Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Alwayshoping

For Long Term Married Men Mostly

76 posts in this topic

If you punt mainly because you get very little sex or even none at all at home, what reason does your wife give for not wanting love-making with you?

Or what do you understand is the actual cause? Is it a medical reason or does your wife just have no urge or need to have sex?

(In my case i think it's a low sex drive caused by hormone deficiency also a deep, maybe unconscious feeling that sex is somehow a bit 'dirty' or something, due to her upbringing.)

Does your wife never, or hardly ever, experience an orgasm then? And doesn't even miss it?

Is your wife willing to discuss it or does she refuse to? Does she feel bad or even guilty about her husband having a very poor sex life at home? Does she try to make up for it in some other way? Or does she just ignore it or not seem to care? What does she think you do about lack of sex? Do you think she assumes you just use porn for relief? Does she ever ask you how you solve the problem?

Have you tried couple counselling with a therapist, or has neither of you ever suggested that? Not really being nosey, but I'm just curious because of my own personal experience as a married man.

Isn't it abnormal for a woman not to ever need or want sex even if she's older, and in spite of the menopause? My understanding is that there are plenty of women who do want it.

Edited by Alwayshoping

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

go on then .... tell us your answers

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you need to ask a few more questions!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry... maybe too many personal questions! Just wanted to be comprehensive Only wonder what other wives actually say.... Other men's wives are always fascinating :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you punt mainly because you get very little sex or even none at all at home, what reason does your wife give for not wanting love-making with you?

Or what do you understand is the actual cause? Is it a medical reason or does your wife just have no urge or need to have sex?

(In my case i think it's a low sex drive caused by hormone deficiency also a deep, maybe unconscious feeling that sex is somehow a bit 'dirty' or something, due to her upbringing.)

Does your wife never, or hardly ever, experience an orgasm then? And doesn't even miss it?

Is your wife willing to discuss it or does she refuse to? Does she feel bad or even guilty about her husband having a very poor sex life at home? Does she try to make up for it in some other way? Or does she just ignore it or not seem to care? What does she think you do about lack of sex? Do you think she assumes you just use porn for relief? Does she ever ask you how you solve the problem?

Have you tried couple counselling with a therapist, or has neither of you ever suggested that? Not really being nosey, but I'm just curious because of my own personal experience as a married man.

Isn't it abnormal for a woman not to ever need or want sex even if she's older, and in spite of the menopause? My understanding is that there are plenty of women who do want it.

Mind your own business. :cool:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Did you know that in Catholic marriage - abstention is only permissable by mutual consent.

So how do you Catholics go on then?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alwayshoping, you posted a not dissimilar thread a while back bemoaning the guilt you felt over punting, even though your younger wife refuses to have sex.

Seems you are still hung up on why she won't give you sex even though you as answered this yourself in your last thread - she's just not interested and won't talk about it.

So I suggest you just suck it up and get on with it and keep punting, or dump her and find someone else. She ain't gonna change, so stop bleating on about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, Rojo, this is a different question. I've noticed quite a few men refer to their 'sexless marriage' and I was honestly wondering what their wives say about it to them, if anything. I find this interesting because of my own case. The therapist said she had lots of couples come to her because of similar problems, but naturally, she wouldn't discuss the details of other people with me. So I was just asking here. You can feel isolated or feel almost like the only one when you have a problem like that and envy other couples who you imagine are having a good sex life. But of course you never are unique or even exceptionally unusual.

But you're quite right about just getting on with it and that's what I'm doing. I punted recently for the first time for ages and it felt great! Strangely, I felt very little guilt afterwards, this time, and could almost have imagined it never even happened..... but it certainly did! And it was too good to not do again sometime soon. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I doubt most women themselves know why they lose interest in sex, so I've no idea how the hell we're supposed to work it out !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well it seems like I will be the first to answer the OP's question - it is an anonomous forum after all.

I'm 10+ years married - we've had all the arguments we're going to have, and know what all the responses will be, which makes things a lot easier!

We have plenty of sex, but we have mis-matched sex drives so after discussion don't 'worry' about how the other meets the excess, as long as its just sex (it cuts both ways).

It's worked pretty well so far :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I doubt most women themselves know why they lose interest in sex, so I've no idea how the hell we're supposed to work it out !

