I was you,I'd feel angry that he'd put me in this position, but really if he gets attached to someone like this and when that person isn't interested they behave like this they have issues and it isn't your job to solve them.

Unfortunately like someone else mentioned it's a myth that those who talk about it don't often finish the job. So for peace of mind,I personally would contact the Police.Because if someone told me they were going to kill themselves I'd feel obligated.

Edited by MIGHTYDONUT

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As someone who works with mental health I would advise you that you cannot accept responsibility for the health of others. Your client's feelings and actions are not your responsibility and ultimately you cannot alter them.

Do nothing - do not respond - you will only fuel his issue

The correct answer. Ex client it trying to guilt trip you.

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You could try telephoning the Samaritans. They would be experienced in these matters and totally discrete. It would put your mind at rest which is part of their reason for offering their service

I think this is best advice. they know what they are doing and will advise you of the best course of action. All in confidence.

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There are some right looney people out there with some serious problems and best thing to do would be to say "Sorry but nothing is going to come out of this, best you see other girls". If he doesn't heed that advice, just let him do whatever he wants to do to himself. The danger is always he may guise himself as another guy and book you again another time, so don't be too harsh.

And that is the thing there are other girls out there, its not like ones livelihood depends on whether he see's the one and only girl he is smitten over.

This is the kind of shit working girls want to avoid at all costs. In my opinion no working girl should ever consider having a relationship with a client until she is no longer an escort. Its a unwritten law that more often then not it will not end well. And no guy should have the intention of becoming more then a customer or at best a friend.

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You could try telephoning the Samaritans. They would be experienced in these matters and totally discrete. It would put your mind at rest which is part of their reason for offering their service

This is good advice for putting Lara's mind at rest - Samaritans know themselves about dealing with the emotional health of others

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Don't engage with him at all. Say 'Please do not contact me again, unless it's to put you in touch with someone who can help you'

Get the number of samaritans, then only talk to him if it's to give him their number.

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Don't engage with him at all. Say 'Please do not contact me again, unless it's to put you in touch with someone who can help you'

Get the number of samaritans, then only talk to him if it's to give him their number.

More good advice

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Good luck with this one Lara - You don't deserve it

The advice you have received so far seems pretty sound to me and all points the same way

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Learking is correct in his post, he is not your responsibility, you have to ignore his messages or put a block on his emails. Contact a third party like the Samaritans may be of help to him, but you cannot be responsible for his actions nor should you allow him to lay a guilt trip on you. It may appear harsh, but you cannot be drawn into this.

Good luck.

Edited by Phil Atio

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Lara, You didn't say how you ended it with him . I would say "let him down gently " I think the best way to get rid of an admirer is to keep telling him how good the sex is with another client. He would get tired of hearing it and would feel if "so and so " is that bloody good then you don't need me or my money. He would go of his own accord eventualy. Hope you didn't tell him by email or txt a bit of a shock maybe .Just my opinion W.P.

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Learking is correct in his post, he is not your responsibility, you have to ignore his messages or put a block on his emails. Contact a third party like the Samaritans may be of help to him, but you cannot be responsible for his actions nor should you allow him to lay a guilt trip on you. It may appear harsh, but you cannot be drawn into this.

Good luck.

I agree wholeheartedly and I'm so sorry this man has put you in this situation. :(

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Laura,

Initially, I want to say firmly/politely tell the guy in question you can't see him/just cut off with no more contact what so ever, but I don't know enough about the situation from your opening post.

At the end of the day it's NOT your responsibility to be taking on other people's worries and problems (unless they are close family, friends) which is a different matter.

Obviously the guy needs some professional help if he is putting his life in your hands- so to speak.

How well does he know you to be stating that he wants to end his life ? Is it just you, or a multitude of different things that makes him feel like that, for him to be putting in emails that he is 'going to end it'.

Totally agree with MD, I would feel angry if someone did this to me- it has happened to me previously in my personal life where an ex kept threatening to take his life if I finished the relationship, I didn't believe him. He took an overdose and went to hospital.

I did see him after for a while but we did eventually break up and I got on with my life and he with his. You cannot make people do what they don't want to do- it's rather manipulating and blackmailing.

My personal opinion is that I have full sympathy for people that are genuinely ill- whatever that may be and especially where mental illness is concerned as it's not something you can see- what goes on in someone's head, what they are feeling, thinking etc,...people have different coping strategies in life with problems and stress and what one person can deal with another cannot.

The subject is not to be taken lightly and is a serious matter when people say they don't want to be here or want to end it.

It is difficult to actually gage/comment too much going on what you have said, as don't know the full details.

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As someone who works with mental health I would advise you that you cannot accept responsibility for the health of others. Your client's feelings and actions are not your responsibility and ultimately you cannot alter them.

Do nothing - do not respond - you will only fuel his issue

Totaaly agree Learking.

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Total agreement with Learking and others - very sound advice.

