enzio

Advice On Keeping It Secret

28 posts in this topic

My earlier thread about how long you have kept it secret gives me hope that I can keep my punting secret (hopefully) for much longer. Now just wondering what advice punters have with regards to not getting caught and covering your tracks (not necessarily on a computer as I know that has been covered before). What cover stories have you thought up in case of the worst and how close have you actually come to getting caught?

For me, I like to punt during the day usually when I visit London. I always make the excuse that I am visiting London for a trade show, to visit relatives or something similar. I ensure my mobile gets switched off during the punt. My only real worry is that the wife telephones for instance while I'm on a punt lasting a few hours and she asks why has my phone been switched off for so long. I know you can always say "got no signal" but it does not sound like a brilliant excuse in London. Wondering if anyone has anything better?

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In London travelling on the tube is a great exscuse. No signal down there.

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I know you can always say "got no signal" but it does not sound like a brilliant excuse in London. Wondering if anyone has anything better?

No signal on the underground - could say you got lost down there! Alternatively charge ran out on phone, turned off whilst on tube and forgot to turn it back on. There's another thread on nearly being caught that has some good advice....

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There's another thread on nearly being caught that has some good advice....

Sorry if I've missed that thread. I did do a search and did note the other recent thread about the punter that nearly got caught because of his wife looking over his accounts. Its just that I wanted to see if there was more general advice on offer.

Tube is a good one but you can only be on the tube for 1 hour or so in London. "Run out of charge" is one that I have used but the wife often knows that I have taken the charger with me (need to have my phone charged up in order to communicate with the WG for the punt).

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I also make it a habit not to answer the phone if driving and I never phone back very quickly. This way you can lose a couple of hours betwen getting the call and returning it. As I do it on a regular basis Mrs L is non the wiser and doesnt get suspicious. It doesn't pay to be always available.

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Get your defence in first. I am renowned for turning my phone off, the family are always telling me to switch it on. So, if it is off, it's you being a prat again, not in the arms of a wg.

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Develop a hobby - golf seems to be a good one - or shooting, or fishing

Man time. Let her recognise it invigorates you... so she lets you have more it of it B)

On a sideline... I really fancy learning shooting this year, may just be clay pigeon, but who knows when I end up with a loaded gun in my hands :D

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Work late now and again (your company expects it and unfortunately mine does) go for drinks with the boys/workmates on a random regular basis, and even start going to the gym, that can explain the nice glow you've picked up and the need for a shower.

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"Go to the football". Just make sure you pick up a programme and know the score by the time you get home. I got lazy and stopped collecting programmes a couple of times and aroused Mrs T's suspicions.

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Visit a genuine physio for a "genuine complaint", used that once myself to explain latenes. From then on there is always the physio appointment. Helps when lying, that there is a vestige of truth in the story. Am single myself.

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These days I leave the phone on and on silent, with the obvious proviso that it isn't left somewhere it could be answered by accident.

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I know this might sound a bit daft but you seem to know all the standard procedures (switching off your phone etc)

But looking back I think what has aroused suspicion with me has been the way I have acted after a punt, i.e. being too overcautious and tip toey. In your post you said you get worried if you phone is on silent during a long punt and what would happen if you didn't answer your phone for a while? Well if you said you were away on business for a day your on business? My point is most of the time this stuff is in people's heads which makes them all twitchy you come home and your extra nice, or really quiet whatever, this is what causes the mrs alarm bells to ring.

Just my two cents anyway

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Yes most Mrs can smell a rat from quite a long distance lol x woman have an 'inbuilt' detector and good strong instincts..............

If they don't pick it up from shifty behaviour it'll be from mannerisms etc,...there's alway's a give away so make sure your just VERY good at lying!! :-0 :) xx

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Discussed this topic earlier today whilst on a very pleasurable punt with my favourite girl - actually me doing most of the talking as she is too much of a lady to speak with her mouth full! My view is that men basically don't understand women, although we may think we do, so it puts us at a significant disadvantage if we try to fool them (ladies, this is in no way meant to be a sexist or offensive comment).

I see that nobody has ever mentioned perfume - in my experience, most WGs don't wear perfume for obvious reasons, which I find a shame since I've nothing to hide and there's nothing like a sweet smelling girl. However, some do and I wouldn't underestimate the olfactory senses of 'her indoors' either.

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Discussed this topic earlier today whilst on a very pleasurable punt with my favourite girl - actually me doing most of the talking as she is too much of a lady to speak with her mouth full! My view is that men basically don't understand women, although we may think we do, so it puts us at a significant disadvantage if we try to fool them (ladies, this is in no way meant to be a sexist or offensive comment).

