bethom

Do Lots Of Men Here Lack Confidence?

181 posts in this topic

I get the general feeling this is the case, just by looking at some of the threads made here.

As a further question, should men who pay for sex due to low confidence/self-esteem be dissuaded from doing so?

And before anybody says anything, no I'm not denigrating anybody here. For what it's worth, I simply use escorts for fun, but I consider myself a relatively assured person. I know and accept my strengths and weaknesses, and am assured in manner and speech.

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I get the general feeling this is the case, just by looking at some of the threads made here.

As a further question, should men who pay for sex due to low confidence/self-esteem be dissuaded from doing so?

And before anybody says anything, no I'm not denigrating anybody here. For what it's worth, I simply use escorts for fun, but I consider myself a relatively assured person. I know and accept my strengths and weaknesses, and am assured in manner and speech.

Women are not attracted to confidence, rather thuggery and low intelligence. Anyone who has seen the men that women find attractive would have to concede this. On the website half-sigma they cite evidence that males with high intelligence tend to use prostitutes far more than low IQ males. Given these facts, men who aren't dumb and violent are going to have problems forming relationships.

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Intelligence and confidence are not the same thing - in fact, surely the most intelligent men tend to be traditionally 'nerds' and shy around women?

Women are not attracted to 'low intelligence' per se - more to the aura of 'protective capability'. So a man who seems Neanderthal-like will attract women based on Nature's programming. We're programmed to look for providers/protectors.

Luckily a lot of us have learned to override this and look for intelligence and humour instead.

However, to go with your assumption, perhaps the reason men who aren't dumb and violent MAY have more difficulty forming relationships is that they're too clever to just 'settle'? So "She's pretty, she'll do" isn't enough for them?

As for the men who see prostitutes being more likely to lack confidence - some. But equally, some have plenty of confidence but a wife at home, so don't want any entanglements. Some have plenty of confidence, but like something out of the ordinary once in a while. Some have all the confidence in the world, but no social skills, as evidenced by the cocky little shit who visited me a few weeks back.

There's no blanket description for men who visit hookers, you're all different.

And, as for 'should men who visit hookers because they have low self-confidence be prevented from doing so'? Hell yeah, why not kick a man while he's down????

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I disagree with puntingbreak - that is just bitter nonsense.

I agree that confidence and intelligence do not necessarily go together. However - a confident intelligent man is blessed with choice - where as a confident low intelligence male is restricted to women of his own low intyelligence type. A hot univ graduate woman is unlikely to fall for the banal, yet confident banter of your average Alfie as she will also feel worthy of someone who is at least on her own social/intellectual level. But such women also want confident men - as they will feel that is part and parcel of intelligence.

We could always do a poll on this to find what % of men on here feel they see hookers due to lack of confidence - that would settle the issue to some extent.

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i think the OP is making the assumption that blokes punt cos they cant pull.

I think many blokes dont want to go on the pull cos

1. sucess rate is poor. you spend a lot of time/money and no guarantee of sucess.

2. you want to see younger women who may be difficult to pull. indeed they may go to different places than the bloke would go to.

3. your personal curcumstances may make having affairs difficult/dangerous, esp if u have a partner. one of the benefits of punting is you walk away -thats it.

4. scared of complications with having illicit affairs.

5. want to see loads of women, and puntinf is a good way to do that

6. dont want an emotional attachment, just want sex

7. are turned on by punting.

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The thing about any anonymous forum is that it allows people to expose things about themselves that maybe they wouldn't otherwise. We all have moments of self doubt, even the most confident of us.

This is generally something that most people keep quiet about, maybe have moments where we wonder, 'IS it okay what we do?'

The roaring chorus of disapproval from society at large is so loud, and the little voices in the wilderness saying 'Em, WHAT exactly is wrong with what we are doing?', are so quiet, and often anonymous.

So maybe what comes across as being lacking in confidence is simply self awareness and capacity for insight, the ability to question our own motivations and desires. To question societal norms. To have the confidence to follow our own path, just maybe with moments of worry or doubt which a forum like this allows us to express.

Women are not attracted to confidence, rather thuggery and low intelligence.

And as for this little gem, can I suggest that whenever anyone makes sweeping statements about half the population, it be prefaced by the word 'some'?

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I think BristolBBW Claire has got it right, everyone is different. At best it's difficult and at worst pointless trying to give a blanket of how everyone is. "Confidence" itself can be a tough thing to define - in a situation where some people are confident others won't be.

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Intelligence and confidence are not the same thing - in fact, surely the most intelligent men tend to be traditionally 'nerds' and shy around women?

