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Coventrypunter

Sex Addiction

11 posts in this topic

Does this condition really exist?

If a couple have sex a lot they are seen as healthy.

But if its paid for sex -like porn, lap-dancing or punting then people talk of addiction.

so is there an addiction to paid sex?

(Indeed is addiction the right word? I thought it meant a bodies dependance on a substance like alcohol or drugs)

Is the problem of using paid for sex not he sex but the problems of paying for it, perhaps leading to debt or deprivation of some sort. Would it be a problem if oit were free?

Anyone any thoughts?

Lot of questions. sorry.

I don't feel addicted. i feel my punting is under control. Where is the line when its out of control? Is there a simpe answer or is there a different answer for everyone?

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I think an addiction, if any, lies less in the sex itself which, as you say is to be found in conventional relationships also, and more in the thrill of the way in which it is procured, and the fact that for many of us, it is a secret.

That's my view, at any rate.

Edited by AsgardsSon

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I know some people think there's no such thing as "sex addiction". But I tend to apply the "duck test" to most aspects of life ("It it walks, quacks, and looks like a duck then it probably is a duck.")

Using the duck test, I'd ask things like:-

1/ Am i spending money I can't afford on pursuing sex?

2/ Am I endangering relationships I really value?

3/ Am I pursuing sex, when I know I should be working?

4/ Is frequency increasing, and I feel out of control?

If you're answer to those and similar questions is "Yes".... then you've got a problem, and need to do something about it, I think.

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I know some people think there's no such thing as "sex addiction". But I tend to apply the "duck test" to most aspects of life ("It it walks, quacks, and looks like a duck then it probably is a duck.")

Using the duck test, I'd ask things like:-

1/ Am i spending money I can't afford on pursuing sex?

2/ Am I endangering relationships I really value?

3/ Am I pursuing sex, when I know I should be working?

4/ Is frequency increasing, and I feel out of control?

If you're answer to those and similar questions is "Yes".... then you've got a problem, and need to do something about it, I think.

1) Yes

2) Yes

3) Yes

4) Yes

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I'd say its only an addiction if:

(when paid for):

-youre spending money you cant afford to spend

-you dont enjoy it, yet you continue

-you typically feel depressed during/after the event - yet you continue to do it

-it usually leads to feelings of self loathing and /or loathing of the opposite sex - yet you continue to do it

-it has a significantly negative impact on other areas of your life

-you strongly suspect that you have a 'problem'

(not paid for)

-the compulsion to indulge is so strong and so frequent that, rather than enhancing your day to day life, it impacts strongly and negatively on other significant aspects of your day to day life

-feelings of low self esteem, depression, self loathing, disgust are frequently associated with sexual activity

-you strongly suspect that you have 'a problem'

However, if you enjoy regular, guilt free sex (regular for you, as not everyone has the same strength/frequency of desire), (the key word being 'enjoy') and this sex is satisfying, enhances the quality of your life and is associated for the majority of the time with positive, physical feelings and emotions and does not impact negatively on any other areas of your life........then wheres the problem ?................and whats not to like ?

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I'd say its only an addiction if:

(when paid for):

-youre spending money you cant afford to spend

-you dont enjoy it, yet you continue

-you typically feel depressed during/after the event - yet you continue to do it

-it usually leads to feelings of self loathing and /or loathing of the opposite sex - yet you continue to do it

-it has a significantly negative impact on other areas of your life

-you strongly suspect that you have a 'problem'

(not paid for)

-the compulsion to indulge is so strong and so frequent that, rather than enhancing your day to day life, it impacts strongly and negatively on other significant aspects of your day to day life

-feelings of low self esteem, depression, self loathing, disgust are frequently associated with sexual activity

-you strongly suspect that you have 'a problem'

However, if you enjoy regular, guilt free sex (regular for you, as not everyone has the same strength/frequency of desire), (the key word being 'enjoy') and this sex is satisfying, enhances the quality of your life and is associated for the majority of the time with positive, physical feelings and emotions and does not impact negatively on any other areas of your life........then wheres the problem ?................and whats not to like ?

Yes, says it all to my mind, good post Bill.

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Does this condition really exist?

If a couple have sex a lot they are seen as healthy.

But if its paid for sex -like porn, lap-dancing or punting then people talk of addiction.

so is there an addiction to paid sex?

(Indeed is addiction the right word? I thought it meant a bodies dependance on a substance like alcohol or drugs)

Is the problem of using paid for sex not he sex but the problems of paying for it, perhaps leading to debt or deprivation of some sort. Would it be a problem if oit were free?

Anyone any thoughts?

Lot of questions. sorry.

I don't feel addicted. i feel my punting is under control. Where is the line when its out of control? Is there a simpe answer or is there a different answer for everyone?

Wikipedia defines addiction as:

'Addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance or behavior despite adverse consequences'

Which has always been my interpretation, the behavioral aspect obviously relevant here. So yes I would say sex addiction does exist both paid and unpaid. Other behavioral addictions would surely include playing computer games, gambling, etc. Obviously the consequences of addiction to paid sex could be construed as being worse as there are factors such as spending money you can't afford, etc as Bill has said.

I agree Bill's viewpoint. I for one love punting, I'm spending money I can afford to spend, I don't think it's negatively affecting other aspects of my life and it makes me feel great :)

If it start's to become the main focus of my life and negatively impacting my relationships, family, career, etc, I hope I would be strong enough to do something about it, but I don't feel in any danger of that situation becoming a reality.

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I know some people think there's no such thing as "sex addiction". But I tend to apply the "duck test" to most aspects of life ("It it walks, quacks, and looks like a duck then it probably is a duck.")

Using the duck test, I'd ask things like:-

1/ Am i spending money I can't afford on pursuing sex?

2/ Am I endangering relationships I really value?

3/ Am I pursuing sex, when I know I should be working?

4/ Is frequency increasing, and I feel out of control?

If you're answer to those and similar questions is "Yes".... then you've got a problem, and need to do something about it, I think.

1 no

2 no

3 no

4no

excellent, looks like I'd better punt much more frequently, i have a long way to go before I need to worry about being addicted.

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The trouble with sex I find (and maybe it's just me) is that the more I have, the more I want. Inherently, there is something addictive about having sex with a wide variety of different girls.

That said and done, it is more than manageable. I set myself a budget which I can afford and never exceed it. I would reduce that budget if other areas of my life were adversely affected, but have never needed to. As long as this remains the case and I keep on enjoying myself (for the record, I bloody love this hobby), then I think I am doing fine.

I do read posts from people on here though who make me wonder why they punt. Spending all that money on something that causes so much angst surely means that an element of addiction is involved.

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While I'm not addicted I will admit to relentlessly fetishizing a particular ethnic group of females (a different sort of 'problem' perhaps ?)

Guilty as charged your honour !!!

But does this 'impact negatively on other aspects of my life ?....er.......NO !!!!

Do I feel ashamed/guilty/ or suffer from self loathing.........?.....NO !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b6Pkvn1kS4

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I know some people think there's no such thing as "sex addiction". But I tend to apply the "duck test" to most aspects of life ("It it walks, quacks, and looks like a duck then it probably is a duck.")

Using the duck test, I'd ask things like:-

1/ Am i spending money I can't afford on pursuing sex?

2/ Am I endangering relationships I really value?

3/ Am I pursuing sex, when I know I should be working?

4/ Is frequency increasing, and I feel out of control?

If you're answer to those and similar questions is "Yes".... then you've got a problem, and need to do something about it, I think.

1. No.

2. No - i'm very carefull.

3. Yes.

4. Occasionally.

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