Ebony Pussy Lover

Am I Mad?

27 posts in this topic

During a visit to a strip pub last week I exchanged numbers with one of the girls that I had spent time with. I contacted her a couple of days later & she invited me to meet her where she was working that day. I went & she seemed genuinly pleased to meet me. Some very high mileage lap dances followed & we chatted for a couple of hours. At her suggestion we arranged to meet for sex the following day. She called me to confirm in the morning & we met at her friends flat. What followed was some of the best sex that Ive experienced. Money changed hands but the chase, chat & sex seemed more like a conventional liason. Whats the problem you may ask? Well, Im in a troubled & sexless mariage that Im not sure I want to jeopardise. Punting for me has always been about relieving sexual frustrations with no strings attached & minimal threat to my marriage. However this liason satisfied me on many long forgotten emotional levels & I cant get her out of my head. A casual relationship was mentioned & she said that she wanted to see me again. We have been in touch since & have arranged to meet for lunch next week. Now, Im no mug & Im aware that she may see me as a cash cow but Im very excited by this. There did seem to be a genuine conection. However Im also aware that this may be a big & possibly expensive mistake. Im not expecting any miracle answers guys & I know that ultimately I have to decide for myself but with no one to talk to it has done me some good getting this off my chest!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If it carries on and she keeps expecting payment then you know exactly where you stand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Easy enough to gauge her true intention:

Arrange to meet again, but make sure to bring up the topic of your recent (fictitious) redundancy. See if she helps out by asking about your previous employment or suggesting potential alternatives. Assuming you get past that point, if you go to a restaurant, wait and see if she offers to pay her share when the bill arrives.

Drop the odd casual hint that you're managing only on your savings - which won't last long, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah I am not sure that playing

Easy enough to gauge her true intention:

Arrange to meet again, but make sure to bring up the topic of your recent (fictitious) redundancy. See if she helps out by asking about your previous employment or suggesting potential alternatives. Assuming you get past that point, if you go to a restaurant, wait and see if she offers to pay her share when the bill arrives.

Drop the odd casual hint that you're managing only on your savings - which won't last long, etc.

Yeah not sure playing games is the way to go, honesty is always the best policy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is (although sometimes not that easy) to be friends, albeit fucking, friends.

I think you have two problems, which you ought to try to separate:

Do you want to / Can you afford to get out of your marriage?

Do you hope for a long term relationship (of whatever sort) with this lady ?

Depending on your answers to both questions, I think you should be able to see a way forwards.

PS: ....and, no, my friend, you most certainly are not mad! Be comforted!

Edited by Irgendeiner

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What is the girls age/looks relative to yourself, if she is the sort of girl you could get in a pub it might be genuine although risky, if there is a big gap it is almost certainly just economics and you should be very cautious.

For someone that was also stuck in a crap marriage for a while advice is to get out, life is too short to waste away in a house sharing arrangement with a nagging woman. The fact you are regularly seeing WG means it is already dead.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shes 10 years younger than me with looks comparable to my wifes at that age & I am 25 years younger than her partner. With regard to my marriage, I have stood beside my wife & helped her battle against mental & physical illness for a decade & a half. We have kids & Im not prepared to throw the towel in until they are older or I get back the woman that I fell in love with. Thanks for the replies guys, they have helped me to get my head straight. I feel that I deserve a bit of fun but am going to approach with care.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

During a visit to a strip pub last week I exchanged numbers with one of the girls that I had spent time with. I contacted her a couple of days later & she invited me to meet her where she was working that day. I went & she seemed genuinly pleased to meet me. Some very high mileage lap dances followed & we chatted for a couple of hours. At her suggestion we arranged to meet for sex the following day. She called me to confirm in the morning & we met at her friends flat. What followed was some of the best sex that Ive experienced. Money changed hands but the chase, chat & sex seemed more like a conventional liason. Whats the problem you may ask? Well, Im in a troubled & sexless mariage that Im not sure I want to jeopardise. Punting for me has always been about relieving sexual frustrations with no strings attached & minimal threat to my marriage. However this liason satisfied me on many long forgotten emotional levels & I cant get her out of my head. A casual relationship was mentioned & she said that she wanted to see me again. We have been in touch since & have arranged to meet for lunch next week. Now, Im no mug & Im aware that she may see me as a cash cow but Im very excited by this. There did seem to be a genuine conection. However Im also aware that this may be a big & possibly expensive mistake. Im not expecting any miracle answers guys & I know that ultimately I have to decide for myself but with no one to talk to it has done me some good getting this off my chest!

