TurnOver

Tips For An Outcall When The Wife Is Away

111 posts in this topic

I had an outcall punt when Mrs Turnover was away for a few days. I used the spare room as I didn't want to do the deed in the marital bed and everything went well, great punt and then cleaned away all the evidence and even washed the sheets and towels. I thought I had got away with it until upon her return Mrs T spotted immediately that I had left the machine on a different wash cycle to the one she uses. I mumbled something about spilling wine on my shirt and wanted to get the stain out quickly but I don't think she bought it completely.

I also found a hand print on the headboard of the bed a few days later which washed off but that would have been very difficult to explain if it had been seen. So for me now it is too risky to try again but may be it would be useful to have a check list of things to make sure you have not overlooked. Has anyone been caught out before by something you wouldn't necessarily think of?

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Hoover! 1 stray hair will bust you.

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I had an outcall punt when Mrs Turnover was away for a few days. I used the spare room as I didn't want to do the deed in the marital bed and everything went well, great punt and then cleaned away all the evidence and even washed the sheets and towels. I thought I had got away with it until upon her return Mrs T spotted immediately that I had left the machine on a different wash cycle to the one she uses. I mumbled something about spilling wine on my shirt and wanted to get the stain out quickly but I don't think she bought it completely. I also found a hand print on the headboard of the bed a few days later which washed off but that would have been very difficult to explain if it had been seen. So for me now it is too risky to try again but may be it would be useful to have a check list of things to make sure you have not overlooked. Has anyone been caught out before by something you wouldn't necessarily think of?
My only tip is dont do it, i have never done an Outcall to my home in my 29 year punting career, to me its both too risky in terms of being caught out and a breach of my security.

A punter mate got caught out by a piece of glitter off a WG which he said he must of picked up swimming but his partner didnt buy it and he was in the doghouse for a long time.

Edited by smiths

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I had an outcall punt when Mrs Turnover was away for a few days. I used the spare room as I didn't want to do the deed in the marital bed and everything went well, great punt and then cleaned away all the evidence and even washed the sheets and towels. I thought I had got away with it until upon her return Mrs T spotted immediately that I had left the machine on a different wash cycle to the one she uses. I mumbled something about spilling wine on my shirt and wanted to get the stain out quickly but I don't think she bought it completely.

I also found a hand print on the headboard of the bed a few days later which washed off but that would have been very difficult to explain if it had been seen. So for me now it is too risky to try again but may be it would be useful to have a check list of things to make sure you have not overlooked. Has anyone been caught out before by something you wouldn't necessarily think of?

A checklist of things to do, to prevent a wife spotting something amiss/ out of place/ laundered...?

Sheesh! Turnover, women have evolved special senses to detect the slightest thing out of place in a house. Mrs Dick would smell the presence of a wg, even if she'd left the previous month.

The easiest thing for you to have done was to use the matrimonial bed for some great sex. Then, when the wg had left, take a great dump in the middle of the bed and spread it about with a towel. Then leave several empty beer bottles in the bin.

Then, when the wife returns, tell her you had a tummy bug. She'll spot the evidence and nag you for having mates around, getting pissed, and shitting in the bed. So it's a good result.

Edited by Reverend Dick

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I agree with Smiths

Stray hairs in the shower, toilet seat left down(!), smell of a different perfume in the room, left behind pack of babywipes...

Far too many traps for the unwary - unless the sectret thrill of the possibility of being caught is what you are after

The female radar defies all scientific understanding

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The easiest thing for you to have done was to use the matrimonial bed for some great sex. Then, when the wg had left, take a great dump in the middle of the bed and spread it about with a towel. Then leave several empty beer bottles in the bin.

Then, when the wife returns, tell her you had a tummy bug. She'll spot the evidence and nag you for having mates around, getting pissed, and shitting in the bed. So it's a good result.

lol - you might be right!

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A checklist of things to do, to prevent a wife spotting something amiss/ out of place/ laundered...?

Sheesh! Turnover, women have evolved special senses to detect the slightest thing out of place in a house. Mrs Dick would smell the presence of a wg, even if she'd left the previous month.

The easiest thing for you to have done was to use the matrimonial bed for some great sex. Then, when the wg had left, take a great dump in the middle of the bed and spread it about with a towel. Then leave several empty beer bottles in the bin.

Then, when the wife returns, tell her you had a tummy bug. She'll spot the evidence and nag you for having mates around, getting pissed, and shitting in the bed. So it's a good result.

I fully expect your post to reappear on mumsnet as a sign for wives to look out for.

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Agree with others -- don't do it . I had a gf once who told me she got on her hands and knees on the bathroom floor looking for hair . Try talking your way out of a long single strand of hair in a different colour to your wifes. :eek:

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can't believe anyone married would even consider an outcall to their home...I'm very, very single and would still not do an outcall to my home...what if wifey came home unexpectadly, relatives etc popping round, nosey neighbours, not to mention the evidence already mentioned previously...can only assume the thrill of the possibility of being caught is the rush you're after...

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Have to agree. I once bought Mrs L. a surprise present and hid it in a cupboard she never ever looked in. She found the present the next day.

The wife will spot the slightest clue, so do not bother to try to beat her. Play away.

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A punter mate got caught out by a piece of glitter off a WG which he said he must of picked up swimming but his partner didnt buy it and he was in the doghouse for a long time.

If you have young daughters you never have to worry about explaining away glitter LOL

But yeah, I cannot get my head around the idea of an outcall to the family home. Never in a million years.

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done it several times without a problem

lot of scare stories here

just be very careful and clear up .... don't think of doing it if you'll be too rushed to clear up properly

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A great many men will take unbelievable risks to entertain a lady in the marital home when the Mrs is away.

