Ianburton76

Sex Life Over At 38!

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So I'm 38 and married, have been for 8 years!!!

I've had sex twice this year with my wife, its not through a lack of trying or hours of taking about why it's not working. It seem to boil down to she is just never in the mood.

We tried the other night, after 30 mins of kissing etc it was clear that this wasn't leading to sex, she doesn't feel aroused or up for sex, her words.

So what to do? I'm 38, does this mean my sex life is now over? Consigned to a life of masterbation?

I have had the odd trip to an escort, leading up to a visit it seems the only solution but feel sooooo crap about it afterwards. Any thoughts would be welcome.

Thanks.

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So I'm 38 and married, have been for 8 years!!!

I've had sex twice this year with my wife, its not through a lack of trying or hours of taking about why it's not working. It seem to boil down to she is just never in the mood.

We tried the other night, after 30 mins of kissing etc it was clear that this wasn't leading to sex, she doesn't feel aroused or up for sex, her words.

So what to do? I'm 38, does this mean my sex life is now over? Consigned to a life of masterbation?

I have had the odd trip to an escort, leading up to a visit it seems the only solution but feel sooooo crap about it afterwards. Any thoughts would be welcome.

Thanks.

Only you obviously can decide if punting is for you, yes its cheating of course and if you feel crap afterwards its not good. If you need sex you need sex i wouldnt abstain because my partner wasnt interested in it, i would cheat with WGs as i have all my adult life. Difference to you is i dont feel guilty anymore, i am too selfish to. I did however nearly fuck my life up when i had an affair and all the emotions that brought with it. Punting is for me a better option, no strings and no hassle.

Perhaps sit down and talk to your wife again and see if that resolves anything, if not you have to make a decision, punting or wanking, i enjoy a good wank over porn myself but require a real woman as well. Good luck. :)

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My ex told me of something that happened to her one day. It was a significant thing that ultimately was the nail in the coffin of our relationship, it's just it took another years from that point for it to finally play out.

She told me she'd been in a taxi ride that day. Her and two other girls. She told me how the taxi driver, a guy of about 50 odd years old, for the entire journey raved about his wife. How much he loved her. Adored her. Always looked forward to going home to her. She was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing at night. How he always treated and made her feel special because she was special to him. He went on like this the entire journey and never once did he say, "and she's a great fuck" or "I love having sex with here" or whatever sex related.

So my ex phones me up that night and tells me about this, blabbing her eyes out. Why don't I treat her like that? Why don't we have that kind of relationship?

Now I should also add that at this point in our relationship we too had only had sex maybe twice in the previous 12 months.

Now the cynical part of me thinks that this taxi driver was putting on an act to get a great tip from a bunch of emotional birds. But it didn't hide the fact that ultimately this guy was showing to her exactly the kind of man she wanted to be with. And I'm willing to bet that this man, if his story was true, has a very fulfilling sex life with his wife.

So the point, if it's not obvious, is to start looking at yourself through her eyes and stop looking at her through your penis. Would she describe you as that taxi driver?

For the record, when my ex told me this story it just made me realise that no I wasn't that taxi driver. I wasn't her shining knight. I actually just wanted to fuck her. So now I visit escorts.

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My ex told me of something that happened to her one day. It was a significant thing that ultimately was the nail in the coffin of our relationship, it's just it took another years from that point for it to finally play out.

She told me she'd been in a taxi ride that day. Her and two other girls. She told me how the taxi driver, a guy of about 50 odd years old, for the entire journey raved about his wife. How much he loved her. Adored her. Always looked forward to going home to her. She was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing at night. How he always treated and made her feel special because she was special to him. He went on like this the entire journey and never once did he say, "and she's a great fuck" or "I love having sex with here" or whatever sex related.

So my ex phones me up that night and tells me about this, blabbing her eyes out. Why don't I treat her like that? Why don't we have that kind of relationship?

Now I should also add that at this point in our relationship we too had only had sex maybe twice in the previous 12 months.

Now the cynical part of me thinks that this taxi driver was putting on an act to get a great tip from a bunch of emotional birds. But it didn't hide the fact that ultimately this guy was showing to her exactly the kind of man she wanted to be with. And I'm willing to bet that this man, if his story was true, has a very fulfilling sex life with his wife.

So the point, if it's not obvious, is to start looking at yourself through her eyes and stop looking at her through your penis. Would she describe you as that taxi driver?

