Lara Brooks

"How to wash" guide for stinkers

64 posts in this topic

For some reason I'm having a run of bad luck regarding stinkers and I wonder if they actually know how to wash themselves. One client arrived at 7pm with whiffy pits so I suggested he had a shower, to which he replied "I had one this morning" :mad:. I commented that that was a long time ago, and thankfully he dutifully obliged and went for a scrub up. What I couldn't then understand is why he still stank afterwards; his armpits smelt of stale sweat and his cock was awful (so fishy that I could smell it from a few feet away!). I'm sure I would've gagged if I got closer, and thank god I don't offer OWO…got that condom on in double quick time to cover his rancid cock! Now, this man is married with children so I can't understand how he could get away with this when in a relationship :rolleyes:. Does his wife not have a sense of smell or does she just avoid him? So, for the stinkers out there who either weren't taught how to wash properly by their parents or have forgotten, here are some ideas…

When you bath or shower put soap or gel onto your hands and get into those nooks and crannies…that includes your armpits, around your arsehole, in between your buttocks, and under your foreskin! Yes, if you have a foreskin you need to pull it back and get soaping, otherwise all that pee, sweat and pre-cum is still going to be there, and that doesn't smell very nice! If you can't pull it back go to your doctor.

Then, ideally, apply some anti-perspirant/deodorant to your armpits so that you stay sweet smelling and dryer for longer. You do not need to bathe in aftershave/spray your whole body in the stuff as this will come off on everything you touch and doesn't taste nice either!

I would apologise for the rant but sod it; consider this a verbal kick up the arse you stinky barstewards! Sort yourselves out. Wash as near to the start of the appointment as possible (and do it properly); us ladies should not have to put up with nasty niffs :(

Thank you :)

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LOL.

So that is what I did wrong....

(bows head in shame)

it is just one of those afternoons...

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I would apologise for the rant but sod it; consider this a verbal kick up the arse you stinky barstewards! Sort yourselves out. Wash as near to the start of the appointment as possible (and do it properly); us ladies should not have to put up with nasty niffs :rolleyes:

Thank you :mad:

TMI - as far as I can see absolutely no point to this post other than to let Lara let of steam.

Now the rant revels the real goddess - punters are 'stinky barstewards.'

I will refian from instructing WGs how to wash - although many do not realise that the smell of urine often permeates the lips and bush.

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For some reason I'm having a run of bad luck regarding stinkers and I wonder if they actually know how to wash themselves. One client arrived at 7pm with whiffy pits so I suggested he had a shower, to which he replied "I had one this morning" :mad:. I commented that that was a long time ago, and thankfully he dutifully obliged and went for a scrub up. What I couldn't then understand is why he still stank afterwards; his armpits smelt of stale sweat and his cock was awful (so fishy that I could smell it from a few feet away!). I'm sure I would've gagged if I got closer, and thank god I don't offer OWO…got that condom on in double quick time to cover his rancid cock! Now, this man is married with children so I can't understand how he could get away with this when in a relationship :rolleyes:. Does his wife not have a sense of smell or does she just avoid him? So, for the stinkers out there who either weren't taught how to wash properly by their parents or have forgotten, here are some ideas…

When you bath or shower put soap or gel onto your hands and get into those nooks and crannies…that includes your armpits, around your arsehole, in between your buttocks, and under your foreskin! Yes, if you have a foreskin you need to pull it back and get soaping, otherwise all that pee, sweat and pre-cum is still going to be there, and that doesn't smell very nice! If you can't pull it back go to your doctor.

Then, ideally, apply some anti-perspirant/deodorant to your armpits so that you stay sweet smelling and dryer for longer. You do not need to bathe in aftershave/spray your whole body in the stuff as this will come off on everything you touch and doesn't taste nice either!

I would apologise for the rant but sod it; consider this a verbal kick up the arse you stinky barstewards! Sort yourselves out. Wash as near to the start of the appointment as possible (and do it properly); us ladies should not have to put up with nasty niffs :(

Thank you :)

So just to clarify, what you are saying is that a quick sluice of the dangly bits in the kitchen sink a couple of days before the appointment just doesn't cut the mustard?

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TMI - as far as I can see absolutely no point to this post other than to let Lara let of steam.

Partly true, but also to inform the guys who think that they are clean after just letting the water run down their backs (rather than soaping everywhere properly) that they are probably not as fresh smelling as they think.

Now the rant revels the real goddess - punters are 'stinky barstewards.'

Yup, the stinky punters are stinky barstewards. They may have nice personalities, arrive on time, but if they stink they stink and I don't like it.

I will refian from instructing WGs how to wash - although many do not realise that the smell of urine often permeates the lips and bush.

Oh no, go right ahead. I expect there are many people (male and female) who just don't realise how urine turns nasty very quickly when left on skin. That's why whenever I have a pee I rinse myself with water to freshen up. Likewise I wash myself in between rounds too to get rid of the taste/smell of condoms, etc.

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Ewww yucky :rolleyes: totally put me OFF my dinner now !!! :mad::o:D

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So just to clarify, what you are saying is that a quick sluice of the dangly bits in the kitchen sink a couple of days before the appointment just doesn't cut the mustard?

From an environmental perspective I applaud your style; it's good to see the washing up water being used to it's maximum cleaning potential :mad: Perhaps if you could do the dishes an hour or so before the appointment that would be lovely :rolleyes:

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You know i suggested to my whoremaster that we put something similar to this on the site. Its amazing how many times..

