Hephaestion

Great Ad-copy Fails Of Our Time

59 posts in this topic

On a recent visit to The States, I frequently despaired at the ad copy I was forced to read whilst researching potential assignations. What often provided the source of the FAIL was something like the dissonance of a claim that 'I'm an refined, highly edcutated, sophisticated and discete lady, with great attention to deatil'. There were some really magnificent examples of ballsaching conceitedness (of which, down the line, I intend to provide some choice examples), but quite often I was also able to enjoy a gentle chuckle where the writer had simply gotten carried away with their own enthusiasm for accentuating the positive at the expense of their dignity. Back here in the UK, it appears we are no less blessed with an abundance of bunkum, and in homage to this, I think we need a new and ongoing thread.

NB: being a punter who benefits from the increased choice that non-native speakers provide, and being genuinely grateful that they have taken the trouble to come to the UK and speaka da lingo, this thread is not intended to be a slight on non-native English speakers in general nor to any provider in particular. The plan (at this point) is not to identify the culprits by name or link, but rather to simply savour the best of their purple prose, to revel in the gaffes and celebrate the oddities in a good-humoured fashion. One-off spelling errors (unless truly spectacular) will not be of much interest, nor will hating.

I'll just be posting the odd selected paragraphs rather than entire pages; enough to give some context without taking too much space, and wherever possible, without any editing or major reformatting, so as to preserve the flavour of the original.

For your edification, I start the ball rolling with this slightly confused but nevertheless sweet little ad:

"I offer a tantric massage including Body to Body AND Oral in a subdued ambiance, exotic fragrances and soft I am a soft and respectful woman who loves to take the time to make you to feel the intense pleasures of the massage. I will be careful and attentive to your needs while letting you discover new sensations. You will be received with class, in an atmosphere with refined decoration, clean and discreet. Shower, clean towel, massage table and little touches are at your disposal to take a pause in your busy life, a moment full of sensuality."

Not so remarkable until I noticed that I had missed the preceding line: "I am an English Masseuse located in the vibrant city of London."

Which just goes to show.

Despite which, I may still be paying call.

Ladies and gentlemen, your submissions, please!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This should be a great thread. I see some great profile text mistakes on the purple site that just bring a smile to my face.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Their is know excuse 4 bad grammer, wotz you're opinyun. :D :D :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From the profile of the the flat mate of the girl i saw yesterday. Made me chuckle.

I LOVE TO SEE GAYS OF MOST RACE :

WHITE INDIAN ASIAN ARABIC CHINESE PAKISTANI BENGLA ALL WELCOME

not quite the rainbow eh.....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From the profile of the the flat mate of the girl i saw yesterday. Made me chuckle.

I LOVE TO SEE GAYS OF MOST RACE :

WHITE INDIAN ASIAN ARABIC CHINESE PAKISTANI BENGLA ALL WELCOME

not quite the rainbow eh.....

ROFL :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i'm just really nervous! xx :huh: off to do a spot of proof reading!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah, I honestly cannot complain " glass houses and all", since my grammer and spelling is appalling ( much prefer numbers!), the only reason my posts make some sense is the dictionary addon in firefox.

Pre - addon my posts would look like I've rolled my face on the keyboard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I once saw an advert for "Tantrum massage".

The mind boggles :blink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a little off topic here... I was power walking one morning in Tenerife, and went past a sign saying 'English Breadfast'. :o

I also went for a meal the other day and on in the menu it said 'cocked in garlic and ginger' :blink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a little off topic here... I was power walking one morning in Tenerife, and went past a sign saying 'English Breadfast'. :o

I also went for a meal the other day and on in the menu it said 'cocked in garlic and ginger' :blink:

There used to be an Asian supermarket in Bradford which had a sign stating it sold Continatal foods :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I worked for a paper, I signed off a page and then the type setters decided to have some fun with an Estate Agents ad. What should have read and did when I signed the page C/heating unt For central heating untested became cheating cunt and I had a very angry Estate Agent on the phone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is spinning away off-topic (typos not necessarily being the name of the game) and into fictional territory too with this one, but I can't resist myself: anybody else here like the "Beloved Aunt" obituary typo in 'Curb your enthusiasm"?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is spinning away off-topic (typos not necessarily being the name of the game) and into fictional territory too with this one, but I can't resist myself: anybody else here like the "Beloved Aunt" obituary typo in 'Curb your enthusiasm"?

Yes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Larry david is a genius! Love that show!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"I can be both naughty and nice like a little angel or slurty and dirty like a she devil lol!" - you know there's times I just can't get enough slurty in my life

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"I can be both naughty and nice like a little angel or slurty and dirty like a she devil lol!" - you know there's times I just can't get enough slurty in my life

What a dirty slurt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like I'm missing out - I want to be slurted!!!! Come on girls, who can offer a good slurting??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like I'm missing out - I want to be slurted!!!! Come on girls, who can offer a good slurting??

It's a specialist service. We all charge pots of money for a slurt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just seen one on the 'other site' 'no rushed service, not a cloakwatcher....'

But if you wear an anorak you are in big trouble?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like I'm missing out - I want to be slurted!!!! Come on girls, who can offer a good slurting??

Just seen one on the 'other site' 'no rushed service, not a cloakwatcher....'

But if you wear an anorak you are in big trouble?

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Tell me more about this magical art know as slurting!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I also went for a meal the other day and on in the menu it said 'cocked in garlic and ginger' :blink:

That makes my eyes water just thinking about it :blink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Tell me more about this magical art know as slurting!

Leoh will slurt you till your eyes water - but it'll be expensive and I'm guessing you'll need to provide the Slurt Gel - and the trained poodle....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
- and the trained poodle....

:o:blink: :blink: :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

just found this one - "You can check out my gallery and if you are in for some more peppered things...you can check out my private gallery" - I guess that's what you get using google translate on "spicy"

think I'm going to book her though, just so I can ask her if she wants something salty to go with her pepper!! - sorry, I'll get my coat......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

just found this one - "You can check out my gallery and if you are in for some more peppered things...you can check out my private gallery" - I guess that's what you get using google translate on "spicy"

think I'm going to book her though, just so I can ask her if she wants something salty to go with her pepper!! - sorry, I'll get my coat......

Go on.... book her!

Then if she is any good you can pay her a really nice condiment.

(even bigger sorry than yours sir! )

:unsure:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now