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kembo

Do Women Use Sex Against Us?

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Read a comment in here yesterday, in the thread about feeling ashamed of punting and it got me thinking of my reasons for wanting to sleep with women other than my missus.

I've personally only been with one WG (so far) and that was out of a relationship but I do know for sure that the thought crossed my mind whilst in my last relationship. That relationship had been sexless for two years (we have a kid, hence why it dragged on). It certainly felt at the time that my ex was using sex, or the lack of it, as a way of manipulating me. An infrequent hint that I may get sex was often a precursor to wanting or expecting something from me. I often found myself day-dreaming about screwing around with other women and my reason was very much a case of (other than just the fun of it), "Well if you're using sex to control me then if I fuck around, I'm breaking that control."

But interestingly, of all the comments I've read here from people in a relationship, few of them seem to be particularly angry at their other halves, just frustrated that they can't find time to get in more WG visits! So I'm intrigued to know whether you guys have found yourself going to WGs because your other halves have been intentionally and knowingly holding out on you, or simply that sex at home became boring.

Maybe that's all it really was for me. My ex wasn't holding out on me, she was losing interest and I took the signs to mean she was using sex against me. It certainly felt like she was using sex, but maybe my emotions from the time are clouding my judgement.

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Read a comment in here yesterday, in the thread about feeling ashamed of punting and it got me thinking of my reasons for wanting to sleep with women other than my missus. I've personally only been with one WG (so far) and that was out of a relationship but I do know for sure that the thought crossed my mind whilst in my last relationship. That relationship had been sexless for two years (we have a kid, hence why it dragged on). It certainly felt at the time that my ex was using sex, or the lack of it, as a way of manipulating me. An infrequent hint that I may get sex was often a precursor to wanting or expecting something from me. I often found myself day-dreaming about screwing around with other women and my reason was very much a case of (other than just the fun of it), "Well if you're using sex to control me then if I fuck around, I'm breaking that control." But interestingly, of all the comments I've read here from people in a relationship, few of them seem to be particularly angry at their other halves, just frustrated that they can't find time to get in more WG visits! So I'm intrigued to know whether you guys have found yourself going to WGs because your other halves have been intentionally and knowingly holding out on you, or simply that sex at home became boring. Maybe that's all it really was for me. My ex wasn't holding out on me, she was losing interest and I took the signs to mean she was using sex against me. It certainly felt like she was using sex, but maybe my emotions from the time are clouding my judgement.

I have never experienced a lack of sex within a relationship myself, i am and always have been selfish and put my own sexual needs first which is where punting comes in. Its no strings attached sex and gives me the variety as well as regulars that i want. I punt for sex and because its a fun pastime to me :) .

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I've personally only been with one WG (so far) and that was out of a relationship but I do know for sure that the thought crossed my mind whilst in my last relationship. That relationship had been sexless for two years (we have a kid, hence why it dragged on). It certainly felt at the time that my ex was using sex, or the lack of it, as a way of manipulating me. An infrequent hint that I may get sex was often a precursor to wanting or expecting something from me. I often found myself day-dreaming about screwing around with other women and my reason was very much a case of (other than just the fun of it), "Well if you're using sex to control me then if I fuck around, I'm breaking that control."

Someone once told me that they felt all humans were ultimately selfish and out for themselves.

While I was quite taken aback by this, in some ways, he has a point.

While you might do something nice for someone else, isn't it just to make you feel better?

You buy someone a present at Christmas because of convention, but also because you hope to get something in return.

You might celebrate your anniversary not because you want to, but because it's more hassle if you don't bother.

Even his young child - he had convinced himself that she only did nice things because it worked better for her. If she was naughty, she didn't get sweets. So she wasn't nice because she wanted to be - but because she knew she'd get sweets if she was.

Even people who give money to charity get a warm glow (or a tax break) from doing so - thus it can never be a selfless act.

I'll often offer to give people lifts to places. I'll get told how "nice" it was for me to do this. It's not really though.

I'll offer because I like driving, and because it gives me some kind of temporary purpose, something to do. Sometimes the act of physically going somewhere (even if it's only to the town centre and back) breaks a cycle of procrastination. If I'm in a group going drinking, I'll offer to drive as it's easier than explaining that I don't drink alcohol because it makes me miserable (which I always feel lowers the mood). I've tried telling people I'm a recovering alcoholic, but they seem to neither believe me, nor find it funny that I would make something like that up.

