MinxyLydia

Silly/funny/weird/embarrasing Stories

56 posts in this topic

I need cheering up and we need a new thread!

I'm sure this one has to be done before on here, but let's hear some amusing stories without being drawn into a debate on anything contentious!

Two of my moments from the last fortnight-

Accidentally knocking a glass of water over- luckily the man in question moved quick enough not to get a soaking and commented 'I'm supposed to be getting you wet!' Was both mortified and amused.

Secondly a man lost his wedding ring inside me. He told me later he had lost a lot of weight recently and it kept slipping off, but I was a bit icked out to think he was using that finger (amongst others!) inside me. Obviously he fished it out again, so don't worry it wasn't 'lost' for long!

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I need cheering up and we need a new thread!

I'm sure this one has to be done before on here, but let's hear some amusing stories without being drawn into a debate on anything contentious!

Two of my moments from the last fortnight-

Accidentally knocking a glass of water over- luckily the man in question moved quick enough not to get a soaking and commented 'I'm supposed to be getting you wet!' Was both mortified and amused.

Secondly a man lost his wedding ring inside me. He told me later he had lost a lot of weight recently and it kept slipping off, but I was a bit icked out to think he was using that finger (amongst others!) inside me. Obviously he fished it out again, so don't worry it wasn't 'lost' for long!

Crikey! That is so bad, losing his wedding ring up 'there'....... it's almost cringeworthy ELG.

Years ago when I worked for an agency, the boss demanded that we all had nice nails, and encouraged/forced me to have acrylics. One night I was with a guy in an hotel and I put my finger up his bum, only to find it was minus the nail when it came out............

Another story which is so bad, I should not really be saying it..... I went to a client I saw regularly late at night. We were both quite drunk and hyped up, and I shagged him up the arse with his wife's electric toothbrush. I switched it on as well. When we had finished, he rinsed it under the tap and put it back ..Booooooo :(

Edited by Sarah Summers

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Crikey! That is so bad, losing his wedding ring up 'there'....... it's almost cringeworthy ELG.

Years ago when I worked for an agency, the boss demanded that we all had nice nails, and encouraged/forced me to have acrylics. One night I was with a guy in an hotel and I put my finger up his bum, only to find it was minus the nail when it came out............

Another story which is so bad, I should not really be saying it..... I went to a client I saw regularly late at night. We were both quite drunk and hyped up, and I shagged him up the arse with his wife's electric toothbrush. I switched it on as well. When we had finished, he rinsed it under the tap and put it back ..Booooooo :(

Oh and to think I felt briefly guilty about the wedding ring thing! You bad bad girl!!! (you can be my new friend!)

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I need cheering up and we need a new thread!

I'm sure this one has to be done before on here, but let's hear some amusing stories without being drawn into a debate on anything contentious!

Two of my moments from the last fortnight-

Accidentally knocking a glass of water over- luckily the man in question moved quick enough not to get a soaking and commented 'I'm supposed to be getting you wet!' Was both mortified and amused.

Secondly a man lost his wedding ring inside me. He told me later he had lost a lot of weight recently and it kept slipping off, but I was a bit icked out to think he was using that finger (amongst others!) inside me. Obviously he fished it out again, so don't worry it wasn't 'lost' for long!

I was at a sex party where the usual scenario is everyone gets naked pretty quickly and a punter turns up and changes into his pygamas and slippers. He continued to wear them throughout the party leading to much amusement for the rest of us and the WGs. Upon speaking to him it was apparent he was a sandwich short of a picnic but behaved perfectly.

I went to another party that was held in a unit on an industrial estate, as i was walking towards the unit guys from the unit directly opposite shouted "give her one for me" and "fill your boots" which i was fully intending to do and did do as best i could. I assume this may of put some punters off though. :)

At the same party i met a punter wearing stockings, suspenders, high heels and a tutu, i initially thought he was a she, it put me off my stroke and it transpired he loved to lick the spunk you spunked on WGs off them. I felt sick and left never to return for this and other reasons.

I had arrived early for a punt so parked up a couple of minutes drive from the WGs premises and had the fan and radio on. When i tried to start the car it wouldnt start as like a fool i had run the battery down. I rang the WG who i had never seen before but was/is a member on here and told her what had happened and that i still had time to make it, she was a bit unsure naturally but said ok. I then started walking but found it was somewhat further than i thought, not being the fittest of people i decided i really wanted to see this lady so i stood in the middle of the road and flagged a car down. The young guy driving looked at me with suspicion as i would of done if i were him and rolled his window down, i explained i had broken down and was going to be late for an appointment and could he give me a lift which i offered him £20 to do, he agreed and i made it dead on time, ringing the AA to meet me by my car about an hour later. I got a taxi back and the battery must of recharged itself. The punt was excellent and the trouble in getting there added a little something to it actually, and i punted with this lady a lot of the following months without incident.:)

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My funniest was getting cramp in both feet at the same time and trying to hop/jump round the hotel room to stop it while the gent lay on the bed pissing himself laughing at me.

