jonboy211

Performance Anxiety/nerves Spoiling It All

26 posts in this topic

Hiya all,

I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop. What I'm finding is that during the buildup to a visit I'm all fired up but during the appointment I can't seem to keep, er it up for a want of words. During the kissing and cuddling I'm still hard, then with a little owo I'm still hard but when it comes to putting the condom on it's getting softer and after a few minutes of penetration it's soft enough so that if we change positions I can't get in again, no matter what's on offer. I can come eventually with oral but only after somne epic work on her part. At this point I start kicking myself and wishing that I'd never made the appointment, let down my partner and embarrassed her by her feeling she's not good at her job. The same thing has happened over a few visits and once I think it's going to happen then it does happen.

I have a regular lady who to me is perfect for me in age, personality, looks and can be very naughty or nice but I feel as if I'm letting her down as well as myself. She says I'm not alone in this happening. I have no sex life at home for medical reasons so this is my release, but it's not really as it's making me feel crap firstly about cheating on my marriage then failing to perform when it's all I've gone to do. Basically it's breaking my heart and I can't seem to get out of the loop.

Should I find a new regular to keep things fresh?

Has anyone else had this problem?

Just wondering how others try and relax immediately before the visit? An extra walk round the block?

Hope this makes sense as I'm pouring this out, probably repeating myself and don't know whether to cry or scream.

Cheers.

Jon

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Hiya all,

I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop. What I'm finding is that during the buildup to a visit I'm all fired up but during the appointment I can't seem to keep, er it up for a want of words. During the kissing and cuddling I'm still hard, then with a little owo I'm still hard but when it comes to putting the condom on it's getting softer and after a few minutes of penetration it's soft enough so that if we change positions I can't get in again, no matter what's on offer. I can come eventually with oral but only after somne epic work on her part. At this point I start kicking myself and wishing that I'd never made the appointment, let down my partner and embarrassed her by her feeling she's not good at her job. The same thing has happened over a few visits and once I think it's going to happen then it does happen.

I have a regular lady who to me is perfect for me in age, personality, looks and can be very naughty or nice but I feel as if I'm letting her down as well as myself. She says I'm not alone in this happening. I have no sex life at home for medical reasons so this is my release, but it's not really as it's making me feel crap firstly about cheating on my marriage then failing to perform when it's all I've gone to do. Basically it's breaking my heart and I can't seem to get out of the loop.

Should I find a new regular to keep things fresh?

Has anyone else had this problem?

Just wondering how others try and relax immediately before the visit? An extra walk round the block?

Hope this makes sense as I'm pouring this out, probably repeating myself and don't know whether to cry or scream.

Cheers.

Jon

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Hiya all,

I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop. What I'm finding is that during the buildup to a visit I'm all fired up but during the appointment I can't seem to keep, er it up for a want of words. During the kissing and cuddling I'm still hard, then with a little owo I'm still hard but when it comes to putting the condom on it's getting softer and after a few minutes of penetration it's soft enough so that if we change positions I can't get in again, no matter what's on offer. I can come eventually with oral but only after somne epic work on her part. At this point I start kicking myself and wishing that I'd never made the appointment, let down my partner and embarrassed her by her feeling she's not good at her job. The same thing has happened over a few visits and once I think it's going to happen then it does happen.

I have a regular lady who to me is perfect for me in age, personality, looks and can be very naughty or nice but I feel as if I'm letting her down as well as myself. She says I'm not alone in this happening. I have no sex life at home for medical reasons so this is my release, but it's not really as it's making me feel crap firstly about cheating on my marriage then failing to perform when it's all I've gone to do. Basically it's breaking my heart and I can't seem to get out of the loop.

Should I find a new regular to keep things fresh?

Has anyone else had this problem?

Just wondering how others try and relax immediately before the visit? An extra walk round the block?

Hope this makes sense as I'm pouring this out, probably repeating myself and don't know whether to cry or scream.

Cheers.

Jon

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Stop over analysing the situation for starters , the more you think about what's going to go wrong the more likely it will.

