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How Do You Deal With Unwanted Attention?

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I feel quite stupid posting this here, but thought I might get some sage advice.

In short, I seem to have attracted the attentions of an older woman, not a WG but a Chinese masseuse! Things got a little frisky last year, once, and that was it, after that, I don't think I saw her.

She went away for nearly a year, and then by chance, it turned out my new regular masseuse knew her, and said that she would be back in the area, and working for her! I thought it would be nice to see how she was, but I was a little tentative. So anyway, I had wanted to see my usual masseuse, the other week, but since the other woman is in, she says do I want to see her instead? Not to offend, I said yes.

So anyway, I saw her for a massage, and she gave me her number, so I texted her later with mine, as she wanted to meet up at a hotel next time! I'll be honest, I did think about it, and was even going to book a room to see her, but also tell her that's the only time we could do this kind of thing (especially since she's apparently married). But the hotel website crashed when I tried to pay for the room.

I texted her this, but was a little insistent that she wanted to see me that day. I said no and I'd see her the next day for a shoulder massage, which I did. She seemed ok, just to brush it off, like she was a bit ashamed she'd even asked, so I thought that would be the end of it...

But now I'm getting texts off her asking how I am. And the last one was at about 1am! Then she's texting saying sorry how she can't meet up with me (in a hotel) next week, like she's presuming it's going to happen! I text "ok, I might see you next week for a shoulder massage." hoping she gets the hint, but then she sends another text asking how I am, which I've ignored.

Now the main thing is that last year, just in polite conversation I told her where I worked, which I had no reason to get paranoid about at the time. She's a nice woman, and told me about her family etc, but she's remembered, and was saying how the other day, when we were supposed to meet, that she was at a chinese restraunt near to where I work, which has started to get me a little worried.

I'd rather deal with this sort of thing face to face rather than a call, or worse, a text so I'll probably see her for a shoulder massage (keep stressing that point to her!) and say it's not a good idea. But I'm a little paranoid as to how she might react. Maybe turning up at work asking for me by name.

She seems quite lonely. Always going on about how the other women's massages aren't any good, (even though they are) and that her husband doesn't love her and asking if "I prefer younger women". So I think she might have got it into her head that I like her? :unsure:

Any advice?

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In her eyes you have been as keen as her. You have blown hot and now you are blowing cold............

Have you actually had any sexual services from this lady? If not, then tell her you have had second thoughts because you are married perhaps?

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Interesting point. I did think about how she might see me, (blowing hot and cold as you say) so I thought maybe follow through, but say that would be it. Unfortunately I couldn't book a hotel to see her but I might follow through on it. BUT the way she's behaving is a little odd, and I'm thinking she won't accept me not wanting to see her? I might just say I've met someone. No way would she believe I'm married!

Also, yes, we have had sex (where she worked!) briefly, once, so it wasn't very intimate.

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Gibert 2's thread on "how to get (or avoid) a Thai girlfriend" may explain what is going on for you -

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Oh dear what a pickle. Either she is desperate for clients because she is skint or she has a crush on you. You need either way to knock it on the head. People who get obsessed will take any form of communication as a sign of interest. Apart from anything - I text "ok, I might see you next week for a shoulder massage." hoping she gets the hint..."

You are leading her on!!! I know you are probably wanting to be polite but you need to send a final I can not see you any more text with any old excuse you like then ignore her and avoid where she works. However mean you feel you must stick to it and not get drawn into vague 'maybe next week' or 'just for a massage' excuses else you'll get further in and her keeness will grow!

If she gets really stalky come back and I'll tell you how to deal with that!

Good luck!

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Yes like Lydia said you're leading her on. I don't see anything to suggest she's going to turn into a crazy stalker or anything like that. End it courteously, be adamant.

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Thanks, Lydia. Sounds advice.

It's weird how I've been on the other end of a 'relationship' like this, where I take any sign of communication as a sign of interest. I guess I didn't think of it that way, thinking a woman would be more sensible than a guy with stuff like that. :rolleyes:

I think I'd rather see her face to face than say anything over a text though.

And maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. Maybe she does just have a crush on me, but it's the slightly border-line stalker aspects like 1am texts and "I've been near to the place where you work" texts that are a making me feel apprehensive. My regular masseuse is technically her boss, and we're quite friendly, and she's a nice woman so if things get weird I might mention it to her, but then that might make it worse!

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Thanks, Lydia. Sounds advice.

It's weird how I've been on the other end of a 'relationship' like this, where I take any sign of communication as a sign of interest. I guess I didn't think of it that way, thinking a woman would be more sensible than a guy with stuff like that. :rolleyes:

I think I'd rather see her face to face than say anything over a text though.

And maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. Maybe she does just have a crush on me, but it's the slightly border-line stalker aspects like 1am texts and "I've been near to the place where you work" texts that are a making me feel apprehensive. My regular masseuse is technically her boss, and we're quite friendly, and she's a nice woman so if things get weird I might mention it to her, but then that might make it worse!

You might make it worse? It is beginning to read like you are playing some sort of game ! Don't mention it to her boss who may sack her. Grow a pair and deal with it yourself by being honest. The thing is - I read that you are slightly enjoying the attention !

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To the OP, Lydia makes good sense. Never mind over the phone, text, or whatever .....just tell her you can't see her and see what ensues. You need to do this quickly. Being paranoid about safety at most times, I wonder whether there is anyone behind her on this......e.g for blackmail purposes etc. Hope not for your sake.

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You might make it worse? It is beginning to read like you are playing some sort of game ! Don't mention it to her boss who may sack her. Grow a pair and deal with it yourself by being honest. The thing is - I read that you are slightly enjoying the attention !

Agree very much!

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Thanks, Lydia. Sounds advice. It's weird how I've been on the other end of a 'relationship' like this, where I take any sign of communication as a sign of interest. I guess I didn't think of it that way, thinking a woman would be more sensible than a guy with stuff like that. :rolleyes: I think I'd rather see her face to face than say anything over a text though. And maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. Maybe she does just have a crush on me, but it's the slightly border-line stalker aspects like 1am texts and "I've been near to the place where you work" texts that are a making me feel apprehensive. My regular masseuse is technically her boss, and we're quite friendly, and she's a nice woman so if things get weird I might mention it to her, but then that might make it worse!
So arrange to meet her and tell her politely but clearly that you are not interested in seeing her again in any capacity but wish her luck for the future. Hopefully that will be the last you see or hear from her. Then learn the lesson, NEVER give your personal details out again like you did with where you work. I have never given that kind of personal information out to regulars i have punted with for years. Edited by smiths

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