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Someone once told me that they felt all humans were ultimately selfish and out for themselves.

While I was quite taken aback by this, in some ways, he has a point.

While you might do something nice for someone else, isn't it just to make you feel better?

You buy someone a present at Christmas because of convention, but also because you hope to get something in return.

You might celebrate your anniversary not because you want to, but because it's more hassle if you don't bother.

Even his young child - he had convinced himself that she only did nice things because it worked better for her. If she was naughty, she didn't get sweets. So she wasn't nice because she wanted to be - but because she knew she'd get sweets if she was.

Even people who give money to charity get a warm glow (or a tax break) from doing so - thus it can never be a selfless act.

I'll often offer to give people lifts to places. I'll get told how "nice" it was for me to do this. It's not really though.

I'll offer because I like driving, and because it gives me some kind of temporary purpose, something to do. Sometimes the act of physically going somewhere (even if it's only to the town centre and back) breaks a cycle of procrastination. If I'm in a group going drinking, I'll offer to drive as it's easier than explaining that I don't drink alcohol because it makes me miserable (which I always feel lowers the mood). I've tried telling people I'm a recovering alcoholic, but they seem to neither believe me, nor find it funny that I would make something like that up.

I can't agree with some of the things you say. To do something for someone else is surely a kind gesture to make them feel better and in doing so you feel good about yourself. It's a two way thing. Buying someone a Christmas present because you want one in return? Eh? have you ever received a Christmas present that you like apart from the one you bought for yourself? Seriously!

Of course children will do something nice if they know they will be rewarded. They are only reacting to something they have been taught!

Working Girls do not use sex against men. We just want to help you to orgasm in the nicest possible way. Honest :)

You could say that men use sex against women. if she won't play, then he won't put that shelf up she is so desperate for. Don't make it out that women have the power here :D Even if we do

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I can't agree with some of the things you say. To do something for someone else is surely a kind gesture to make them feel better and in doing so you feel good about yourself. It's a two way thing. Buying someone a Christmas present because you want one in return? Eh? have you ever received a Christmas present that you like apart from the one you bought for yourself? Seriously!

Of course I have. Haven't you?

I'm not saying I don't receive lots of crap I don't want/like, but there has definitely been some stuff I did.

Of course children will do something nice if they know they will be rewarded. They are only reacting to something they have been taught!

And not just kids. How else could you possibly live?

His argument was that there could be no truly selfless acts, because if you gain pleasure or any reward from said act, it's no longer entirely selfless.

I mean unless you were born a billionnaire, if you never did anything nice for anyone else, you'd have a terrible life wouldn't you.

Working Girls do not use sex against men. We just want to help you to orgasm in the nicest possible way. Honest :)

You could say that men use sex against women. if she won't play, then he won't put that shelf up she is so desperate for. Don't make it out that women have the power here :D Even if we do

That sort of stubbornness sounds like it might result in divorce. If neither of you will do something nice, til the other does something nice.

Not with WGs, but I reckon there are some wives who do play the game of it.

And it obviously works well, because their husbands are certainly not feeling miserable/bad about themselves, going out, hiring escorts...oh wait....hang on.

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I have never experienced a lack of sex within a relationship myself, i am and always have been selfish and put my own sexual needs first which is where punting comes in. Its no strings attached sex and gives me the variety as well as regulars that i want. I punt for sex and because its a fun pastime to me :) .