Accept what you are doing,which basically is "you are going out for some fun" and just get stuck in , if you pardon the pun. If you are planning on doing some brain surgery then by all means worry \ panic \ stress all you need to , if on the other hand you just wanna get laid , then stress not.

Oh and eat bananas , good source of energy and always gives me that extra 'boost'

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Try a few sessions with a FBSM -Full body sensual massage lady. There is far less pressure to perform and out of one hour appointment at least half is relaxing you and getting you in the mood with a sensual massage. You will find, if you are like me, that the erection comes naturally and you will have no problem maintaining it right up to coming. A couple of FBSM sessions reassures you that there is nothing wrong with your equipment and you just need to relax and get your head straight.FBSM is also cheaper and a lot of fun. With the right lady it can be every bit as erotic as full sex.

Then try full sex again.

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Hiya all,

I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop. What I'm finding is that during the buildup to a visit I'm all fired up but during the appointment I can't seem to keep, er it up for a want of words. During the kissing and cuddling I'm still hard, then with a little owo I'm still hard but when it comes to putting the condom on it's getting softer and after a few minutes of penetration it's soft enough so that if we change positions I can't get in again, no matter what's on offer. I can come eventually with oral but only after somne epic work on her part. At this point I start kicking myself and wishing that I'd never made the appointment, let down my partner and embarrassed her by her feeling she's not good at her job. The same thing has happened over a few visits and once I think it's going to happen then it does happen.

I have a regular lady who to me is perfect for me in age, personality, looks and can be very naughty or nice but I feel as if I'm letting her down as well as myself. She says I'm not alone in this happening. I have no sex life at home for medical reasons so this is my release, but it's not really as it's making me feel crap firstly about cheating on my marriage then failing to perform when it's all I've gone to do. Basically it's breaking my heart and I can't seem to get out of the loop.

Should I find a new regular to keep things fresh?

Has anyone else had this problem?

Just wondering how others try and relax immediately before the visit? An extra walk round the block?

Hope this makes sense as I'm pouring this out, probably repeating myself and don't know whether to cry or scream.

Cheers.

Jon

Yes absolutely. First of all we are not machines. Some days your mind and body are absolutely in sync and other days not so. I dislike condoms as I know that it decreases sensitivity and is an automatic reminder of one of the negative sides of sex with strangers. It can have a very dilutive affect and it happens to me on occassions . I doubt whether the girl really cares at all, but being males

we have a sense that we are falling short, failing and this is what aggravates the situation. What fools we can be. Do what Smiths advises and relax and do something else to try and enjoy yourself. Best of luck.

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Try a few sessions with a FBSM -Full body sensual massage lady. There is far less pressure to perform and out of one hour appointment at least half is relaxing you and getting you in the mood with a sensual massage. You will find, if you are like me, that the erection comes naturally and you will have no problem maintaining it right up to coming. A couple of FBSM sessions reassures you that there is nothing wrong with your equipment and you just need to relax and get your head straight.FBSM is also cheaper and a lot of fun. With the right lady it can be every bit as erotic as full sex.

Then try full sex again.

I'd agree with this but go for a full body to body massage. I had a similar issue last year. I don't get on that well with condoms sometimes and last year I suffered from a lot of stress. Sometimes I found that my erection could be rock hard but the condom seemed to kill it a bit. I don't over analyse it - as others have suggested, that can just put more pressure on yourself. Penetration is not the be all and end all of sex either.

Having a slippery full body to body massage with the lady massaging your cock with her oily breasts for example is a great feeling - it's almost feels like you're doing it without a condom!

Not sure where you are based but PM me if you want a recommendation.

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Hiya all,

I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop. What I'm finding is that during the buildup to a visit I'm all fired up but during the appointment I can't seem to keep, er it up for a want of words. During the kissing and cuddling I'm still hard, then with a little owo I'm still hard but when it comes to putting the condom on it's getting softer and after a few minutes of penetration it's soft enough so that if we change positions I can't get in again, no matter what's on offer. I can come eventually with oral but only after somne epic work on her part. At this point I start kicking myself and wishing that I'd never made the appointment, let down my partner and embarrassed her by her feeling she's not good at her job. The same thing has happened over a few visits and once I think it's going to happen then it does happen.

