MySecretLife

Should I Tell My Parents?

Should I Tell My Parents?   42 members have voted

  1. 1. I love my job but should I be honest with my parents about what I do?

    • No, never tell them!
    • Honesty is the best policy.

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58 posts in this topic

I am extremely happy with my life choices, I love what I do and I would be more than happy to talk to the press about it. I tell all my friends, my sisters and their partners also know what that I am an escort and as I am now sure that this is definately my career of choice, I am thinking hard about telling my parents.

However, my parents have led fairly sheltered lives. I really hate lying to them but I do so because I think I have their best interests at heart. Should I tell them, or would it hurt them too much?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

Charlotte xxxx

Edited by MySecretLife

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If I were you I wouldn't. I suspect my father knows but even if I knew he did I would never ever bring it up (and we're close, he's certainly not lead a sheltered life, we have more of a friend relationship most of the time).

Most parents, I think, would always try and accept these things but I would say it's probably best to feed them some little white lies.

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I am extremely happy with my life choices, I love what I do and I would be more than happy to talk to the press about it. I tell all my friends, my sisters and their partners also know what that I am an escort and as I am now sure that this is definately my career of choice, I am thinking hard about telling my parents.

However, my parents have led fairly sheltered lives. I really hate lying to them but I do so because I think I have their best interests at heart. Should I tell them, or would it hurt them too much?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

Charlotte xxxx

Hi Charlotte,

Why hurt your parents - they love you - sometimes its best to be economical with the truth - say nothing - the truth can kill at times - dont destroy your parents if there is a chance they could not cope with it

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Thanks Laura, I suspect my Dad knows; and if my Mum was being honest with herself I think she does too. I just hate lying to them, but as you say some times white lies are for the best xx

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Hi Charlotte,

Why hurt your parents - they love you - sometimes its best to be economical with the truth - say nothing - the truth can kill at times - dont destroy your parents if there is a chance they could not cope with it

My parents ask a hell of alot of questions and it is impossible to say nothing. They brought me up to be very honest and I hate lying to them so much; as lying is something that I so rarely do, but I think that the truth would hurt them more. Although I am not too sure that my current apparent lack of ambition, isn't killing them more and I am not even sure that they believe me. In my younger and more rebellious days I did admit to being in the odd porn film or two (no, I don't have any copies!) so they know I am far from innocent, I also managed a naked sauna that my Mother visited and she knew was pretty dodgy.

I tell them that I am working in a shop and my mum has asked more questions about that than you could ever imagine! As far as they are concerned in the not too distant past I gave up being a deviant and was a bright and able project manager... now I am a shop assistant...Maybe I should make up something else. Argh, though the more complicated the made up job is the more difficult it is to lie to them! :(

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My parents ask a hell of alot of questions and it is impossible to say nothing. They brought me up to be very honest and I hate lying to them so much; as lying is something that I so rarely do, but I think that the truth would hurt them more. Although I am not too sure that my current apparent lack of ambition, isn't killing them more and I am not even sure that they believe me. In my younger and more rebellious days I did admit to being in the odd porn film or two (no, I don't have any copies!) so they know I am far from innocent, I also managed a naked sauna that my Mother visited and she knew was pretty dodgy.

I tell them that I am working in a shop and my mum has asked more questions about that than you could ever imagine! As far as they are concerned in the not too distant past I gave up being a deviant and was a bright and able project manager... now I am a shop assistant...Maybe I should make up something else. Argh, though the more complicated the made up job is the more difficult it is to lie to them! :(

Charlotte - I know its difficult and you want to be honest - but if you think the truth could destroy them - then you cant be absolutely honest with them.

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Thanks Laura, I suspect my Dad knows; and if my Mum was being honest with herself I think she does too. I just hate lying to them, but as you say some times white lies are for the best xx

I think this is a very realsitic assessment Charlotte. Parents are often more wise to the actvities of their children than the offspring qwould like to think, and I'm sure if that's the case they'd rather know the facts than speculate between themselves.