For the record, when my ex told me this story it just made me realise that no I wasn't that taxi driver. I wasn't her shining knight. I actually just wanted to fuck her. So now I visit escorts.

That is a fucking great story.

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I was in your exact same position at the age of about 28. My ex wanted everything but the sex the nights out the shopping the holidays. Sex to her was a chore. No I am happily divorced and just like a fellow poster above I got caught up with a married woman after my divorce. Never again now I just go out and see escorts. It’s a lot easier and in many ways and a lot cheaper. However you do end up in an empty bed every night.

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Hi There,

I think you should follow your instincs and at 38 life only begins. :)))

xxx :)

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Hi There,

I think you should follow your instincs and at 38 life only begins. :)))

xxx :)

I wish I was 38 again, in fact I wish I was 25 again but knew what I know now, I got married at 25.

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I wonder how common sexless marriages are?

Also, is the percentage of men that are on this forum or those who visit escorts heavily weighted towards those sexless marriages.

If I look around at our many friends, I really can't see them getting it together, a bit like imagining one's parents, but I also can't imagine the males visiting escorts, nor for that matter wanking either!

So are we the minority? Are most long term relationships sexless and if so, how do the men cope? I suspect most ladies are happy with a kiss and a cuddle (ducks).

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I imagine that I actually get more sex than the average married guy, from what I read.

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My ex told me of something that happened to her one day. It was a significant thing that ultimately was the nail in the coffin of our relationship, it's just it took another years from that point for it to finally play out.

She told me she'd been in a taxi ride that day. Her and two other girls. She told me how the taxi driver, a guy of about 50 odd years old, for the entire journey raved about his wife. How much he loved her. Adored her. Always looked forward to going home to her. She was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing at night. How he always treated and made her feel special because she was special to him. He went on like this the entire journey and never once did he say, "and she's a great fuck" or "I love having sex with here" or whatever sex related.

So my ex phones me up that night and tells me about this, blabbing her eyes out. Why don't I treat her like that? Why don't we have that kind of relationship?

Now I should also add that at this point in our relationship we too had only had sex maybe twice in the previous 12 months.

Now the cynical part of me thinks that this taxi driver was putting on an act to get a great tip from a bunch of emotional birds. But it didn't hide the fact that ultimately this guy was showing to her exactly the kind of man she wanted to be with. And I'm willing to bet that this man, if his story was true, has a very fulfilling sex life with his wife.

So the point, if it's not obvious, is to start looking at yourself through her eyes and stop looking at her through your penis. Would she describe you as that taxi driver?

For the record, when my ex told me this story it just made me realise that no I wasn't that taxi driver. I wasn't her shining knight. I actually just wanted to fuck her. So now I visit escorts.

Any one else thinking about a well known cabby?

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I wonder how common sexless marriages are?

Also, is the percentage of men that are on this forum or those who visit escorts heavily weighted towards those sexless marriages.

If I look around at our many friends, I really can't see them getting it together, a bit like imagining one's parents, but I also can't imagine the males visiting escorts, nor for that matter wanking either!

So are we the minority? Are most long term relationships sexless and if so, how do the men cope? I suspect most ladies are happy with a kiss and a cuddle (ducks).

It's impossible to truly know what goes on within anyone's relationship. I'd guess there is a mixture of situations. The taxi driver story is a good one, and I think some of it may be accurate. Men after a while can stop treating their partner as special, and women like a fuss, to be made to feel special. In my opinion male sex drive is more of a physical, biological urge due to their much higher amounts of sex hormones, women are more complicated. Yes hormones play their role in females, but so does feeling safe, confident, special & sexy. Many women get hung up on their bodies, and of course their bodies can be massively affected by pregnancy & childbirth.

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To the OP, if you don't have children together my advice would be get out of the relationship while you are still relatively young and find someone new.

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Any one else thinking about a well known cabby?

If his ex had been in a cab with the well known cabbie who had explained that the price was dropping, the girls getting younger and the whole experience was not marred by conversation (no English), Kembo would still be in a relationship.

Jack

Edited by jackjones

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My ex told me of something that happened to her one day. It was a significant thing that ultimately was the nail in the coffin of our relationship, it's just it took another years from that point for it to finally play out.

She told me she'd been in a taxi ride that day. Her and two other girls. She told me how the taxi driver, a guy of about 50 odd years old, for the entire journey raved about his wife. How much he loved her. Adored her. Always looked forward to going home to her. She was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing at night. How he always treated and made her feel special because she was special to him. He went on like this the entire journey and never once did he say, "and she's a great fuck" or "I love having sex with here" or whatever sex related.