Keep seeing her and paying her until it is out of your system

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, not mad, I think a lot of people would be attracted to the thrill these liaisons have given you, whether happily married or not. It seems that you have your head screwed on regarding the possibility that her intentions may be financial. You need to think whether you want them to continue on that basis or not. If not then tell her this, if she is still keen to see you then you need to think about the emotional implications. You say your marriage is troubled and sexless, but don't want to jeopardise- why? As mrotten says above why stay in a crap marriage? People waste so much time being unhappy is shit relationships it's such a shame.

Use your instincts on this one- don't spend more than you can afford and try not to get caught out by your wife.

EDIT: You've since answered the question about your marriage! If you've made your mind up to stay married for now my last piece of advice is most important. For your wives benefit not yours!

Edited by LondonLydia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shes 10 years younger than me with looks comparable to my wifes at that age & I am 25 years younger than her partner. With regard to my marriage, I have stood beside my wife & helped her battle against mental & physical illness for a decade & a half. We have kids & Im not prepared to throw the towel in until they are older or I get back the woman that I fell in love with. Thanks for the replies guys, they have helped me to get my head straight. I feel that I deserve a bit of fun but am going to approach with care.

I cant offer you advice on this as only you can decide but i hope it turns out as you wish it to, good luck. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

only you will really ever know how to proceed on this - but a Smiths says above I also wish you best of luck and hope it all turns out to be beneficial to all!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My sympathies - life has not been kind to you. However the quicker you find out her motives the better. Much of what we experience as punters is Fantasyland and the longer you keep that fantasy (and i suspect it is one) , the harder it will be to hear the truth at the end. As a previous post said - honesty is the best policy here, and the quicker the better imo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, not mad, I think a lot of people would be attracted to the thrill these liaisons have given you, whether happily married or not. It seems that you have your head screwed on regarding the possibility that her intentions may be financial. You need to think whether you want them to continue on that basis or not. If not then tell her this, if she is still keen to see you then you need to think about the emotional implications. You say your marriage is troubled and sexless, but don't want to jeopardise- why? As mrotten says above why stay in a crap marriage? People waste so much time being unhappy is shit relationships it's such a shame.

Use your instincts on this one- don't spend more than you can afford and try not to get caught out by your wife.

EDIT: You've since answered the question about your marriage! If you've made your mind up to stay married for now my last piece of advice is most important. For your wives benefit not yours!

I know he's answered the question about his marriage, but can I just make the general point that "troubled and sexless" does not equal crap marriage? I've been there. Would have done anything to save the marriage and get the two of us back into a good place, tried like hell and certainly was not about to throw in the towel. In my case, things eventually fell apart anyway, and I still very much regret that. But the marriage was not crap, nor was it necessarily doomed (and yes, there were plenty of mistakes on my part too). Well, my circumstances were not the same as the OP's, so Ebony Pussy Lover, I hope that you can succeed where I didn't - you have my best wishes and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Lydia, I really hope you don't feel I'm jumping on you - it just struck a chord.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very provocative and interesting thread EPL.

Like most of the others posters, I think you owe it to your wife and kids (and I know that you realise this) to give them the moral, emotional, financial support etc that they need right now, and that you clearly have been doing for the last years.

With regards to your new friend; what is the state of her current relationship? I think you should try to explore that issue when you meet for lunch this week. Is her guy about to ditch her, or she him? Do they co-habit or are they nominally "independent"? How did she choose to take up lap dancing, and has she been involved in the "paid for" sex industry for a while? That fact that he is 25 years older than her worries me; I feel a mismatch there. Is he controlling her?

