VelcroHead

Can The "genuine Gfe" Be Too "genuine"?

66 posts in this topic

Following on from recent posts about blurred boundaries, relationships with escorts, etc, I'd like to share my current dilemma. Go easy, I'm not looking for advice on whether to pursue a relationship with an escort, that has been done to death recently and I am really not considering that option...

Compared to some on here, I'm relatively new at this - this week will be approximately my 20th Punt (about 15 different girls). Due to meticulous research, and of course largely thanks to this site (thanks Galahad and all posters), my experiences have generally been good, no disasters (although 2 or three decidedly average) and some absolutely fantastic!

Until I started this hobby last year (more active in it recently) I'd led a very sheltered life sexually. Settled down with my "wife to be" at age of 20 after only two previous sexual partners. I'm now late 30s, and happily married apart from in the bedroom, where Mrs "Previously Occasional Missionary" has now pretty much lost all interest. How long I'm prepared to put up with that is not (particularly) relevant to this post.

Punting has in the main had a very positive impact on my life (I think). Until I discovered that you can have no strings liasons with amazing women, all relatively safely and very discreetly, I thought I was destined to remain sexually unfulfilled. I'm not (and can't envisage ever being) interested in anything extreme and have always sought the "genuine GFE" - uninhibited intimacy i.e. DFK, mutual oral, sex in a variety of positions. The PSE (a good hard fucking/wham bam thank you mam) has never interested me. I look for some kind of connection whilst of course doing my best to observe the emotional boundaries we talk so much about. At most of my punts, I've got this to some degree, and a several times as good as I can possibly imagine. :)

My problem is there have been 2 or 3 (and 1 in particular recently) where it's so "real" I find it difficult to get my head around. The recent example is an agency escort I met about 5 weeks ago. I've now seen her 3 times, twice for a two hour incall and once for a four hour dinner date. She's much younger than me but very mature for her age. We get on very well, and the sex we have is the best I have ever had. It's just so "real" - such uninhibited intimacy that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. Sex with my wife never felt this good even when we were much younger (despite the fact that I know sex is supposed to be better when there is love present). I know escorts are payed to act but her sexual enjoyment is not acting (I think I've learnt to tell the difference). At our last meeting she had several genuine orgasms and the whole session was the most passionate, erotic encounter I've ever had (even more so than the previous one with her). We also have such amazing and funny conversations about anything and everything. I'm sure she's just as open with most of her clients, I'm not saying I get special treatment, but the "click factor" is definitely there beyond acting.

So you see, I'm getting exactly what I seek, yet I'm finding it so dangerously real I'm struggling to deal with it. It's just too confusing for my little head. How can there not be genuine feelings and "connection" between two people that have such amazing intimacy? Yet, I also think perhaps it's the fact that it's a paid transaction without any of the complications of emotion, trust, family pressures (even real life pressures) that allows it to be so uninhibited? I'm starting to agree with some on here that maybe monogamy is just not the way we're programmed, and if you stay with one partner too long boredom inevitably sets in. I guess I fear that even if a relationship developed with this amazing girl (hypothetically, I promise, I really have no interest in going down that route) it would soon go as stale as my marriage? A depressing thought but one that comes from personal experience as well as the experiences of may friends, let alone what I've read in various forums including this one? How many people do you know who are genuinely happy with their sex lives in a long term relationship?

This week, I'm seeing a different escort specifically so I help avoid getting too attached to the one I've been talking about. I honestly believe the experience can not be as good (although I hope it is) and certainly not better, but I can't risk getting too attached, can I?

So what does one do when one finds Miss Amazing, move on to other escorts despite knowing you probably would have had abetter experience by sticking with what you know? Or keep seeing your favourite until it either goes stale (or god forbid you actually fall in love and get damaged emtionally)? Or quit punting because it's just too (emotionally dangerous)? Or quit relationships and just punt, moving on if thing's go stale and hoping you have the strength to move on if things get too "real"?

I guess most people will say that only I can answer these? Perhaps so, but I've sure there are many punters on this board (and escorts I'd wager if they were honest) who have had a similar dilemma. I'm interested in people's thought on this, as long as they are not simply "It's not a good idea to get too involved" - I know that already!

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to share I guess...