This is obviously eating away at you, and it will continue to do so until you resolve it in your own mind. Not being up front with them seems to be hurting you, so, with respect to Laura and Opus, I'd say go for it, sensitively and with a well thought out approach. Yes, there may be some pain, but alo suspicions are likely to be confirmed, a frank discussion about realities of lifestyle aspects and risks can be had and hopefully fears allayed, and they'll still be your mum and dad afterwards, they love you and that won't change.

Good luck with your difficult decision.

Easylover Proops :rolleyes:

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You say your Friends, Sisters and their Partners know.

Well sooner or later one of them will blab and your Parents will find out for sure. It is inevitable.

Do you want them to find out second hand or to hear it from you ?

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MySecretLife,

Only you know the relationship you have with your parents.

My general view would be don't tell them. I'm fairly sure a majority of parents would not be accepting or understanding of this career. However, you are in a tricky position with others knowing, as sooner or later no doubt it will come out, probably in the heat of an argument etc.

You seem to suggest your parents are not happy with you working in a shop, a perfectly normal sort of job, so I cannot see how telling them you are an escort will be any better? Surely they would worry more? If they want you to have a professional career, I cannot see how telling them will change that?

Ambition doesn't make a person, in fact in many ways it can destroy a person.

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I am extremely happy with my life choices, I love what I do and I would be more than happy to talk to the press about it. I tell all my friends, my sisters and their partners also know what that I am an escort and as I am now sure that this is definately my career of choice, I am thinking hard about telling my parents.

However, my parents have led fairly sheltered lives. I really hate lying to them but I do so because I think I have their best interests at heart. Should I tell them, or would it hurt them too much?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

Charlotte xxxx

Your question begs another question which I would understand if you prefer not to mention.

Do you have children, if not , do you plan to one day.

If the answer either is yes then I think you should keep the hat in the box.

If you are outed one day and your future kids find out then you have to deal with it as best you can but why thrust that knowledge on them deliberatley.

It is up to eveyone how they run their lives and I am pretty sure most people do things for good reason but its one thing to have someone be rude and nasty to you because of a personal decision, its another for you children to have to suffer it on your behalf which is always a possiblility.

If i had none then I wouldnt hide my secret life but as I do...I do. Simply because I dont want them to have any negative's from other people.

and just because you are happy with your choices does not mean they would be.

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I am extremely happy with my life choices, I love what I do and I would be more than happy to talk to the press about it. I tell all my friends, my sisters and their partners also know what that I am an escort and as I am now sure that this is definately my career of choice, I am thinking hard about telling my parents.

However, my parents have led fairly sheltered lives. I really hate lying to them but I do so because I think I have their best interests at heart. Should I tell them, or would it hurt them too much?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

Charlotte xxxx

A question i cant answer, only you can. My advice is think long and hard about this, once told you cant untell them. Good luck. :)

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I think you should tell them given the background being in porn films managing a naked sauna etc it won't come out of the blue. As you are happy about it and could convey that feeling when you tell them I think they will accept it. If you were deeply unhappy about it I would not tell them. I would say its better than being in porn films and for the most part get treated better.

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I am extremely happy with my life choices, I love what I do and I would be more than happy to talk to the press about it. I tell all my friends, my sisters and their partners also know what that I am an escort and as I am now sure that this is definately my career of choice, I am thinking hard about telling my parents.

However, my parents have led fairly sheltered lives. I really hate lying to them but I do so because I think I have their best interests at heart. Should I tell them, or would it hurt them too much?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

Charlotte xxxx

This is from my own perspective only. People don't understand, and they get hurt when they find out the truth. Your parents will only want the best for you, and this for them is certainly not the best. They would want you to be safe and happy but at the same time would wonder where they had gone wrong with you?

You say everyone else knows and you would be happy to talk to the press, but not your parents. This seems a little odd to me!

I have been outed. My family found out in the most hurtful and appalling way. i would die first before let them find out again. The pain and the emotional backlash lasted for an awfully long time. I got a job as a smokescreen to make them feel comfortable about what I was doing. It was a job with a uniform. When I was at work, my mobile had to go into my locker and calls from family were not allowed. I wore that uniform if I was working at my flat. It was a good way of not hurting people. You should always try to protect your parents because they are precious, but at the same time don't treat them like fools.