Obviously not many of you on here would do that or admit to it on here... but I still find it scary when remembering

how lax all those men are/were..... I do not visit to the homes of married men any more. I prefer to have a more

relaxed and worry free appointment these days.

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I had an outcall punt when Mrs Turnover was away for a few days. I used the spare room as I didn't want to do the deed in the marital bed and everything went well, great punt and then cleaned away all the evidence and even washed the sheets and towels. I thought I had got away with it until upon her return Mrs T spotted immediately that I had left the machine on a different wash cycle to the one she uses. I mumbled something about spilling wine on my shirt and wanted to get the stain out quickly but I don't think she bought it completely.

I also found a hand print on the headboard of the bed a few days later which washed off but that would have been very difficult to explain if it had been seen. So for me now it is too risky to try again but may be it would be useful to have a check list of things to make sure you have not overlooked. Has anyone been caught out before by something you wouldn't necessarily think of?

No offense mate, but you must be mental. Or maybe you want a divorce?

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I fully expect your post to reappear on mumsnet as a sign for wives to look out for.

aye...

and you guys make me so curious about this mumsnet thing...

Edited by ptrleeds

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and let me echo all the good "DONT" advice above.

women see things we men dont even know about..

and now think with your upper brain: is it worth the risk ?

a reasonable hotel would be 100gbp... and would give you no worry (pay cash! ).

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I doubt you have got away with it.

You have caused her to doubt you now, so she will be watching you..

I would of spotted the hand print, maybe she did too.

Never a good idea to play at home, but then I am sure you realise that now.

All the best.

Lucy.

Edited by Lucy7

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DON'T, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, DON'T EVEN DREAM OF IT.

There was a thread about 8 months ago from a guy who had an absolute disaster of an out call at home. The risks are far too many to mention here. I would never dream of a visit to my home while Mrs P was away.I cannot imagine any sane guy doing so.

All the advise (bar one) has been very sound.

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No offense mate, but you must be mental. Or maybe you want a divorce?

I'm amazed any married guy even considers this - so much could go wrong.

Also - doesn't it seem slightly wrong doing it under your own roof.. Each to their own I guess..

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I had an outcall punt when Mrs Turnover was away for a few days. I used the spare room as I didn't want to do the deed in the marital bed and everything went well, great punt and then cleaned away all the evidence and even washed the sheets and towels. I thought I had got away with it until upon her return Mrs T spotted immediately that I had left the machine on a different wash cycle to the one she uses. I mumbled something about spilling wine on my shirt and wanted to get the stain out quickly but I don't think she bought it completely.

I also found a hand print on the headboard of the bed a few days later which washed off but that would have been very difficult to explain if it had been seen. So for me now it is too risky to try again but may be it would be useful to have a check list of things to make sure you have not overlooked. Has anyone been caught out before by something you wouldn't necessarily think of?

Hi,

I have been visiting married man before and it is too ricky for punt as well. I had a story that misses went for walk with her friends and could return any minute. I almost left when i find out because stress level is high. I wouldnt want to be in that situation again. I had to take used condoms with me and help to clean the room very quickly. Why dont you come to girls apartment instead? It will be more relaxed for both of you. :)

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This may make one or two of you cringe and be thankful you have not taken such a risk.

In my earlier days of this job I was sent by my agency to a man who was a serial offender

(called ladies out to his home on a regular basis when his wife was out for the evening)

............ I had seen him several times but on this occasion he wanted "something different"

We chatted about the various services he had not tried and I mentioned half jokingly "have you

experienced the dripping of hot candle wax on your body"

Not thinking he would be remotely interested in that I was ready to change the subject but his eyes

lit up.... he rushed down to the kitchen and came back with a big thick candle and a lighter.

............ he was in raptures with the hot wax job.... he was covered in it. I admit I was rather carried away

with the whole jape too and as neither of us had given a thought to covering the bed with a protective layer

we had not reckoned on the resulting mess. As all you candle wax enthusiasts will know... the wax sets

immediately on the skin and can be removed quite easily but then crumbles into flakes which flick and fly

everywhere....

my parting glance at him as I left his house ( I had to leave as my driver was drumming his fingers outside )

.... gave me a view I will never forget.

He was butt naked with the hoover............ frantically skimming it over the shag pile .... lunging back and forth

with a desperate look on his flushed face.... knowing he had to dispose of a thousand white flakes of wax.

He must have got away with it because I know he had many more appointments to his home after mine.

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Thanks for that porker paul- the thread is here.

So the general conclusion of these two threads for the top 10 rules of outcall club are:

1) Don't talk about outcall club!

2) Don't join outcall club.

3) Don't do it.

4) Don't do it.

5) It's not worth it.

6) Just don't do it.

7) Don't do it.

8) DON'T DO IT.

9) Book a hotel and pay cash.

10) Ok if you are going to do it then prepare yourself for divorce and check for hairs, glitter, toilet seat, smell of perfume, washing machine settings, oily hand prints, neighbours aren't watching, ear rings and jewellery left behind, period stains, candle wax. Just don't do it!

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LIPSTICK ON WINE GLASS !!

If I had to remind one client to wash the glass properly after I had gone....

I had to remind a hundred! Because as we all know .... men do not know how to wash and dry wine glasses properly.

:eek:

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I would not even manage an erection coz I will be thinking - what if mrs matrix appears?

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Not nice. I am clearly not a paragon of virtue, will more than likely burn in hell, but fucking a WG in your own bed/ house??? Ewww, yuk, etc.

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