Jaynno

So What Can You Expect From A Mistress?

17 posts in this topic

I am heavily into Domination etc with sex and tie and tease, however you always get the out and out mistresses that "Don't offer personal services and dont think about asking" etc Which is a shame because the mistresses are probably better at the kind of thing Im after, but would like sex or maybe BJ at the end.

So what Im asking is from a mistress (for example: http://www.mistressalexandra.co.uk)

What can I expect as Ive never seen a 'proper' mistress before? How much sensual touching form the mistress goes on, would the client always be expect the masturbate themselves instead of the woman doing it?

Cheers

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Unless they all go to Mistress School, I'd suspect that each of them would have a different way of approaching things.

While some mistresses would, as part of their job, never contemplate pissing on you even if you were on fire, others may be more than willing to see the odd indulgence of your masturbatory needs as being an acceptable part of their job. After all, just like a farmer can't expect a cow to milk itself, so the same can be said to take place in the mistress-servant relationship.

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The best way to find out if you are likely to get HR at the end of a BDSM session is to phone up and ask. The most common answer will be "only if I feel that you have earned it".

Very few "real" Mistresses will consider giving you HR but they may let you DIY. I have never yet met a Mistress who will off a BJ or full sex. That simply isn't in the vocabulary of BDSM.

You would, in my view, be better off seeking someone who will offer you a Tie and Tease session. That way your are more likely to get the form of relief you crave.

There are number of sites you could choose to search in. Another Website has a good search facility you may wish to look at.

Good Luck.

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Given your interests, you will be far better off visiting the London Retreat than a pure dominatrix.

Edited by Petronius

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more than often it's no sex whatsoever - not even HR.

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It depends. As mentioned above, some mistresses will give you 'treats' if you have earned her gratitude. I've had treats like being able to suck on her breasts or kiss/lick her arse. It would be almost unheard of for a 'true' domme to offer a BJ or full sex. In fact that is a bit of a contradiction. More likely is something like face-sitting.

As Petronius mentions, the London Retreat is a good mixture of domination and sex - it also has the setting of being a bit more than just tie and tease e.g. having a St Andrew's Cross and spanking bench amongst all the equipment . I've never really heard of other establishments elsewhere in the country that offer such a service - maybe there is a potential business opportunity for someone in one of the large cities...???

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No most Dominatrix would not offer sex, unless you are a regular sub/slave, and it would be down to there choice etc.

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You need to decide what you really want out of the session Jaynno. As others have said, you will not get sex from a real Dominatrix. You will either wank yourself off, if you are lucky she may do it.

If she performed oral sex on you, or allowed you to penetrate her, that would change the dynamic of the relationship between you during the session entirely, and she would no longer be dominant.

Only see a real Dominatrix if you genuinely want to be controlled completely, possibly with pain and humiliation added depending on what limits you agree with her. But don't expect any oral or penetrative sex (unless it's her penetrating your arse with a strap-on).

By the tone of your post it sounds like what you really want a sex session with some sub/dom games added. There are plenty of ladies who will cater for this, and it should be clear from their advert or profile.

The difference is that you will not experience a feeling of genuine submission to a lady you are expecting to soon have sex with.

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No most Dominatrix would not offer sex, unless you are a regular sub/slave, and it would be down to there choice etc.

Yes, how utterly boring to my mind but then i have no interest in this scene ever since i went to see someone and she just liked calling me an ugly fat cunt, it was amusing for 10 minutes and then beyond mind numbing, a definite never again.

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I did domination, bondage &serious physical chastisement. I was an escort who did domination, not a dominatrix.

There are two routes to your goal, and one may work better than the other.

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I am heavily into Domination etc with sex and tie and tease, however you always get the out and out mistresses that "Don't offer personal services and dont think about asking" etc Which is a shame because the mistresses are probably better at the kind of thing Im after, but would like sex or maybe BJ at the end.

So what Im asking is from a mistress (for example: http://www.mistressalexandra.co.uk)

What can I expect as Ive never seen a 'proper' mistress before? How much sensual touching form the mistress goes on, would the client always be expect the masturbate themselves instead of the woman doing it?