Velcrohead

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What you need is 'middle ground'. This will be somewhere in between the really crap punt where you walk away with buyers remorse because there was no connection between you and the sex was not fulfilling.......... and the scenario you have just described.

I read your post carefully and think you are in too deep, but you would not have made the post if you didn't already think like that. I feel, that if a punt makes you question your marriage in any way - no matter how small, then it can become dangerous.

As much as you like her and enjoy her company and the sex (she sounds wonderful) I think you should move on before you become obsessed. Perhaps give her a break for a while and see other ladies, and then return after a few months? Or....... just stop seeing her full stop.

One question. Do you think she would see you for free? try it and see how she reacts if you dare !

Hope you make the right decision here. I would say to you that punting is about fun. You enjoy the other person and then you go on your way, pick up your real life on the way out and leave her to hers. When you want to have fun again you call her, and that is the key to having fun. You have allowed this to go just that bit too far IMHO.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Velco,

Great post, you have found yourself in a position many of us have, ie it has gone past a shag and your emotions have entered the fray, but you are only a few encounters in and less than two months. Have you had the chance to discuss this with the girl? Do you know her real name, does she know yours? Does she call you babe, darling, or your name when you are in bed? Do you know where she lives? Think of all the things in real life you would know about each other and discuss after a couple of dates, does she work or just escort. does she have kids etc? When you know these answers you are closer to knowing if you are gettng closer to a relationship.

Don't go the freebie conversation yet, that can come in stages, maybe suggest you see her away from the agency, if she is comfortable she will agree and stage one has been reached. Then after that date you can suggest a "regulars" rate and if she agrees you are at stage 2. If she then starts to discuss her feelings then you can go to the "I dont want you to be out of pocket and I want to spoil you, but if we both feel this way, then I shouldn't be handing over an envelope" and then you know what the future holds .....

And finally if she declares her true love, are you willing to leave your wife?

spanner

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Velco,

Great post, you have found yourself in a position many of us have, ie it has gone past a shag and your emotions have entered the fray, but you are only a few encounters in and less than two months. Have you had the chance to discuss this with the girl? Do you know her real name, does she know yours? Does she call you babe, darling, or your name when you are in bed? Do you know where she lives? Think of all the things in real life you would know about each other and discuss after a couple of dates, does she work or just escort. does she have kids etc? When you know these answers you are closer to knowing if you are gettng closer to a relationship.

Don't go the freebie conversation yet, that can come in stages, maybe suggest you see her away from the agency, if she is comfortable she will agree and stage one has been reached. Then after that date you can suggest a "regulars" rate and if she agrees you are at stage 2. If she then starts to discuss her feelings then you can go to the "I dont want you to be out of pocket and I want to spoil you, but if we both feel this way, then I shouldn't be handing over an envelope" and then you know what the future holds .....

And finally if she declares her true love, are you willing to leave your wife?

spanner

Spanner !

We are not here to break marriages up !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sarah, I know that, but it isn't unknown!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Velco,

Great post, you have found yourself in a position many of us have, ie it has gone past a shag and your emotions have entered the fray, but you are only a few encounters in and less than two months. Have you had the chance to discuss this with the girl? Do you know her real name, does she know yours? Does she call you babe, darling, or your name when you are in bed? Do you know where she lives? Think of all the things in real life you would know about each other and discuss after a couple of dates, does she work or just escort. does she have kids etc? When you know these answers you are closer to knowing if you are gettng closer to a relationship.

Don't go the freebie conversation yet, that can come in stages, maybe suggest you see her away from the agency, if she is comfortable she will agree and stage one has been reached. Then after that date you can suggest a "regulars" rate and if she agrees you are at stage 2. If she then starts to discuss her feelings then you can go to the "I dont want you to be out of pocket and I want to spoil you, but if we both feel this way, then I shouldn't be handing over an envelope" and then you know what the future holds .....

And finally if she declares her true love, are you willing to leave your wife?

spanner

Nah keep her as your mistress!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Try asking her for a free date or free sexy encounter. You'll get your answer.

Although, I'd personally say you should enjoy the ride and don't spoil it with absolutes. Fall in love with her if it makes you happy, that's what you are seeing her for isn't it? To make yourself happy?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What you need is 'middle ground'. This will be somewhere in between the really crap punt where you walk away with buyers remorse because there was no connection between you and the sex was not fulfilling.......... and the scenario you have just described.