I have a regular lady who to me is perfect for me in age, personality, looks and can be very naughty or nice but I feel as if I'm letting her down as well as myself. She says I'm not alone in this happening. I have no sex life at home for medical reasons so this is my release, but it's not really as it's making me feel crap firstly about cheating on my marriage then failing to perform when it's all I've gone to do. Basically it's breaking my heart and I can't seem to get out of the loop.

Should I find a new regular to keep things fresh?

Has anyone else had this problem?

Just wondering how others try and relax immediately before the visit? An extra walk round the block?

Hope this makes sense as I'm pouring this out, probably repeating myself and don't know whether to cry or scream.

Cheers.

Jon

Hi, I`ve just experienced the same problem. I eventually traced my old favourite girl who had disappeared from the punting scene for over a year. I booked a longer than usual appointment to make up for lost time.She remembered me,we caught up on what had gone on since we last met,and overall had a fantastic session ..UNTIL...... I couldn`t cum,no matter how we tried,or relaxed and tried again,I couldn`t make it, and for the first time ever I came away somewhat disappointed,not in the session as a whole,but on my inability to cum.Wish I knew how to overcome the problem. I had taken a Syldenafil to be sure of performing but still fell short of a satisfactory ending.

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Everyone's advice sounds good to me, but wanted to add that even though you are clearly fond of your regular lady and it sounds like she's doing her best, seeing someone new might help reduce the pressure; you'll know that if things don't work out you don't have to see her again, hence you'll be more relaxed.

You could ask your regular if you can try female condoms like Femidom. I've never tried one, but they apparently feel quite different and they can be inserted before the fun starts so it's all out of the way.

Who puts the condom on, her or you?

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Hiya all,

I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop. What I'm finding is that during the buildup to a visit I'm all fired up but during the appointment I can't seem to keep, er it up for a want of words. During the kissing and cuddling I'm still hard, then with a little owo I'm still hard but when it comes to putting the condom on it's getting softer and after a few minutes of penetration it's soft enough so that if we change positions I can't get in again, no matter what's on offer. I can come eventually with oral but only after somne epic work on her part.

Don't wank/cum for 3 days prior to visiting a WG. You'll be randy as hell, gagging for it, get a stronger erection and have no problem cuming. Always works for me!

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doesn't always work - refer related posts and wank 18 times 10 miniutes before punt.

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Don't wank/cum for 3 days prior to visiting a WG. You'll be randy as hell, gagging for it, get a stronger erection and have no problem cuming. Always works for me!

I suspect that you are significantly younger than the OP though Kid A. When I was in my twenties, the picture of the lady on the Special K cereal box could get me hard and cumming three times in an hour was piss easy.

Now I'm in my late forties, the old bod behaves a bit differently and is a lot less predictable.

As a matter of routine these days, I jack in the jacking off (if you get what I mean) for a few days before each punt. Even so, sometimes I can be a bit slow to get going and take a while to cum. I still usually manage twice in an hour, but I can see that the day where I have the same sort of unpredictability as the OP might not be far away.

My advice to the OP is to try a hot girl who is new to you and see if the reaction is the same. Sometimes the routineness of it all can lead to loss of arousal in mid session. Worth a try (and fun trying as well !!!)

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Hi, I`ve just experienced the same problem. I eventually traced my old favourite girl who had disappeared from the punting scene for over a year. I booked a longer than usual appointment to make up for lost time.She remembered me,we caught up on what had gone on since we last met,and overall had a fantastic session ..UNTIL...... I couldn`t cum,no matter how we tried,or relaxed and tried again,I couldn`t make it, and for the first time ever I came away somewhat disappointed,not in the session as a whole,but on my inability to cum.Wish I knew how to overcome the problem. I had taken a Syldenafil to be sure of performing but still fell short of a satisfactory ending.

I'm sure the cause is often psychological rather than physical (but if you ever have any doubts, see your GP.)

