newpunt

Question For Those Who Are Married..

122 posts in this topic

Hope you don't mind me asking, but out of interest, if you were caught out by the wife...what would you do? Deny it? Claim to be a sex addict? Separate? Something else?

Not that I'm planning on being caught but it has crossed my mind :mellow:

What would you say/do?

On another note, for those who still get it at home...do you feel guilty after a punt?

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You have asked what i think is a very loaded question. I am guessing some answers will depend on the evidence found.

All you can do, is not get caught. Remember to delete your browsing history, clear out your address bar aswell..use a diff email addy etcc..

I am sure it has crossed the mind of many who punt. But i think claiming to be a sex addict... would get you a more severe reaction than if you admitted it.

But most of all, what you must do before admitting/denying anything, is find out exactly how much info the mrs has found out.

This comes from the partner of a man who punts. LOL.

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You have asked what i think is a very loaded question. I am guessing some answers will depend on the evidence found.

All you can do, is not get caught. Remember to delete your browsing history, clear out your address bar aswell..use a diff email addy etcc..

I am sure it has crossed the mind of many who punt. But i think claiming to be a sex addict... would get you a more severe reaction than if you admitted it.

But most of all, what you must do before admitting/denying anything, is find out exactly how much info the mrs has found out.

This comes from the partner of a man who punts. LOL.

This is very sound advice. Computer awareness is paramount, and if you don't know how to browse in secret then find out!

Get a separate punting SIM, set up a separate e-mail address and be aware of what you say about going out punting. Have a back story ready.

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The points about not getting caught and being careful are all very valid, but interestingly none has really said what they think would happen or how they would react if they did get caught red handed (so to speak). I suspect because for most married/attached men it doesn't bear thinking about and they don't want to go through the thought process to articulate it here.

Not a criticism gents, just a thought.

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My partner reacted with vigorous denial. Even when he went to the loo and left a page open on a lady offering services. Even when i asked why a certain address was in his address bar history. He reacted quite angrily saying he never visited those sorts of sites even though i was quite calm when i asked him. He reacted by saying that if i thought he visited those sites then i didnt know him at all. He also claimed that someone else was posting as him even though the password into the account was one he used as he used it for everything.

But i am not daft. Maybe i am a coward for not persuing it more, but i understand a lot more than he knows.

Men i think Lydia, may think about what they may or may not say/do if confronted. But whatever they may think, in reality how they react if ever confronted when walking through the front door with a fryingpan aimed at thier head..will be totally different to how they think they may react.

Blind panic? Oh shit what does she know, how did she find out etcc will sweep across their minds in split seconds. As when confronted, the man will not know how much info the partner has/how they found out initially and what they have found out since.

In my experience, when i have confronted a previous partner about his cheating ways, He became very very angry. I believe it is the trapped reaction which leads to a reation which i call the Looking for a way out of this mess whilst looking innocent , reaction.

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Been there, got the Tshirt!

Agree totally with Maz with her advice and comments.

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it's the doomsday scenario all guys in relationships hope will never happen and plan against in detail. But.. faced with it, I would have to confess having had the need longer than I have known my wife and see what happens. I supect it would destroy our relationship and might have wider implications. I have had a bloody good innings ( much better than most of England's recent efforts!) and will always try to be discreet as I have no wish to hurt my wife. Thing is, our relationship didn't shape my need to punt

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The points about not getting caught and being careful are all very valid, but interestingly none has really said what they think would happen or how they would react if they did get caught red handed (so to speak). I suspect because for most married/attached men it doesn't bear thinking about and they don't want to go through the thought process to articulate it here.

You are right - it just doesn't bear thinking about.

I never feel guilty after a punt, but if I do ever venture down the mental path of thinking how my wife would react were she to find out what I've been up to for the last 8 years then I do feel some regret.

On the other hand, I used to lie awake at night going over perceived missed sexual opportunities in my youth (and some later) - not any more.

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My partner reacted with vigorous denial. Even when he went to the loo and left a page open on a lady offering services. Even when i asked why a certain address was in his address bar history. He reacted quite angrily saying he never visited those sorts of sites even though i was quite calm when i asked him. He reacted by saying that if i thought he visited those sites then i didnt know him at all. He also claimed that someone else was posting as him even though the password into the account was one he used as he used it for everything.

But i am not daft. Maybe i am a coward for not persuing it more, but i understand a lot more than he knows.

Men i think Lydia, may think about what they may or may not say/do if confronted. But whatever they may think, in reality how they react if ever confronted when walking through the front door with a fryingpan aimed at thier head..will be totally different to how they think they may react.