Ditto

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An age old issue and as long as people are married then this is going to be the issue - if in every marriage both parties were happy and sexually fullfilled then there would be no issues would there but of course we dont live in black and white. People use tools to get what they want wifes with hold sex guys with hold emotionally etc. Its life. Whats the other route a divorce loss of face loss of income and a life style thats much less than what they have just now - how do you balance it ? redress the issues in the home or spend some of that disposable income meeting your needs elsewhere ? Life is unfair we dont all get what we want 100% of the time and that breeds discontent - seen a load of pals get stiffed in marriage - not all the time but its cyclic in and out sometimes great sometimes shite but then is that not life? ups and downs so you really appreciate when its all going right? I know a few whiskeys and Im getting all philosophical lol. Was in a relationship a few years ago - was my type totally into her and well you statrt to move your life and make it happen so that you are with her then the games started - mind games and all sorts and you start t realise Im not getting anything out of this and Im not feeling that its what I want - you asses what you are gettign and he impact that this is having on life quality. going to bed and nothing happening for weeks at a time - Then sex when you know that something is wanted - kinda like prostitution bartering for things - like what the Id be better paying and getting what I want than going trough all this shite. Love blow jobs and at the start this was a regular occurrance - watching tv or waking up to a mouth wrapped round and she swallowed then when more established this died away. quized it once and she mentioned oh that was when we were first going out were more established as a couple now and well this doesnt need to happen much now. I enjoy sex more anyways - like when your listening to your ipod that I bought I said to myself. Anyways we had a discussion one night and I said the way it was and she said that I wasnt the person she thought I was, I then asked her when she was leaving........ Whats the point of having to go with those games and issues?

Life is a journey but thing is when you get the the destination thats it ! no replay and no second chances so you have to live and be happy. Found a new partner and settled now - mush happier and no silly games or tensions - so yes with the wrong partner they can use sex against you. A barter to use to get what they want and denied to up the pressure. Ensure that you find a partner that likes sex just as much as you like sex and its for real.

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An age old issue and as long as people are married then this is going to be the issue - if in every marriage both parties were happy and sexually fullfilled then there would be no issues would there but of course we dont live in black and white. People use tools to get what they want wifes with hold sex guys with hold emotionally etc. Its life. Whats the other route a divorce loss of face loss of income and a life style thats much less than what they have just now - how do you balance it ? redress the issues in the home or spend some of that disposable income meeting your needs elsewhere ? Life is unfair we dont all get what we want 100% of the time and that breeds discontent - seen a load of pals get stiffed in marriage - not all the time but its cyclic in and out sometimes great sometimes shite but then is that not life? ups and downs so you really appreciate when its all going right? I know a few whiskeys and Im getting all philosophical lol. Was in a relationship a few years ago - was my type totally into her and well you statrt to move your life and make it happen so that you are with her then the games started - mind games and all sorts and you start t realise Im not getting anything out of this and Im not feeling that its what I want - you asses what you are gettign and he impact that this is having on life quality. going to bed and nothing happening for weeks at a time - Then sex when you know that something is wanted - kinda like prostitution bartering for things - like what the Id be better paying and getting what I want than going trough all this shite. Love blow jobs and at the start this was a regular occurrance - watching tv or waking up to a mouth wrapped round and she swallowed then when more established this died away. quized it once and she mentioned oh that was when we were first going out were more established as a couple now and well this doesnt need to happen much now. I enjoy sex more anyways - like when your listening to your ipod that I bought I said to myself. Anyways we had a discussion one night and I said the way it was and she said that I wasnt the person she thought I was, I then asked her when she was leaving........ Whats the point of having to go with those games and issues?

Life is a journey but thing is when you get the the destination thats it ! no replay and no second chances so you have to live and be happy. Found a new partner and settled now - mush happier and no silly games or tensions - so yes with the wrong partner they can use sex against you. A barter to use to get what they want and denied to up the pressure. Ensure that you find a partner that likes sex just as much as you like sex and its for real.

So how come that partner who likes sex just as much as you do, and then goes off the boil after she has lived with you for a time goes off with another man? It can't be the sex (or lack of it) it has to be down to the relationship or lack of understanding within it.

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Hi

I never said she went off with another guy - shes still single - Suppose I put her off of guys ! anyways her issue in the past had a rough time with her demands and issues in life and thought as I said what the hell was I letting this scuzzball bring all those issues and upset into my life? have to put up with crises after crises and then a sex life that was non existent - someone who 'loved' oral sex and enjoyed swallowing my cum to turn to someone that was totally urgh about cum? A lack of understanding ? more like a lack of money..... I paid off around 5 store cards and helped her get out of some other money issues that she had - tried to educate her with money but that was a laugh - it may have been the arguing about this that took the relationship off of the boil. I thought id an understanding of the relationship but seems that I didnt. Left that and moved on - now much happier and in a relationship now that is more mutual. Id say Ive been in this one much longer now than what I was with the previous and we have rowed less than what there was in the last relationship. sex 2-4 times a week against well non existant in the previous. Ive had one or two relationships in the past that seem to have this first flush humping everywhere phase to a parched wilderness. Then the slow comfortable relationships where sex was always on the agenda touchy feely - always liked the later ones - more connection and a lot more satisfying. Not to keen on the drama dolls and the ones that seem not to have grown up or taken responsibility for their own actions. 33 year old woman and had to step in a few times to prevent a finanical meltdown. Not my scene and one that I eventually decided to break from. Maybe it was me that went off the boil - when you said understanding Im not to sure what you meant by that?

