Tarquin

Morals

207 posts in this topic

You are in a relationship, married, living together......and you love that lady to bits.

And for whatever reason ( which doesn't really matter) you punt.

How do you feel after the Punt? Has is tainted your love for the person you are involved with, or do you look at it as having had a good night out, or been to see your team win the cup? Does it adversely affect your relationship or do you justify it as just a bit of fun? Do you feel bad about it afterwards and think that if you really loved the one you were with you wouldn't have done it or do you think it was only sex...no big deal?

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You are in a relationship, married, living together......and you love that lady to bits.

And for whatever reason ( which doesn't really matter) you punt.

How do you feel after the Punt? Has is tainted your love for the person you are involved with, or do you look at it as having had a good night out, or been to see your team win the cup? Does it adversely affect your relationship or do you justify it as just a bit of fun? Do you feel bad about it afterwards and think that if you really loved the one you were with you wouldn't have done it or do you think it was only sex...no big deal?

Being selfish and putting myself first helps here. I have felt guilty in the past but have always punted throughtout my adult life and i punt for sex, love is a completely different thing and so beyond sex as to be not comparable to me. For me punting doesnt mean i love my partner any less but i daresay others within and outside punting wouldnt agree with this, i know how i feel so thats ultimately all that matters.

I also dont believe in monogomy, never have and never will but i like many want love and children which i have found the greatest emotional experiences of my life by far.

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Being selfish and putting myself first helps here. I have felt guilty in the past but have always punted throughtout my adult life and i punt for sex, love is a completely different thing and so beyond sex as to be not comparable to me. For me punting doesnt mean i love my partner any less but i daresay others within and outside punting wouldnt agree with this, i know how i feel so thats ultimately all that matters.

I also dont believe in monogomy, never have and never will but i like many want love and children which i have found the greatest emotional experiences of my life by far.

MmmmM, I kind of understand what you are saying and it's in line with my online perception of your good self. However, you are ( and this isn't a direct criticism) you are only echoing a conversation I had with one of my best friends earlier this evening, which prompted this thread. The thing is I LOVE someone more than I can ever explain, but another "void" is between us and there are opportunities abound, I don't want to to taint my feelings......but a man must do what a man must do, doesn't he? Or is that what makes us Punters and the others Men?

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MmmmM, I kind of understand what you are saying and it's in line with my online perception of your good self. However, you are ( and this isn't a direct criticism) you are only echoing a conversation I had with one of my best friends earlier this evening, which prompted this thread. The thing is I LOVE someone more than I can ever explain, but another "void" is between us and there are opportunities abound, I don't want to to taint my feelings......but a man must do what a man must do, doesn't he? Or is that what makes us Punters and the others Men?

For me i know that WGs are available of course so unlike some men who either live in blissful ignorance and believe the media image of street workers hopelessly addicted to drugs which doesnt appeal to them, or some go down the affair route, i have the opportunity to punt for sex as i wish and know its 100% no strings and mainly a bloody great pastime.

In my case i want to do what i want to do and that is punt for sex and get love elsewhere, the best of both worlds to a selfish sod like myself. :)

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I don't want to to taint my feelings......but a man must do what a man must do, doesn't he?

I don't. I don't have to punt. I only want to.

I think of it as harmless fun. No more than fun. And if it stops being harmless, perhaps because I'm in danger of being caught, I won't do it again.

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For me i know that WGs are available of course so unlike some men who either live in blissful ignorance and believe the media image of street workers hopelessly addicted to drugs which doesnt appeal to them, or some go down the affair route, i have the opportunity to punt for sex as i wish and know its 100% no strings and mainly a bloody great pastime.

In my case i want to do what i want to do and that is punt for sex and get love elsewhere, the best of both worlds to a selfish sod like myself. :)

Yes, yes I agree with you, that's being a Man isn't it......but when you are in Love with another, how does one justify to themselves that it was "nothing" just a punt?

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I don't. I don't have to punt. I only want to.

I think of it as harmless fun. No more than fun. And if it stops being harmless, perhaps because I'm in danger of being caught, I won't do it again.

