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Guest NaughtyJedi

Advice For A Noob: Stay Or Leave?

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I'm in my lat 30's and I have had very low self confidence for most of my life. Tried the anti-depressent route - wasted 9 years. Stopped that option last year, and felt better for it. Excersised and lost weight, read more and tried to cut down on the TV watching ( watched about 2hrs of telly in the last 3 weeks, that's a habit I'm proud to have given up ). All helping but... Still working on the getting out more. This is my dilema .

Tried the escort route in order to help boost my confidence. It worked. I had it mind that if the lady in question agreed I would just see her. It's normal to have to get to place where you have to trust and like the lady before you meet, right? I've struggled with that one. And just exclusively see that person, is that frowned on? I just don't think I'm built for the awkward : "Hi , nice to meet you let's have sex". Is that normal? That's a head scratcher because that is what this industry is for the most part. It's a double standard on my part, right? And is it ok to ask these questions? Guess i'm hoping to find out.

Sadly, that wasn't to be anyway because due to bad timing the lady in question is no longer offering services. My 1st instinct was maybe this isn't for me. The way I felt about myself told me different and my instinct tells me that it was maybe a fear of rejection that made me think that. It is pretty bad luck to have a lady retire a week after seeing you, right? I'm not being overly sensitive about that? The advice I got on here ( thanks again to those that did ) was get back in the saddle as quickly as possible. Is it ok to be sad that it won't be happening with someone you came to trust? Even though my wallet told me it was a business arrangement I still had to like the person, that's ok?

In the aftermath I was worried that I could come over as getting too attatched. In reality, I was simply sad I wouldn't be going on the self-confidence improving adventure with a sexy, kind and intelligent lady who I liked. Is that ok?

So longtime seekers of service providers, you have to like the lady you're paying to spend time with, right? That should be a rhetorical question because I can't believe anyone can say anything but yes to that.

Hopefully some of you can share a similar experience to help me feel a bit less of an idiot.

If you make it through to the end, congratulations!

I've found it's good to get this off your chest. We can't exactly discuss this stuff anywhere else I suppose. I find I actually can answer my own questions just by typing them out. I appreciate that oppurtuinty whatever happpens.

Feel free to give me your opinion on anything I've said.

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Hi NJ,this may sound a daft qiestion but, have you tried a reputable dating agency, where you may meet some very nice ladies who may be in the same situation as you?

Edited by longone

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Hi Jedi. If you have had low self asteem and confidence most of your life, to the point of anti-depressants for nine years, I personally don't think that seeing one particular escort on a regular basis is the answer to the problem. You may buy the 'girl friend experience' but you won't buy the actual girlfriend.

If you find seeing escorts help why not spread your wings and see a number of different girls? There are lots of really lovely WG's out there. The more contact you have with a greater variety of women may help with your general confidence rather than seeing just one particular person. If you become too attached it will only end in tears at some point and you will be back to square one.

My real advice though, if you are looking to form a relationship with someone you like, is to join a reputable dating agency. You may find that quite daunting to begin with but I am sure it would become easier over time. You may then have the opportunity to meet someone similar to yourself i.e. a little shy, and you can then form a proper friendship over a period of time at your own pace.

You are obviously making great efforts to overcome your confidence issues and you are to be congratulated on that - so well done. I wish you well for the future.

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I have to say I associate a lot with what NaughtyJedi has written.

To me wanting to trust and know someone is an issue, but that can have negatives because you can come across poorly needing that trust in this environment. I'm still wholly not sure how much you can or should want to know a professional escort, where is that boundary between private and business?

My general feelings for NaughtyJedi is I don't think there are any "normals". One person can differ greatly from another (be they male or female) and personally I don't think you have to conform, as long as you are happy that means you won't get a positive response from everyone in every situation.

I think seeing an escort can be great for confidence, but you don't want to base your whole confidence around that. Yes I know the words sound easy and I know it isn't easy at all.

I think it is a very fine balance to find if you have some issues because this environment can be very confusing and mix up a range of emotions and business which are hard to square, I'm sure this happens to both men and women.

All the best, feel free to contact me anytime.

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Lots of the girls who post on here sound lovely, and I'm sure would look after you very nicely, and be understanding about you feeling nervous, needing to trust someone, lacking in confidence a bit. But it takes all kinds to make a world, and you can't rely either here, or in civvie street on everyone you meet being a good person. Maybe you need to exchange a couple of mails with the person you choose? Maybe a little chat on the phone?