I read your post carefully and think you are in too deep, but you would not have made the post if you didn't already think like that. I feel, that if a punt makes you question your marriage in any way - no matter how small, then it can become dangerous.

As much as you like her and enjoy her company and the sex (she sounds wonderful) I think you should move on before you become obsessed. Perhaps give her a break for a while and see other ladies, and then return after a few months? Or....... just stop seeing her full stop.

One question. Do you think she would see you for free? try it and see how she reacts if you dare !

Hope you make the right decision here. I would say to you that punting is about fun. You enjoy the other person and then you go on your way, pick up your real life on the way out and leave her to hers. When you want to have fun again you call her, and that is the key to having fun. You have allowed this to go just that bit too far IMHO.

Sarah

Thanks for your reply, but through no fault of your own you have misinterpreted my post, it seems I didn't make myself clear.

I will not ask her to see me for free, and doubt she would anyway (even if she liked me that much, I think she's strict about boundaries, which I respect). I thought I made it clear I didn't think pursuing any kind of relationship is a good idea (my screwed on head talking). And punting with her has not made me question my marriage, I have been questioning it for a while before I met the escort in question, perhaps it's what led to me punting in the first place. In fact, my post wasn't just about this escort in particular (as others have come fairly close to making me feel this way), it's just that she's the most potent example of the situation. And I am seeing another escort this week, for exectly the reason you suggest :)

The problem is that (like many punters I'm sure) I strive for the so-called "perfect GFE" - natural, uninhibited "love-making". I know the mere use of "love-making" is contentious in the context of paid sex and I use it purposefully - I don't love this girl (I like her very much, there is as we know a huge difference), but it feels like love making because it feels so natural and intense. My problem is getting my head to acknowledge that it is just paid sex. How does this girl open herself up so freely to someone she doesn't know that well (i.e. "just a client"). Is she like this with every client? Part of me finds it hard to believe that she can be - as I said I'm certain her openness and enjoyment is not acting. Then the "sensible" part of me says "why would she be any different with me?" - I'm no hunk, not sure I'm particularly skilled in the bedroom (yes she clearly enjoys our encounters but she must have clients better looking and better in bed than me?).

My problem is that this is an issue with punting in general, not just with this escort - when it's so good, it's confusingly good and I'm finding it hard to deal with.

Yet, it seems a travesty not to see this girl again, when she's everything I ever looked for in an encounter and makes me feel so good - the feelings I strive for in every punt I've ever had (and will ever have). I don't think anyone can anwer this in a right or wrong way, I'm just looking for peoples view as I'm sure I'm not the first (or last) punter to have a crisis of conscience like this! And I swear to you, if I thought I wanted a relationship to develop, I would have this conversation with her (I feel comfrotable enough with her to do so). That's not what this is about - I promise I haven't "allowed this to go just that bit too far", yet! My concern is avoiding doing so but still enjoying punting. How can I aim for "middle ground" as you say, when I have experience much higher gound? :wacko:

V. x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nah keep her as your mistress!

Now there's a thought Annabel!! xxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Following on from recent posts about blurred boundaries, relationships with escorts, etc, I'd like to share my current dilemma. Go easy, I'm not looking for advice on whether to pursue a relationship with an escort, that has been done to death recently and I am really not considering that option...

Compared to some on here, I'm relatively new at this - this week will be approximately my 20th Punt (about 15 different girls). Due to meticulous research, and of course largely thanks to this site (thanks Galahad and all posters), my experiences have generally been good, no disasters (although 2 or three decidedly average) and some absolutely fantastic!

Until I started this hobby last year (more active in it recently) I'd led a very sheltered life sexually. Settled down with my "wife to be" at age of 20 after only two previous sexual partners. I'm now late 30s, and happily married apart from in the bedroom, where Mrs "Previously Occasional Missionary" has now pretty much lost all interest. How long I'm prepared to put up with that is not (particularly) relevant to this post.