Cheers

I don't follow. On the one hand you say that you are heavily into dom and sex etc which indicates you are rather experienced and then go on to ask basic questions about what is on offer from a mistress. Seems a bit contradictory.

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Jaynno, you will need to search very carefully out there, but if you are persistent you will find it, because it does exist. It interests me immensely this whole idea of ''a real mistress won't engage in sex play with you". And irritates me a bit, for fairly obvious reasons.

You need to decide what you really want out of the session Jaynno. As others have said, you will not get sex from a real Dominatrix. You will either wank yourself off, if you are lucky she may do it.

If she performed oral sex on you, or allowed you to penetrate her, that would change the dynamic of the relationship between you during the session entirely, and she would no longer be dominant.

I totally disagree with this. From the moment I became involved in the fetish scene I questioned the orthodoxies that prevail within it. I have always had trouble with the concepts of 'everybody knows that..........', or 'because I say so........',or 'that's how it's always been'.

My attitude to life in general is to question, to explore and then to try to follow my own path, hopefully with some integrity and authenticity. The 'scene' is full of people who think they know the one true way. Who impose dogmas and rules, and if you question them, or deviate from 'the one twoo way', then you are not a real....domme/dom/sub/slave etc.

We are not labels, we are people. And people are too complicated to be able to be pidgeonholed into boxes.

I believe that bdsm is a way of exploring inner feelings of dominance and submission, the exchange of power, the pain/pleasure continuum. We all have a part of us that wants to play, maybe to express things that are somehow forbidden in everyday life, and bdsm fulfills that space for a lot of people.

I mean no offence to the other posters here, I know full well that the orthodoxy is that bdsm is nothing to do with sex, and most dominatixes do not engage in sex play. But the notion that if you do, you somehow are not authentically dominant, not 'real', it does make me wince a bit.

Go and look at some of the sites on kink.com.

Watch 'Sex and submission' and tell me those boys aren't 'real' doms. Watch 'Divine Bitches' and tell me those girls are not 'real' dommes. They are a lot more real than a lot of people out there who pretend to know the last word in 'The canon of domme'.

It amuses me that a scene that is composed of people who feel outside of the mainstream (Less true than it once was, but we are stll considered a bit odd and scary by many), can be filled with such a closed minded approach to exploration of the themes behind dominance, sex, power and submission.

Bendy, I am not having a go at you by quoting you, just you expressed something that is commonly believed to be true, and I wanted to highlight it. Trust me, if I have a naked man tied to a bed, a table, whatever.....I am in charge. If I decide to suck his cock, partly to tease, partly to drive him insane with desire, and partly because I LIKE IT, there is no question of who is in charge.

It doesn't change the dynamic in the slightest for me. I dont consider it a submissive act, I find it empowering.

I did domination, bondage &serious physical chastisement. I was an escort who did domination, not a dominatrix.

There are two routes to your goal, and one may work better than the other.

But they are roles we take on because we find them somehow exciting, fulfilling, empowering Lara. Why do we only have to be one thing? Is it not just semantics?

Carl Jung's theories on intraverson and extraversion have a great deal more effect on the way I define and conduct myself than women writing on their websites ....'I am a real dominatrix and therefore indulge in no type of sex play.'

Keep looking Jaynno, and choose carefully.

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Jaynno, you will need to search very carefully out there, but if you are persistent you will find it, because it does exist. It interests me immensely this whole idea of ''a real mistress won't engage in sex play with you". And irritates me a bit, for fairly obvious reasons.

I totally disagree with this. From the moment I became involved in the fetish scene I questioned the orthodoxies that prevail within it. I have always had trouble with the concepts of 'everybody knows that..........', or 'because I say so........',or 'that's how it's always been'.

My attitude to life in general is to question, to explore and then to try to follow my own path, hopefully with some integrity and authenticity. The 'scene' is full of people who think they know the one true way. Who impose dogmas and rules, and if you question them, or deviate from 'the one twoo way', then you are not a real....domme/dom/sub/slave etc.

We are not labels, we are people. And people are too complicated to be able to be pidgeonholed into boxes.