Women are not attracted to 'low intelligence' per se - more to the aura of 'protective capability'. So a man who seems Neanderthal-like will attract women based on Nature's programming. We're programmed to look for providers/protectors.

Luckily a lot of us have learned to override this and look for intelligence and humour instead.

However, to go with your assumption, perhaps the reason men who aren't dumb and violent MAY have more difficulty forming relationships is that they're too clever to just 'settle'? So "She's pretty, she'll do" isn't enough for them?

As for the men who see prostitutes being more likely to lack confidence - some. But equally, some have plenty of confidence but a wife at home, so don't want any entanglements. Some have plenty of confidence, but like something out of the ordinary once in a while. Some have all the confidence in the world, but no social skills, as evidenced by the cocky little shit who visited me a few weeks back.

There's no blanket description for men who visit hookers, you're all different.

And, as for 'should men who visit hookers because they have low self-confidence be prevented from doing so'? Hell yeah, why not kick a man while he's down????

A very good post Claire.

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Not sure I lack confidence exactly but I am 4 punts down and I do find my nerves are spoiling the enjoyment at the moment. I don't lack confidence in my work, social life etc but I certainly do punting. I expect a certain amount of them but on two of my punts they got in the way and threatened to completely spoil the whole booking!!! It's not the chatting to the girls or having a laugh it's more stage fright when I need to be ready for action!

I am working on the assumption I just need to persevere with it, strange as it never happens in my civilian life!

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Women are not attracted to confidence, rather thuggery and low intelligence. Anyone who has seen the men that women find attractive would have to concede this. On the website half-sigma they cite evidence that males with high intelligence tend to use prostitutes far more than low IQ males. Given these facts, men who aren't dumb and violent are going to have problems forming relationships.

Some of the biggest load of old bollocks i have read on here for a long time. As ever it depends on the individual woman, your sweeping generalisation regarding men and women is beyond rubbish in my view.

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I get the general feeling this is the case, just by looking at some of the threads made here. As a further question, should men who pay for sex due to low confidence/self-esteem be dissuaded from doing so? And before anybody says anything, no I'm not denigrating anybody here. For what it's worth, I simply use escorts for fun, but I consider myself a relatively assured person. I know and accept my strengths and weaknesses, and am assured in manner and speech.

Clearly going on their posts some punters on here are lacking in confidence as they themselves say, whether its lots on here though i dont know. Its up to a punter to decide if he wishes to punt or not, i dont see it as my business to dissuade anyone who is an adult. I have noted some advise young punters to go look for a girlfriend, i say do both, punt and pull and shag around as much as you can and have fun.

I have never been lacking in confidence or self esteem, i just like punting with no strings and having fun, its that simple. :)

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i think the OP is making the assumption that blokes punt cos they cant pull.

I think many blokes dont want to go on the pull cos

1. sucess rate is poor. you spend a lot of time/money and no guarantee of sucess.

2. you want to see younger women who may be difficult to pull. indeed they may go to different places than the bloke would go to.

3. your personal curcumstances may make having affairs difficult/dangerous, esp if u have a partner. one of the benefits of punting is you walk away -thats it.

4. scared of complications with having illicit affairs.

5. want to see loads of women, and puntinf is a good way to do that

6. dont want an emotional attachment, just want sex

7. are turned on by punting.

I'd just add you can't be doing all that bad in life if you can afford to regularly punt. I doubt any of us punters are in debt because of punting.

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I have never been lacking in confidence or self esteem, i just like punting with no strings and having fun, its that simple. :)

Totally agree on this one, Smiths :D

Jack :ph34r:

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Do Lots Of Men Here Lack Confidence?

I'm just not sure :confused:

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Granted that many men who punt do not do so because they haven't a hope of pulling.

That is quite reasonable to say.

But that does not mean to say that we should not talk about and discuss the punter who has trouble - or cannot pull - is shy with women or whatever - just can't find a girlfriend, regular partner - and in consequence - pays for sex. I find that an interesting question, from the point of view - is it a good thing or not? Those guys that can't pull and feel they probably never will - and I think there are plenty of those around lurking on this board - may be doing the wrong thing in paying for a bit of sex now and again - as they will rely on that as a substitute for a relationship which could eventually lead to marriage, children and a fulfilling existence. It may well be that the misery of lonliness pushes someone out of doors into the real world and something actually happens sooner or later. Paying for sex temporarily eases the pain - and you can ease that pain whenever you have a bit of money. But is it simply avoiding one's responsibilities? There is an evolutionary reason why lonliness is painful - if it was pleasurable, no man would bother to go out and find a woman - and humanity would peter out. So the pain is necessary - and taking a hooker pill may ease the symptoms - but does not cure the illness. As many of you on ths board know I am going through a difficult time at the moment - have not the ideal marriage, or anywhere near - but I would not change anything of the past - if I had spent my life paying for sex instead of marrying - I would not have had the experience of my helping my child grow up, for example - that is real life - and no amount of paid sex can substitute it - to my way of thinking. So I do question whether single guys who are involuntary celibates are doing the best thing for themselves in paying out to hookers (a path I might have chosen in my 20s/30s had the net been so advanced at the time) rather than getting out there and getting a life.