Punting has in the main had a very positive impact on my life (I think). Until I discovered that you can have no strings liasons with amazing women, all relatively safely and very discreetly, I thought I was destined to remain sexually unfulfilled. I'm not (and can't envisage ever being) interested in anything extreme and have always sought the "genuine GFE" - uninhibited intimacy i.e. DFK, mutual oral, sex in a variety of positions. The PSE (a good hard fucking/wham bam thank you mam) has never interested me. I look for some kind of connection whilst of course doing my best to observe the emotional boundaries we talk so much about. At most of my punts, I've got this to some degree, and a several times as good as I can possibly imagine. :)

My problem is there have been 2 or 3 (and 1 in particular recently) where it's so "real" I find it difficult to get my head around. The recent example is an agency escort I met about 5 weeks ago. I've now seen her 3 times, twice for a two hour incall and once for a four hour dinner date. She's much younger than me but very mature for her age. We get on very well, and the sex we have is the best I have ever had. It's just so "real" - such uninhibited intimacy that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. Sex with my wife never felt this good even when we were much younger (despite the fact that I know sex is supposed to be better when there is love present). I know escorts are payed to act but her sexual enjoyment is not acting (I think I've learnt to tell the difference). At our last meeting she had several genuine orgasms and the whole session was the most passionate, erotic encounter I've ever had (even more so than the previous one with her). We also have such amazing and funny conversations about anything and everything. I'm sure she's just as open with most of her clients, I'm not saying I get special treatment, but the "click factor" is definitely there beyond acting.

So you see, I'm getting exactly what I seek, yet I'm finding it so dangerously real I'm struggling to deal with it. It's just too confusing for my little head. How can there not be genuine feelings and "connection" between two people that have such amazing intimacy? Yet, I also think perhaps it's the fact that it's a paid transaction without any of the complications of emotion, trust, family pressures (even real life pressures) that allows it to be so uninhibited? I'm starting to agree with some on here that maybe monogamy is just not the way we're programmed, and if you stay with one partner too long boredom inevitably sets in. I guess I fear that even if a relationship developed with this amazing girl (hypothetically, I promise, I really have no interest in going down that route) it would soon go as stale as my marriage? A depressing thought but one that comes from personal experience as well as the experiences of may friends, let alone what I've read in various forums including this one? How many people do you know who are genuinely happy with their sex lives in a long term relationship?

This week, I'm seeing a different escort specifically so I help avoid getting too attached to the one I've been talking about. I honestly believe the experience can not be as good (although I hope it is) and certainly not better, but I can't risk getting too attached, can I?

So what does one do when one finds Miss Amazing, move on to other escorts despite knowing you probably would have had abetter experience by sticking with what you know? Or keep seeing your favourite until it either goes stale (or god forbid you actually fall in love and get damaged emtionally)? Or quit punting because it's just too (emotionally dangerous)? Or quit relationships and just punt, moving on if thing's go stale and hoping you have the strength to move on if things get too "real"?

I guess most people will say that only I can answer these? Perhaps so, but I've sure there are many punters on this board (and escorts I'd wager if they were honest) who have had a similar dilemma. I'm interested in people's thought on this, as long as they are not simply "It's not a good idea to get too involved" - I know that already!

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to share I guess...

Velcrohead

Lap it up while you can and enjoy is my advice. Good WGs can be very very convincing, who knows it might be genuine but i punt for sex myself and stick to that which i dont find a problem emotionally or mentally doing. I just want to punt have fun and leave with no strings, if we get on great it might mean i become a regular. Keeping it strictly business is best in my opinion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Try asking her for a free date or free sexy encounter. You'll get your answer.

Although, I'd personally say you should enjoy the ride and don't spoil it with absolutes. Fall in love with her if it makes you happy, that's what you are seeing her for isn't it? To make yourself happy?

No! I thought I'd made it clear, I think falling in love with her could be an absolute disaster! It's not what my post is about! :o

Hi Velco,

Don't go the freebie conversation yet, that can come in stages, maybe suggest you see her away from the agency, if she is comfortable she will agree and stage one has been reached. Then after that date you can suggest a "regulars" rate and if she agrees you are at stage 2. If she then starts to discuss her feelings then you can go to the "I dont want you to be out of pocket and I want to spoil you, but if we both feel this way, then I shouldn't be handing over an envelope" and then you know what the future holds .....

And finally if she declares her true love, are you willing to leave your wife?

spanner

Who mentioned "the freebie conversation"? And I really don't think she's going to "declare her true love", I don't belive she loves me - perhaps she likes me, but that's very different.

