Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
THE D

Nerves Really Getting In The Way, Anyone Got Any Advice To Calm Them!

19 posts in this topic

Well I am only 4 punts in and I have been really surprised how nerves or anxiety have effected my enjoyment and performance. I have tried the blue pill to see if that would help and both times it did absolutely nothing at all (100mg both times but I am a big lad at 6ft 3' and 17 stone) I have thought of trying taking two (I have no health issues at all).

In my civilian life I have no issues at all so am perplexed why I seem to be getting problems when punting. I was expecting apprehension and a little nerves and when I am there I don't feel really anxious but I am now really aware of the issue and it sort of becomes a self fulfilling prophecy if you get my meaning.

I have a two hour punt coming up in may that I really want to fully enjoy and I am concerned that this will be an issue and wondered does anyone have any advice?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As they say, it's mostly in the head, maybe ease into it with some talking and massage.

I now have the opposite problem: punting has generally screwed up my ability to perform with my partner. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel your pain but I would suggest that if you're not enjoying it then maybe take a step back and really consider why not. I don't know your financial situation but I personally really couldn't see the value in paying considerable money for a series of bad experiences.

I'm new to this thing as well but I know chapter & verse why I've had less than perfect experiences. I've taken a step back so I can try & resolve things. Everyones's different and brings their own particular brand of baggage with them. Maybe take yours out and have a good old rummage around.

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting replies - thanks guys.

I think a lot for me has to be that I just cannot get past having sex with someone who I know is only there for the money and not because she wants to be, sounds stupid right, I mean I knew that was the case going into this and I thought 'its just sex - it will be fun' but it turns out I kind of find it a turn off the moment my mind wanders and I start thinking is she really enjoying this or just faking (I know 99% likely faking) etc etc etc.

The problem is I am in a currently sexless marriage and I am only 40 and I just do not want to give up sex yet (I virtually went 3 years without any after our last child was born and I just had enough) - I don't want to leave my wife or have an affair. I feel no concious guilt for doing this at all but obviously there IS some sort of baggage stopping me getting fully into it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting replies - thanks guys.

I think a lot for me has to be that I just cannot get past having sex with someone who I know is only there for the money and not because she wants to be, sounds stupid right, I mean I knew that was the case going into this and I thought 'its just sex - it will be fun' but it turns out I kind of find it a turn off the moment my mind wanders and I start thinking is she really enjoying this or just faking (I know 99% likely faking) etc etc etc.

The problem is I am in a currently sexless marriage and I am only 40 and I just do not want to give up sex yet (I virtually went 3 years without any after our last child was born and I just had enough) - I don't want to leave my wife or have an affair. I feel no concious guilt for doing this at all but obviously there IS some sort of baggage stopping me getting fully into it!

Of course only you can sort this baggage you mention out. For me punting is clear cut, its mainly fun and the easiest way to get the sex i require. Its good to feel nerves although for me its anticipation rather than nerves but not if they spoil the fun. I am walking on air after a good punt and looking forward to the next one.

All i can advise is relax, view it that the WG doing it as a job for your money means if she is good she will ensure she offers you a good service with no strings which i view as an advantage to punting and enjoy yourself, if your not is there any point to doing it, i certainly wouldnt bother if it wasnt fun. I wish you all the best. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course only you can sort this baggage you mention out. For me punting is clear cut, its mainly fun and the easiest way to get the sex i require. Its good to feel nerves although for me its anticipation rather than nerves but not if they spoil the fun. I am walking on air after a good punt and looking forward to the next one.

All i can advise is relax, view it that the WG doing it as a job for your money means if she is good she will ensure she offers you a good service with no strings which i view as an advantage to punting and enjoy yourself, if your not is there any point to doing it, i certainly wouldnt bother if it wasnt fun. I wish you all the best. :)

In my head (or so I thought!) it was pretty clear cut too - that is why I am slightly surprised it has happened so far - it might just be beginners nerves and that if I carry on things will get easier. I certainly have not yet had a punt which left me feeling like I was walking on air - and that is what I am looking for!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I may be talking out of turn here, but some women DO enjoy sex as much as men do. This job gives us a context in which we can have sex with discreet men, and not have to worry about paying the bills.

If you get it stuck in your head that we CAN'T enjoy sex with you, you kill the mood & we don't!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I may be talking out of turn here, but some women DO enjoy sex as much as men do. This job gives us a context in which we can have sex with discreet men, and not have to worry about paying the bills.

If you get it stuck in your head that we CAN'T enjoy sex with you, you kill the mood & we don't!