Blind panic? Oh shit what does she know, how did she find out etcc will sweep across their minds in split seconds. As when confronted, the man will not know how much info the partner has/how they found out initially and what they have found out since.

In my experience, when i have confronted a previous partner about his cheating ways, He became very very angry. I believe it is the trapped reaction which leads to a reation which i call the Looking for a way out of this mess whilst looking innocent , reaction.

Maz I'm glad you're not my wife.....you have me pegged down to a tee. that is just how I would react :ph34r::D

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This is very sound advice. Computer awareness is paramount, and if you don't know how to browse in secret then find out!

Get a separate punting SIM, set up a separate e-mail address and be aware of what you say about going out punting. Have a back story ready.

This is all sound advice, but I'd add a few things.

  • If you use an iPhone, dont let the other half know the logon for the 'Find My iPhone' app. Best not even have the app at all.
  • Can you conceal a separate bank account? I have two other accounts, both managed online, so no printed statements to find.
  • Use a different browser s/w to what you normally use, and dont have an shortcut on the desktop (or dock if on a Mac). Also set prefs to clear all data/cookies/history on close.
  • Have your your PC password protected. PLus, I often shut my laptop down, and other half doesnt know logon/password combo, so cannot check. (Once forgot, left in sleep and she accessed my Outlook....!)
  • Try not to go too far off your normal area. What would happen if you had an accident or got a speeding ticket in an area you'd not normally go. I usually say I am going to x or y today, but build into my schedule and meeting times enough time for a punt, if I am in the mood.
  • dont write down logon or passwords. If you have to, use a word or XL document that can be saved with password protection, but make sure password applied to both read only and write versions. And dont use obvious passwords like dog's name (yes, 'arry!) but the less you write and conceal to memory, the safer you'll be
  • Check over and over again how well your are covered.
  • And if you are cornered, deny, deny, deny. You just dont know how much they know, and it may be bravado and guesswork.

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Men i think Lydia, may think about what they may or may not say/do if confronted. But whatever they may think, in reality how they react if ever confronted when walking through the front door with a fryingpan aimed at thier head..will be totally different to how they think they may react.

Blind panic? Oh shit what does she know, how did she find out etcc will sweep across their minds in split seconds. As when confronted, the man will not know how much info the partner has/how they found out initially and what they have found out since.

Men are not a hive mind all thinking and reacting the same. To think we would all act the same way would be delusional.

In my experience, when i have confronted a previous partner about his cheating ways, He became very very angry. I believe it is the trapped reaction which leads to a reation which i call the Looking for a way out of this mess whilst looking innocent , reaction.

Affairs are a different matter and are a lot harder to hide. My wife has accused me of cheating a few times. I don't have affairs and any of her guesses have been way off the mark and nowhere near my punting. Every response I had to the accusation was "evidence" I was guilty, shouting, reasoning, laughing, being quiet and she even thinks my ears go red when I'm lying and I can assure you they don't.

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This is all sound advice, but I'd add a few things.

  • If you use an iPhone, dont let the other half know the logon for the 'Find My iPhone' app. Best not even have the app at all.
  • Can you conceal a separate bank account? I have two other accounts, both managed online, so no printed statements to find.
  • Use a different browser s/w to what you normally use, and dont have an shortcut on the desktop (or dock if on a Mac). Also set prefs to clear all data/cookies/history on close.
  • Have your your PC password protected. PLus, I often shut my laptop down, and other half doesnt know logon/password combo, so cannot check. (Once forgot, left in sleep and she accessed my Outlook....!)
  • Try not to go too far off your normal area. What would happen if you had an accident or got a speeding ticket in an area you'd not normally go. I usually say I am going to x or y today, but build into my schedule and meeting times enough time for a punt, if I am in the mood.
  • dont write down logon or passwords. If you have to, use a word or XL document that can be saved with password protection, but make sure password applied to both read only and write versions. And dont use obvious passwords like dog's name (yes, 'arry!) but the less you write and conceal to memory, the safer you'll be
  • Check over and over again how well your are covered.
  • And if you are cornered, deny, deny, deny. You just dont know how much they know, and it may be bravado and guesswork.

Good advice but I'd add buy her a laptop for her own use, less reason for her to ever need to use yours. Also I'd always deal in cash no seperate bank accounts just saved money in an envelope kept out of the house.

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Thanks all for your responses.

Some great advice on not getting caught, however that's only part of it.

I'm talking worst case scenario and there's undeniable evidence. Would you come clean then? Do you think your wives would forgive you?

I have a baby at home too, so a lot to lose.