I'm clearly not eloquent enough to get my point accross. My point is - how does a simple male like me deal with such apparently "real" intimacy and not risk being convinced there's something more? And I either have to "deal with it", or quit punting, or just look for disconnected PSEs?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lap it up while you can and enjoy is my advice. Good WGs can be very very convincing, who knows it might be genuine but i punt for sex myself and stick to that which i dont find a problem emotionally or mentally doing. I just want to punt have fun and leave with no strings, if we get on great it might mean i become a regular. Keeping it strictly business is best in my opinion.

Smiths, exactly. That's just what my "screwed on" head is saying. My point is it's just so hard when she's so good!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep seing her but enjoy it for what it is. Never ask a wg to have sex for you for free, if they want to they will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yet I'm finding it so dangerously real I'm struggling to deal with it. It's just too confusing for my little head. How can there not be genuine feelings and "connection" between two people that have such amazing intimacy?

You know what, there are half a dozen or more guys who she sees that are probably scratching their heads right now and thinking exactly the same. Over the past couple of days I've done some soul searching about where this particular lifestyle is taking me and my conclusion is nowhere, it is taking me absolutely nowhere. I care very deeply about one of the girls I met and I really miss her. I saw her five or six times and it was impossible for me not to fall for her. I know that nothing will ever come of it and I accept that almost emphatically. I could see a thousand WG's and it will never reciprocate the sheer euphoria i got from being with her and so I need to move on. I was just another punter that's all I was.

It feels like I'm hanging in by a thread, on auto-pilot, just to keep what I felt for her alive , and yet I know I need to completely cut off from every reminder of her. It sounds pathetic but when we're young and finding our way in life it was always traumatic to split up from a girl you really liked and sometimes it felt like the end of the world. You would tend to sort of mourn the loss for a few days and wallow in self pity in order to allow yourself to rid it like a toxin from your system. I need to do that and need to move on so I'm taking a few days out of the rat race, going away somewhere alone and for want of better words 'cold turkeying' the whole thing. A complete new beginning.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She may or may not have feelings for you - or towards any other clients for that matter - we can never tell.

I was in a very similar situation like you just recently but at the end this sort of obsession or fixation on one girl in this industry is very damaging to our own health. I've been cold turkeying for about 2 weeks now and there are still occasions of flashback of some of the most intense memory. Also, this kind of experience changes how we look at our real life partner fundamentally. If you are single, i will probably play along for a bit longer, but as you are married, I guess it's time to cut loose and spend some time in some serious soul searching.

I feel your confusion and am very happy to discuss - PM me if appropriate.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sometimes wonder if you lot read the actual post or just read what you think it says.

The OP didn't ask about seeing her for free, or having a relationship. He just asked how can she genuinely connect with someone, and then walk away without a second thought. And he queried his ongoing chances of doing the same.

VelcroHead -

It takes a certain type of girl to be a hooker, just as it takes a certain type of guy to be a punter. That sentence is sometimes said negatively but that's not how I mean it.

Just because it's genuine, doesn't mean it has to be long term. And wg's have discovered the art of enjoying each individual encounter as just that - individual. Perhaps we're programmed slightly differently, or perhaps we've already fulfilled or over-ridden the part of our programming that demanded we look on each sexual partner as a 'provider' to be locked down at the earliest opportunity.

All I know is that I have had more enjoyable appointments that unenjoyable ones. Some return, some don't. The ones that don't, I may spare a passing thought and a little smile with the thought 'he was great'. But they were all, every one of them, stand-alone bookings in my mind. The enjoyment was real, the connection was real, but after the door closes behind you, the door closes behind you in my mind as well.

That's what makes us different to 'civilian' women. Because the cash takes away the 'relationship potential', it also acts as a brake on those parts of the female mind that make her sit around willing the phone to ring, staring into space, longing for his call, writing her name with his surname over scraps of paper over and over again!

