Vin DaLoo

Prostitute Or Affair - What's The Worst A Man Can Do?

44 posts in this topic

Sadly, I can't link to the article online by Carol Midgley (whose columns I have always enjoyed) due to the paywall around this News International title, however this article caught my eye in the paper edition of today's Times, highlighted as it was on the front page.

In it, the author, referencing the cases of Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs, addresses the old chestnut of asking female readers which their husbands would prefer - that their husband had an affair or paid a prostitute for sex?

Her answer - "you'd rather, on balance, he rang a call girl, wouldn't you?"

This was apparently based on a straw poll of her friends and acquaintances, some of whose views make for interesting (if depressing) reading.

Now, we all know that lack of sex in a relationship is all the man's fault, and if we would just, y'know talk to our partners, maybe run them a bath with scented candles, then it would re-ignite all the passion that has seeped away over the decades of domestic drudgery. However, this is what Carol heard from her friends:

"I know he'd like more sex but you get out of the habit when the kids are born"

"I'd be gutted if he paid for it, but at least it would be one less job for me"

One confessed that she had avoided sex since the birth of her last child, now aged 2, and two admitted to physically recoiling from their husbands, post-baby.

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You missed out the part where our Carol confidently declares that "Shagging a prostitute is sordid, degrading, desperate, and risks passing on the clap." She didn't bother interviewing any punters about that, then.

Despite the reference to call-girls, the piece is (who would have guessed, eh?) illustrated with a photo of a streetwalker, or model posing as one.

Some interesting marital confessions from Carol's mates there - all three of them by the looks of it. Otherwise it's page-filling blather, really.

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You missed out the part where our Carol confidently declares that "Shagging a prostitute is sordid, degrading, desperate, and risks passing on the clap." She didn't bother interviewing any punters about that, then.

She has to say that - if she didn't, Murdoch's sub-editors would put it in anyway; they always portray Working Girls either as drug-addled streetwalkers or £1000-a-night Belle Du Jour types, nothing in between.

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She has to say that - if she didn't, Murdoch's sub-editors would put it in anyway; they always portray Working Girls either as drug-addled streetwalkers or £1000-a-night Belle Du Jour types, nothing in between.

Well the last thing Mr Murdoch would want his readers to realise is what they could do with the funds saved by cancelling their Sky subscriptions ;) .

With the subscription cancelled it is certainly possible to enjoy several very good sessions in a year with a thoroughly professional escort/WG who is neither the stereotypical streetwalking addict, nor the £1k+ per night courtesan (who will supposedly then sell you out to one of his newspapers :rolleyes: ).

Better to keep the broader public in ignorant bliss of the reality eh?

Edited by TheVicar

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A couple of years ago, I was having a conversation with a WG about how I might explain some hypothetical evidence that I had had sex with another woman. I favoured the "it was a drunken one night stand" excuse whilst the WG advised that if the situation ever arose, I would be much better off saying it was a one off visit to a prostitute, "to satisfy my curiousity". I was sceptical at the time. It looks as though this Carol Midgely article has confirmed that the lady was right after all.

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Which does raising the corollary question; What is the worst thing a woman can do?

I would say it is passing off another man child as her husbands, that is much worse than simple adultery or even fathering an illegitimate child.

I know a guy that has had that done to him. The woman even persuaded him to have a vasectomy because it is safer than her having her tubes tied. He found out his much loved and spoilt princess is not really his daughter when his wife had him denied access during the divorce to live with her lover. It turned my friend, a successful confident businessman into a broken shadow of his former self with no chance to start his own family.

(No friend is not an allegory for myself).

Edited by WykeTyke

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Despite the reference to call-girls, the piece is (who would have guessed, eh?) illustrated with a photo of a streetwalker, or model posing as one.

I agree. The piece itself was reasonable enough. But the picture demonstrated the significant ignorance of the general public about the paid sex scene.

In reference to the article itself - the guy that transgressed so to speak and visited a prostitute but didn't want to be 'caught' would be more highly exposed to 'exposure' by taking a street girl I would have thought.

Uncle Pokey

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Never been there, but I would have thought that working girl would be easier to accept. Really does depend on the circumstances though and that no two situations would be the same.