I realise that but just wonder what they say to their partners, if anything, and if they usually feel concerned or even guilty about their lack of willingness to have sex much, or at all. And also, if they're willing to discuss what their partners should do since hardly any opportunity for sex is available within the marriage - just do without? Or what? I wonder if it's common to have big arguments about it. Or if some wives are even willing to let their husband go and pay for sex now and then as a solution to the problem? I wonder if they ever feel inadequate or even failures as wives, rightly or wrongly, and if they ever admit what they feel?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK here is my thoughts for what they are worth I am considering punting, when I was young and single I met quite a few girls and had a really good time some were GF's some a couple of night stands. When you get married the brakes go on and you can no longer mix with other fems. I would love to explore and experience other fems to have an affaire is not worth it but I am thinking that by having a brief mutual exchange with a WG may just be what I need to do. Nothing wrong at home just love the female form. ............... am I wrong, mad or bad!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

............... am I wrong, mad or bad!

All three....but nobody's perfect :lol:

As others have found out though.....just don't get caught ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK here is my thoughts for what they are worth I am considering punting, when I was young and single I met quite a few girls and had a really good time some were GF's some a couple of night stands. When you get married the brakes go on and you can no longer mix with other fems. I would love to explore and experience other fems to have an affaire is not worth it but I am thinking that by having a brief mutual exchange with a WG may just be what I need to do. Nothing wrong at home just love the female form. ............... am I wrong, mad or bad!

Would your wife be willing to go swinging with you? Even just 'soft' swinging with another couple in the same room? That way you can mix with other women, and so can the wife with other men.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would your wife be willing to go swinging with you? Even just 'soft' swinging with another couple in the same room? That way you can mix with other women, and so can the wife with other men.

Interesting thought, but I guess like many partners I don't think so, have to say that I think one old GF would have entertained the idea as she was very exploratory sexually, do many many of the guys on here partners swing?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll just use this thread for another question for married men -

Do any of you tend to keep delaying going out and paying for a girl, hoping that your wife or partner will somehow let you have sex when she comes to bed 'tonight'! Then it doesn't happen and you say to yourself next day, "Well, there's surely a good chance tonight!" But again it doesn't happen as she's just too tired or doesn't want touched, so you think "Right, that's it! If she doesn't let me do it tonight I'm going to phone up a girl tomorrow.."

But then she does give you a chance extremely late on, meaning she lets you have intercourse if you show you want to, (but with hardly any preliminaries wanted and without taking any part), even although it's now about 3 in the morning and you know it's your worst time as all you want to do is sleep?

(This often has happened to me. For some reason I can hardly ever cum at 3 in the morning! I enjoy the feeling of being briefly inside but just can't cum... really frustrating. My doctor said I'm just not excited enough but I think it's something about having sex extremely late at night, maybe it's that hormone levels are at their lowest then.)

I'd find it a lot easier if my wife absolutely refused intercourse, but she never has quite done that, but only allows me an opportunity when it's far too late for me to perform in spite of my having asked her to let me do it earlier, but she never does let me.

Anyway, the next day comes -you say "Right, to blazes with this, I'll phone..." but as it happens, there's no reply from anyone after trying several times on that particular day and it took bravery to actually phone..... I don't have much choice where I am. Then I say to myself, "Oh well, I've saved £80 (for half an hour), I suppose!" And by this time feel some relief I've saved all that money for a mere half hour's pleasure.

Then you seem to lose the urge for days or even longer or you masturbate to porn on the net or something. Then the desire for a real woman comes back and you start thinking again about that night and if there'll be a better chance with your wife.... ..and so on and on.

I've seen this kind of weird, frustrating and almost sexless pattern go on for weeks on end and even many, many months. I seem to be really reluctant to just go and take the plunge and phone till I get someone who I can pay for sex. Am I just too timid or dislike cheating so much together with worrying about wasting money on something so brief and transitory, or what?

Can any men here relate at all to this experience of delaying and delaying for God knows how long? And/or being at your very worst, as far as being able to have an orgasm is concerned, at 3 or 4 in the morning? Or am I on my own having these experiences in my married life? No wonder I called my self Always hoping. I'll probably get slated for being a wimp. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I doubt most women themselves know why they lose interest in sex, so I've no idea how the hell we're supposed to work it out !

Probably as when they have kids they then focus on the children more than the hubby, hubby is put to the bottom of the list for some attention.

Wifey runs around like a blue arsed fly, gets stupidly tired and the last thing on her mind is a bit of rumpy pumpy!

This is fine sometimes, but when it goes from a few days to a few weeks to a few months, it is so hard to get it back on track again.

There is also the possibility that she just does not fancy her bloke any more of course, but just hangs on in there for the sake of the children.

Lucy :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There was an interesting article in the Guardian recenty:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jun/01/life-lust-appeal-sexless-marriage?INTCMP=SRCH

It states something that I believe to be true in a fair few cases....sex with someone who you see put the bins out etc and share ultimate trust with is just not that exciting for some men (or women). That's why even though men punt, they still say "I love my wife completely." For men especially, sex can be separated from love.

