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Mr Bastard

Addiction

33 posts in this topic

I work long hours in a stressful job, and have come to hate it over the past year or so. There have been many tales of people in my profession turning to drink and indeed other narcotics because of 'the job'. However, I have never been a smoker, never taken drugs and drink only socially and in great moderation (some weeks I'll have only one pint that week; I never binge).

I've spoken to people who have addictions and they say it's like all you're geared up for an concerned about is your next 'hit'. I'm feeling the same way about visiting service providers. I see my friends less and less and almost constantly throughout every day I'm thinking about my next visit to a parlour or escort, or searching escort sites or looking at lingerie to buy the ladies (I must have spent over £500 in the last year on lingerie for half a dozen girls).

I'm worried that it's gone from being a monthly or fortnightly treat to becomming the reason I continue to do the job I hate. I'd take a pay cut to get my life back and be happy but it would almost certainly mean no more fun time. But my main concern is that my visits to ladies may be affecting my life and relationships adversely just as a drink or drugs problem would.

Has anyone else felt something along these lines?

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It's also happening to me. When I started punting, I thought I would stop after a while. But it isn't as easy as I thought. I try to see friends, but they're often busy because they're at uni at the moment and I'm home, doing a job when I can. I hope I won't lose my friends (don't think I will), I'll keep trying to contact them. I think that's very important. I should spend less time on punternet as well...

Don't forget your friends because you will regret it later! Seeing escorts are just fulfilling fantasies, nothing more, nothing less (IMO).

I also do jobs I don't like so I have money to spend on punting...

Seems like we have much in common :)

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I work long hours in a stressful job, and have come to hate it over the past year or so. There have been many tales of people in my profession turning to drink and indeed other narcotics because of 'the job'. However, I have never been a smoker, never taken drugs and drink only socially and in great moderation (some weeks I'll have only one pint that week; I never binge).

I've spoken to people who have addictions and they say it's like all you're geared up for an concerned about is your next 'hit'. I'm feeling the same way about visiting service providers. I see my friends less and less and almost constantly throughout every day I'm thinking about my next visit to a parlour or escort, or searching escort sites or looking at lingerie to buy the ladies (I must have spent over £500 in the last year on lingerie for half a dozen girls).

I'm worried that it's gone from being a monthly or fortnightly treat to becomming the reason I continue to do the job I hate. I'd take a pay cut to get my life back and be happy but it would almost certainly mean no more fun time. But my main concern is that my visits to ladies may be affecting my life and relationships adversely just as a drink or drugs problem would.

Has anyone else felt something along these lines?

+1

Except the £500 lingerie budget got blown on more punts.

I haven't punted for a week now, after having had a binge of 18 punts in 2 months. I think about punting pretty much all the time. The research, the planning (transport/ money/ excuses to the wife), making the appointment, rehearsing the lies I'm gonna tell, the pre-punt thrill, the punt itself, the post punt checks to ensure no evidence remains, more lies... and then my thoughts turn to the next punt.

It all becomes a blur, and I'm finding my memories of the individual punts merging/ getting mixed up with what I did with who, and when. Without a punting spreadsheet, I couldn't keep track.

Not good I'm afraid.

I made a similar post about this a little while ago. "Less is more" is something I'm going to try to follow, but all the time there's that nagging of needing the next fix.

Edited by Reverend Dick

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I think like any addiction once it starts to affect your life adversely (ie effects relationships or causes financial issues or damage to reputation) or you fear you can not stop then that is when it becomes a problem.

Like those hooked on drugs, alcohol, gambling or shopping your thoughts are consumed by getting your next fix and you probably justify it to yourself as making you feel better after having a crappy time at work. You will also fool yourself that you'll do it 'one last time'. Like a junkie seeing WG is like a hit for you and like a drug you'll need more to get the same high.

You don't need me or anyone here to tell you that is unhealthy and the fact you have addressed the issue is a great first step (sorry if that sounded patronising, I'm trying to be encouraging!)

I hope all you need is a good strong talking to yourself, some supportive responses here and the willpower to change what is wrong. If it's deeper than that maybe you need further professional help.

We only have one life- wasting it being miserable is not the way to live it.

keep us updated.

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Whilst I don't have to worry about conceiling evidence etc because I'm single, I think my excessive visits are indirectly as well as directly a result of my job. I believe I am single because of my job, despite the relatively good salary it provides. I therefore seek female companionship as well as the other, and I find I like it very much.

I feel great when in the company of one particular lady I've struck up a rapport with - seeing her tonight in fact - but feel ridiculous afterwards for thinking she 'looks forward' to seeing me. Whilst she and her working partner have commented that other guys are not as clean, courteous and generous (and as such I get a whale of a time rather than the perfunctory service less clean and ill-mannered clients may receive) and I'm the only client either will see outisde of the parlour, I do have to remind myself that I am still just a client.