Much less common, but I'm sure that it happens, but what about a girl hiring a man, girls?

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She has to say that - if she didn't, Murdoch's sub-editors would put it in anyway; they always portray Working Girls either as drug-addled streetwalkers or £1000-a-night Belle Du Jour types, nothing in between.

Agreed the nations perception is skewed by the stereotypical portrayals you mention, that's for sure. However I don't fancy my chances any better if my wife thinks I've been having it away with a responsible professional wg any more than a junkie crack whore as portrayed by the media!

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Which does raising the corollary question; What is the worst thing a woman can do?

I would say it is passing off another man child as her husbands, that is much worse than simple adultery or even fathering an illegitimate child.

I know a guy that has had that done to him. The woman even persuaded him to have a vasectomy because it is safer than her having her tubes tied. He found out his much loved and spoilt princess is not really his daughter when his wife had him denied access during the divorce to live with her lover. It turned my friend, a successful confident businessman into a broken shadow of his former self with no chance to start his own family.

(No friend is not an allegory for myself).

I believe as many as 30% of kids are not living with their real father while the poor bloke is in ignorance.

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I read that article. As regards the picture of the streetwalker, well, what other picture could have been chosen? As we know, many WGs are nice, normal women working in safe environments, but a picture of a nice, normal woman reclining on a bed in a nicely furnished flat would have just left readers scratching their heads.

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My view is crystal clear. An affair can lead to an emotional bond and connection being formed that could develop into love, i punt purely for sex with love not being a consideration. So to me punting is better than having an affair, and yes of course both are cheating.

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I cannot comment from experience, but I can give my view.

I would think an affair is much more of an emotional bond and maybe considered more damaging to a relationship. But I would suggest having an affair or visiting an escort both erode trust in a relationship. It is like asking what it is best to have cut off, your arm or leg.

It is interesting what I heard on the radio a few weeks back. They discussed the issue of affairs and had a female psychologst on. She suggested many females could forgive their partner having sex elsewhere once, but want to know if their partner "loved" the other person. If the guy admitted to stronger feelings than physical ones, almost always the relationship would end.

What has struck me as I have grown older is the value of relationships is much more than physical. I think guys simply will never understand having Children (why would we?) and so it is a balance. I am a guy, I understand physical feelings, yet does not "the relationship" transcend those? So OK, your wife has your child, just because she then doesn't want sex for a period, is that justification to have an affair? What seperates us as humans is our ability to not just give into physical urges. Yet any relationship is about balance, both parties have to consider the other.

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I cannot comment from experience, but I can give my view.

I would think an affair is much more of an emotional bond and maybe considered more damaging to a relationship. But I would suggest having an affair or visiting an escort both erode trust in a relationship. It is like asking what it is best to have cut off, your arm or leg.

It is interesting what I heard on the radio a few weeks back. They discussed the issue of affairs and had a female psychologst on. She suggested many females could forgive their partner having sex elsewhere once, but want to know if their partner "loved" the other person. If the guy admitted to stronger feelings than physical ones, almost always the relationship would end.

What has struck me as I have grown older is the value of relationships is much more than physical. I think guys simply will never understand having Children (why would we?) and so it is a balance. I am a guy, I understand physical feelings, yet does not "the relationship" transcend those? So OK, your wife has your child, just because she then doesn't want sex for a period, is that justification to have an affair? What seperates us as humans is our ability to not just give into physical urges. Yet any relationship is about balance, both parties have to consider the other.

I cringed when I first saw the title of this thread and only bothered to open it just now. What a surprise - and of the many responses that I have enjoyed reading, yours is the best! I am now beyond that 'affair' stage in life but I battled with this conundrum for a decade or two. Prostitutes consistently won out and I am the richer for it today (though their enrichment of my life has not come cheaply, over the years). It IS possible to have a happy marriage after the sexual light had been turned off at home. And to have a wonderful, discrete sex life elsewhere, as well! :)

(As an aside, the mature punter is much less likely to encounter suspicion than the younger one, whose surging hormones usually give him away).

Edited by Tiggy 7

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I always maintained : Affair is worse becasue of the emotional betrayal.