It is interesting that some men EVEN if they are getting sex elsewhere. they pay for it. There is a multitude of answers to you questions, and they differe from person to person.....unfortunately there are no clear cut answers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes I can relate to most of that.

I've pretty much given up on sex at home now though, to the point where the possibility doesn't really interest me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are talking about the most complex of living organism's, the human being, so I agree fully with Student S, that's why the OP, if he does feel this is a big problem, needs to seek proper help rather than the faux psychology we all like to practice?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Probably as when they have kids they then focus on the children more than the hubby, hubby is put to the bottom of the list for some attention.

Wifey runs around like a blue arsed fly, gets stupidly tired and the last thing on her mind is a bit of rumpy pumpy!

This is fine sometimes, but when it goes from a few days to a few weeks to a few months, it is so hard to get it back on track again.

There is also the possibility that she just does not fancy her bloke any more of course, but just hangs on in there for the sake of the children.

Lucy :)

Agree with this. But it also happens without kids. Women always have a long list of things they "need" to do. It is never ending. I think men often find it easier to relax and switch off. Best way to beat the no sex syndrome is to try to take the pressure off her, tell her how great she looks, give her a kiss and cuddle when you come in, before you go out, and plenty of times in between. Buy her some flowers, cook her dinner and do the washing up. Wathc her dress and tell her how amazing her legs look... etc. Women are hard work!!! and expensive!!! which is why men need to punt - liitle preparation needed, and as one escort put it "you know it's in the bag" No fear of rejection, just relax and have fun.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are talking about the most complex of living organism's, the human being,

...And an even more complex organism...the woman!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

<snip>

Yes I can relate to all of it in spirit, the details differ for me. My wife would never offer sex at 3am. She would be asleep at 11pm and do not disturb on pain of death! In my case my wife most definitely enjoys sex, but only once every couple of months. When that point arrives I have no choice in the matter whether I am in the mood or not. The session is usually enjoyable (but always vanilla, sometimes a bit of 2-way oral but nothing more adventurous). Since I started seeing escorts I actually enjoy these occasional encounters with my wife even more! I am no longer so bothered that they are infrequent or that they are "vanilla". I go elsewhere to get the extra sex I need to keep me sane and to do the many things she has never and will never let me do with her. But yes, it took me 15 years of lack of sex at home before I considered venturing into punting because I always imagined it might improve.

On the downside (there always has to be a downside), it's a very expensive hobby and I do feel worried about getting caught. While I can justify my actions to myself, other punters and WGs, I can't imagine explaining it to my wife!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

<snip again>

I first wondered why a man would name his ID "Always Shopping"!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes I can relate to most of that.

I've pretty much given up on sex at home now though, to the point where the possibility doesn't really interest me.

Yes I can relate to all of it in spirit, the details differ for me. My wife would never offer sex at 3am. She would be asleep at 11pm and do not disturb on pain of death! In my case my wife most definitely enjoys sex, but only once every couple of months. When that point arrives I have no choice in the matter whether I am in the mood or not. The session is usually enjoyable (but always vanilla, sometimes a bit of 2-way oral but nothing more adventurous). Since I started seeing escorts I actually enjoy these occasional encounters with my wife even more! I am no longer so bothered that they are infrequent or that they are "vanilla". I go elsewhere to get the extra sex I need to keep me sane and to do the many things she has never and will never let me do with her. But yes, it took me 15 years of lack of sex at home before I considered venturing into punting because I always imagined it might improve.

On the downside (there always has to be a downside), it's a very expensive hobby and I do feel worried about getting caught. While I can justify my actions to myself, other punters and WGs, I can't imagine explaining it to my wife!

It's interesting for me that you two have gone through something similar, even if only vaguely so. My wife always goes to bed extremely late, hence reason for talking about 3am, etc. so I have to wait and hope, or not bother, although she has now got me into the habit too because of very late meals at night. I want to get up reasonably early but if I do, I then usually need to sleep for a couple of hours during the day, which I don't like doing. I just can't make do with only 5 hours sleep. (Btw. I should have put a hyphen between Always and hoping.)

My present feeling is that if I get the urge I maybe shouldn't think any longer on my wife being a possibility even though she might allow it at dead of night, but it's never certain anyway. And without any more thinking or wondering about it, just go right away and phone whoever is available to make an appointment. But as i said, there's very little choice where i am, unless I travel quite a long distance. Also, I'll need to budget for at least £1000 per year. That will only give me a half hour once a month as hardly anyone here is below £80 for a 1/2 hour.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0