I believe that bdsm is a way of exploring inner feelings of dominance and submission, the exchange of power, the pain/pleasure continuum. We all have a part of us that wants to play, maybe to express things that are somehow forbidden in everyday life, and bdsm fulfills that space for a lot of people.

I mean no offence to the other posters here, I know full well that the orthodoxy is that bdsm is nothing to do with sex, and most dominatixes do not engage in sex play. But the notion that if you do, you somehow are not authentically dominant, not 'real', it does make me wince a bit.

Go and look at some of the sites on kink.com.

Watch 'Sex and submission' and tell me those boys aren't 'real' doms. Watch 'Divine Bitches' and tell me those girls are not 'real' dommes. They are a lot more real than a lot of people out there who pretend to know the last word in 'The canon of domme'.

It amuses me that a scene that is composed of people who feel outside of the mainstream (Less true than it once was, but we are stll considered a bit odd and scary by many), can be filled with such a closed minded approach to exploration of the themes behind dominance, sex, power and submission.

Bendy, I am not having a go at you by quoting you, just you expressed something that is commonly believed to be true, and I wanted to highlight it. Trust me, if I have a naked man tied to a bed, a table, whatever.....I am in charge. If I decide to suck his cock, partly to tease, partly to drive him insane with desire, and partly because I LIKE IT, there is no question of who is in charge.

It doesn't change the dynamic in the slightest for me. I dont consider it a submissive act, I find it empowering.

But they are roles we take on because we find them somehow exciting, fulfilling, empowering Lara. Why do we only have to be one thing? Is it not just semantics?

Carl Jung's theories on intraverson and extraversion have a great deal more effect on the way I define and conduct myself than women writing on their websites ....'I am a real dominatrix and therefore indulge in no type of sex play.'

Keep looking Jaynno, and choose carefully.

One of the big things that has struck me since i became a member here is how straight laced and victorian some members views are, before i joined i would of assumed most would be sexually very liberal, that isnt necessarily the case though. Just goes to show me i cant jump to conclusions. We even have a moral minority on here with views more akin to mumsnet in my view. Obviously they have the right to post as they see fit as long as within the rules but some are truly laughable to me in their assertions and opinions. :)

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There are some clips of guys that visit doms. I found some on spankingtube - some of those doms really lay into the guys with canes and whips - guys pay top dollar to be tied to an apparatus fit for the job and then cane whacked full stroke for half an hour by a leather clad foul mouthed bitch and not even a HJ at the end. God knows what they get out of that.

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There are some clips of guys that visit doms. I found some on spankingtube - some of those doms really lay into the guys with canes and whips - guys pay top dollar to be tied to an apparatus fit for the job and then cane whacked full stroke for half an hour by a leather clad foul mouthed bitch and not even a HJ at the end. God knows what they get out of that.

The pleasure of pain so a few subs have told me. High powered in the boardroom and totally submissive in the bedroom. ;)

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Bendy, I am not having a go at you by quoting you, just you expressed something that is commonly believed to be true, and I wanted to highlight it. Trust me, if I have a naked man tied to a bed, a table, whatever.....I am in charge. If I decide to suck his cock, partly to tease, partly to drive him insane with desire, and partly because I LIKE IT, there is no question of who is in charge.

It doesn't change the dynamic in the slightest for me. I dont consider it a submissive act, I find it empowering.

Hi lovelyslut

I understand what you are saying and I'm sure you are entirely dominant in the situation you describe. I was speaking from the submissives point of view based on my (fairly limited) experience. I think if a man visits a Dominatrix with the expectation of some form of sex, and then duly receives it, then the man has exercised some measure of control over the experience, and this is contrary to being genuinely submissive.

If you choose to suck a restrained mans cock when you didn't agree to do it beforehand, and he had no expectation of it, then you are still totally in control. Obviously a Dominatrix should be able to do whatever she likes to the submissive within agreed boundaries.

But that's just me. Maybe other people think differently.

Jaynno appears to want a session where it is agreed beforehand that sex will occur. And despite what you say, and regardless of whether it's right or wrong, it does seem that most ladies offering themselves as a professional Dominatrix have a no sex rule.

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