Ah, so for YOU its only a case of being caught or not.

Morals aren't the issue?

Edited by Tarquin

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Yes, yes I agree with you, that's being a Man isn't it......but when you are in Love with another, how does one justify to themselves that it was "nothing" just a punt?

Being selfish i dont need to justify it to myself, i do it and no longer ever feel any guilt, its the best way for me, i bypass the jusification by how i am and how i can compartmentalise things mentally, i have had decades of practice so have it down to a tee. :)

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You are in a relationship, married, living together......and you love that lady to bits.

And for whatever reason ( which doesn't really matter) you punt.

How do you feel after the Punt? Has is tainted your love for the person you are involved with, or do you look at it as having had a good night out, or been to see your team win the cup? Does it adversely affect your relationship or do you justify it as just a bit of fun? Do you feel bad about it afterwards and think that if you really loved the one you were with you wouldn't have done it or do you think it was only sex...no big deal?

so why do it then ??:blink:

Being in any relationship - and nowadays you don’t have to be married to make a commitment - requires trust on both sides.

I seriously fail to comprehend how you can possibly love 'someone to bits' and yet disrespect their trust by being unfaithful.

If you told her and she accepted it then that’s fine [unusual maybe- but I am sure some do]

I suspect many in relationships stay together for a myriad of reasons but not necessarily love.

For those then punting may be somewhat more morally acceptable, but if you really do 'love someone to bits' as you say, then who are you really kidding by punting?:rolleyes:

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There is a vast difference between love, being in love and having sex,

I know.

I have been in love and loved someone, who knew I was a WG, and I had a successful relationship.

The only difference in this is that my partner knew what I did and was ok with it, as he understood that there is a difference between love and sex.

When I'm at work I have sex, when I am 'off the clock' so to speak I make love to my chosen partner.

The emotional connotations and depth of feeling in the sexual relations I have outside of work are totally different to the ones, I have with clients.

Don't get me wrong there is a certain amount of emotion, and I don't fake that with my clients, but the emotional context of making love at home with a partner of my choice, is so much more both in intensity, and in feeling the moment.

I would imagine, it's similar on the other side of the fence. (bar the guilt, which I think comes from being less than truthful.)

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There is a vast difference between love, being in love and having sex,

I know.

I have been in love and loved someone, who knew I was a WG, and I had a successful relationship.

The only difference in this is that my partner knew what I did and was ok with it, as he understood that there is a difference between love and sex.

When I'm at work I have sex, when I am 'off the clock' so to speak I make love to my chosen partner.

The emotional connotations and depth of feeling in the sexual relations I have outside of work are totally different to the ones, I have with clients.

Don't get me wrong there is a certain amount of emotion, and I don't fake that with my clients, but the emotional context of making love at home with a partner of my choice, is so much more both in intensity, and in feeling the moment.

I would imagine, it's similar on the other side of the fence. (bar the guilt, which I think comes from being less than truthful.)

I agree, a vast difference. It is similar being a punter, and not feeling guilty due to my selfishness helps greatly here. :)

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I agree, a vast difference. It is similar being a punter, and not feeling guilty due to my selfishness helps greatly here. :)

Smooch x :P

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Am in just the situation that the OP describes and have no regrets or guilt whatsoever

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At school we are all told that being selfish is naughty, but as we grow older we realise that selfishness is a choice we all have a right to choose .....

but that choice that is not fully appreciated/realised until that futile emotion called guilt is erradicated from our brains permanently!

Some of us can do this and live life to the full, but not everyone has enough strength of will to control their emotions.......

ahhh glasshopper !

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so why do it then ??:blink:

Being in any relationship - and nowadays you don’t have to be married to make a commitment - requires trust on both sides.

I seriously fail to comprehend how you can possibly love 'someone to bits' and yet disrespect their trust by being unfaithful.

If you told her and she accepted it then that’s fine [unusual maybe- but I am sure some do]

I suspect many in relationships stay together for a myriad of reasons but not necessarily love.

For those then punting may be somewhat more morally acceptable, but if you really do 'love someone to bits' as you say, then who are you really kidding by punting?:rolleyes:

Exactly.