It's a real shame you found someone you felt a little click with, and then that didn't work out. But you are making an effort, you are being pro active, and thats great. One of the awful things about depression and low self esteem is the way it paralyses you, stops you doing things. I can only speak for myself here, but I know a lot of guys who come to see me feel a bit nervous. That's part of my job, to be warm, and welcoming and make them feel comfortable. I'm sure the other girls here would agree. It's not all sexy underwear and being amazing at blowjobs you know.

I think balls of fire has given you excellent advice. See a few different girls. You are just starting out on a new part of your life, 9 years is a long time to be unhappy sweetheart. Life is there to be enjoyed, to be savoured. Good luck x

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I would advise you to buy a dog. Then you have to go out every day to walk it. You will make friends with other dog walkers and form a community. You will have companionship and responsibility, as well as exercise and the resultant endorphins. I wouldn´t recommend a Staff... a man with a Staff, unless he´s very old and posh, is intimidating to a lot of dog walkers with nice dogs. Dogs are great conversation starters.... and a cute dog will have me on my knees, playing quicker than you can say "blowjob!" :cool:

As for meeting people... the more you go out and mix with people, the easier it gets. Punting is safest and easiest when it isn't your only social outlet.

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Why dont you just join in more and get used to the escorts talking to you, then you can start looking around your area for escorts who might want to chat first, and build up some connection with them thatb way.

I think we all felt a bit shy at the start, and needed something to get us involved, ask if you can perhaps meet some escort you like for a coffee at a reduced rate, and then take it from there, there is no need to be intimate on your first booking, its not compulsory.

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I would advise you to buy a dog. Then you have to go out every day to walk it. You will make friends with other dog walkers and form a community. You will have companionship and responsibility, as well as exercise and the resultant endorphins. I wouldn´t recommend a Staff... a man with a Staff, unless he´s very old and posh, is intimidating to a lot of dog walkers with nice dogs. Dogs are great conversation starters.... and a cute dog will have me on my knees, playing quicker than you can say "blowjob!" :cool:

As for meeting people... the more you go out and mix with people, the easier it gets. Punting is safest and easiest when it isn't your only social outlet.

Absolutely! Exactly the right plan. A border terrier, perhaps? Or, if you live in the country and can spare at least an hour and probably more, every day, rain, shine or snow, a labrador!

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I would advise you to buy a dog. Then you have to go out every day to walk it. You will make friends with other dog walkers and form a community. You will have companionship and responsibility, as well as exercise and the resultant endorphins. I wouldn´t recommend a Staff... a man with a Staff, unless he´s very old and posh, is intimidating to a lot of dog walkers with nice dogs. Dogs are great conversation starters.... and a cute dog will have me on my knees, playing quicker than you can say "blowjob!" :cool:

As for meeting people... the more you go out and mix with people, the easier it gets. Punting is safest and easiest when it isn't your only social outlet.

Gotta be a Parsons Jack Russell - women love their cheeky faces and beards!

NJ, there are some seriously good tips here, but I would still recommend getting professional advice in the first instance. If you're unhappy with the medication, go back to your GP and get a referral to a psychotherapist. Many problems relating to confidence and self esteem can be helped with appropriate counselling. Even if not completely successful, it may put you on a better footing for socialising on civvie street.

And make your efforts to regain confidence "twin-track". In other words, take simultaneous steps in various parts of your lifestyle that will all further your quest for companionship. While exploring counselling, take up an exercise regime (you mentioned your weight), join evening classes (cookery can be a great way to meet ladies and learn to eat more healthily), join a gym, learn a foreign language (another great opportunity to practise speaking with ladies in the class).

I would guard against becoming too dependent on working girls as a substitute for your social life. As lovely and caring as the girls are here, it's still paid-for friendship, and it really isn't a permanent solution. On the flip-side, you will learn how to have great sex, which can boost your confidence with women!

NJ, you must bear in mind that many wgs will tactfully withdraw their services if they feel a customer is becoming too clingy. This will usually be done with the best of intentions. Remember, the girls have their own lives, families, commitments etc, and this must always be respected.

Good luck with this!

PS If your name is any clue to your personality, stop watching Star Wars/ Star Trek re-runs. It's a big no-no I'm afraid.

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So longtime seekers of service providers, you have to like the lady you're paying to spend time with, right? That should be a rhetorical question because I can't believe anyone can say anything but yes to that.