The only positive think I can say about this is that it does illustrate just what a good decision of yours it was to end this - if you had carried on it would in all likelyhood got far far worse.

So well done Lara.

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As someone who works with mental health I would advise you that you cannot accept responsibility for the health of others. Your client's feelings and actions are not your responsibility and ultimately you cannot alter them.

Do nothing - do not respond - you will only fuel his issue

Totally agree with all you said there learking really good advice.

Shelly

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Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I decided that I wouldn’t risk his threat being a hoax so I called the Samaritans, but unfortunately they told me they aren’t allowed to advise; they are there to listen only and couldn’t help. So I then had a chat with the Police. They took it very seriously and even though I later checked my emails and had received an email from the ex-client saying he’d read this forum and would be fine, they still said they had to check on him. The officer just called me and said he was fine and didn’t mean what he said about killing himself, so it was all emotional blackmail after all. I’m really cross.

I had told him I wouldn’t meet him again and ignored 10 of his emails, but stupidly had returned a couple of emails in between which in hindsight I should have ignored too. He’s been told by me and the Police not to contact me again so hopefully he can sort his stuff out and move on.

…The danger is always he may guise himself as another guy and book you again another time, so don't be too harsh.

Thankfully my booking procedures put pay to that as much as possible.

And that is the thing there are other girls out there, its not like ones livelihood depends on whether he see's the one and only girl he is smitten over.

Exactly. He told me he hadn’t got too fond, but for whatever reason he just couldn’t accept that I didn’t want to work with him again. He couldn’t understand that even though he wasn’t nasty in any way that I still rejected him, but clients can behave inappropriately without being violent can’t they.

This is the kind of shit working girls want to avoid at all costs. In my opinion no working girl should ever consider having a relationship with a client until she is no longer an escort. Its a unwritten law that more often then not it will not end well. And no guy should have the intention of becoming more then a customer or at best a friend.

The escort/client relationship can work beautifully when both parties remember the “rules” and are careful of not overstepping the boundaries. He’d asked a couple of times to see me outside of work but I said no, so he knew where he stood. I’ve dated a couple of clients and it didn’t work out, but then neither have any of my other relationships for different reasons.

Lara, You didn't say how you ended it with him . I would say "let him down gently " I think the best way to get rid of an admirer is to keep telling him how good the sex is with another client. He would get tired of hearing it and would feel if "so and so " is that bloody good then you don't need me or my money. He would go of his own accord eventualy. Hope you didn't tell him by email or txt a bit of a shock maybe .Just my opinion W.P.

I prefer not to play games. I simply told him via email that I didn’t want to meet again and why. If he wasn’t so thick skinned it wouldn’t have been a shock to him as we’d had minor issues via email already.

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It's manipulative emotional blackmail and proves your decision was right in the first place. If you respond in anyway it will likely re-enforce his behaviour which is stalking, read these warning signs, you mention three of them in your post. Chances are he has already read your post and interpret it as you caring for him. I think you should ask the mods to delete your post just in case he hasn't yet.

My opinion is that you need to focus on your safety not his.

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It's manipulative emotional blackmail and proves your decision was right in the first place. If you respond in anyway it will likely re-enforce his behaviour which is stalking, read these warning signs, you mention three of them in your post. Chances are he has already read your post and interpret it as you caring for him. I think you should ask the mods to delete your post just in case he hasn't yet.

My opinion is that you need to focus on your safety not his.

Ops should have read the whole thread not just the first post before responding.

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I am glad this has been resolved for Lara - mental health issues are very complex and not really soluble on a punting forum but you should always remember that we are all ultimately responsible for our own health and wellbeing and cannot hold others responsible.

Angry about the reaction of the Samaritans though !!!

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Hmm I will make a statement that goes against alot of what has been said so far in this thread.

When you ignore someone who thinks they are in love with you often they will get crazier and crazier and become more and more extreme to gain a reaction. Rejecting someone often makes them want you even more (its a biological reaction I can post links to a leader in her field of neuro-biology who mentions this)

I agree you cannot be responsible for his health, and you did what you thought was right but would say that its better to just consistantly respond a short line like

"Please don't contact me, I am not reading whatever it is you are sending me. We both have to move on with our lives..."

That way you shouldn't stimulate his chase instinct and eventually he will have to get the message. Not that I am contradicting anything said that he might be wierd but I have been on the otherside of being sent to Coventry in my case when there was no real reason. She cheated on me not the other way around so it sent me a little crazy when all I wanted was some closure and a chance to say goodbye and she kept turning the phone off. (not a punting experience) I am sure that had she taken that phonecall I would have moved on and got over it so much quicker but instead it was far more painful than it should have been because I wasn't going to give up on someone I was about to move to a different country for.

In fact it is something that still angers me now 4 years later, she could have left me with good memories instead made me stew until any love had turned to hate. Lucky for her I am normal because if I wasn't the reaction it would have inspired wouldn't have been pleasant.

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