I had three punts late last year where I couldn't cum even though I had a hard erection. The first was a body to body massage where my legs were shaking afterwards, it felt like I had some sort of tantric orgasm. The second was a really sexy oily body to body with my fave WG and although I had a hard erection for 15-20 minutes, I just couldn't cum. The third was a regular session with OWO and still couldn't cum. I started to get worried a little but that day after the last punt, I had a wank in the gents at work after feeling so horny. I fantasised about the WG and came in about 2 minutes :)

Assuming there are no physical symptoms, I think relaxation is the key, however you achieve it.

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Hiya all,

I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop. What I'm finding is that during the buildup to a visit I'm all fired up but during the appointment I can't seem to keep, er it up for a want of words. During the kissing and cuddling I'm still hard, then with a little owo I'm still hard but when it comes to putting the condom on it's getting softer and after a few minutes of penetration it's soft enough so that if we change positions I can't get in again, no matter what's on offer. I can come eventually with oral but only after somne epic work on her part. At this point I start kicking myself and wishing that I'd never made the appointment, let down my partner and embarrassed her by her feeling she's not good at her job. The same thing has happened over a few visits and once I think it's going to happen then it does happen.

I have a regular lady who to me is perfect for me in age, personality, looks and can be very naughty or nice but I feel as if I'm letting her down as well as myself. She says I'm not alone in this happening. I have no sex life at home for medical reasons so this is my release, but it's not really as it's making me feel crap firstly about cheating on my marriage then failing to perform when it's all I've gone to do. Basically it's breaking my heart and I can't seem to get out of the loop.

Should I find a new regular to keep things fresh?

Has anyone else had this problem?

Just wondering how others try and relax immediately before the visit? An extra walk round the block?

Hope this makes sense as I'm pouring this out, probably repeating myself and don't know whether to cry or scream.

Cheers.

Jon

I know the feeling all too well. In fact I saw a lovely Lady to-day whom I have seen before (I do mean a Lady too) who gave me a fantastic time. The condom seems to have the same effect on me and, no matter how hard the Lady tried, I just could not "cross the finishing line". The Lady concerned did not rush me & I am quite sure that I stayed longer than my allotted time. She was very patient but, in the end, I had to admit that nothing would be forthcoming in that respect. I emphasized to the Lady that it was entirely due to me and was in no way her fault. This has happened to me on quite a few occasions lately and now I have learned to accept it & try to just enjoy myself (not easy). I put my problem down to my age (I'm just about the "oldest swinger in town" on this Forum). I must say Jon that, when this happens, I do come home feeling miserable & swearing that I won't do another punt. However, in a day or so I know that I will once again be ready to go again.

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I can only speak for myself and my own experience, but I doubt my experiences are that different to other wgs. I would say less than 50% of the clients I see end with penetration. Out of the say 40% that do enjoy penetration I would say only 10% want to or choose/abke to do penetration again within an hour booking and then there is the 10% that can cum for England and don't seem to go soft at all (I wonder how they do that *winks).

From my perspective then there is absolutely no concern about whether we have penetration or not at all.

What is my focus, or I imagine the focus of most wgs? Well, I want you to leave me with a big smile on your face and that can be done in many different ways with just one of them being actual 'penetration'. It really isn't that important, unless of course that is the most important thing to you?

Funnily enough I met a chap today who really enjoyed kissing, and oral/ro and came quite quickly through penetration the first time and actually said he'd like to do it again. I gave him a relaxing massage after the first time and we got started again, but this time it wasn't going soft that worried him, but that he didn't think he could cum and quite frankly we were both starting to flag with exhaustion. He said he needed a break, so we stopped a little while and simply by changing tac and putting the emphasis back on me and not his performance, 10 mins later and he achieved his goal.

I think what I'm trying to say is, why not ask her to play with herself? Get a vibrator out? You can use the toy on her while she could give you a bj or something. That way you may find things start to work again as they are no longer the centre of attention.

Does any of this make sense or am I rambling?

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Another take on this is, it's not always the guy's fault!

Out of the 50 or so girls I've seen, I remember two, who's pussies had the same effect on me as fucking fresh air..cuming was very difficult! Another girl had a pussy at least 3 times better than any of the others, not only was it very wet/slippy, it sort of gripped with a sucking sensation...not unlike a sloppy bj, she was hot looking but had a very frosty personality and from what I can gather, quit escorting after two weeks. She had the "holy grail" of all pussies and I wish I could see her again!! The moral of this tail is....not all pussy is equal!