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I think like any addiction once it starts to affect your life adversely (ie effects relationships or causes financial issues or damage to reputation) or you fear you can not stop then that is when it becomes a problem.

Like those hooked on drugs, alcohol, gambling or shopping your thoughts are consumed by getting your next fix and you probably justify it to yourself as making you feel better after having a crappy time at work. You will also fool yourself that you'll do it 'one last time'. Like a junkie seeing WG is like a hit for you and like a drug you'll need more to get the same high.

You don't need me or anyone here to tell you that is unhealthy and the fact you have addressed the issue is a great first step (sorry if that sounded patronising, I'm trying to be encouraging!)

I hope all you need is a good strong talking to yourself, some supportive responses here and the willpower to change what is wrong. If it's deeper than that maybe you need further professional help.

We only have one life- wasting it being miserable is not the way to live it.

keep us updated.

Cheers Lydia. My doc has actually referred me for 'well-being talks' with some kind of counsellor. Whilst I'm sure these sessions will be confidential, I think revealing I visit escorts is harder than admitting a drink, drugs or gambling problem. Not a soul knows about my habit and for obvious reasons I'd like to keep it that way, but if I'm to really benefit from counselling I need to be completely honest and up front about my issues.

Tricky one.

Edited by Mr Bastard

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I work long hours in a stressful job, and have come to hate it over the past year or so. There have been many tales of people in my profession turning to drink and indeed other narcotics because of 'the job'. However, I have never been a smoker, never taken drugs and drink only socially and in great moderation (some weeks I'll have only one pint that week; I never binge). I've spoken to people who have addictions and they say it's like all you're geared up for an concerned about is your next 'hit'. I'm feeling the same way about visiting service providers. I see my friends less and less and almost constantly throughout every day I'm thinking about my next visit to a parlour or escort, or searching escort sites or looking at lingerie to buy the ladies (I must have spent over £500 in the last year on lingerie for half a dozen girls). I'm worried that it's gone from being a monthly or fortnightly treat to becomming the reason I continue to do the job I hate. I'd take a pay cut to get my life back and be happy but it would almost certainly mean no more fun time. But my main concern is that my visits to ladies may be affecting my life and relationships adversely just as a drink or drugs problem would. Has anyone else felt something along these lines?

I am definitely addicted just like a junkie after their next fix, always have been, i can afford to punt when i like so financially it isnt a problem but i certainly agree with the Reverend about less being more. In 2008 i was going to at least 6 parties a week and punting with varying numbers of Indies in the same week, after a year to eighteen months of this i needed a break which i took in late 2010.

It is very easy to become addicted in my opinion, i punt less than in 2008 and that suits me better. I also play a lot more Golf which is another addiction but not quite as expensive as punting. Only you can change your life of course if thats what you want to do, ultimately like any addiction it will come down to your own self control. :)

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We are designed to be addicted to sex in order to continue the human race. If you can't afford to pay for sex then it's time to become addicted to saving instead.

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Cheers Lydia. My doc has actually referred me for 'well-being talks' with some kind of counsellor. Whilst I'm sure these sessions will be confidential, I think revealing I visit escorts is harder than admitting a drink, drugs or gambling problem. Not a soul knows about my habit and for obvious reasons I'd like to keep it that way, but if I'm to really benefit from counselling I need to be completely honest and up front about my issues.

Tricky one.

Do it. A professional counsellor will have seen it and heard it all before, indeed they would have dealt with much 'worse' issues. Do try and be honest, just talking about it with someone else will be a massive release off your shoulders too.

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Maybe if you see a counsellor, you could say that you have concerns about sexually compulsive behaviour, and ask if there is anyone specialised in that area who you could be referred to?

No need to mention what that compulsive behaviour actually IS initially. Sex addiction is a disputed area, some psychiatrists/counsellors don't believe it really exists. But as Lydia said, when it begins to adversely affect your life......then it's a problem. That is the standard that all mental health type problems are judged by. You can be depressed, bipolar, have a personality disorder, PTSD.....the criteria for treatment is 'it is causing you problems, and adversely impacting on your ability to fuction'.

I feel great when in the company of one particular lady I've struck up a rapport with - seeing her tonight in fact - but feel ridiculous afterwards for thinking she 'looks forward' to seeing me. Whilst she and her working partner have commented that other guys are not as clean, courteous and generous (and as such I get a whale of a time rather than the perfunctory service less clean and ill-mannered clients may receive) and I'm the only client either will see outisde of the parlour, I do have to remind myself that I am still just a client.

Don't feel ridiculous, I have clients I really look forward to seeing too. Just because you are a client doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

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Sounds more like it's your job that needs addressing.

