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Shame

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I declined an offer yesterday evening to go and see "Shame", the new film directed by Steve McQueen about sex addiction, as I said I was doing something else, which indeed I was ..... going for an appointment with my sex therapist ;):ph34r:

The appointment went well, I couldn't have asked for more in terms of a full on sexual encounter but I have to admit to a feeling of slight jadedness both before and after the visit (not so much during, which was thoroughly enjoyable !). Kind of a feeling of the adventure having lost a bit of its excitement, not getting the same sense of a hit that I have got in the past.

So, I suppose I'm picking up from another thread about the possibility of punting getting boring, but also on the nature of sexual addiction.

If I looked at my behaviour patterns over the past five years there are certainly addictive elements, money spent, looking for the next punt, maybe affecting other areas of my life and so on, though I must say if I'm going to get addicted to anything then having lots of sex with all sorts of different beautifal women, seems like a pretty good choice !

But two things I do know, are one that having not seen the film, I already suspect that it'll be a very flawed representation of what really happens, and two, that actually addiction cannot really be a very positive thing in any walk of life (or can it ?). Just idle thoughts ..... to be taken any which way.

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hoping to see it; Hunger was great -- a difficult watch though. McQueen is a decent director .

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Yes I too was wondering about this Shame film. Not seen it, not sure I want to, but read a detailed review explaining the subject mater.

I have been addicted to porn, when I was younger it was large collections of big boob magazines, and later on it was early free slow loading internet porn, and even now I like a good fetish film. It is addictive, but that is because sex is addictive, and like many things done in excess or repeated it can become boring. My teenage son is addicted to computer games, but even he stops after 8 hours continuous playing!

I am addicted to punting, and have been for years. Or is it just a bloody good hobby, like wanking over porn. Who can judge?

If you play golf too often you are a very keen golfer. If you like porn too much you are obviously a keen wanker, and punting, a keen fucker.

But only very keen fucked up wanker lets golf ruin his life, and the same can be said for the pornographist and the punter.

So why make a film about a fool who ruins his life wanking - surely there are more aluminating subjects!

IanT

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Why make a film about anything? I hear it's brilliant

But not sure I want to see it...

I'm addicted to the chase of the new in punting..and it's caused damage undoubtedly

But I guess as I get older I begin to appreciate that we are all fucked up, in one way or another. No-one escapes damage in their life or tragedy or trauma. Life can be hard.

So my prognosis is to ensure I experience joy, and laughs and kindness and ecstasy as often as possible because the other stuff is inevitable so you should actively seek to balance it out ...by living

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Russel Brands first book describes his time in a clinic for sex addiction, the condition is described as "compulsive and joyless". I can understand that feeling, happens when I punt too often close together and keep thinking the next one will make up for the previous poor punts before it. The answer as always for punting blues is to give it a rest for a while then get back into it.

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Yes I too was wondering about this Shame film. Not seen it, not sure I want to, but read a detailed review explaining the subject mater.

I have been addicted to porn, when I was younger it was large collections of big boob magazines, and later on it was early free slow loading internet porn, and even now I like a good fetish film. It is addictive, but that is because sex is addictive, and like many things done in excess or repeated it can become boring. My teenage son is addicted to computer games, but even he stops after 8 hours continuous playing!

I am addicted to punting, and have been for years. Or is it just a bloody good hobby, like wanking over porn. Who can judge?

If you play golf too often you are a very keen golfer. If you like porn too much you are obviously a keen wanker, and punting, a keen fucker.

But only very keen fucked up wanker lets golf ruin his life, and the same can be said for the pornographist and the punter.

So why make a film about a fool who ruins his life wanking - surely there are more aluminating subjects!

IanT

Its a bloody great hobby that i am addicted to in my case but i love Golf as well. The way i view it is if you can afford it without it really stretching your finances then its all good except when you have a bad punt of course.

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Its a bloody great hobby that i am addicted to in my case but i love Golf as well. The way i view it is if you can afford it without it really stretching your finances then its all good except when you have a bad punt of course.

Or get that triple bogey on the first hole as your playing partner gets a birdie ...... just before the heavens open :-)

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Its a bloody great hobby that i am addicted to in my case but i love Golf as well. The way i view it is if you can afford it without it really stretching your finances then its all good except when you have a bad punt of course.

P.S. it's not just a bloody great hobby, it's a fucking great hobby lol. Of course it is also bloody expensive, but the best things in life are NEVER free.

Edited by Northwinds

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Hoping to see Shame this weekend, and thanks for the tip re Hunger busencumen.