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Granted that many men who punt do not do so because they haven't a hope of pulling.

That is quite reasonable to say.

But that does not mean to say that we should not talk about and discuss the punter who has trouble - or cannot pull - is shy with women or whatever - just can't find a girlfriend, regular partner - and in consequence - pays for sex. I find that an interesting question, from the point of view - is it a good thing or not? Those guys that can't pull and feel they probably never will - and I think there are plenty of those around lurking on this board - may be doing the wrong thing in paying for a bit of sex now and again - as they will rely on that as a substitute for a relationship which could eventually lead to marriage, children and a fulfilling existence. It may well be that the misery of lonliness pushes someone out of doors into the real world and something actually happens sooner or later. Paying for sex temporarily eases the pain - and you can ease that pain whenever you have a bit of money. But is it simply avoiding one's responsibilities? There is an evolutionary reason why lonliness is painful - if it was pleasurable, no man would bother to go out and find a woman - and humanity would peter out. So the pain is necessary - and taking a hooker pill may ease the symptoms - but does not cure the illness. As many of you on ths board know I am going through a difficult time at the moment - have not the ideal marriage, or anywhere near - but I would not change anything of the past - if I had spent my life paying for sex instead of marrying - I would not have had the experience of my helping my child grow up, for example - that is real life - and no amount of paid sex can substitute it - to my way of thinking. So I do question whether single guys who are involuntary celibates are doing the best thing for themselves in paying out to hookers (a path I might have chosen in my 20s/30s had the net been so advanced at the time) rather than getting out there and getting a life.

Thats why i always say do both, pull and punt. The point is your unlikely to find love and so a relationship with a WG although it does happen, but your soulmate COULD be round the next corner when out pulling.

Obviously its a matter of opinion, but to experience real love thats mutual i see as something that enriches life, it cant be beaten by punting, but if a punter just wants sex with no strings and is either not interested in a relationship at the moment or even cant envisage ever having one punting is better than wanking in my view unless its with a bad WG when wanking is far preferable to me. I hear punting does give some punters confidence to then chat up non-WGs so thats also a big plus to it for such punters.

Whats also true is very ugly men can pull, my mate is one such and i am no oil painting either, its not always just about looks with some women, humour and personality can go a long way. My mates blanket bombing technique has produced some amazing results, stunners leaving on his arm simply because he used his humour to talk them into bed. He might of tried to chat up 30 women to get one result though but simply isnt bothered by a turn down, he doesnt do embarrassed but isnt rude or arrogant, just self confident and assured. I think some men have very low self esteem and convince themselves no woman would be interested so give up trying to pull or have never even tried doing so in the first place. Great if punting helps them with this, but fine if all they require is sex with no strings.

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Thats why i always say do both, pull and punt. The point is your unlikely to find love and so a relationship with a WG although it does happen, but your soulmate COULD be round the next corner when out pulling.

Obviously its a matter of opinion, but to experience real love thats mutual i see as something that enriches life, it cant be beaten by punting, but if a punter just wants sex with no strings and is either not interested in a relationship at the moment or even cant envisage ever having one punting is better than wanking in my view unless its with a bad WG when wanking is far preferable to me. I hear punting does give some punters confidence to then chat up non-WGs so thats also a big plus to it for such punters.

Whats also true is very ugly men can pull, my mate is one such and i am no oil painting either, its not always just about looks with some women, humour and personality can go a long way. My mates blanket bombing technique has produced some amazing results, stunners leaving on his arm simply because he used his humour to talk them into bed. He might of tried to chat up 30 women to get one result though but simply isnt bothered by a turn down, he doesnt do embarrassed but isnt rude or arrogant, just self confident and assured. I think some men have very low self esteem and convince themselves no woman would be interested so give up trying to pull or have never even tried doing so in the first place. Great if punting helps them with this, but fine if all they require is sex with no strings.

then there is the 'direct method' where you ask girls if they fancy a shag. the theory is one will say yes. the downside is a sharp female knee in the knackers.

never tried it myself -perhaps i dont have the confidence!

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I get the general feeling this is the case, just by looking at some of the threads made here.

As a further question, should men who pay for sex due to low confidence/self-esteem be dissuaded from doing so?