So my ex phones me up that night and tells me about this, blabbing her eyes out. Why don't I treat her like that? Why don't we have that kind of relationship?

Now I should also add that at this point in our relationship we too had only had sex maybe twice in the previous 12 months.

Now the cynical part of me thinks that this taxi driver was putting on an act to get a great tip from a bunch of emotional birds. But it didn't hide the fact that ultimately this guy was showing to her exactly the kind of man she wanted to be with. And I'm willing to bet that this man, if his story was true, has a very fulfilling sex life with his wife.

So the point, if it's not obvious, is to start looking at yourself through her eyes and stop looking at her through your penis. Would she describe you as that taxi driver?

For the record, when my ex told me this story it just made me realise that no I wasn't that taxi driver. I wasn't her shining knight. I actually just wanted to fuck her. So now I visit escorts.

Lets boycott all cabs....LOL

Kidding, great story and +1 from me...

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Never again now I just go out and see escorts. It’s a lot easier and in many ways and a lot cheaper. However you do end up in an empty bed every night.

I was hoping you would say "Never again, now I just go out for a curry" lol

ok, ok, l'll get my coat...

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When you did or do have sex with her did or does she always have an orgasm?

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So I'm 38 and married, have been for 8 years!!!

I've had sex twice this year with my wife, its not through a lack of trying or hours of taking about why it's not working. It seem to boil down to she is just never in the mood.

We tried the other night, after 30 mins of kissing etc it was clear that this wasn't leading to sex, she doesn't feel aroused or up for sex, her words.

So what to do? I'm 38, does this mean my sex life is now over? Consigned to a life of masterbation?

I have had the odd trip to an escort, leading up to a visit it seems the only solution but feel sooooo crap about it afterwards. Any thoughts would be welcome.

Thanks.

I'm in a very similar situation to you, similar age and so is my wife. You are not alone, and I'm pretty sure this situation is more common than we think :(

I'll give you a brief outline of my situation. My marriage is close to ending I think, sex is one major factor but there are other issues about which I won't go into details.

About 5 years ago the situation resulted in me having an affair. The girl was a bit younger than me, no more (or less) attractive than my wife (who I still find very attractive and ensure she knows it), but she was a very physical and I was glad of the attention that I so desperately craved. It was brief, she became too demanding and I ended it (fortunately before things got out of hand which they very nearly did :eek: ). It was hard, there were emotions involved, including the guilt of being unfaithful, etc, and I won't be doing that again!

I discovered punting, mainly thanks to this site, a couple of years ago when the rejection again finally got too much. I felt guilty the first time or two but now I just don't. My wife rejects my intimate advances and she's completely in control of that - what does she expect me to do, just accept life with no intimacy? And yes I do mean intimacy, not just getting my rocks off. I know it's paid for, I know that some of the "click factor" with a good WG is just good acting on their part, but as long as they make me feel the way I want to feel, that's fine.

I've had predominantly good experiences punting (again thanks to this site) and I've had some stellar experiences. I'm talking incredible girls who've given me memories I'll take to the grave. On one hand I wish I was never put in this situation by my wife (I'm pretty sure I would not have punted or had an affair if she didn't repeatedly reject me). On the other I'm actually glad I've met these girls and they've had a very positive impact on my life. As I've posted before, sometimes it seems too real and emotions become involved. It will almost certainly happen to anyone who meets the kind of girls I've described. Then, you get things back in perspective (however hard that is), trust me I'm talking from experience.

It's completely different to an affair (especially once you've got past falling for a WG for the first time) - it's completely no strings. Once the appointment's over you go your separate ways. The WG is very unlikely to stalk you, to threaten the well-being of your dog (this happened in my affair :angry: ), or threaten to tell your wife. Yes I've had occasional contact with WGs outside the bedroom but it's never been even likely to get out of hand, but we can still be friends despite the controversy that seems to cause on here. It's also (relatively) safe, you're much less likely to catch an infection from a good, safety conscious WG than a civvie who shags about in my opinion.

I'm rambling again (as usual).

What I'm basically saying is you're not alone, but I'm afraid in my experience no matter how much effort you put in the situation won't change. I know that's negative, and I hope you can prove me wrong.