Do you guys think that the type of WG's you spend time with can make a difference from perhaps that feeling of 'compulsive and joyless' to something more 'deeper satisfying and joyful' even if still somewhat compulsive, for example if you see a regular lady at not too often intervals who you really like and get on with and who treats you with respect, as compared to vast amounts of punts with different WG's who you see purely for the physical aspects and may not be on the same wavelength as you, and just see you as a wallet?

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Hunger is a v good film Jemma darling ; like i say though -- it's quite a difficult watch in parts.

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Hunger is a v good film Jemma darling ; like i say though -- it's quite a difficult watch in parts.

Oh, I like difficult films, went and saw 'Dreams of a life' last weekend, was so difficult to watch I had to walk home from Leicester Sq to Soho, deep in thought with a few pints on the way! It is definitely on my 'To do' list now (my idea of porn - thought provoking movies ;) )

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I'm going partly because it's good but mostly cause of my complete and utter infatuation with Fassbender!

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Oh, I like difficult films, went and saw 'Dreams of a life' last weekend, was so difficult to watch I had to walk home from Leicester Sq to Soho, deep in thought with a few pints on the way! It is definitely on my 'To do' list now (my idea of porn - thought provoking movies ;) )

oh i really wanna see that too; got v good reviews i note; a sad but true story too. i suspect c4/film4 will show it soon enough.

yes, Fassbender is an excellent actor ; very striking face -- good-looking chap.

Edited by busencumen

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Oh, I like difficult films, went and saw 'Dreams of a life' last weekend, was so difficult to watch I had to walk home from Leicester Sq to Soho, deep in thought with a few pints on the way! It is definitely on my 'To do' list now (my idea of porn - thought provoking movies ;) )

Leicester Sq to Stockwell that is (dreaming of moving to Soho LOL) :blink:

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agree with nearly all of the above .....

but I'll go with thought provoking movies and a few pints as I never quite got golf !

I'll reexcavate this thread when I eventually get to see shame.

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I saw Shame a couple of weeks ago and loved it. As an avid film buff, it ranks as one of the top films of the past year for me and certainly the most powerful, perhaps because I saw a lot of my own behaviour in there as someone who watches a lot of pornography and indulges in a lot of web cam shows, phonesex and, of course, punting. Quite the reality check!

The film is a fairly accurate depiction of sex addiction in my opinion, though late in the film he does go to lengths that I'm sure many wouldn't quite go to just to achieve an orgasm. I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it but he's out on the prowl one night and goes way out of his comfort zone after a couple of failed attempts and it's quite a surprising moment, though not entirely realistic in my opinion. It should also be noted that Brandon, Fassbender's character, has clearly suffered some kind of abuse in his past which is referenced throughout which could be used as an excuse for his behaviour, but McQueen was quick to dismiss this at the Q&A after the screening, saying that the character was essentially supposed to be someone who you know, just an average guy working in your office, or your neighbour or a friend and has this secret addiction that you know nothing about and I think despite the abusive past, this does come across.

Everyone should just go see the film, it's fantastic.

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Saw Shame yesterday, it was absolutely brilliant, I think it was really intelligently done, and highly recommend it to everyone. Scotsman000 I have to agree with you about that 'bender' he goes on in the end, it really make me wonder how common that is with sex addiction, because I can see that happening with other addictions, drugs, gambling, food etc, but had never thought of that sort of blow out in relation to sex addiction, though I suppose you get all sorts of addict behaviour. That is rather odd as well that McQueen dismissed the abuse references.

On a lighter note, I did play 'spot the punter' - there were quite a lot of blokes there by themselves, and definitely some were punters I reckon! Wonder if they were playing spot the floozy! Would be an excellent place to hand out business cards if solicitation was legal, just hang about outside the cinema at the end of each showing of Shame!

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Okay, as the original poster, I have finally just watched the film that I posted about six months ago. It's really very good, though as I originally suspected I don't think it's in any way a summative statement about sex addiction. It's certainly powerful though, and previous posters have said, I can definitely see some of my own behaviours reflected there on screen, but not the more extreme representations, like the final desperate hunt for a shag or the compulsive wanking in the toilet or the complete shut down of emotions. I empathised more with the main character's aloofness and reticence when other men try and brag about sex (I always find this a bit trying : if only they knew), and in his constant interest in sex, and in the conflicted emotions he experiences whenever a more meaningful emotional relationship is on offer. At the end of the day, it's just a representation, like a metaphor that is held up for us to reflect on, but it seems a very good one and very pertinent to the age we live in, when sex is very available as never before, a situation which inevitably conflicts on the rest of our lives. So there you go.

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There was another thread on "shame" in the off topic area, so my thoughts are below.