I confess to a nagging doubt that at some time things may get a bit heavy with her guy and you may need an exit strategy.

How much have you told her about you? for example contact details, address, proper name etc.

I would also love to know what she charges. The level of that may help determine her motives. At the first encounter, did she ask for £xx before you jumped into bed, or did you simply hand over some cash?

Enjoy your lunch but try to get her to open up about her life and background. There is no future for the two of you unless she has already got some level of independence. If she thinks she can depend on you that will put far too much pressure on you in your present state.

Time for lots of honesty on both sides. I wish you luck but urge caution. Please let us know how things turn out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know he's answered the question about his marriage, but can I just make the general point that "troubled and sexless" does not equal crap marriage? I've been there. Would have done anything to save the marriage and get the two of us back into a good place, tried like hell and certainly was not about to throw in the towel. In my case, things eventually fell apart anyway, and I still very much regret that. But the marriage was not crap, nor was it necessarily doomed (and yes, there were plenty of mistakes on my part too). Well, my circumstances were not the same as the OP's, so Ebony Pussy Lover, I hope that you can succeed where I didn't - you have my best wishes and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Lydia, I really hope you don't feel I'm jumping on you - it just struck a chord.

No, not at all, point taken- but to be fair when I wrote the first paragraph before I knew about the reasons behind troubled and sexless.

I guess my point is I have seen so many people not happy in their marriage and limp along for years in misery and/or one of both parties cheating.

My concern now is more about his wife finding out- on top of everything this would be the last thing she needs (and him too). The OP needs to find out more about this girl he needs to really sure that the girl doesn't have the potential to cause trouble so should hold back for offering too much personal info and not let lust/infatuation cloud sensible judgement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the continued replies guys. It is quite surprising how much it has helped me to discuss this with someone all be it in cyberspace. In 8 years of occasional punting I have somehow managed to keep it entirely to myself. With regard to the girl. I mentioned money before the meeting & we agreed on a figure close to the normal amount for an hours session (we were together for closer to 2). I paid her at the end as she hadnt asked for it. The age gap with her partner is worrying but I suppose that could work in my favour. I doubt that he is controling her & Im not too worried about it getting heavy with him as Im a big boy & have been in plenty of scrapes in the past! The sex was much more akin to the non paid for sex that Ive had so while she has possibly done this before I doubt that she is a full time escort. She knows my 1st name, mobile number (which Ive removed from Facebook) & the nearest town to where I live. I will refrain from offering any more info until I am more sure of her intentions. My wife & I married young & I was madly in love with her for years. However she has been afflicted by a string of phyrical & mental illnesses & is not the woman that I fell in love with. I have done my best to support her & I have got through the last 10 years with little physical, emotional, sexual or financial support. I feel guilty about my punting but she has consented to sex once in the last 6 years! I am a relatively young, fit, reasonably attractive man with a healthy sex drive. What am I supposed to do? We have been through a lot together & have a strong bond but I dont think that I love her anymore & I no longer see her as a sexual being. I have more or less given up any social life that I had & besides my occasional punting I have devoted myself to the family. In return I have been subjected to treatment approaching mental & sometimes physical abuse. I have more or less taken over sole responsibility for the welfare of our children & they mean the world to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the continued replies guys. It is quite surprising how much it has helped me to discuss this with someone all be it in cyberspace. In 8 years of occasional punting I have somehow managed to keep it entirely to myself. With regard to the girl. I mentioned money before the meeting & we agreed on a figure close to the normal amount for an hours session (we were together for closer to 2). I paid her at the end as she hadnt asked for it. The age gap with her partner is worrying but I suppose that could work in my favour. I doubt that he is controling her & Im not too worried about it getting heavy with him as Im a big boy & have been in plenty of scrapes in the past! The sex was much more akin to the non paid for sex that Ive had so while she has possibly done this before I doubt that she is a full time escort. She knows my 1st name, mobile number (which Ive removed from Facebook) & the nearest town to where I live. I will refrain from offering any more info until I am more sure of her intentions. My wife & I married young & I was madly in love with her for years. However she has been afflicted by a string of phyrical & mental illnesses & is not the woman that I fell in love with. I have done my best to support her & I have got through the last 10 years with little physical, emotional, sexual or financial support. I feel guilty about my punting but she has consented to sex once in the last 6 years! I am a relatively young, fit, reasonably attractive man with a healthy sex drive. What am I supposed to do? We have been through a lot together & have a strong bond but I dont think that I love her anymore & I no longer see her as a sexual being. I have more or less given up any social life that I had & besides my occasional punting I have devoted myself to the family. In return I have been subjected to treatment approaching mental & sometimes physical abuse. I have more or less taken over sole responsibility for the welfare of our children & they mean the world to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry ran out of space! I have decided that barring any dramatic deterioration I will stay with her until the kids are older & if things improve in the meam time then all well & good. What takes my recent liaison beyond the normal punt was that for the fist time in years I really connected with someone. I actualy enjoyed myself in her company & felt like a man again. If I have to continue paying for it then I suppose I will. If it can become a bit more than that then great. Sorry to go on