The bottom line with all of humanity is 'what's in this for me'? For a civilian woman to begin a sexual interaction with a man, there must be an 'end goal'. For a hooker, the end goal has already been scored and that leaves you so much more free to enjoy the match.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense to you, I've had about three hours sleep and may well be rambling.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You know what, there are half a dozen or more guys who she sees that are probably scratching their heads right now and thinking exactly the same. Over the past couple of days I've done some soul searching about where this particular lifestyle is taking me and my conclusion is nowhere, it is taking me absolutely nowhere. I care very deeply about one of the girls I met and I really miss her. I saw her five or six times and it was impossible for me not to fall for her. I know that nothing will ever come of it and I accept that almost emphatically. I could see a thousand WG's and it will never reciprocate the sheer euphoria i got from being with her and so I need to move on. I was just another punter that's all I was.

It feels like I'm hanging in by a thread, on auto-pilot, just to keep what I felt for her alive , and yet I know I need to completely cut off from every reminder of her. It sounds pathetic but when we're young and finding our way in life it was always traumatic to split up from a girl you really liked and sometimes it felt like the end of the world. You would tend to sort of mourn the loss for a few days and wallow in self pity in order to allow yourself to rid it like a toxin from your system. I need to do that and need to move on so I'm taking a few days out of the rat race, going away somewhere alone and for want of better words 'cold turkeying' the whole thing. A complete new beginning.

Vulvasailor

Do you know I do believe you may be right, there could be half a dozen guys (more even?) thinking the same thing. Doesn't make it any easier for little old me to make sense of it though! :wacko:

She may or may not have feelings for you - or towards any other clients for that matter - we can never tell.

I was in a very similar situation like you just recently but at the end this sort of obsession or fixation on one girl in this industry is very damaging to our own health. I've been cold turkeying for about 2 weeks now and there are still occasions of flashback of some of the most intense memory. Also, this kind of experience changes how we look at our real life partner fundamentally. If you are single, i will probably play along for a bit longer, but as you are married, I guess it's time to cut loose and spend some time in some serious soul searching.

I feel your confusion and am very happy to discuss - PM me if appropriate.

Cumm1ng, thanks for the response.

I don't feel this is about an obsession/fixation with this one escort. I'm not obsessed with her, I'm not in love with her and I don't spend all my time thinking about her. She's an amazing girl, but two other escorts previously have made me feel this way to varying degrees, the best of which isn't currently working (although she may again). I've met the current girl 3 times and spent 8 hours with her, I'm a long way off believe she's "the one" for me. I'm just finding it difficult to put the experience in perspective. I'm actually seeing another escort (that I haven't seen before) this week to make suer I don't get too attached/dependent on this one.

I do think you may have hit the nail on the head about how something like this changes how we look at our real life partner. There is a lot more to a marriage than sex and intimacy (good job or we'd have split years ago! :mellow: ), but it's an important part of it IMHO. My wife has never opened up to me like this sexually. Yes we had good sex in the early stages, but not like this - although I understand this may be partly due to the fact I'm more experienced (and more confident, even dare I say slightly more proficient in bed?). I just feel it should be my wife I'm sharing these feelings with, not an escort, and the frustration that I can't is intense...

V.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmmm. velcrohead, my sympathy goes out to you, I find so many resonances with what you said, we must be very similar types!!

In my case, the girl has revealed to me her real identity and wants to meet up to go out 'off the clock', so the dilemma is even more difficult!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sometimes wonder if you lot read the actual post or just read what you think it says.

The OP didn't ask about seeing her for free, or having a relationship. He just asked how can she genuinely connect with someone, and then walk away without a second thought. And he queried his ongoing chances of doing the same.

VelcroHead -

It takes a certain type of girl to be a hooker, just as it takes a certain type of guy to be a punter. That sentence is sometimes said negatively but that's not how I mean it.

Just because it's genuine, doesn't mean it has to be long term. And wg's have discovered the art of enjoying each individual encounter as just that - individual. Perhaps we're programmed slightly differently, or perhaps we've already fulfilled or over-ridden the part of our programming that demanded we look on each sexual partner as a 'provider' to be locked down at the earliest opportunity.

All I know is that I have had more enjoyable appointments that unenjoyable ones. Some return, some don't. The ones that don't, I may spare a passing thought and a little smile with the thought 'he was great'. But they were all, every one of them, stand-alone bookings in my mind. The enjoyment was real, the connection was real, but after the door closes behind you, the door closes behind you in my mind as well.

That's what makes us different to 'civilian' women. Because the cash takes away the 'relationship potential', it also acts as a brake on those parts of the female mind that make her sit around willing the phone to ring, staring into space, longing for his call, writing her name with his surname over scraps of paper over and over again!