And before anybody says anything, no I'm not denigrating anybody here. For what it's worth, I simply use escorts for fun, but I consider myself a relatively assured person. I know and accept my strengths and weaknesses, and am assured in manner and speech.

I always make sure there is a strategically placed mirror when I am fucking, so that I can admire myself whilst doing the deed.

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may be doing the wrong thing in paying for a bit of sex now and again - as they will rely on that as a substitute for a relationship which could eventually lead to marriage, children and a fulfilling existence.

You're someone that should not be playing that card. You've recently been caught by your wife for punting and while I have every sympathy for your situation I don't think that you should be the one to promote the social conditioning of that institution here. No personal offense intended :)

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Thats why i always say do both, pull and punt. The point is your unlikely to find love and so a relationship with a WG although it does happen, but your soulmate COULD be round the next corner when out pulling.

Obviously its a matter of opinion, but to experience real love thats mutual i see as something that enriches life, it cant be beaten by punting, but if a punter just wants sex with no strings and is either not interested in a relationship at the moment or even cant envisage ever having one punting is better than wanking in my view unless its with a bad WG when wanking is far preferable to me. I hear punting does give some punters confidence to then chat up non-WGs so thats also a big plus to it for such punters.

Whats also true is very ugly men can pull, my mate is one such and i am no oil painting either, its not always just about looks with some women, humour and personality can go a long way. My mates blanket bombing technique has produced some amazing results, stunners leaving on his arm simply because he used his humour to talk them into bed. He might of tried to chat up 30 women to get one result though but simply isnt bothered by a turn down, he doesnt do embarrassed but isnt rude or arrogant, just self confident and assured. I think some men have very low self esteem and convince themselves no woman would be interested so give up trying to pull or have never even tried doing so in the first place. Great if punting helps them with this, but fine if all they require is sex with no strings.

Yes, yes - but with respect - my comments are aimed at those guys who cannot pull at all under any circumstances and have given up thinking they can. I have also heard some guys bragging that punting gave them the confidence to pull - whether there is any substance to those claims I do not know. I personally think it is unlikely. I think it is more likely that guys come on here and lie about that - than that it is true. I have my reasons for thinking this way - mainly lack of any real evidence beyond anonymous hearsay. I agree that it is better to punt and pull - but my point is that many guys - from what I have read on this board, quite plausibly punt 100% and pull 0% - so they punt and have give up or never did pull for whatever reason. And in thise case I am saying that those guys have their lives in limbo as they have given up trying to solve their problem of not being able to find someone to love.

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You're someone that should not be playing that card. You've recently been caught by your wife for punting and while I have every sympathy for your situation I don't think that you should be the one to promote the social conditioning of that institution here. No personal offense intended :)

Just because my marriage has not worked out as I would have liked - does not mean the institution is at fault per se. I also would say that I would prefer to be in my situation - rather than someone who has never been loved by a woman other than their mother and goes through life from one punt to the next never experiencing the closeness of a real relationship.

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Yes, yes - but with respect - my comments are aimed at those guys who cannot pull at all under any circumstances and have given up thinking they can. I have also heard some guys bragging that punting gave them the confidence to pull - whether there is any substance to those claims I do not know. I personally think it is unlikely. I think it is more likely that guys come on here and lie about that - than that it is true. I have my reasons for thinking this way - mainly lack of any real evidence beyond anonymous hearsay. I agree that it is better to punt and pull - but my point is that many guys - from what I have read on this board, quite plausibly punt 100% and pull 0% - so they punt and have give up or never did pull for whatever reason. And in thise case I am saying that those guys have their lives in limbo as they have given up trying to solve their problem of not being able to find someone to love.

Some of the punters who have said punting gave them confidence werent bragging in my opinion, just explaining what benefit punting gave them. Anonymous hearsay is the most we will ever get on here unless we ever meet the punter ourselves while punting of course, its all a matter of taking their unprovable word for what they post in many cases, always will be. Anyway i will be interested in reading the opinions of such punters in reply.

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then there is the 'direct method' where you ask girls if they fancy a shag. the theory is one will say yes. the downside is a sharp female knee in the knackers.

never tried it myself -perhaps i dont have the confidence!

I wouldnt recommend that technique, sounds potentially very painful. ;):D

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Just because my marriage has not worked out as I would have liked - does not mean the institution is at fault per se. I also would say that I would prefer to be in my situation - rather than someone who has never been loved by a woman other than their mother and goes through life from one punt to the next never experiencing the closeness of a real relationship.

That maybe true but ironically you now punt alongside many of those you spurn.

Edited by SpoksEyebrows

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Lack confidence? No! (is that OK, does anybody mind me saying no?)

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