Punting is a very exciting way to mask all the stresses / loathing / hatred of a job you don't like anymore. No surprise that your brain would rather think about that all day than the headaches at work.

Everyone needs a release, or hobby, to balance that out. Is punting in moderation fine with you? If you are compensating the unhappiness at work with excessive punting then what needs to be addressed - the cause or the affect?

Is working elsewhere feasible? Maybe a change there would freshen you up.

Talking therapies will be a great way for you to clear all these thoughts out in your head. Good luck :)

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I just re-read my post, and forgot to mention there is an upside...

I get to have lots of amazing sex with loads of beautiful, passionate women.

There, I knew there was a reason for all this hassle.

:P

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Don't feel ridiculous, I have clients I really look forward to seeing too. Just because you are a client doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

Indeed, I would like to think it is similar to how a professional footballer will still look forward to a good game, or an actor will look forward to getting stuck into a decent role. They'll still insist on being paid though, as it is their profession, but they're being paid fpr something they like doing and can do well.

To the OP, is dating really not an option?

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Don't feel ridiculous, I have clients I really look forward to seeing too. Just because you are a client doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

I think, no, I know that what I'm looking for is a girlfriend. I spend money on this one particular girl because I think it makes us both feel good about ourselves. However, she is never going to be a girlfriend so is ultimately a self-defeating activity. Although she likes the lingerie, perfume, dresses, shoes, flowers and chocolates, she doesn't wish she could be with me, she wishes guys ten years younger and more attractive could earn my salary and treat her the way I do.

To the OP, is dating really not an option?

Yes and no. I have many female friends, always behave like a gent and try to get down the gym when I can. However, rightly or wrongly, I have a view on women's expectations, mainly media driven, and I don't meet certain criteria. If I can't think of a reason why a woman would want to date me I'm immediately wondering what it is they're after.

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Yes and no. I have many female friends, always behave like a gent and try to get down the gym when I can. However, rightly or wrongly, I have a view on women's expectations, mainly media driven, and I don't meet certain criteria. If I can't think of a reason why a woman would want to date me I'm immediately wondering what it is they're after.

A bit of counselling is probably needed to sort your self esteem and confidence out too! xxx

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I work long hours in a stressful job, and have come to hate it over the past year or so. There have been many tales of people in my profession turning to drink and indeed other narcotics because of 'the job'. However, I have never been a smoker, never taken drugs and drink only socially and in great moderation (some weeks I'll have only one pint that week; I never binge).

I've spoken to people who have addictions and they say it's like all you're geared up for an concerned about is your next 'hit'. I'm feeling the same way about visiting service providers. I see my friends less and less and almost constantly throughout every day I'm thinking about my next visit to a parlour or escort, or searching escort sites or looking at lingerie to buy the ladies (I must have spent over £500 in the last year on lingerie for half a dozen girls).

I'm worried that it's gone from being a monthly or fortnightly treat to becomming the reason I continue to do the job I hate. I'd take a pay cut to get my life back and be happy but it would almost certainly mean no more fun time. But my main concern is that my visits to ladies may be affecting my life and relationships adversely just as a drink or drugs problem would.

Has anyone else felt something along these lines?

Punting has always been a side activity for me as far as my sex life is concerned. I don't think I would have enjoyed it if it was the centre piece of my interaction with women. Having close relationship with women has always been very important for me. Trying to find that with a WG is a mistake in my opinion and likely to kill any self confidence you have when the reality hits.

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A bit of counselling is probably needed to sort your self esteem and confidence out too! xxx

I'm fully aware of the qualities I have; I'm also fully aware that those qualities do not always fit with the expectations some women in this society may have of men. If women genuinely were looking for manners, generosity, intellect and warmth then I'd have them breaking down my door.

They are not.

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I have never been addicted to punting but in the past I have certainly punted more frequently than I should have done due of a stressful job i.e. If I knew I had a particularly tough day ahead of me I would pre-book an escort or WG simply as a 'reward' to myself at the end of a difficult day. Thankfully I was presented with (or earnt) the opportunity to opt out of the rat race so all of that is now behind me.

I think with most addictions you have to have the will power to say "no more" and stop completely. However, with punting, I think it is actually possible to cut down rather than give it up all together. If you punt once a week cut down to once a fortnight etc and just look forward to it that much more. I know it is not the same but in between punting try watching porn and quell your urges that way. Try seeing your friends more often or take up a new interest - anything to take your mind off your next punting fix.

I have always been cynical about councellors, therapists ec but I have learnt from a friend of mine that they can certainly help in partilar situations so if your 'problem' is really becoming bad then I think a session or two could help.

Good luck. I hope your find the right balance soon.

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I'm fully aware of the qualities I have; I'm also fully aware that those qualities do not always fit with the expectations some women in this society may have of men. If women genuinely were looking for manners, generosity, intellect and warmth then I'd have them breaking down my door.