Hope this helps, I'm not sure if it reads well.

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This is from my own perspective only. People don't understand, and they get hurt when they find out the truth. Your parents will only want the best for you, and this for them is certainly not the best. They would want you to be safe and happy but at the same time would wonder where they had gone wrong with you?

You say everyone else knows and you would be happy to talk to the press, but not your parents. This seems a little odd to me!

I have been outed. My family found out in the most hurtful and appalling way. i would die first before let them find out again. The pain and the emotional backlash lasted for an awfully long time. I got a job as a smokescreen to make them feel comfortable about what I was doing. It was a job with a uniform. When I was at work, my mobile had to go into my locker and calls from family were not allowed. I wore that uniform if I was working at my flat. It was a good way of not hurting people. You should always try to protect your parents because they are precious, but at the same time don't treat them like fools.

Hope this helps, I'm not sure if it reads well.

As a postscript.. I did not vote. If the question were from a punter asking if he should tell his partner or friends that he punts then I would say a flat 'No' since there would be nothing to be gained by doing such a thing, however this is completely different. If it were my daughter, I would want her to be safe, but would hate to be told she were doing this given the way her life is because she is on a career path and doing really well, but that's just me.

Edited by Sarah Summers

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I am extremely happy with my life choices, I love what I do and I would be more than happy to talk to the press about it. I tell all my friends, my sisters and their partners also know what that I am an escort and as I am now sure that this is definately my career of choice, I am thinking hard about telling my parents.

However, my parents have led fairly sheltered lives. I really hate lying to them but I do so because I think I have their best interests at heart. Should I tell them, or would it hurt them too much?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

Charlotte xxxx

I always feel a bit uncomfortable about 'message board' advice. It can only work in the most general of terms. I don't know you. I don't know your family. Even more importantly, I do not know the dynamics within your family.

So how can I - or anyone else be it WG or punter - give you any specfic advice?

'Message Board' advice, in my view, has to be taken with a pinch of salt..............maybe a ladle full of the stuff. Some of the people on any message board are marketing and/or posturing a lot of the time and I wonder if some of the advice given is not so much for your benefit but for those they want to impress.

Advice?

It can only be very general and from me would take the form of questions.

Who would benefit by you telling all?

Why do you want to do this?..is it for you or them?

You say you think your dad knows; does he or is that wishful thinking on your part.

If your life is working reasonably OK now why change?...if it ain't broke it don't need fixing does it?

Is it more worthy to be honest or to bear the load yourself in order to spare possible pain?

No doubt there are other questions but the important thing is this; the answers can only come from you. The best you can get out of a place like this is maybe to see it as a sounding board.

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as a parent of adults, i have a fair inkling of some of the things they get up to. But I would rather it was left unsaid.

Knowing is one thing, discussing it is another.

i would become vague about your job, just say its boring.

or get a part time job as an alibi

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Take a massage course, get a qualification, then tell them you are a masseuse. This will be nearly true, and massage can be an above board occupation. A colleague of mine became a straight masseuse, so it can happen!

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When I stopped working a while back, I told my Dad that I used to do it. I had never planned on telling him but we were having a heart to heart on the phone one night and it just came out. He didn't say a lot about it, I told him that I wasn't forced into it and I wasn't working on the streets. It really broke my heart hearing the sadness in his voice. He wasn't angry and didn't get upset, but I could tell he felt like he had failed me in some way. We haven't discussed it since. I have a very good relationship with my parents but I won't tell them that I'm working again. It's my choice to work and I don't want my Dad constantly worrying about me

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Take a massage course, get a qualification, then tell them you are a masseuse. This will be nearly true, and massage can be an above board occupation. A colleague of mine became a straight masseuse, so it can happen!

Actually Mark, Charlotte's already a qualified masseuse. :)

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No. Some things are more important than the truth.

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Personally I would say don't say anything, Sarah as usual came up with some very sensible thoughts, I also haven't voted.