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most married/attached men it doesn't bear thinking about and they don't want to go through the thought process to articulate it here.

Absolutely 100% right on the money.None of us dare even think about the consequences of getting caught. If we did we wouldn't punt.

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Thanks all for your responses.

Some great advice on not getting caught, however that's only part of it.

I'm talking worst case scenario and there's undeniable evidence. Would you come clean then? Do you think your wives would forgive you?

I have a baby at home too, so a lot to lose.

If there's undeniable evidence. Would you come clean then? Yes

Do you think your wife would forgive you? No

However, my situation is very different from yours.

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I wouldn't punt unless I was prepared for a divorce in the worst case. I started punting after I accepted that. In the long run, divorce might be best for me personally but not for my kids. So if I was caught with undeniable evidence, I'd tell my wife that I'll answer any questions honestly but she better decide first whether she really wants to know. Then if she asks, I'll answer a specific question with an honest answer but without elaborating more than I need to. I have no idea whether she would stay or go. I think she'd be more pissed at me spending our money than the fact that I had sex outside the marriage. I would certainly suggest we consider an open marriage.

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Mrs L would walk out and divorce me, straight up. So, I would admit it and take all the fire in one go. She would probably get physical and beat nine shades out of me.

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Hope you don't mind me asking, but out of interest, if you were caught out by the wife...what would you do? Deny it? Claim to be a sex addict? Separate? Something else?

Not that I'm planning on being caught but it has crossed my mind :mellow:

What would you say/do?

On another note, for those who still get it at home...do you feel guilty after a punt?

My wife knows I have sex with other women including escorts- she has even paid for treats as birthday presents -I know also that she has had some flings. Therefore it isn't a problem

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I'm consistantly astounded by just how many people don't put a password on their phone. If anyone says "why have you locked this phone, got something to hide?" Just say it is a work phone and must be password locked to comply with the data protection act.

Secondly, if you store WG's numbers save them as mens names of the same letter and make sure you turn off the "display preview" option.

Hypothetically, IF you got caught remember that if you admit to infedelity you will get totally hammered in a divorce case settlement.

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Mrs L would walk out and divorce me, straight up. So, I would admit it and take all the fire in one go. She would probably get physical and beat nine shades out of me.

Yet you still do it! ~This isn't just directed at L. Those men who think their wives would have the same reaction, do you value your punting over your marriage? Is your marriage worth the risk?

Edited by LouisaPSUk

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Shhh Louisa, we don't want them thinking too much about this! I need to make a living!

Edited by LondonLydia

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Yet you still do it! ~This isn't just directed at L. Those men who think their wives would have the same reaction, do you value your punting over your marriage? Is your marriage worth the risk?

Louisa, I'm afraid that not all marriages can be saved, nor should they be. Some people just aren't made for each other.

I was totally and utterly faithful for the first 15 years of wedlock, during which I had some of my darkest moments trying to work out what I might've done wrong. We had excellent careers, lovely kids, nice house, but Mrs Dick suffers from a degree of PMS/OCD... and is as stubborn as the proverbial ox. Our eldest left home over a year ago after a row with her, and we have lost touch with her.

My attempts at gentle chats about the moodswings have merely succeeded in initiating days of silence and weeks of forced conjugal abstinence.

Punting keeps me sane. In 2 years my youngest will have left home, and she tells me she will only come back to see me. I don't know what the future will hold, but punting is well worth the risk, because it gives me a few hours in paradise with beautiful, affectionate women. I am fully aware it's merely a paid-for illusion, but by golly it's a good illusion.

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Shhh Louisa, we don't want them thinking too much about this! I need to make a living!

Sorry Lydia!! I understand fully where you are coming from :)

These days I tend to stick to study and divertion... got a bit carried away there.

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Louisa, I'm afraid that not all marriages can be saved, nor should they be. Some people just aren't made for each other.

I am the first to agree with you. I am freshly divorced myself. (Not going into details of my marriage as I want to cover them in my blog). When I asked those questions I wasn't judging anyone. I am generally interested in how the individual married men on this board would view the questions asked.

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I think I would have to come clean and take the full concequences. Like the Rev "Richard" I was completely besotted with my wife for the first 12 years, but time changes our respective desires and energies. I didn't want an affair (too messy) or leave (we are still best mates) and after much soul serching took the plunge (helped by the fantastic Evie Foxwell). Like others I am ultra careful (second phone with sim kept hidden in a place that only I have access); early evening meets etc covered up by a cast iron diary entry in my work Blackberry.

I have an hour or so's journey helps to collect thoughts (and the Underground is great for taking the edge off the fresh showered smell).

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