HI Lara, sorry if you thought I was saying the girls kill the mood, that's not what I meant at all. Only one of the girls I have seen has made it feel more 'going through the motions' , the others were all very welcoming! The problem is certainly ME not the girls. In fact I have taken something positive from all of them and have genuinely enjoyed chatting to them, they have all been intelligent, interesting people. The issue is not the girls but me and my perception of things! I suspect I am just over thinking the whole thing and just need to relax into it a bit more.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting replies - thanks guys.

I think a lot for me has to be that I just cannot get past having sex with someone who I know is only there for the money and not because she wants to be, sounds stupid right, I mean I knew that was the case going into this and I thought 'its just sex - it will be fun' but it turns out I kind of find it a turn off the moment my mind wanders and I start thinking is she really enjoying this or just faking (I know 99% likely faking) etc etc etc.

It really does sound to me as if punting is not for you. The money is there and it's a central part of the deal. If you can't cope with that, then it's not going to work.

I don't want to sound callous, but does it really matter THAT much that she has to be enjoying it? Apart from Lara's point, there are various ways they could be enjoying it without necessarily having an orgasm. There's pleasure in doing a job well, and leaving the customer satisfied, for example. And I've found that many working girls have a lively appreciation of the comedy of masculine sexuality - but perhaps if I send your thoughts in that direction, it will make it even worse for you...

Edited by Mr. Bloom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I just have over thought the whole thing, or underestimated my own nerves (as I said never had this happen before). I guess some people just dive straight in no problem and for others there is a slight readjustment needed to a different way of thinking. I will say I have enjoyed the whole 'adventure' of it, going to different places and the buzz of doing it plus, as stated earlier, have met so lovely women too. So bizarrely I have enjoyed the bits arounf the sex but just not had that one unt yet that has left me with a huge smile on my face. I think I am slowly coming around to being more comfortable and once I calm the old nerves a tad more I will really start to enjoy myself more.

Mr Bloom - I appreciate the money side of things and have no issue with it it is more that my mind starts to over think things too much once we get going and then in turn that distracts me and I lose the 'moment' so to speak!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The D, I bet youve had fantasies like most of us guys about the secretary doing anything to keep her job or the hot catholic school girl doing whatever it takes for a better grade-both scenarios that dont really require dwelling on wether shes having the time of her life ot not. Maybe you can incorporate that kind of thinking (either as a fantasy in your head or as role play with a willing lady) to help get around your worries?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I, too, have suffered the quaking at the knees syndrome, so much so that I have only had a single 1-2-1 encounter but the lass certainly looked after me. My main problem is that I'm not very talkative, for that reason I prefer the party atmosphere where I can blend in with a degree of anonymity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I, too, have suffered the quaking at the knees syndrome, so much so that I have only had a single 1-2-1 encounter but the lass certainly looked after me. My main problem is that I'm not very talkative, for that reason I prefer the party atmosphere where I can blend in with a degree of anonymity.

I like the idea of the parties but I also imagine the pressure to perform to be greater plus there are more people around and so that must add to it all too, is that not the case?? Can you just watch until you feel comfortable enough to join in? Personally I always imagined the parties to be a more stressful environment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I think a lot for me has to be that I just cannot get past having sex with someone who I know is only there for the money and not because she wants to be

I am finding it harder ('scuse the pun) to suspend my disbelief about this. It's probably not been helped by being so active on this forum for the last four and a half years, but I am now acutely sensitive to any of the time wasting/finish early tricks (possibly imagined) and find this now spoils my enjoyment - though not to the extent that I can't do the deed.

In fairness, it was several years before I experienced the "walking on air" feeling post-punt, but that was with a lady I had got to know quite well beforehand through chatting on here which made it feel so much more than a simple paid sex encounter.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am finding it harder ('scuse the pun) to suspend my disbelief about this. It's probably not been helped by being so active on this forum for the last four and a half years, but I am now acutely sensitive to any of the time wasting/finish early tricks (possibly imagined) and find this now spoils my enjoyment - though not to the extent that I can't do the deed.

In fairness, it was several years before I experienced the "walking on air" feeling post-punt, but that was with a lady I had got to know quite well beforehand through chatting on here which made it feel so much more than a simple paid sex encounter.

