Laura Lee

My Favourite Timewaster ....

57 posts in this topic

Timewasters are the bane of every escort's life, we all know that, they are truly a pain in the arse.

However, every so often one comes along and gives you a chuckle, witness this eegit ;

"Hi, I've looked at your ad and see that you have toys."

"That's right, I do indeed."

"Only I was wondering, do you have a "Bob The Builder" truck, preferably with a yellow hard hat ?"

All I could do was :lol: :lol: , because he might have been an arse, but he was a good humoured arse.

Ladies, add your favourite eegit story here.

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I have so many I can't mention...I was stupid once and went to an outcall and thought he was fine and then he said he could see me waiting outside the house and he didn't live there. WEIRD.

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When I was with an agency I was driven to an out call appointment quite a distance

away and when it was over and we were homeward bound another one came in. It was on route back to base

so I agreed to do it.

My driver was excellent at finding obscure locations ( no satnav ) but this one was a

tricky one. After a few calls to the client in waiting we were eventually directed to

"the right street".

All the houses had been pulled down.

He didn't answer his phone after that.

:)

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I 've asked a few girls for 69 and afterwards thought about saying, "I didn't mean that I wanted chicken chow mein." Sadly I've never had the balls to do it, but now that I've written it here I just may get the giggles next time I ask !

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I have so many I can't mention...I was stupid once and went to an outcall and thought he was fine and then he said he could see me waiting outside the house and he didn't live there. WEIRD.

Did you get the sense he was pleasuring himself in the bushes, nearby? :lol::mad:

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Our least favourite timewaster sometimes calls up to 30 times a day.

Hello which ladies do you have on today

insert names of ladies on the day

What do they look like

please refer to out website as all the ladies have pictures ...lets face it we know its him even when he is whispering

Can you describe them please i dont have internet access

No but you are more than welcome to come and meet them personally then choose

I live in Luton/Cambridge/Oxford

The ladys are all extremely gorgeous, you wont be disappointed

I am a regular client, been there hundreds of times love

Then you know what they all look like then dont you

follow with what right have you got not to answer me you fucking slag/dog/faint schlurp schlurp noises and then another 39 phone calls hence the no answer policy we now have

Strangely though he described my recpetionists dress the other day that she was wearing on that day, so he came in, probably had a look at the girls then left...saddo

and yes..I have actually heard those noises, why doenst he just buy a porno mag

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From the other side there was a regular call I used the think of as

But it's the Bette Middler version that runs in the mind

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follow with what right have you got not to answer me you fucking slag/dog/faint schlurp schlurp noises and then another 39 phone calls hence the no answer policy we now have

Strangely though he described my recpetionists dress the other day that she was wearing on that day, so he came in, probably had a look at the girls then left...saddo

and yes..I have actually heard those noises, why doenst he just buy a porno mag

Seriously weird! You don't half have to put up with some crap there, Chloe! :blink:

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"Only I was wondering, do you have a "Bob The Builder" truck, preferably with a yellow hard hat ?"

.

Hard hat, florescent vest and boots. I think that was Miss April when I was a kid :P

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I have a silly bloke who calls me about once a month, always with an entirely different story (basically digging for in depth info and wanking material). Last month he asked if I could see him and his partner (am I bi), to which I said no, this month he said he was a virgin and would I see a virgin?

So I just said well that is odd because last month you wanted me to see you and your partner and the month before you wanted golden showers, so how can you be a virgin if you already have a partner and like watersports? He mumbled sorry and hung up. Hopefully that is the end of his silly calls. :wacko:

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These idots must have some massive phone bills.

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Oooh, so many to chose from at the mo! :angry: Just the usual batting emails backwards and forwards, asking tons of questions (trying for wank fodder?) but never actually booking despite the promises to call etc. I am so totally f****d off with them right now that I’ve probably become less patient with those who may be genuine (or maybe they are TWs too!); I find it hard to separate the deliberate TWs from those who are unintentional PITAs :unsure:

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Oooh, so many to chose from at the mo! :angry: Just the usual batting emails backwards and forwards, asking tons of questions (trying for wank fodder?) but never actually booking despite the promises to call etc. I am so totally f****d off with them right now that I’ve probably become less patient with those who may be genuine (or maybe they are TWs too!); I find it hard to separate the deliberate TWs from those who are unintentional PITAs :unsure:

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Can't call this one my favourtie timewaster, but he's the most persistant being nearly a year I think. All his numbers are on automatic block soon as I know it's him, he normally just about says 'I like bum sni....' before I cut him off and block the new number. He leaves voicemails, first time I've listened to them in many months. Here's a few comments from about 6 voicemails... He calls maybe once or twice a fortnight.

I like bum sniffing

can i sniff your bum, I got the idea from a thai girl in Brighton

I sniff other prostitutes bums, can I sniff your bum ?

are you riding a cock ?

i bet you're riding a cock right now

can you wear suspenders and stockings ?