Like you said its probably just bad luck! Its the start of a new week, i will keep all my dangly bits crossed for you that your next batch are fresh as daisies :rolleyes:

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i will keep all my dangly bits crossed for you

* Closes eyes and lets imagination run riot *

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As much as I sympathise with the 'O.P'

Just as all punters are not like that, the same applies for W.G's,

I have lost count of how many times, I've gone to do doggy and been knocked out by a foul kippery smell :rolleyes:,

Kissed and tasted 'sex breath' presumably from the previous client,

Sucked or kissed breasts, that are still oily or taste salty/sweaty, again probably previous clients.

Granted these experiances where mostly parlour punts, and one would hope that the extra cost of booking an indie, would insure absolute cleanliness.

I'm much more choosey these days, I would'nt use a parlour, and only book a lady when all my little reservations check out.

As for the stinky guys out there, don't they realise they won't get the best out of the lady, if they are smelling as they do?

Surly it's their loss...

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* Closes eyes and lets imagination run riot *

I wanted to convey that i understood the gravity of the situation.

Fingers and toes just didnt sound enough somehow...

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Isn't it sad that people have to be reminded how to wash?! And Lara, I believe every word of your post. It's why the general public used to be known as "The Great Unwashed".

Good luck for some sweeter-smelling clients this week....

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very informative!!:rolleyes:

Gosh, the kind of things you poor wg's have to put up with! If you weren't all making such good money I would almost feel sorry for you!

Golders

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When you bath or shower put soap or gel onto your hands and get into those nooks and crannies…that includes your armpits, around your arsehole, in between your buttocks, and under your foreskin! Yes, if you have a foreskin you need to pull it back and get soaping, otherwise all that pee, sweat and pre-cum is still going to be there, and that doesn't smell very nice! If you can't pull it back go to your doctor.

Thank you :rolleyes:

Best not to use soap behind your foreskin tbh, just water is fine!

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Best not to use soap behind your foreskin tbh, just water is fine!

Only if you have sensitive skin.

In which case, use a soap for sensitive skin.

Femfresh, although for the ladies, can be used on mens bits and bobs.

Better to be safe than sorry!

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Isn't it sad that people have to be reminded how to wash?! And Lara, I believe every word of your post. It's why the general public used to be known as "The Great Unwashed".

Good luck for some sweeter-smelling clients this week....

And they're not known as that now? Have you been on the Northern Line lately?

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Best not to use soap behind your foreskin tbh, just water is fine!

Believe me, water alone would not have made my stinkers smell much better! I don't even know soap would've done enough, perhaps Mr Muscle oven cleaner would be more up to the job :rolleyes:

As Miss X mentioned, there are soaps/cleansers suitable for sensitive skin, and it's better to be safe than sorry if you want to stick your todger in someone's mouth :mad:

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It is difficult as no matter how well you bathe and shower etc, you can always be caught out and that is when you really need a WG's environment to be conducive to getting back into mint condition, before and after the dirty deed.

Threads where WGs moan about punters using their loos before a punt amaze me, to my mind it is far better to ensure that all such elements are dispelled prior to a punt than to leave things to chance. However, when you do need to go then a bathroom conducive to being able not just to go but also to wash your bits afterwards so as to ensure they are sweetly smelling afterwards and tickety boo is essential.

I like to be nice and clean and I like to stay that way, when WGs assist me to be in that state it makes for a much better punt all round.

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Believe me, water alone would not have made my stinkers smell much better! I don’t even know soap would’ve done enough, perhaps Mr Muscle oven cleaner would be more up to the job :mad:

Lara, I had a client few months ago (I think I mentioned him on one of my posts on this board previosly), which just had a bath before opening the toom door to me in the hotel.

He was still wet, put the bathroom robe, but still was drying himself when I entered.

When I came to bathroom, I could see the bath water was running down the plug. When I seen this I thought: Brilliant, at least freshly scrubbed and washed client, who just had a bath! Unfortunately it was not so. Yes, his body smelled nice and clean, so its his hair, neck, under arms, etc. However, after an hour or so when I put my face a bit further on pass his balls, the surrounding area of his bumhole stank of excrement.

During this one hour while we were chatting, he did not had a dump either. So why his bum smelled of shit, when he just had a bath, and why he did not washed it properly when he had a bath? He washed the rest of the body after all. Its just does not make sense. :rolleyes:

BTW: he was a very nice chap and all that, and was not offended (I think) when I mentioned it to him, and then talked him into if I can wash his arse myself for him. I was very surprised, that he agreed. ;-)

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Best not to use soap behind your foreskin tbh, just water is fine!

Water alone will not get rid of the cheese under the foreskin..

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And they're not known as that now? Have you been on the Northern Line lately?

Not just the Northern Line!! I got on the Central Line on Thursday on my way to LMP, and someone got on who stunk like they hadn't washed for a week :rolleyes:

Thank god he wasn't going to the same place as me :mad:

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:rolleyes:

Water alone will not get rid of the cheese under the foreskin..

Best not to have a foreskin.

Roundheads are best!!

:mad:

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There are alot of people who fail to understand the reasons for washing and I can not understand how anyone can have BO at 7 in the morning:confused:

the same old line "but i'm allergic to deodrant" is cr*p these days so take heed everyone and scrub up.

Everyone needs an out put and if this has helped our Lara let off steam the you go girl :rolleyes:

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There are alot of people who fail to understand the reasons for washing and I can not understand how anyone can have BO at 7 in the morning:confused:

the same old line "but i'm allergic to deodrant" is cr*p these days so take heed everyone and scrub up.

Everyone needs an out put and if this has helped our Lara let off steam the you go girl :rolleyes:

I am not allergic to deodourant but using it under my arms brings me out in a very bad and painful rash (Including the so called hypo allergenic ones).

However a good shower at the start of the day and close attention if you think you are getting a bit whiffy during the day, and also the ability to ask a WG if she minds if you have a shower before you get down to business often makes for a better punt.

I also find that shaving my underarms helps greatly in keeping me fresher longer.

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