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep seeing her and paying her until it is out of your system

This is sound advice!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry ran out of space! I have decided that barring any dramatic deterioration I will stay with her until the kids are older & if things improve in the meam time then all well & good. What takes my recent liaison beyond the normal punt was that for the fist time in years I really connected with someone. I actualy enjoyed myself in her company & felt like a man again. If I have to continue paying for it then I suppose I will. If it can become a bit more than that then great. Sorry to go on

You do not say how old your kids are (and we don't need to know) but, in my view, your role should now be to support them through what is obviously a tough time for them. We don't know your financial status, but if you reckon you can meet this new friend on a commercial basis often enough to satisfy your sexual urges than that could work out just fine, but if there is more to the relationship than that, you should try to move it away from a commercial relationship soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry ran out of space! I have decided that barring any dramatic deterioration I will stay with her until the kids are older & if things improve in the meam time then all well & good. What takes my recent liaison beyond the normal punt was that for the fist time in years I really connected with someone. I actualy enjoyed myself in her company & felt like a man again. If I have to continue paying for it then I suppose I will. If it can become a bit more than that then great. Sorry to go on

EPL, your situation is a very tough one and if getting some of it off your chest here is helping, then that's all to the good.

As regards your current dilemma, I personally have to wonder: until you've finally worked things out fully as regards your wife - that is, whether there's still a part of you that would like to save your marriage, and whether you can see any hope at all of doing so - is it really a good idea for you to be entering into a further emotional entanglement? Or indeed drifting into one, in a state of some uncertainty as to what it is you're really getting into?

If that seems like an overly harsh assessment, my apologies. Of course none of us can really know your situation from the inside the way you do, and it's also entirely possible I'm bringing a little of my own baggage to the table from the break-up of my own marriage. Anyway, just trying to help by offering up a little food for thought.

Equally, as regards the woman from the strip pub, I find myself wondering how much she knows about your current situation. Does she know what she might be getting into?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wonder how many punters are in similar situations, both at the home front and by "(nearly) falling for regular with good connection".

Recommended reading for punters, me thinks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just to update. 2 months later still seeing her & no longer paying. Have both been honest with each other & I now trust her. I have fallen for her in a big way & hope there is a future in it. I can see in her eyes that she has genuine feelings too. The affair is quite exciting & sometimes euphoric but also very frustrating & depressing at times when we cant see or talk to each other freely. However, I am not mad & regardless of what happens now Ive had a wonderful experience & it appears that a genuine relationship can evolve from such liasions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just to update. 2 months later still seeing her & no longer paying. Have both been honest with each other & I now trust her. I have fallen for her in a big way & hope there is a future in it. I can see in her eyes that she has genuine feelings too. The affair is quite exciting & sometimes euphoric but also very frustrating & depressing at times when we cant see or talk to each other freely. However, I am not mad & regardless of what happens now Ive had a wonderful experience & it appears that a genuine relationship can evolve from such liasions.

Sounds good, always do what makes you happy rather than being left to ponder if only. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Smiths. I think that that is good advice. Someone once said that the only way to remove a temptation is to give in to it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now