But even with Paydates, once she becomes a "Regular" (and those are the best!), I guess it is even.

I am on a solid diet of a very few blissful regulars!

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Are we not maybe a little biased on this site? A sort of, 'It's OK because emotions aren't involved'

My wife might understand an affair. I doubt she would understand seeing a WG......and she wouldn't use that neutral sounding word either. She would also probably think it dirty; something less likely to be thrown at an affair..........'Where did you find them?........The street!'...........'No, the higher end of the market'...........and so it would go on.

...........'How much did you spend?' would be the next question less obviously asked of an affair.

For a wife/partner to be more accepting of a man using WGs than having an affair would need some toleration of prostitution to start with. Since there is little of that in our society I wonder if we a kidding ourselves when we say that the affair is worse.

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Personally, I see my married clients as the best of married men, neither sulking or withdrawing due to the evitable lessening of sexual attraction on both sides, true to their love they seek sensual liaisons, but do not commit their heart to any other than their wife.

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Can I just also say Re the thread title, women have affairs also!

Strange how the man always gets the blame!

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Can I just also say Re the thread title, women have affairs also!

Strange how the man always gets the blame!

Sure they do, but women paying for sex is a rarity so the comparison that the piece made hardly arises.

The specific affair that Carol Midgley refers to is that if Ryan Giggs shagging his brother's wife, which is far worse than the typical affair with a work colleague as it involves multiple family betrayals, and as she says makes even Wayne Rooney look virtuous by comparison.

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I don't think EITHER is 'right' or 'OK' but I realise that life isn't perfect, these things happen. Who am I to judge/moralise.

However in saying that I do believe visiting a prostitute is the lesser of the 2 transgressions - Firstly, the sex will most likely be protected sex with a condom used, and it is only Sexual and (perhaps) Financial betrayal. An affair is an "everything" betrayal, and possibly a financial one also if gifts are lavished on the affair partner.

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Personally, I see my married clients as the best of married men, neither sulking or withdrawing due to the evitable lessening of sexual attraction on both sides, true to their love they seek sensual liaisons, but do not commit their heart to any other than their wife.

Hi MSL,

This is a very good observation which I can identify with. I love my wife but as in words of the song 'I am adicted to love' or sex really. I felt very guilty when I was younger and in a position to have affairs but now I have to pay for fun I feel less guilty.

Regards,

davidgood

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Hmm, this really is a tough one. What is worse; societies stereotypes of sleeping with a working girl and thus paying for sex OR breaking your marrital vows and betraying your loved one to have an affair? I don't know if a woman would want a man having an affair with a 'normal' girl or if she'd prefer that it was just for sex and no feelings were involved. I don't know what woman want, do you? :huh:

Edited by Thepacifist

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Hmm, this really is a tough one. What is worse; societies stereotypes of sleeping with a working girl and thus paying for sex OR breaking your marrital vows and betraying your loved one to have an affair? I don't know if a woman would want a man having an affair with a 'normal' girl or if she'd prefer that it was just for sex and no feelings were involved. I don't know what woman want, do you? :huh:

it wouldn't make any difference to mrs kent,i'd be out and a divorce would follow.

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O the air would go i very dark shade of blue . . I guess my wife may be slightly forgiving after maybe about 6months in the huffy bed if i'd had an affair ,but i don't think i'd get a pillow for my battered head if she found out i'd been seeing wg's for approx the last ten years on a average once a fortnight and my regular wg is 22years my junior. I'd be all the dirtiest f*c*ing perverse etc etc etc

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Which does raising the corollary question; What is the worst thing a woman can do?

I would say it is passing off another man child as her husbands, that is much worse than simple adultery or even fathering an illegitimate child.

I know a guy that has had that done to him. The woman even persuaded him to have a vasectomy because it is safer than her having her tubes tied. He found out his much loved and spoilt princess is not really his daughter when his wife had him denied access during the divorce to live with her lover. It turned my friend, a successful confident businessman into a broken shadow of his former self with no chance to start his own family.

(No friend is not an allegory for myself).

I'm a strictly non-violent, live-and-let-live person. But... I have to admit, that would push me to homicide.

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