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Hi

I never said she went off with another guy - shes still single - Suppose I put her off of guys ! anyways her issue in the past had a rough time with her demands and issues in life and thought as I said what the hell was I letting this scuzzball bring all those issues and upset into my life? have to put up with crises after crises and then a sex life that was non existent - someone who 'loved' oral sex and enjoyed swallowing my cum to turn to someone that was totally urgh about cum? A lack of understanding ? more like a lack of money..... I paid off around 5 store cards and helped her get out of some other money issues that she had - tried to educate her with money but that was a laugh - it may have been the arguing about this that took the relationship off of the boil. I thought id an understanding of the relationship but seems that I didnt. Left that and moved on - now much happier and in a relationship now that is more mutual. Id say Ive been in this one much longer now than what I was with the previous and we have rowed less than what there was in the last relationship. sex 2-4 times a week against well non existant in the previous. Ive had one or two relationships in the past that seem to have this first flush humping everywhere phase to a parched wilderness. Then the slow comfortable relationships where sex was always on the agenda touchy feely - always liked the later ones - more connection and a lot more satisfying. Not to keen on the drama dolls and the ones that seem not to have grown up or taken responsibility for their own actions. 33 year old woman and had to step in a few times to prevent a finanical meltdown. Not my scene and one that I eventually decided to break from. Maybe it was me that went off the boil - when you said understanding Im not to sure what you meant by that?

Nooooo I was not talking about you personally - I was just using that as an example of why people go off sex. It's not the sex they go off - it's the other person.

Quickly posted that before I read the rest. Sorry this happened to you, but I was not looking at personal details - just a general look at life y'know?

Edited by Sarah Summers

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It's the most natural thing, Women have using sex as a weapon against men since time and memorial. I for one don't blame them at all bless their little cotton socks

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Women often provide sex to get what they want. Men cannot provide sex to get what they want, because sex is what they want.

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Women often provide sex to get what they want. Men cannot provide sex to get what they want, because sex is what they want.

It's tough. I sympathise. Life sucks, but look at it this way - you put that shelf up and she might suck too :)

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Not complaining, just observing.

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in answer to original question:

Yes, Women will use Sex (and being female in general), and sometimes they will use it "against us"

Too many examples..

fake harassment suits are the most blatent thing.

but also subtle temptiation to obtain something

or sales-tactics to help sell product or idea

or just cleavage to try and distract, confuse, convince....

sometimes it is just a power/play thing. some like their powers!

you cannot blame them. it is a tool they have.

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Women often provide sex to get what they want. Men cannot provide sex to get what they want, because sex is what they want.

They'd have to if they wanted children.

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They'd have to if they wanted children.

True, but only about 3 times in an entire life.

As for putting up shelves, if I was dependent on my skills in that area for sex then I would be more celibate than a Trappist monk.

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There's every chance it's been used as a weapon since Adam was a lad. I was straight as an arrow with my ex but even now I don't know how I stayed the straight course or more appropriately, why I did! A marriage where the physical cornerstone of the relationship is removed or badly damaged isn't the one signed up to, and an injured party should be able to get out of it scot free.

It's almost impossible to imagine sex not being a weapon to be used by the partner who needs it less (or not at all). Mostly the claim is that women do the strung pulling but I have known cases where the opposite was true, and the damage done was just as damning. :lol:

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It's not just you m8, many women use sex to control relationships. They withold it to keep you hungry and just when you're about to get fustrated or stray they give you a mercy fuck. You think it's the greatest fuck of all time because it's been so long but they know it's just a regular old fuck and we're so stupid to realise it. There is a reason prostitution is one of the oldest professions in the history of humanity and thats because men need sex and when they need it they will do or pay anything to get it.

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