The bottom line with all of humanity is 'what's in this for me'? For a civilian woman to begin a sexual interaction with a man, there must be an 'end goal'. For a hooker, the end goal has already been scored and that leaves you so much more free to enjoy the match.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense to you, I've had about three hours sleep and may well be rambling.

Claire

Someone who actually read my post, and clearly empathizes with my (and I'm sure the escorts in question)'s feelings! Thank you, your post makes a lot of sense despite your lack of sleep, hope you're ok?

It's escorts like you who can conduct an appointment with this attitude that seperate the great from the good/average. I just need the strength of mind to look at it the same way. That's what I'm struggling with :(

And I think what makes it harder is that the experiencerwith these escorts are so much more intense than anything I've experienced in real life, and we all know that punting is not real life! When a girl gives makes me feel like this it makes me resent my wife for not doing so (even though she claims to love me so much) and I know that isn't fair on her. What I truly wish for is to share this kind of intimacy with the woman I love (and I do love her), unfortunately I know this is never going to happen and it breaks my heart. Perhaps I'd be better off on my own, but that's a whole seperate discussion :(

Thanks Claire, your insight is very helpful :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmmm. velcrohead, my sympathy goes out to you, I find so many resonances with what you said, we must be very similar types!!

In my case, the girl has revealed to me her real identity and wants to meet up to go out 'off the clock', so the dilemma is even more difficult!!

Thats is a very different (and I agree more difficult) dilemma Venturer! The dangers of these situations have been heavily discussed on here, I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sarah

Thanks for your reply, but through no fault of your own you have misinterpreted my post, it seems I didn't make myself clear.

I will not ask her to see me for free, and doubt she would anyway (even if she liked me that much, I think she's strict about boundaries, which I respect). I thought I made it clear I didn't think pursuing any kind of relationship is a good idea (my screwed on head talking). And punting with her has not made me question my marriage, I have been questioning it for a while before I met the escort in question, perhaps it's what led to me punting in the first place. In fact, my post wasn't just about this escort in particular (as others have come fairly close to making me feel this way), it's just that she's the most potent example of the situation. And I am seeing another escort this week, for exectly the reason you suggest :)

The problem is that (like many punters I'm sure) I strive for the so-called "perfect GFE" - natural, uninhibited "love-making". I know the mere use of "love-making" is contentious in the context of paid sex and I use it purposefully - I don't love this girl (I like her very much, there is as we know a huge difference), but it feels like love making because it feels so natural and intense. My problem is getting my head to acknowledge that it is just paid sex. How does this girl open herself up so freely to someone she doesn't know that well (i.e. "just a client"). Is she like this with every client? Part of me finds it hard to believe that she can be - as I said I'm certain her openness and enjoyment is not acting. Then the "sensible" part of me says "why would she be any different with me?" - I'm no hunk, not sure I'm particularly skilled in the bedroom (yes she clearly enjoys our encounters but she must have clients better looking and better in bed than me?).

My problem is that this is an issue with punting in general, not just with this escort - when it's so good, it's confusingly good and I'm finding it hard to deal with.

Yet, it seems a travesty not to see this girl again, when she's everything I ever looked for in an encounter and makes me feel so good - the feelings I strive for in every punt I've ever had (and will ever have). I don't think anyone can anwer this in a right or wrong way, I'm just looking for peoples view as I'm sure I'm not the first (or last) punter to have a crisis of conscience like this! And I swear to you, if I thought I wanted a relationship to develop, I would have this conversation with her (I feel comfrotable enough with her to do so). That's not what this is about - I promise I haven't "allowed this to go just that bit too far", yet! My concern is avoiding doing so but still enjoying punting. How can I aim for "middle ground" as you say, when I have experience much higher gound? :wacko:

V. x

But you did make the post and you did appear to be on the brink of something somewhere between falling in love and quitting, which is why I suggested the middle ground. I provide a GFEish type of service in that you get me and not an act. If I think someone is getting in there too deep, I take the initiative and stop seeing the guy for both of our sakes. Sometimes for good and sometimes for a short break. I expect this girl knows you like her very much but is blissfully unaware you may be on the brink of developing deeper feelings?