If I'm not wrong, you've got to consider the rest of your (hopefully fairly long) life. Masturbation won't cut it in my opinion - especially once you've met the high standard of WG who will remind you what real sex with a woman is supposed to be like. So you can stay in your relationship (if your relationship is otherwise everything you want it to be) and punt, or you can leave and find someone else. Or just leave. Of course this does depend on whether you have children and whether you feel you need to stay for their sake. I can't offer advice on that as we don't have kids (you have to have sex for that, right?). :unsure:

Our relationship is not everything I want even outside the bedroom. At present, my wife and I lead relatively separate lives and I feel the only reason she's resisting us separating is that I'm convenient to have around. There are complications, which as I said I won't go into. I decided that I won't end my marriage to find someone else - I'll end it because I'm better off on my own. If I find someone else then I do, but I think I can be happy living alone (I'm not a loner, I have many great friends and whilst separation would impact some of those, it won't impact all of them). And I'll still have a sex life because I'll still punt. It's increasingly seeming like the way to go.

Not sure if any of this helps you, but at least you know you're not the only one mate! :)

V.

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Well thanks for all your advice and honesty people, very helpful and insightful

@Smiths - always good to have your worldly advice. The opportunity of an affair did raise its ugly head a few years ago but I stepped away from this thinking that this could seriously fuck up things and it probably would have. An affair brings in emotions / feelings, not good when in reality all your looking for is sex.

@Kembo - I would like to think that my wife thinks of me this way and visa versa. Treats her really well, thinks of me when she wakes up / goes to sleep and the same can be said about me. If neither of us had this then you would have to question why are we still married.

@Pooter - all I can say is you lucky lucky man!!!!

I guess for me is I'm 38 and a young 38 if ther is such a thing hence feeling stuck. So the question i need to answer as put forward by Smiths is Punting or Wanking!! I quote Smiths "I need a real women'

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My ex told me of something that happened to her one day. It was a significant thing that ultimately was the nail in the coffin of our relationship, it's just it took another years from that point for it to finally play out.

She told me she'd been in a taxi ride that day. Her and two other girls. She told me how the taxi driver, a guy of about 50 odd years old, for the entire journey raved about his wife. How much he loved her. Adored her. Always looked forward to going home to her. She was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing at night. How he always treated and made her feel special because she was special to him. He went on like this the entire journey and never once did he say, "and she's a great fuck" or "I love having sex with here" or whatever sex related.

So my ex phones me up that night and tells me about this, blabbing her eyes out. Why don't I treat her like that? Why don't we have that kind of relationship?

Now I should also add that at this point in our relationship we too had only had sex maybe twice in the previous 12 months.

Now the cynical part of me thinks that this taxi driver was putting on an act to get a great tip from a bunch of emotional birds. But it didn't hide the fact that ultimately this guy was showing to her exactly the kind of man she wanted to be with. And I'm willing to bet that this man, if his story was true, has a very fulfilling sex life with his wife.

So the point, if it's not obvious, is to start looking at yourself through her eyes and stop looking at her through your penis. Would she describe you as that taxi driver?

For the record, when my ex told me this story it just made me realise that no I wasn't that taxi driver. I wasn't her shining knight. I actually just wanted to fuck her. So now I visit escorts.

That is a fucking great story.

and one with a happy ending :D

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I was in the same predicament as the OP and at about the same age. Me and my wife were always intimate, but for her that's as far as it went. Closeness and cuddles every night didn't lead on to anything else. I remember one evening having an intense discussion with my wife about our lack of a sex life. I had put forward the point that just cos she feels that she doesn't feel like having sex almost all of the time, that doesn't mean that I feel the same way. And just cos she's happy to have a life without sex that shouldn't mean that I too should have to face a life without sex. Her reply to me was "why don't you go to see a prostitute". This was in my pre-punting days, and at that point I would never have considered seeing a WG. But she said this, not in a dismissive or angry way, but in an almost inviting way

As it turned out I didn't take up her suggestion (at least not at that point) and I often wonder how much things would have changed between us if I had. If I had seen a WG at that point, would that make my wife curious as to what went on and would it reactivate our sex life? Or would it be periodically thrown back in my face during heated rows that I sleep with prostitutes (as if that's a put-down!). Somehow I suspect the latter

Maybe things turned out for the best anyway cos we're now divorced and I'm regularly seeing WGs

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My ex told me of something that happened to her one day. It was a significant thing that ultimately was the nail in the coffin of our relationship, it's just it took another years from that point for it to finally play out.