18 year olds on the beach do bum sniffing

:wacko:

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Can't call this one my favourtie timewaster, but he's the most persistant being nearly a year I think. All his numbers are on automatic block soon as I know it's him, he normally just about says 'I like bum sni....' before I cut him off and block the new number. He leaves voicemails, first time I've listened to them in many months. Here's a few comments from about 6 voicemails... He calls maybe once or twice a fortnight.

I like bum sniffing

can i sniff your bum, I got the idea from a thai girl in Brighton

I sniff other prostitutes bums, can I sniff your bum ?

are you riding a cock ?

i bet you're riding a cock right now

can you wear suspenders and stockings ?

18 year olds on the beach do bum sniffing

:wacko:

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I have someone who calls once every 2 or 3 months, usually at almost exactly the same time asking for 'details' and the same fantasy. He'll say "Do you really?" when you answer any question about services, "Are you sure?I'm only checking it's important". It's these calls which put off ladies from wanting to speak about services on the phone.

Anyway my answer now if I pick the phone up is "You've been phoning for x years now, I obviously haven't stuck in your mind or made an impression so I'm not the girl for you".

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I have to safeguard my own sanity so stick to my method of:

not entering into any conversations regarding sevices on the phone

or responding to emails..... unless I have already established the sender

or caller is genuine... ie I have met him before.

This will not suit all guys of course but it does one thing very well.... it ensures

I have minimum time wasters or no shows.... if I read an email asking lots of questions

I just ignore it. If I receive a text message with the same I ignore it.

I do what works for me.

Some men phone from their cars while either driving or sitting in a car park etc.

My radar starts bleeping immediately and I can almost guarantee that a man wanting

a real appointment with me is not the one sitting in his car.

If you require precise details of what we will do when you meet me then I advise you

contact another lady.

On boards local to me in the past I have read of ladies who endure countless no shows

and time wasters on a weekly basis. Those ladies grow weary and dejected and usually

give up the game. It is because they are too free with their chat on the phone to total strangers.

It does not happen to me!

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PITAs?/ Does that mean they have the bread but can't get it up?

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I have to safeguard my own sanity so stick to my method of: not entering into any conversations regarding sevices on the phone or responding to emails..... unless I have already established the sender or caller is genuine...if I read an email asking lots of questions I just ignore it. If I receive a text message with the same I ignore it. I do what works for me…If you require precise details of what we will do when you meet me then I advise you contact another lady…

I think I shall have to take a leaf out of your book because I’ve definitely noticed those who want a lot of details/ask lots of questions/bat numerous emails backwards and forwards are usually the ones who never book. I forgot all about it but I’ve been inundated with these sort of enquiries over the last few weeks which is really unusual for me, but I’m already totally fed up of them and have begun to be stricter. The problem I find is at what point to say enough’s enough, no more questions, prove you’re genuine or bugger off. So a blanket ban on titillating details is the only way I think.

The best example of someone after emailed wank fodder that I’ve had for a while is this one. Each time I answered a question he’d ask another (no, surprise surprise, we never did meet)…

“I'm interested in having a good rimming session with you…I love rimming a lady and enjoy slipping my tongue inside a bit too if that's ok?”

“do you allow any playing with fingers? Not inserting (unless you like that), just stroking and caressing around the hole on the outside?”

“I'd love to put my fingers in your pussy whilst I'm rimming you! You like that then?”

“which position is your favourite to be rimmed in?”

“Does it turn you on having fingers in your pussy at the same time?”

“Ever had the urge to have a finger inside your bum?”

Another timewaster was doing the asking tons of questions over multiple emails thing. He said he was after tuition, which is fine by me, but he seemed to be the type who was a talker not a doer, e.g.

“What kind of things can I expect you to teach me?”

“I'd like you to teach me how to fuck. How would you do that?...How would you teach me to do doggy? Or any other positions?”

Then the final straw regarding orgasms…

“How often do they happen with a boyfriend/partner? All the time I imagine?” None of your damn business mate! Grrr! I have no idea why he would want to know this.

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:lol: I adore you girls so much... whenever I need a laugh, I can always guarantee you will give me it! x

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Some men phone from their cars while either driving or sitting in a car park etc.

My radar starts bleeping immediately and I can almost guarantee that a man wanting

a real appointment with me is not the one sitting in his car.

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follow with what right have you got not to answer me you fucking slag/dog/faint schlurp schlurp noises and then another 39 phone calls hence the no answer policy we now have

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I like bum sniffing

can i sniff your bum, I got the idea from a thai girl in Brighton

I sniff other prostitutes bums, can I sniff your bum ?

are you riding a cock ?

i bet you're riding a cock right now

can you wear suspenders and stockings ?

18 year olds on the beach do bum sniffing

:wacko:

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I like bum sniffing

can i sniff your bum, I got the idea from a thai girl in Brighton

I sniff other prostitutes bums, can I sniff your bum ?

18 year olds on the beach do bum sniffing

wacko.png

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No, but perhaps he's a reader on here. Today for the first time he sent me a text, from a different number

Oh the excitement -_-

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