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Charlotte it depends what you want to achieve with your revelation - acceptance for the real you ?

I took the risk, and lost, tho I had nothing to lose anyway.

I've not spoken to my mum for about 6 or 7 years, she has a strange view of life that all have to agree with or brush under the carpet any hurt feelings. My dad goes along with it. Over the years I spoke to him twice a year for about 5 minutes a time. Nothing bad, just nothing close.

Two years ago, out of the blue, my dad called me that he'd finally left her (she'd left him before), could he come visit me. Of course the dutiful daughter in me said yes. I knew the lie of my work wouldn't keep up in real life so decided if he wanted back in my life he could have the real me. I was in a really good place.

While he was with me for that weekend we had a really good time, till he went back home, straight to my mum and told her all. Seems he hadn't been serious leaving her after all. The shit hit the fan and I got abused, and disowned. He wished he'd never visited. He knew I offered massage with relief, over the next few weeks they looked online and found the rest. My brother is cached sites website savvy, he likes brownie points.

I was beyond caring, I was hugely annoyed with myself that I'd willingly let them back in. That was good tho, they hadn't let me down, they'd done that once too often years ago. It's done now.

So Charlotte, what do you want to achieve ? The freedom of conversation and chit-chat about your day and daily doings that you had before with your previous works ? If they were with you through all that, why not again. You're happy aren't you ? A close family ? Getting older and telling them stuff only becomes harder as we become more acute to others feelings, empathic. Tho if the benefit wouldn't be served this far down the line, then you need to think why do it.

I've not voted, because honest is only the best policy if you're happy to accept the consequences.

Edited by Lilly B

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Charlotte it depends what you want to achieve with your revelation - acceptance for the real you ?

I took the risk, and lost, tho I had nothing to lose anyway.

I've not spoken to my mum for about 6 or 7 years, she has a strange view of life that all have to agree with or brush under the carpet any hurt feelings. My dad goes along with it. Over the years I spoke to him twice a year for about 5 minutes a time. Nothing bad, just nothing close.

Two years ago, out of the blue, my dad called me that he'd finally left her (she'd left him before), could he come visit me. Of course the dutiful daughter in me said yes. I knew the lie of my work wouldn't keep up in real life so decided if he wanted back in my life he could have the real me. I was in a really good place.

While he was with me for that weekend we had a really good time, till he went back home, straight to my mum and told her all. Seems he hadn't been serious leaving her after all. The shit hit the fan and I got abused, and disowned. He wished he'd never visited. He knew I offered massage with relief, over the next few weeks they looked online and found the rest. My brother is cached sites website savvy, he likes brownie points.

I was beyond caring, I was hugely annoyed with myself that I'd willingly let them back in. That was good tho, they hadn't let me down, they'd done that once too often years ago. It's done now.

So Charlotte, what do you want to achieve ? The freedom of conversation and chit-chat about your day and daily doings that you had before with your previous works ? If they were with you through all that, why not again. You're happy aren't you ? A close family ? Getting older and telling them stuff only becomes harder as we become more acute to others feelings, empathic. Tho if the benefit wouldn't be served this far down the line, then you need to think why do it.

I've not voted, because honest is only the best policy if you're happy to accept the consequences.

Bloody hell Lilly, your family make my lot seem normal!!!

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It's quite satisfying when you realise where your flaws come from, and you're able step out of them :)

Or at least be happy indulging them :D

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I am extremely happy with my life choices, I love what I do and I would be more than happy to talk to the press about it. I tell all my friends, my sisters and their partners also know what that I am an escort and as I am now sure that this is definately my career of choice, I am thinking hard about telling my parents.

However, my parents have led fairly sheltered lives. I really hate lying to them but I do so because I think I have their best interests at heart. Should I tell them, or would it hurt them too much?

Thanks in advance for your responses.

Charlotte xxxx

Isn't it sad that whilst you are content with your career (and I am sure skilled, professional and a delight to be with) that most of society considers it shameful.

If you think that you can convince your parents that it is what you want, you are happy and would prefer escorting to any other job, go ahead and good luck, keep us posted.

Perrebleu xx

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