The topic of sex addiciton wasn't really the point of the film in my mind, the major theme was clearly festering and unsaid. It could be homosexuality (but the more I think about it I believe less so) or more likely abuse or incest, in my view.

I watched the film the other night.

I think the film was OK and perhaps it was not what was said and covered which was as of interest as much as what was said/done.

Without referencing what others thought, or the director and writer, here are my thoughts.

Initally I thought the film was setting out as a clear attack on the failures of society. The failure of commercialism to provide people who are happy, despite a wealth or comfortable financial life.

I also thought it was then a direct attack on the failure of femanism as much as masculism. Namely much of the change in female roles has left many males confused at their own role and thus only pursuing base sexual desires rather than relationships, so the constant use of the purchase of sexual encounters (i.e. the escorts and webcammers etc) was the perfect duality of attack on femanism and commercialism, yet when Brandon choose a phsycial relationship outside of these set boundaries he couldn't 'perform' (the split between sex and love).

However, I moved more away from my initial thoughts in the paragraph above as the film progressed. I just thought the overhanging theme of the movie was failure. Clearly Brandon is a "flawed" character, so in many ways it was attack on the culture that has created both men and women who act in the way shown in the film. He and his sister are also clearly from a "broken" or abusive home and a failed family relationship and clearly have disfunctionality between them. So my overall thought on the film was it was a tale of fracture, broken relationships and how masculism, femanism and capitalism have pulled humans in quite large numbers into positions of unhappiness where they are disconnected from traditional values and not for the better.

The sex addiction I actually thought wasn't wholly relevant to the film in terms of the themes I took from it. The addiction could have been legal drugs, illegal drugs, food, whatever, it mattered little but did expose the benality of an addict. Indeed, I'm sure some would argue, with quite some success given one of the later scenes, that Brandon was actually homosexual and in denial of this fact.

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There was another thread on "shame" in the off topic area, so my thoughts are below.

The topic of sex addiciton wasn't really the point of the film in my mind, the major theme was clearly festering and unsaid. It could be homosexuality (but the more I think about it I believe less so) or more likely abuse or incest, in my view.

I watched the film the other night.

I think the film was OK and perhaps it was not what was said and covered which was as of interest as much as what was said/done.

Without referencing what others thought, or the director and writer, here are my thoughts.

Initally I thought the film was setting out as a clear attack on the failures of society. The failure of commercialism to provide people who are happy, despite a wealth or comfortable financial life.

I also thought it was then a direct attack on the failure of femanism as much as masculism. Namely much of the change in female roles has left many males confused at their own role and thus only pursuing base sexual desires rather than relationships, so the constant use of the purchase of sexual encounters (i.e. the escorts and webcammers etc) was the perfect duality of attack on femanism and commercialism, yet when Brandon choose a phsycial relationship outside of these set boundaries he couldn't 'perform' (the split between sex and love).

However, I moved more away from my initial thoughts in the paragraph above as the film progressed. I just thought the overhanging theme of the movie was failure. Clearly Brandon is a "flawed" character, so in many ways it was attack on the culture that has created both men and women who act in the way shown in the film. He and his sister are also clearly from a "broken" or abusive home and a failed family relationship and clearly have disfunctionality between them. So my overall thought on the film was it was a tale of fracture, broken relationships and how masculism, femanism and capitalism have pulled humans in quite large numbers into positions of unhappiness where they are disconnected from traditional values and not for the better.

The sex addiction I actually thought wasn't wholly relevant to the film in terms of the themes I took from it. The addiction could have been legal drugs, illegal drugs, food, whatever, it mattered little but did expose the benality of an addict. Indeed, I'm sure some would argue, with quite some success given one of the later scenes, that Brandon was actually homosexual and in denial of this fact.

I really disagree and would have to say that the central theme of the film quite clearly WAS sex addiction and the avoidance/fear of genuine closeness and intimacy

The reasons for Brandon's and his sister's obvious emotional issues were implied and the viewer could only infer educated guesses as to the causes of these problems

As you say, childhood abuse could be an implication

I don't feel that Brandon was closet homosexual, rather the scene you refer to highlighted his addiction to sex pure and simple, sex with whoever, male or female, it didn't matter, so long as his compulsion for the adrenaline rush of emotionless and extreme physical intimacy with a stranger, was satisfied

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Have to say I'm more with BillGoldberg on this one, though I think one of the great things about cinema and film is that different people can take different things away from the same text. It seemed to me to be largely about the main character's sex addiction and how that was actively affecting his emotional relationship to those around him, particulalry a prospective partner and his own sister, who was clearly asking him for more connection. At the end of the day it's just a story, but it does seem very appropriate to our times.

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