Honestly NJ, I don't believe that liking someone is a prerequisite to a good booking. Sure it helps and it's an absolute must for me if a WG is going to become a regular but I have had some fantastic one-off punts with gorgeously sexy women who I suspect that if we spent any time at all chatting would soon discover that neither of us particularly liked the other much at all. We pay to have sex, not to make friends. That doesn't mean that the latter doesn't sometime happen, but if itbdoes, it's a happy byproduct not the initial objective.

It sounds like you really clicked with your first lady and it must be a blow to find out she is no longer working, but honestly, there are plenty more fish in the sea. One of them will suit just as much as that first lady. And it's great fun looking, believe me.

Why not hang around on these boards for a bit, soak up some of the punting sub-culture and make your mind up in a few weeks whether you want to stay, both on the boards and as a punter.

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PS If your name is any clue to your personality, stop watching Star Wars/ Star Trek re-runs. It's a big no-no I'm afraid.

Don't listen to this man NJ. He is clearly deluded.

Just make sure it isn't the only thing you do :-)

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Honestly NJ, I don't believe that liking someone is a prerequisite to a good booking. Sure it helps and it's an absolute must for me if a WG is going to become a regular but I have had some fantastic one-off punts with gorgeously sexy women who I suspect that if we spent any time at all chatting would soon discover that neither of us particularly liked the other much at all.

I can like people without agreeing with them, or approving of everything they do.

If I dislike someone on the phone or in an email, I can't see them.

I start off feeling neutral, I sometimes end feeling neutral too, generally there's an an affection & willingness to repeat the experience, occasionally there's dislike.

The affection isn't necessarily intense, it's just a pleasant liking.

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I'm in my lat 30's and I have had very low self confidence for most of my life. Tried the anti-depressent route - wasted 9 years. Stopped that option last year, and felt better for it. Excersised and lost weight, read more and tried to cut down on the TV watching ( watched about 2hrs of telly in the last 3 weeks, that's a habit I'm proud to have given up ). All helping but... Still working on the getting out more. This is my dilema .

Tried the escort route in order to help boost my confidence. It worked. I had it mind that if the lady in question agreed I would just see her. It's normal to have to get to place where you have to trust and like the lady before you meet, right? I've struggled with that one. And just exclusively see that person, is that frowned on? I just don't think I'm built for the awkward : "Hi , nice to meet you let's have sex". Is that normal? That's a head scratcher because that is what this industry is for the most part. It's a double standard on my part, right? And is it ok to ask these questions? Guess i'm hoping to find out.

Sadly, that wasn't to be anyway because due to bad timing the lady in question is no longer offering services. My 1st instinct was maybe this isn't for me. The way I felt about myself told me different and my instinct tells me that it was maybe a fear of rejection that made me think that. It is pretty bad luck to have a lady retire a week after seeing you, right? I'm not being overly sensitive about that? The advice I got on here ( thanks again to those that did ) was get back in the saddle as quickly as possible. Is it ok to be sad that it won't be happening with someone you came to trust? Even though my wallet told me it was a business arrangement I still had to like the person, that's ok?

In the aftermath I was worried that I could come over as getting too attatched. In reality, I was simply sad I wouldn't be going on the self-confidence improving adventure with a sexy, kind and intelligent lady who I liked. Is that ok?

So longtime seekers of service providers, you have to like the lady you're paying to spend time with, right? That should be a rhetorical question because I can't believe anyone can say anything but yes to that.

Hopefully some of you can share a similar experience to help me feel a bit less of an idiot.

If you make it through to the end, congratulations!

I've found it's good to get this off your chest. We can't exactly discuss this stuff anywhere else I suppose. I find I actually can answer my own questions just by typing them out. I appreciate that oppurtuinty whatever happpens.

Feel free to give me your opinion on anything I've said.

My advice is pull and punt and if you meet the right person from pulling which is unlikely in punting knock it on the head. Thats the sensible thing to do in my view BUT if like me you want your cake and to eat it do both and have as much sex as you can manage. Life is for living and its up to you to live it as suits you.

A WG is ultimately doing a job, many are good at it but its not wise to get too attached, one day they are available the next gone, its the nature of punting. I punt with a mixture of great regulars and newbies to me as i like variety but i punt for just sex with no strings, i dont want any involvement more than that. Do what makes you happy and have some fun. :)

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Have you thought of joining a club, or society, associated with a hobby you enjoy? What about joining an adult education class in a language, cookery, home decorating, carpentry? there are plenty of evening classes you could try. What about a rambling or walking club. Then there's the gym.

In all of these places you will meet members of the opposite sex in a social situation with no pressure.

I did a course in French cookery several years ago and met 3 ladies who I dated over the course of 2 twelve week terms.