She told me she'd been in a taxi ride that day. Her and two other girls. She told me how the taxi driver, a guy of about 50 odd years old, for the entire journey raved about his wife. How much he loved her. Adored her. Always looked forward to going home to her. She was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing at night. How he always treated and made her feel special because she was special to him. He went on like this the entire journey and never once did he say, "and she's a great fuck" or "I love having sex with here" or whatever sex related.

So my ex phones me up that night and tells me about this, blabbing her eyes out. Why don't I treat her like that? Why don't we have that kind of relationship?

Now I should also add that at this point in our relationship we too had only had sex maybe twice in the previous 12 months.

Now the cynical part of me thinks that this taxi driver was putting on an act to get a great tip from a bunch of emotional birds. But it didn't hide the fact that ultimately this guy was showing to her exactly the kind of man she wanted to be with. And I'm willing to bet that this man, if his story was true, has a very fulfilling sex life with his wife.

So the point, if it's not obvious, is to start looking at yourself through her eyes and stop looking at her through your penis. Would she describe you as that taxi driver?

For the record, when my ex told me this story it just made me realise that no I wasn't that taxi driver. I wasn't her shining knight. I actually just wanted to fuck her. So now I visit escorts.

Brilliant anecdote. It's the kind of thing my wife throws at me now and then.

That's great advice too - it's not easy to imagine that if you really turned on the charm with your wife - flowers, romance - tenderness - sweet words - you could get the sex you want with her. Of course if you do it such an un-genuine way and are goal oriented to the sex - she will see through it and pour a jug of water over your head. Seduction is a tricky balancing act.

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OP - one or two questions. Is your wife upset by the fact that she just can't get in the mood for sex? Does it worry her that her sex drive is lacking? Is she concerned that you are having to do without? Does she seem to be sorry or embarrassed about it? Does she express concerns that you might seek another woman because of the lack of sex? Is she willing or able to discuss the whole issue with you?

If she gives the impression she really cares about all this and is worried about her inability to feel sexy and have any need or desire to have sex, and also cares about you and would very much like to be your partner for love-making, well, she could go to the doctor and get advice, maybe get her sex hormone levels checked, for example. Your doctor could refer you both for psycho-sexual counselling and you could both see if that helps.

I feel a lot depends on her attitude to the problem. Might be difficult to really find out if she is terribly embarrassed about it though. But the bottom line is that if she really cares about her marriage and loves you and is worried you might just go off and have an affair or pay for sex she will be willing to try things. If she doesn't seem willing to do anything about the situation, will not treat it seriously and is quite stubborn about it and refuses to do anything that might help, then how can she still love you and yet deprive you of something you really need and not feel very worried about it?

So I think you need to explore all that kind of thing before giving up on her. But never in a confrontational or accusative way - just quietly talking about it all with her. She needs to be willing, with you too, to take steps to try to solve the problem.

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So I'm 38 and married, have been for 8 years!!!

I've had sex twice this year with my wife, its not through a lack of trying or hours of taking about why it's not working. It seem to boil down to she is just never in the mood.

We tried the other night, after 30 mins of kissing etc it was clear that this wasn't leading to sex, she doesn't feel aroused or up for sex, her words.

So what to do? I'm 38, does this mean my sex life is now over? Consigned to a life of masterbation?

I have had the odd trip to an escort, leading up to a visit it seems the only solution but feel sooooo crap about it afterwards. Any thoughts would be welcome.

Thanks.

This is indeed more common then you thing and some great advice has been posted above....sounds like a cliche but only the two of you know what you really really want and wish for deep down.

Regardless of the outcome, hope it works out for the best...

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@VelcroHead ...... sounded like the story of my life .. And beautifully put

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I wonder how common sexless marriages are?

Also, is the percentage of men that are on this forum or those who visit escorts heavily weighted towards those sexless marriages.

If I look around at our many friends, I really can't see them getting it together, a bit like imagining one's parents, but I also can't imagine the males visiting escorts, nor for that matter wanking either!

So are we the minority? Are most long term relationships sexless and if so, how do the men cope? I suspect most ladies are happy with a kiss and a cuddle (ducks).

I have no idea if punters in sexless relationships/marriages are in the minority but i do know from friends over the years that many had affairs as they had fallen out of lust or love. For me monogamy is a never in this lifetime, i require variety, one woman for ever sexually isnt something i could and more importantly want to do, clearly what others do is a matter for them of course.

Edited by smiths

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