And for your information, I did read your post and that is why I said it is about fun and picking up your real life on the way out. if you were not in some dilemma why would you post about it? If I misread you then I am sorry, but that is how I read it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have this theory that men find themselves in this situation with escorts because yes we are 'real' people with likeable personalities and added to that great sex- a sense of closeness will occur. It's like people who work closely together- they get to know, like and respect one another- Think how many relationships/affairs happen between work colleagues... Add the fact you have become naked and sexually close in a short space of time- of course emotions will pop up! I also think that men confide in escorts because we are separate from everyday life- we aren't going to tell anyone, we're probably more non judgemental than your mates or wives. I've had lots of men tell me things they claim they have never told anyone else about their sexual past or how they feel about their relationship.

The above complicates things and will cause conflicting emotions. However, as real as feelings may be, it's not quite real life is it? As an escort I'm (hopefully) at my sexiest, I have the time to listen to my client and unlike your partner I am not distracted by the kids, money, my career, housework, worrying about my elderly parents and so on, all the things that make real life less lovely and more complicated. Many escorts may seem 'the perfect woman' but in reality she has faults and irritants just as much as your partners!

What I'm saying is that whilst it's real in some ways it isn't in others. I admit I've met clients and thought wow! in another time, in another place he could be a great mate/lover/boyfriend. You learn to park these feelings and see it as business- not in a cold hearted way though, I could never be that way and am naturally open about myself.

It's an odd game and as these boards show and what I know from other escorts confused feelings will and do arise.

In answer to your other thoughts, yes I think all relationships can go stale without work, effort and commitment from both parties.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Speaking from my own experience, I'm just wondering if it's the illicit and novel nature of the punting experience that heightens the feelings for you, compared to the monotony and familiarity that can develop in a LTR. You are now at an age where you have worked out exactly what turns you on sexually. When you first met your partner you were young & inexperienced, so the freshness of the relationship was lost on you. With the escorts you experience the exhilaration of discovery, combined with both of you being experienced and sensitive lovers, so can heighten the sensations to a higher level. There's no doubt that girls who make a success of this profession are among the most uninhibited and sexually aware females on the planet, so they instinctively know exactly what buttons to press to make you feel good, like you've got your money's worth and come back again for more.

Sorry if I'm rambling, but I'm struggling to understand the perplexities of it all too!! :unsure: Hmmm, I wish I could be a 'pump and dump' kinda guy!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But you did make the post and you did appear to be on the brink of something somewhere between falling in love and quitting, which is why I suggested the middle ground. I provide a GFEish type of service in that you get me and not an act. If I think someone is getting in there too deep, I take the initiative and stop seeing the guy for both of our sakes. Sometimes for good and sometimes for a short break. I expect this girl knows you like her very much but is blissfully unaware you may be on the brink of developing deeper feelings?

And for your information, I did read your post and that is why I said it is about fun and picking up your real life on the way out. if you were not in some dilemma why would you post about it? If I misread you then I am sorry, but that is how I read it.

Sarah

I appreciate your response and did not mean to insinuate you didn't read my post, but you imply that I'm in deeper than I actually am at present - that's it no doubt due to my (lack of) writing ability rather than your interpretation!

There is an element of truth in what you say in that I feel that there is the possibility of deeper feelings developing if I keep seeing this girl on a regular basis. I do not think that would be healthy for either of us, which is why I'm backing off and going to see someone else. I am being realistic - I know it's just paid sex to her and whilst I believe she's enjoyed our encounters very much, I'm sure she enjoys them no more than her other half dozen (or even 20?) favourite clients. I think Claire summed up the situation from a (good) escorts point of view perfectly, and believe that may well apply in this case.

I'm just saying it's hard for us simple males to cope with, that's all. And unfortunately as said previosuly it makes me realise what's missing from my real-life relationship. Of course, I have to acknowledge that maybe this kind of intimacy will never happen in real life, at least not my real life anyway...

V. x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's incredibly rare for two people to have the true intimacy you describe, in an ongoing, long term relationship. Real life and all its woes and troubles will always get in the way.

Guy to WG - "You're amazing!"

WG "Thanks, you're not so bad yourself, this is fun"

Guy to wife "You're amazing!"

Wife to Guy " I'd like to say the same but I've been asking you to put the bin out for four hours, Superman."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now