Funny, I have seen a few people now say it took a few years before they really hit their stride so to speak and started to get the absolute best out of it, for me, so far the sex has not been that fantastic and whilst I have a bit of a post put downer when I think what am I doing, I still find myself drawn back. What I have learnt is that I probably was going for quantity (kid in a sweet shop scenario) where as now I think I am going to slow down a tad and get comfortable with one and then when my confidence is there I will add some variety. Weird thing is (and I have said this in previous posts) I still walk away from every punt with some positives, I have genuinely liked the girls and enjoyed talking to them, I just need to get over my little blip with the nerves and I think I will really be ok.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I just have over thought the whole thing, or underestimated my own nerves (as I said never had this happen before). I guess some people just dive straight in no problem and for others there is a slight readjustment needed to a different way of thinking. I will say I have enjoyed the whole 'adventure' of it, going to different places and the buzz of doing it plus, as stated earlier, have met so lovely women too. So bizarrely I have enjoyed the bits arounf the sex but just not had that one unt yet that has left me with a huge smile on my face. I think I am slowly coming around to being more comfortable and once I calm the old nerves a tad more I will really start to enjoy myself more.

In a nutshell, yes THED, you are thinking waaay too much about all of this.

You don't "think" yourself a stiffy. Her looks/ smell/ touch/ taste/ will stimulate your 'animal' urge, releasing the hormones that give you the erection.

As Curious Rose said on another thread: "Feel, don't think".

So, stop thinking, feel the desire, and it'll happen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like the idea of the parties but I also imagine the pressure to perform to be greater plus there are more people around and so that must add to it all too, is that not the case?? Can you just watch until you feel comfortable enough to join in? Personally I always imagined the parties to be a more stressful environment.

Before my first party i was quaking with fear despite being an experienced punter. In reality there is no pressure to perform, and you can watch or chat if you so wish, you will pay the same amount whatever you do though. So they were really stressful before my first, but not at all stressful since for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting replies - thanks guys.

I think a lot for me has to be that I just cannot get past having sex with someone who I know is only there for the money and not because she wants to be, sounds stupid right, I mean I knew that was the case going into this and I thought 'its just sex - it will be fun' but it turns out I kind of find it a turn off the moment my mind wanders and I start thinking is she really enjoying this or just faking (I know 99% likely faking) etc etc etc.

The problem is I am in a currently sexless marriage and I am only 40 and I just do not want to give up sex yet (I virtually went 3 years without any after our last child was born and I just had enough) - I don't want to leave my wife or have an affair. I feel no concious guilt for doing this at all but obviously there IS some sort of baggage stopping me getting fully into it!

I have two thoughts, D. First, about your nerves: Some of the best advice I've ever heard for nervous guys (and girls!), whether it's in their personal lives or punting, is to "take vaginal intercourse off the table." Arrange a one hour booking with a nice girl who has experience with nervous clients, but let her know up front that you won't be looking for penetrative sex. And honestly enter into the experience not expecting to have it! Concentrate on the kissing, caressing, stroking. Give the lady lots of RO, and just luxuriate in another person's body, and the experience of so much skin. Remember, for this punt, the goal is not penetration--better yet, I think you'll have even better results if the goal is not orgasm! You're just there to enjoy the pleasure of two bodies touching in all the lovely ways you can squeeze into an hour. If the mood strikes at the end, and you think you can't bear not finishing, do so with a handjob or oral. Taking penetrative sex off the table takes so much pressure off of you--to perform, to maintain an erection, whatever. If you change your focus to the pleasure of touch and taste and smell, to enjoying another human being rather than just orgasm, I think you'll find your subsequent punts easy-breezy. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think a lot for me has to be that I just cannot get past having sex with someone who I know is only there for the money and not because she wants to be, sounds stupid right, I mean I knew that was the case going into this and I thought 'its just sex - it will be fun' but it turns out I kind of find it a turn off the moment my mind wanders and I start thinking is she really enjoying this or just faking (I know 99% likely faking) etc etc etc.

Gah, accidentally posted before I wrote the second point!

Secondly, D, there are loads of us out there who really DO want to be there, and really DO enjoy our jobs. There are lots of different kinds of sex, and sex with a stranger, without strings, just for pleasure, is just as valid as any other reason to have sex. There's not enough money in the world to make me do a job that I hate; just yesterday I was thrilled all over again by the very happy feeling of looking forward to going to work. This is the first job I've had in years where I didn't dread going to work every day. I don't think I'm very uncommon, either. Since you obviously care whether or not a girl's having a good time with you, choose someone whose reviews make it clear that she likes sex, and likes her clients. Then treat her kindly and respectfully, and you're pretty much guaranteed to find yourself with a lady who's very glad to be there, and very glad to be having sex with you. You are a valuable and attractive human being; just because there's money being exchanged doesn't mean that we WGs don't recognise that in you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0