Punting when single is great.

but when in a relationship??

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Kidding no-one ....least of all myself - sex and love are easily separated

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It's sexual pleasure for sexual pleasures sake ........ morals don't come into as far as I'm concerned

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If it was something I knew would upset her in any way I couldn't do it. Thankfully it's a situation that I've never had to exercise. I would rather be single and have the freedom to punt than be a part of a sham relationship. To hell with morals to me it's respecting another person and oneself.

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bollux - morals are in the eye of the beholder - we do it coz we're dirty dogs and could NOT careless as long as we dont get caught! B)

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There is a vast difference between love, being in love and having sex,

I know.

I have been in love and loved someone, who knew I was a WG, and I had a successful relationship.

The only difference in this is that my partner knew what I did and was ok with it, as he understood that there is a difference between love and sex.

When I'm at work I have sex, when I am 'off the clock' so to speak I make love to my chosen partner.

The emotional connotations and depth of feeling in the sexual relations I have outside of work are totally different to the ones, I have with clients.

Don't get me wrong there is a certain amount of emotion, and I don't fake that with my clients, but the emotional context of making love at home with a partner of my choice, is so much more both in intensity, and in feeling the moment.

I would imagine, it's similar on the other side of the fence. (bar the guilt, which I think comes from being less than truthful.)

Totally agree sex and love are two totally different things. Once you know how to seperate the two then there is no guilt you just do what you feel is best for you. Like a lot of the guys have said they are selfish and I think I too have become that way.

Shelly

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I love my wife to bits and we have a great sex life, but I still punt. A few years ago I was flattered by the attentions of a Japanese woman at work and was stupid enough to start an affair with her.

What I discovered is that love and sex are totally separate things, for me at least. That betrayal of emotional intimacy is like an ivy growing on your marriage and ultimately there is only enough light for one. I ended it when I realised this.

However I also realised I had a penchant for oriental women that got me into trouble in the first place. So now I punt to get the sex I want without destroying my marriage......of course if my wife found out......

Edited by Rojo

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Ah, so for YOU its only a case of being caught or not.

Morals aren't the issue?

Maybe not. Equally, morals aren't the issue for anyone that says "A man has to do what a man has to do"

You're not an animal, you do what you choose to do, nothing more or less, and you can ignore any desires to do things you consider morally wrong if you wish.

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the emotional context of making love at home with a partner of my choice, is so much more both in intensity, and in feeling the moment.

I've been with my wife for over a decade, had good times and bad, and I love her and would be utterly lost without her. But I wish I knew what the hell you're talking about.

I've heard it many times before, but it still confuses me.

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Exactly.

Punting when single is great.

but when in a relationship??

Its equally as great dependent on the WG obviously.

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I started punting because I had no sex at home so guilt didn't really enter the equation. Ironically it has been punting that re-ignited my sex life at home - gave me the courage to challenge the status quo and, to my surprise, I found a lovely response from my wife.

So why continue?

Well, it's partly that selfish thing; wanting my cake and eating it but something else too.

Seeing someone else has opened my senses to different aspects of sex that I otherwise wouldn't have experienced. That makes me a better lover for my wife; I hope..I have gone from crap to indifferent :rolleyes: I have learnt things with working girls that I would never have learnt if I hadn't punted......my wife thinks those lessons have been learnt from porn, although she my suspect.

In addition, I think some miss the point about the difference in sex between someone you love and someone you are detached about. Sex with someone you love is more 'loving' and can be more intense. However, it takes more effort. You have to make that extra effort to detach yourself from the day to day issues. Putting it bluntly you are shagging someone you may have been discussing the bills with an hour before or someone you share a parental worry with. Harder to detach completely but the bonds are tighter.

Easier to concentrate on the fantasy with someone you don't share the bills with.

Another way of putting it is this; harder to separate the rose petals from the washing up dishes.

Whatever; my wife is happy with the result and I get to enjoy some furtive fun now and then. On balance, therefore, I see it as a positive.

If I felt any serious guilt I'd stop.

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