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Another take on this is, it's not always the guy's fault!

Out of the 50 or so girls I've seen, I remember two, who's pussies had the same effect on me as fucking fresh air..cuming was very difficult! Another girl had a pussy at least 3 times better than any of the others, not only was it very wet/slippy, it sort of gripped with a sucking sensation...not unlike a sloppy bj, she was hot looking but had a very frosty personality and from what I can gather, quit escorting after two weeks. She had the "holy grail" of all pussies and I wish I could see her again!! The moral of this tail is....not all pussy is equal!

*coughs* we are all different shapes and sizes in EVERY department. There is not a 'one size fits all' pussy, any more than there is a 'one size fits all' cock. This is all about compatibility and therefore no one's fault!

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If you are using viagra or the like, whilst they increase bloodlow thereby assisting an erection , you pay the penalty of de-sensitising the penis which can reduce your ability to cum. If any stimulant is needed,try to keep it to half a tab as this will give some extra bloodflow but still keep you sensitive enough to cum. I have not yet experienced a situation where I have had a good erection, have a " full sack" and yet have not been able to cum, where there has been no medicinal involvement.

I suppose at the end of the day, its hard to feel that a paid punt is worth it unless you cum-- its sort of hard to justify. Would we knowingly pay for a punt if we knew for certainty we wouldnt cum ? Probably not. The annoying think is that post punt you can probably maturbate successfully. Maybe Northwinds is right , punting can become routine and whilst technically you can fancy the girl, you may not in fact be aroused sufficiently to make you cum and therefore some extra spice or change is needed !

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Failing to cum can happen for many reasons, and its happened to me twice now, both times with regulars, and it probably happens to most of us on occassion. In one case believe it was down to the [different] lube she used that day as it seemed to make me feel numb down there > perhaps it was delay lube ! The other occasion was simply because I was too stressed and could not relax enough - too much on my mind. I never blame the WGs though, cos I have had poor punts with very little interaction from the girl and came much quicker and in the condom too, which is rare for me - that certainly has puzzled me! I am over 40, but luckily have no problems keeping it up for long periods [even though I smoke], and don’t need, nor would take, Viagra. For me its just that cumming can take a little longer and condoms certainly don't help. I usually aim for a 28 minute offload in a 30min punt to get max VFM, but on rare occasions I have had an early offload within 10 mins, but that is very rare unless the WG is really determined to make it happen [and some do seem to be]. But trying for a 2nd cumming in 30 minutes is an arduous task for me, however I am hopeful a WG can make it happen soon - it would be very nice - may have difficulty getting up afterwards though! The other thing that could affect nerves is the ambience of the room, location, and whether you feel comfortable enough to get yourself relaxed enough to enjoy your session > before I started I used to worry about the fact that I HAD to perform in that 30 minute window, otherwise it's a waste of money, and the fear of leaving without cumming was a dread. I have found though that it does get easier with experience, and its often not dependent upon the WG at all. Your pre-punt mindset can either make or break the punt, so its always best to arrive in a positive and relaxed frame of mind, and expect to have some fun, and ideally you leave floating out afterwards with a big smile!:)

B)

Edited by puntaprima

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I can only speak for myself and my own experience, but I doubt my experiences are that different to other wgs. I would say less than 50% of the clients I see end with penetration. Out of the say 40% that do enjoy penetration I would say only 10% want to or choose/abke to do penetration again within an hour booking and then there is the 10% that can cum for England and don't seem to go soft at all (I wonder how they do that *winks).

From my perspective then there is absolutely no concern about whether we have penetration or not at all.

What is my focus, or I imagine the focus of most wgs? Well, I want you to leave me with a big smile on your face and that can be done in many different ways with just one of them being actual 'penetration'. It really isn't that important, unless of course that is the most important thing to you?