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I dont know what area you are from, maybe if you were to say then someone from there might be intrested to tell you whom is around that might treat you gently to begin with, and then take it from there

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You sound like a reasonable person learning more about what makes you happy. Escorts serve as a viable avenue for a sexual outlet, but obviously not one for a relationship. Continue to show the initiative in meeting people and hopefully you will come across someone who makes you happy.

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I would say that seeing a WG could help improve your confidence with women and of course there is the sexual element but apart from that and companionship to an extent , thats as far as it goes (for me anyway). Never forget its a paid service, the wg is not your girlfriend/friend. As others have stated, keep meeting people in the real world..u just never know when someone you like will turn up!

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Having sex with a lot of different girls will make you confident in general. But this is paid sex. So it could happen that you could end up thinking that you can get sex only by paying. I do not know how well you could do with free sex with girlfriends or sexflings. But remember that going to a WG for sex is also a bold move and not all people are comfortable with it. A few are nervous or scared and never are able to do it.

You must think in a postive manner and consider that paid sex with girls is also a achievement. As you will cross your targets you will feel more and more relaxed and confident. It will take a time to prepare your mindset. Like it is different to own a limousine and rent one. But till you cannot buy one only option is to rent one if you really want to go in a lomousine. So thinking a bit further, you may not find it odd to travel by scheduled flight if you donot own a private jets. So till you can get your own private pussy, rent one!

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Lots of the girls who post on here sound lovely, and I'm sure would look after you very nicely, and be understanding about you feeling nervous, needing to trust someone, lacking in confidence a bit. But it takes all kinds to make a world, and you can't rely either here, or in civvie street on everyone you meet being a good person. Maybe you need to exchange a couple of mails with the person you choose? Maybe a little chat on the phone?

It's a real shame you found someone you felt a little click with, and then that didn't work out. But you are making an effort, you are being pro active, and thats great. One of the awful things about depression and low self esteem is the way it paralyses you, stops you doing things. I can only speak for myself here, but I know a lot of guys who come to see me feel a bit nervous. That's part of my job, to be warm, and welcoming and make them feel comfortable. I'm sure the other girls here would agree. It's not all sexy underwear and being amazing at blowjobs you know.

I think balls of fire has given you excellent advice. See a few different girls. You are just starting out on a new part of your life, 9 years is a long time to be unhappy sweetheart. Life is there to be enjoyed, to be savoured. Good luck x

Thanks for that Lovely. I've come a long way in a short time, I sort of have to keep on going. How exactly I go about that and with whom, that's another question. Appreciate the feedback.

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Hi Jedi. If you have had low self asteem and confidence most of your life, to the point of anti-depressants for nine years, I personally don't think that seeing one particular escort on a regular basis is the answer to the problem. You may buy the 'girl friend experience' but you won't buy the actual girlfriend.

If you find seeing escorts help why not spread your wings and see a number of different girls? There are lots of really lovely WG's out there. The more contact you have with a greater variety of women may help with your general confidence rather than seeing just one particular person. If you become too attached it will only end in tears at some point and you will be back to square one.

My real advice though, if you are looking to form a relationship with someone you like, is to join a reputable dating agency. You may find that quite daunting to begin with but I am sure it would become easier over time. You may then have the opportunity to meet someone similar to yourself i.e. a little shy, and you can then form a proper friendship over a period of time at your own pace.

You are obviously making great efforts to overcome your confidence issues and you are to be congratulated on that - so well done. I wish you well for the future.

Great comments. I don't actually find the gfe that appealling at all, if I even understand what it is. All you wonderful Women out there are different, so I presume each experience would be...different? As I'm simply trying to feel my way through this though that's just an initial view. I was just looking for an intelligent lady whom I felt I could trust and go from there. There were no conflicted emotions; the lightness of my wallet afterwards was all the reminder I needed it was a business arrangement. The "relationship" as I saw it would have been : I pay for the privilege of your company, I learn and hopefully become more confident. That was as complicated as I wanted it to be. Events intervened and here I am.

The dating agency idea? Not for me, not at this time. I'm not actually looking for a relationship at the mo. And I'm really not shy, just not as confident as I'd like to be in the boudoir dept.

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I have to say I associate a lot with what NaughtyJedi has written.

To me wanting to trust and know someone is an issue, but that can have negatives because you can come across poorly needing that trust in this environment. I'm still wholly not sure how much you can or should want to know a professional escort, where is that boundary between private and business?