I see that nobody has ever mentioned perfume - in my experience, most WGs don't wear perfume for obvious reasons, which I find a shame since I've nothing to hide and there's nothing like a sweet smelling girl. However, some do and I wouldn't underestimate the olfactory senses of 'her indoors' either.

or the smell of wet wipes. go and rinse somewhere.

or keep a pack in the car for after filling up or dipping the oil so she gets used to the smell.

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Things I need to be careful about;

1. a number of bottles of listerine found under the driver's seat of the car !:(

2. Refusing to eat garlic

3. Wetish hair after the post punt shower.

4. smelling fresh at 7.30 in the evening

5, explaining not answering my mobile phone.

All very unseemly !!

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On a sideline... I really fancy learning shooting this year

That's one way to deal with timewasters and cancellations I suppose :o

I like to eat a tin of mackerel after a punt. I know it sounds stupid, but the strong stench of fish keeps my wife well away from me and masks any perfume, oil and cigarette smells that are still stuck to me even after showering and changing clothes.

NottsGuy is absolutely right, when my wife was having an affair the blindingly obvious signs were:

a) Sudden out of character interest in sex

b ) Extremely good moods all the time

c) Being constantly nice to me, buying gifts and suggesting we go out places that only I would like (museums)

d) Keeping a tight hold on her mobile phone when she used to leave it lying around before

Therefore, I try to be as grumpy as possible when I get home from a punt :)

Edited by tomdavies

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Things I need to be careful about;

1. a number of bottles of listerine found under the driver's seat of the car !:((Use extra strong mints instead. but remember to eat em all the time, not just at punting time)

2. Refusing to eat garlic

3. Wetish hair after the post punt shower. (use a shower cap)

4. smelling fresh at 7.30 in the evening (drive home with car heater on full blast so you get a little sweaty)

5, explaining not answering my mobile phone. (stop having it as an extension of your life. leave it turned off/on silent and just ignore it)

All very unseemly !!

my comments in bold

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Yes most Mrs can smell a rat from quite a long distance lol x woman have an 'inbuilt' detector and good strong instincts..............

If they don't pick it up from shifty behaviour it'll be from mannerisms etc,...there's alway's a give away so make sure your just VERY good at lying!! :-0 :) xx

To be honest I think she suspects anyway. I have told her on more than one occasion that if I'm not getting it from her at home then "I'll get it elsewhere and probably pay for it". She thinks I was joking (or at least she pretended like I was)! Point is that suspecting is one thing but her being able to prove it is another. In any case I don't want to give her any reason to question my jest. We are both happy in her denial.

On another note, my phone has just picked up a bug and keeps switching itself off for hours on end; or is it that I just switched it off by accident? :D Thanks for the advice so far.

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Get your defence in first. I am renowned for turning my phone off, the family are always telling me to switch it on. So, if it is off, it's you being a prat again, not in the arms of a wg.

Or, you had to put it on Silent for a meeting and forgot to turn it back to Audible (I do this quite often for real!)

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there's alway's a give away so make sure your just VERY good at lying!! :-0 :) xx

I've been excellent at lying since the age of 10 when I had to lie my way out of a detention for calling a classmate a c**t :lol:

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One tip I read was to take up swimming in the evenings. You're phone would be in your locker so can't answer and you'll come home smelling freshly showered. You will need to have some wet trunks on hand though.

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I've been excellent at lying since the age of 10 when I had to lie my way out of a detention for calling a classmate a c**t :lol:

I like that.

I do recall posts on similar topics in the past mentioning the usefulness of a "mishap" with WD40 in order to overpower any other unwanted smells.

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Some interesting tips and alibis above!

For years, I've nearly always had my personal mobile on silent whilst I am at work and even at home or out and about. I tell the missus that it's considered rude for everyone's personal mobiles to be going off all the time in the office. I also regularly leave my phone at home ('by accident'), it 'falls' under the car seat whilst driving and I didn't realise, I was driving and couldn't answer etc. I also don't return voicemails immediately. As I've established this pattern over years, she never says anything about it.

Actually, the best cover I have for punting is either doing it very early in the morning on the way to work (a lot of my punts are at 8am) or whilst out on a supposed business trip. I also sometimes say I've got a conference call with, say a country in Asia, so need to be on the office at 7 or 8am.

One other ploy I use is that I can get an extra week of leave at work each year. I use these extra days for punting when I'm going a bit further afield and my wife thinks I'm at work.

I've travelled a lot in the past for work so that normally doesn't arouse any suspicion. However, the missus did take an interest a few months ago when I suddenly decided to take my own car instead of the train. She even made the point about asking where I had been and what I had been doing which she would never normally do.

So, the lesson is be careful - you never know when her radar will perk up!

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