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Wg - What Would You Put Down As Your Occupation If You Have To Complete A Tax Form?

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A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, 'Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,

'What's your occupation?'

'I'm a Lady of the night,' she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says,

'Let's try to rephrase that.'

The woman says,

'OK, I'm a high-end call girl'.

'No, that still won't work. Try again.'

They both think for a minute, and then the woman says,

'I'm an elite chicken farmer.'

The accountant asks,

'What does chicken farming have to do with being a call girl?'

'Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year.'

'Chicken farmer it is.'

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As a matter of interest what would you put down as occupation if asked to complete a tax form etc?

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Is this a question, or did you just want to tell your joke? :P

A lot of ladies put down escort. Others say they're a 'therapist'.

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Is this a question, or did you just want to tell your joke? :P

A lot of ladies put down escort. Others say they're a 'therapist'.

Some also put entertainer, model, life coach, photographer, masseuse and all manner of other things. Some even put prostitute; all HMRC want is people's money - they couldn't give a tin shit how we earn it.

Nobody is asked to fill in a tax return. You're expected to register, keep records and either sort it out yourself or organise somebody else to do it - you won't get far saying you didn't send one because you were waiting for a written invitation :blink:.

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I used to say I was an escort but found that the staff at the Inland revenue spluttered when I spoke to them on the phone, so changed it to Aromatherapist to stop them from blushing ^_^

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My tax return doesn't ask what I do to earn the millions that I lavish on my hobby, so I don't face this dilemma. I guess that no working girl does either, unless HMRC has different forms for ladies.

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My tax return doesn't ask what I do to earn the millions that I lavish on my hobby, so I don't face this dilemma. I guess that no working girl does either, unless HMRC has different forms for ladies.

They always ask your occupation? You have me puzzled? I have two occupations and need to fill in a separate section for both.

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Yep, just checked my online form. You have to fill in business details and description..

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Have just re-read my tax return as it is sitting on my desk following my work to finish it this afternoon and there is no mention of any question relating to my occupation. Perhaps ladies do have different forms, just as some other things about them are different.

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Have just re-read my tax return as it is sitting on my desk following my work to finish it this afternoon and there is no mention of any question relating to my occupation. Perhaps ladies do have different forms, just as some other things about them are different.

No, the forms would be standard whether you are a female or male. The difference may be if you are employed rather than self-employed.

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No, the forms would be standard whether you are a female or male. The difference may be if you are employed rather than self-employed.

That could be the difference.

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Definitely the difference is to do with 'employed' as apposed to 'self employed' as I have to fill in both parts, in fact I have to fill it in 4 times in total, it is seriously stressful lol. Thank God one of my clients is an accountant and I can ask him advice.

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I have an accountant fill my return in, and it's all completed online without need for paper forms. From memory there is a box where you can enter your trade if you wish, but I'm not sure it's compulsory. He enters trading as 'Escort' and on the few occasions I've needed to speak with HMRC I've not had anyone laugh or splutter down the phone at me. They seem to be fine with it and don't complain when I send them proceeds from my 'trade'.

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One of the reasons that I don't declare myself working as an 'escort' is due to having previously worked where I needed a CRB form. I'm not sure where I would stand with that if I were to need one again and don't want to limit my possibilties for the future.

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One of the reasons that I don't declare myself working as an 'escort' is due to having previously worked where I needed a CRB form. I'm not sure where I would stand with that if I were to need one again and don't want to limit my possibilties for the future.

I thought CRB is a police check, not a check on what you declare on your tax form (unless of course there is a conviction for fraud or tax evasion).

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One of the reasons that I don't declare myself working as an 'escort' is due to having previously worked where I needed a CRB form. I'm not sure where I would stand with that if I were to need one again and don't want to limit my possibilties for the future.

No idea what the rules are these days but I've had 2 CRB checks whilst working as an escort and didn't have a problem.

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If you take more than 72K a year you must register for VAT.

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If you put down escort then you can claim expenses such as condoms and lube - you couldn't do that if you put actress or masseuse!

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No idea what the rules are these days but I've had 2 CRB checks whilst working as an escort and didn't have a problem.

That is really interesting Lara. I do worry about it once. A few years back I started up a business and as it was new I was not earning any money from it, so I went to the job centre and explained and they helped me fill in the forms and I was just told to declare any earnings. Great!

Then a short while down the road I was asked to attend a meeting with two fraud representatives and they accused me of fraud. They had made a whole catalogue of errors, such as my overdraft was over a grand in debt and they tried to claim it was profit. My business plan claimed I would make x amount in the first year as a projection and I got a loan based on this and they told me that I was earning that amount and if I hadn't then I had lied to the loan people and again I had to explain to them it was a prediction of earnings based on the loan amount. They really had cocked it up and I did eventually get an apology, but... they had information on me from everywhere and this is what worries me. If anyone wanted to make a claim against me for what ever reason and don't the CRB people investigate about you and surely occupation as 'Escort' is not going to work well with some employees?

Hence I feel it is better to use an alternative business ventrue.

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If you put down escort then you can claim expenses such as condoms and lube - you couldn't do that if you put actress or masseuse!

That's really going to get the profit down isn't it. 2 condoms per punter is say 1 pound wholesale and you get, say 100 for the punt. so 1% overhead.

As for lube - you probably get by on a tenner worth a year.

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That's really going to get the profit down isn't it. 2 condoms per punter is say 1 pound wholesale and you get, say 100 for the punt. so 1% overhead.

As for lube - you probably get by on a tenner worth a year.

That's just 2 small examples, there are other costs too such as web hosting, photography, phone lines, equipment and so on, percentage of rent and electric if you work from home. OK, some of these things you could claim pretending to be something else but should they choose to investigate you then you'll probably do much better if you have been completely transparent about what you do.

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I have an accountant fill my return in, and it's all completed online without need for paper forms. From memory there is a box where you can enter your trade if you wish, but I'm not sure it's compulsory. He enters trading as 'Escort' and on the few occasions I've needed to speak with HMRC I've not had anyone laugh or splutter down the phone at me. They seem to be fine with it and don't complain when I send them proceeds from my 'trade'.

Probably depends on the office you are with, good that they have no problems with talking to you at your office.. The department I dealt with really struggled when I spoke to them and I actually felt quite sympathetic on that one which is why I changed it.

It is compulsory to put your trade down, you must tell HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) you are self-employed within three months of the end of the calendar month in which you became self-employed. If you don't, you could face a penalty and they need to know what you do for a living..

The reason they also need to know what you do, ie what type of industry you are in is because they have little alarms going off if your cost of sales etc does not tie in with the general trend of the industry you work in. If it stands out as being way off the norm they will normally look closer.

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Thankfully one of my clients is an accountant and I should him my book keeping just the other day and he said that it all looked good and gave me a couple of tips. It's just another thing that we have to spend time on behind the scenes that clients don't consider though, as those books don't keep themselves, so you are either doing it yourself, as I do, or paying someone to do it for you.

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Thankfully one of my clients is an accountant and I should him my book keeping just the other day and he said that it all looked good and gave me a couple of tips. It's just another thing that we have to spend time on behind the scenes that clients don't consider though, as those books don't keep themselves, so you are either doing it yourself, as I do, or paying someone to do it for you.

Or you could be doing it 50:50, maintaining records yourself and submitting for the accountant to check, work out certain expenses and fill in the return.

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