My general feelings for NaughtyJedi is I don't think there are any "normals". One person can differ greatly from another (be they male or female) and personally I don't think you have to conform, as long as you are happy that means you won't get a positive response from everyone in every situation.

I think seeing an escort can be great for confidence, but you don't want to base your whole confidence around that. Yes I know the words sound easy and I know it isn't easy at all.

I think it is a very fine balance to find if you have some issues because this environment can be very confusing and mix up a range of emotions and business which are hard to square, I'm sure this happens to both men and women.

All the best, feel free to contact me anytime.

Wise words. Thanks.

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I would advise you to buy a dog. Then you have to go out every day to walk it. You will make friends with other dog walkers and form a community. You will have companionship and responsibility, as well as exercise and the resultant endorphins. I wouldn´t recommend a Staff... a man with a Staff, unless he´s very old and posh, is intimidating to a lot of dog walkers with nice dogs. Dogs are great conversation starters.... and a cute dog will have me on my knees, playing quicker than you can say "blowjob!" :cool:

As for meeting people... the more you go out and mix with people, the easier it gets. Punting is safest and easiest when it isn't your only social outlet.

Thanks for the advice Lara. I'm doing the excersise thing, just not too sure about the dog idea ( although you make a VERY convincing & appealing argument ) . I can assure you the whole experience I've had so far with this has taken a huge monkey off my back and I am more confident about meeting new people. I could bore you to death with recent examples but...

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Why dont you just join in more and get used to the escorts talking to you, then you can start looking around your area for escorts who might want to chat first, and build up some connection with them thatb way.

I think we all felt a bit shy at the start, and needed something to get us involved, ask if you can perhaps meet some escort you like for a coffee at a reduced rate, and then take it from there, there is no need to be intimate on your first booking, its not compulsory.

Wow! I think you pretty much envisaged the dream scenario for me. I really need to work on my conciseness! Ta.

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Gotta be a Parsons Jack Russell - women love their cheeky faces and beards!

NJ, there are some seriously good tips here, but I would still recommend getting professional advice in the first instance. If you're unhappy with the medication, go back to your GP and get a referral to a psychotherapist. Many problems relating to confidence and self esteem can be helped with appropriate counselling. Even if not completely successful, it may put you on a better footing for socialising on civvie street.

And make your efforts to regain confidence "twin-track". In other words, take simultaneous steps in various parts of your lifestyle that will all further your quest for companionship. While exploring counselling, take up an exercise regime (you mentioned your weight), join evening classes (cookery can be a great way to meet ladies and learn to eat more healthily), join a gym, learn a foreign language (another great opportunity to practise speaking with ladies in the class).

I would guard against becoming too dependent on working girls as a substitute for your social life. As lovely and caring as the girls are here, it's still paid-for friendship, and it really isn't a permanent solution. On the flip-side, you will learn how to have great sex, which can boost your confidence with women!

NJ, you must bear in mind that many wgs will tactfully withdraw their services if they feel a customer is becoming too clingy. This will usually be done with the best of intentions. Remember, the girls have their own lives, families, commitments etc, and this must always be respected.

Good luck with this!

PS If your name is any clue to your personality, stop watching Star Wars/ Star Trek re-runs. It's a big no-no I'm afraid.

All good advice. And all in actual effect. What I'm doing now would have been impossible 12 months ago, let's leave it at that. I would be mortified if my behaviour offended ( even mildly ) anyone and especially a WG. I'd be offended if anything I was doing wrong WASN'T pointed out to me.

PS Are you by chance generalising on a stereotype with regards to the name? Now THAT'S naughty! :P How very, bloomin dare you "reverend" ( let's not even begin to go there ;) )

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Honestly NJ, I don't believe that liking someone is a prerequisite to a good booking. Sure it helps and it's an absolute must for me if a WG is going to become a regular but I have had some fantastic one-off punts with gorgeously sexy women who I suspect that if we spent any time at all chatting would soon discover that neither of us particularly liked the other much at all. We pay to have sex, not to make friends. That doesn't mean that the latter doesn't sometime happen, but if itbdoes, it's a happy byproduct not the initial objective.

It sounds like you really clicked with your first lady and it must be a blow to find out she is no longer working, but honestly, there are plenty more fish in the sea. One of them will suit just as much as that first lady. And it's great fun looking, believe me.

Why not hang around on these boards for a bit, soak up some of the punting sub-culture and make your mind up in a few weeks whether you want to stay, both on the boards and as a punter.

As eloquent as ever Kantos. Appreciate the advice. I think by virtue of the fact I'm still hanging around answers your last point. Cheers.

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