Worst experience was an outcall to a fairly local hotel and we went into the pub next door for dinner and my cousin came in with his mates.

I ducked for cover hoping he wouldn't recognise me and we had to retreat rather hastily to the hotel.

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My funniest was getting cramp in both feet at the same time and trying to hop/jump round the hotel room to stop it while the gent lay on the bed pissing himself laughing at me.

In future go and stand on the bathroom floor if tiled, otherwise stand in the bath, (preferably in some cold water), as a kid I was told to stand on cold floors by my mum when I had cramp. It does work I promise.

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I slipped getting out of the bath once and knocked myself out on the tiles. When I came round ,the guy was kneeling naked beside me crying his eyes out. When he'd calmed down he said, I'm glad you came round, I didn't know how to get rid of a body!

Filled me with confidence that did!

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I slipped getting out of the bath once and knocked myself out on the tiles. When I came round ,the guy was kneeling naked beside me crying his eyes out. When he'd calmed down he said, I'm glad you came round, I didn't know how to get rid of a body!

Filled me with confidence that did!

Oh my goodness! Fat lot of use he was then! Was this before or after the sex?!

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Oh my goodness! Fat lot of use he was then! Was this before or after the sex?!

I don't know why but the thought just came into my head that she came round and he was wearing her slippers............. :)

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Crikey! That is so bad, losing his wedding ring up 'there'....... it's almost cringeworthy ELG.

Years ago when I worked for an agency, the boss demanded that we all had nice nails, and encouraged/forced me to have acrylics. One night I was with a guy in an hotel and I put my finger up his bum, only to find it was minus the nail when it came out............

Another story which is so bad, I should not really be saying it..... I went to a client I saw regularly late at night. We were both quite drunk and hyped up, and I shagged him up the arse with his wife's electric toothbrush. I switched it on as well. When we had finished, he rinsed it under the tap and put it back ..Booooooo :(

ha ha this story is so funny

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I slipped getting out of the bath once and knocked myself out on the tiles. When I came round ,the guy was kneeling naked beside me crying his eyes out. When he'd calmed down he said, I'm glad you came round, I didn't know how to get rid of a body!

Filled me with confidence that did!

Love it!

I handcuffed a guy to the handrail of the stairs recently (couldn't find much else to handcuff him to...) and proceeded to give him a lap dance. As I turned around, to wriggle my booty near his face, I misjudged my manoeuvre, and tumbled face first down the stairs. I didn't look so sexy by the time I hit the bottom.

And there werent much he could do whilst wearing the handcuffs :(

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Apropos Smiths’ post about party exploits, I tried several parties a few years ago (well, you’ve got to try everything) and one was a group of well-known ladies' final party fling in Oxford. The venue was a couple of service apartments at the top of a block and as I walked down the street one of the said ladies was standing there, outside, in full party regalia, clip board in hand ticking us off as we went in!

One of my first punts was with Silk of Wantage. She had a habit of meeting her clients on the garden path. (It was a housing estate, so a bit disconcerting!) Anyway, she was also fond if soft lighting and smelly candles. As we got underway I gently removed this chiffon scarf she was wearing and nonchalantly tossed it to one side. As things proceeded there was a faint burning smell coming from across the room! The scarf – of course – was draped across one of these candles.

Also during my early punting days I had a problem with my shoulder, and it was prone to dislocate. I had my head buried between a lady's legs and arms outstretched playing with her nipples when it happened. I leapt off the bed with a yelp (it is excruciatingly painful when it slips out of place) and she looked up in horror to see this strangely displaced arm. I told her not to panic as I pushed it back into place, and said all would be well. I don’t think she was entirely convinced, but, damn it, I’d paid my money! I don’t think the rest of the punt was entirely successful!

(The clip board’s a lie – but she was holding a pen and a list of names to check off. :D )

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Oh my goodness! Fat lot of use he was then! Was this before or after the sex?!

After the sex thank goodness.

Oh my days falling down the stairs, I have definitely cracked up laughing and be no help at all!

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There was a potential funny......... client speaks through my intercom "is there somewhere I can park my bike?"