Funnily enough I met a chap today who really enjoyed kissing, and oral/ro and came quite quickly through penetration the first time and actually said he'd like to do it again. I gave him a relaxing massage after the first time and we got started again, but this time it wasn't going soft that worried him, but that he didn't think he could cum and quite frankly we were both starting to flag with exhaustion. He said he needed a break, so we stopped a little while and simply by changing tac and putting the emphasis back on me and not his performance, 10 mins later and he achieved his goal.

I think what I'm trying to say is, why not ask her to play with herself? Get a vibrator out? You can use the toy on her while she could give you a bj or something. That way you may find things start to work again as they are no longer the centre of attention.

Does any of this make sense or am I rambling?

All makes perfect sense to me ;)

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All makes perfect sense to me ;)

Kates right. There is absolutely no that any working girl is going to feel let down by this because its so common. Many men out there fail with condoms.

A few tips that might be worth trying:

Abstain from any sexual activety for a couple of days prior to your meeting.

Make sure your well rested, fed and comfortable (being tired and stressed can also cause this).

Mention it to your girl and ask her if she provides Featherlight condoms that can help.

Try and concentrate on a part of her body that you find sexy or close your eyes and fantasise about something else but do not put so much importance on staying hard.

Good luck.

Holly

x

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I'm having a little trouble and seem to have got myself stuck into a loop.

I offer tantric massage and seem to find myself with a lot of clients who've gotten themselves in a loop with their penis not acting as they'd want. As much as you may feel it's your penis not working, it's actually your head that's not helping matters, self fulfilling prophecy and all that.

By your post, your sexual energy level is higher at the start of the punt, so why not have sex and your orgasm then ?! And for the rest of the session, whether you can do a round 2 or not is not really the thing, but enjoying yourself when you're feeling sexy is, so enjoy mixing the order up a bit.

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I offer tantric massage and seem to find myself with a lot of clients who've gotten themselves in a loop with their penis not acting as they'd want. As much as you may feel it's your penis not working, it's actually your head that's not helping matters, self fulfilling prophecy and all that.

By your post, your sexual energy level is higher at the start of the punt, so why not have sex and your orgasm then ?! And for the rest of the session, whether you can do a round 2 or not is not really the thing, but enjoying yourself when you're feeling sexy is, so enjoy mixing the order up a bit.

Good idea - some guys put too much emphasis on penetration or hammering away for a long time rather than just having fun.

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I'm sure the cause is often psychological rather than physical (but if you ever have any doubts, see your GP.)

I had three punts late last year where I couldn't cum even though I had a hard erection. The first was a body to body massage where my legs were shaking afterwards, it felt like I had some sort of tantric orgasm. The second was a really sexy oily body to body with my fave WG and although I had a hard erection for 15-20 minutes, I just couldn't cum. The third was a regular session with OWO and still couldn't cum. I started to get worried a little but that day after the last punt, I had a wank in the gents at work after feeling so horny. I fantasised about the WG and came in about 2 minutes :)

Assuming there are no physical symptoms, I think relaxation is the key, however you achieve it.

I think you`re most probably right in saying "more psychological",as I said, I hadn`t seen this girl for a long time and believe me, she is really beautiful.I gave her R/O for about 20 minutes and she really had a fantastic orgasm(no doubt about it) and I felt that she had enjoyed herself and I`d achieved what I wanted to.We both got satisfaction even though I didn`t finish as I would have liked.Perhaps better luck next time.By the way the Syldenafil was prescribed by my G.P.The problem is most likely my age(over 80) but I don`t intend giving up the most satisfying hobby I`ve ever had.

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I think you`re most probably right in saying "more psychological",as I said, I hadn`t seen this girl for a long time and believe me, she is really beautiful.I gave her R/O for about 20 minutes and she really had a fantastic orgasm(no doubt about it) and I felt that she had enjoyed herself and I`d achieved what I wanted to.We both got satisfaction even though I didn`t finish as I would have liked.Perhaps better luck next time.By the way the Syldenafil was prescribed by my G.P.The problem is most likely my age(over 80) but I don`t intend giving up the most satisfying hobby I`ve ever had.

If you're over 80 and are still pleasuring the ladies, I wouldn't worry too much!

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