They are not.

I think they are and they are not. Depends where you look. It works both ways. What type of women do you find attractive? The sexy outgoing ones or the more intellectual/individual ones who may not be in-line with the latest fashion or fit into the stereotype of what a beautiful woman is. I tend to enter into relationship with the latter but enjoy playing with the former.

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I think they are and they are not. Depends where you look. It works both ways. What type of women do you find attractive? The sexy outgoing ones or the more intellectual/individual ones who may not be in-line with the latest fashion or fit into the stereotype of what a beautiful woman is. I tend to enter into relationship with the latter but enjoy playing with the former.

I'm not really 'looking' as I believe it is a largely pointless exercise. Physical attraction certainly isn't everything; intellect and genuine warmth from a woman are far more important for me. I'm nearer 40, not 20!

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I'm fully aware of the qualities I have; I'm also fully aware that those qualities do not always fit with the expectations some women in this society may have of men. If women genuinely were looking for manners, generosity, intellect and warmth then I'd have them breaking down my door.

They are not.

We are in danger of moving off topic here but I think that manners, generosity (not necessarily financial), intellect and warmth are just the type of qualities that an awful lot of women are looking for. If you have those qualities what do you feel is the missing ingredient?

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I very very much empathise with this thread and above punters' comments. I got into a situation about 6 years ago where( I think) due to a combination of circumstances in my life at the time, I increased my number of punts substantially. I would celebrate a good day with a session..a bad day..an average day. For a short while all I seemed to want to do was see a girl. Needless to say, research and quality went downhill and I had some rotten expetiences, which in fact and of course made me feel worse. I was heamorraghing cash out of a joint account and when confronted made out I had been gambling. A family situation which had been stressing me came to a head, I took a decison to make major life changes and somehow came out the other side. The balance for me more recently has been to stick with a couple of regulars and I know I have ben lucky to avoid getting drawn back into going for a punt "just because I had time and I could".

It's made me feel differently about addiction / obsession and without wishing to sound like a "convert", something I would like to do when I have more time is to do some voluntary work in this area. At my lowest, I was not far from ringing Samaritans. Guys - you are not alone. The high from a great punt is like drugs, without taking the substance. Powerful stuff!.

PM me if anyone wants to talk further on this 1 2 1

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There is hope. It's not a physical addiction like drink or drugs. I still punt, but much, much, much less than 5 years ago, the graph is sloping downwards. You seem to understand the main thing - even if the girl(s) like you, their motive is money. That is as it should be , but a lot of guys get mixed up about that part.

If you are lonely or really want a girlfriend or wife, then visiting escorts really won't do you any good. You need to be honest with yourself and establish what is really important to you. Will bred is correct - you often get a high from a sexual encounter with a stranger but I don't think that's really your objective.

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I work long hours in a stressful job, and have come to hate it over the past year or so. There have been many tales of people in my profession turning to drink and indeed other narcotics because of 'the job'. However, I have never been a smoker, never taken drugs and drink only socially and in great moderation (some weeks I'll have only one pint that week; I never binge).

I've spoken to people who have addictions and they say it's like all you're geared up for an concerned about is your next 'hit'. I'm feeling the same way about visiting service providers. I see my friends less and less and almost constantly throughout every day I'm thinking about my next visit to a parlour or escort, or searching escort sites or looking at lingerie to buy the ladies (I must have spent over £500 in the last year on lingerie for half a dozen girls).

I'm worried that it's gone from being a monthly or fortnightly treat to becomming the reason I continue to do the job I hate. I'd take a pay cut to get my life back and be happy but it would almost certainly mean no more fun time. But my main concern is that my visits to ladies may be affecting my life and relationships adversely just as a drink or drugs problem would.

Has anyone else felt something along these lines?

I’ve been thinking about this exact thing lately too!

I do believe it’s just like any other addiction; you do it to satisfy a void in your life whatever that maybe.

This doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing I suppose; I mean having sex with lovely women is superb! But I have recently questioned myself as to whether it’s just sex or am I looking for emotional satisfaction as well? In which case maybe it's time to get out? In all honesty i don't know!

Maybe we should set up a support group on here, punter addicts, lol!

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It is very difficult if you see the signs of dependency, and most experienced ladies will pick up on it. Of course no-one wants to do themselves out of clients, however it can become quite tiring for both if a guy becomes addicted to one particular lady. I usually advise stepping back, not booking anyone for a while and concentrating on other areas in your life. Of course if it's different women who are involved, they probably won't pick up on it.

Some guys do come back to the scene having gotten things into perspective, others get into financial trouble, and some end up being blocked by some ladies if it's one or two in particular they become 'addicted' to.

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