Oh how I was tempted to show him! :D

************

Another was on his way to the vet with his budgie who was in his cage in the back of his car .... he said he could only do a half hour as "Billy sulks if left alone for long"

************

The guy who didn't put his underwear back on.... but asked me to bin it.... he said he could not wear it again after

visiting a pro.

nice! :rolleyes:

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Another story which is so bad, I should not really be saying it..... I went to a client I saw regularly late at night. We were both quite drunk and hyped up, and I shagged him up the arse with his wife's electric toothbrush. I switched it on as well. When we had finished, he rinsed it under the tap and put it back ..Booooooo :(

:lol:

:lol:

:lol:

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Funniest, and most painful! experience I ever had was when the WG slipped whilst about to join me in a shared bath, landing on a rather delicate part of my anatomy and rendering me incapable of 'performing' if you know what I mean!

I was sat in the bubbles watching the WG undress and looking forward to what was coming next when she slipped on the wet tiles, thankfully she was a very petite Asian and the damage was only temporary!

So what was supposed to be a very dirty hour ended with me leaving unfulfilled and in pain! She made up for it though in a following visit...

Moral of the story? watch out for wet tiles!

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Another was on his way to the vet with his budgie who was in his cage in the back of his car .... he said he could only do a half hour as "Billy sulks if left alone for long"

Oh goodness this one made me laugh! At least he didn't bring it in and have it watch you while you were pleasuring his owner! 'Who's a pretty boy then?'

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Had an early morning punt at a hotel on the way to work in the middle of winter. The fire alarm went off as the WG and I were well into the action. We hesitated for what seemed like an eternity (but probably 2-3 minutes) before deciding to evacuate. Trouble was she wearing a tight micro PVC dress and thigh boots which took a bit of getting off as she didn't dare go outside in these clothes (she didn't have a coat)!

Turned out OK in the end - we chatted casually for 30 minutes whilst waiting to be allowed back in and it really helped to break the ice on what was only our second meeting. I'm still seeing her 5 years later.

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I'm intrigued what she DID wear to go outside in, then??

Had an early morning punt at a hotel on the way to work in the middle of winter. The fire alarm went off as the WG and I were well into the action. We hesitated for what seemed like an eternity (but probably 2-3 minutes) before deciding to evacuate. Trouble was she wearing a tight micro PVC dress and thigh boots which took a bit of getting off as she didn't dare go outside in these clothes (she didn't have a coat)!

Turned out OK in the end - we chatted casually for 30 minutes whilst waiting to be allowed back in and it really helped to break the ice on what was only our second meeting. I'm still seeing her 5 years later.

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I was with a Brazilian at the infamous Chelsea building during my lunch break. I was munching on her pussy and my phone rang and that was my boss and i had to pick it up. When i was still talking on phone she put on rubber and started sucking my cock and started fucking me while i was still on phone and started making loud noises and i had to close her mouth with my hand.

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ELG: we had quite a few topics about it on this forum. There were some hilarious stories there. Sadly (or maybe not!)Galahad removed the old threads which was not re-newed for a year.

I am happy that he did though, because my escapades was probabaly one of the most embarrassing of them all. Pity though, that we lost some absolutely brill stuff on this threads. :-(. I would love to read it again.

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Had an early morning punt at a hotel on the way to work in the middle of winter. The fire alarm went off as the WG and I were well into the action. We hesitated for what seemed like an eternity (but probably 2-3 minutes) before deciding to evacuate. Trouble was she wearing a tight micro PVC dress and thigh boots which took a bit of getting off as she didn't dare go outside in these clothes (she didn't have a coat)!

Turned out OK in the end - we chatted casually for 30 minutes whilst waiting to be allowed back in and it really helped to break the ice on what was only our second meeting. I'm still seeing her 5 years later.

I'm intrigued what she DID wear to go outside in, then??

She did manage to get her outfit off eventually and changed into some jogging pants, sweatshirt and Ugg boots...

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I was in the middle of a shag at this WG`s house,and downstairs there were a couple of blokes talking and a kid running around(it was a bit off-putting TBH)..then there was the sound of footsteps coming upstairs.The kid came into the room,swiftly followed by one of the bloke`s who apologised.He found it quite amusing....I didn`t.

Never went back there again,can`t think why

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I was in the middle of a shag at this WG`s house,and downstairs there were a couple of blokes talking and a kid running around(it was a bit off-putting TBH)..then there was the sound of footsteps coming upstairs.The kid came into the room,swiftly followed by one of the bloke`s who apologised.He found it quite amusing....I didn`t.

Never went back there again,can`t think why

I can never understand how a guy could punt with children in the house, or any other people to be honest.

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I can never understand how a guy could punt with children in the house, or any other people to be honest.

That is just awful.

It happened to me once. I was visiting a client in his home. It wasn't

until my hour was almost up that he told me his small son was asleep in

the next room.

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