piggy123

Coping With Ex-wg Partner's History

116 posts in this topic

Hi,

Although i have not been to see a WG I thought i would ask the question here.

My partner sat me down a few months ago and confessed she had been a WG for several years. She didnt want to tell me until her ex started mouthing off and she wanted to tell me before he did.

Shes also done escort & domme work, a video, the odd party and also revealed that her busiest periods as she was popular involved up to 16 men a day.

Believe it or not she is only my 2nd relationship partner, however we have loads in common and a great sex life but recently I told her to not mention her past WG exploits to me from now on. However occasionally i have visions of her 16 men a day sessions and it really gets me down. I am on anti-depressants because of fallout from a bitter divorce and confidence boosting counselling is going to start soon hopefully.

A few weeks later, i asked her to not talk about it anymore, I told her of my unease and although sympathetic she quite fairly pointed out that it was a role, a job and it was in the past, mistakes were made and effectively we have to draw a line under it.

I can handle my divorce issues, i can handle the domme work she did as well and the video/party stuff but the many men in a week is tough to take in my mind on occasion.

Can anyone suggest a good coping strategy?

Thanks

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That's hard to take bud. My wife worked her way through a lot of the town before we got together and eventually married. In the early days it did bother me a lot that she had 'a past' but over time I've learned that what's in the past should stay there. You'll drive yourself nuts if you obsess about everything a partner has done so best to just think about the future. She's chosen you as a part of her future so focus on that.

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Hi,

Although i have not been to see a WG I thought i would ask the question here.

My partner sat me down a few months ago and confessed she had been a WG for several years. She didnt want to tell me until her ex started mouthing off and she wanted to tell me before he did.

Shes also done escort & domme work, a video, the odd party and also revealed that her busiest periods as she was popular involved up to 16 men a day.

Believe it or not she is only my 2nd relationship partner, however we have loads in common and a great sex life but recently I told her to not mention her past WG exploits to me from now on. However occasionally i have visions of her 16 men a day sessions and it really gets me down. I am on anti-depressants because of fallout from a bitter divorce and confidence boosting counselling is going to start soon hopefully.

A few weeks later, i asked her to not talk about it anymore, I told her of my unease and although sympathetic she quite fairly pointed out that it was a role, a job and it was in the past, mistakes were made and effectively we have to draw a line under it.

I can handle my divorce issues, i can handle the domme work she did as well and the video/party stuff but the many men in a week is tough to take in my mind on occasion.

Can anyone suggest a good coping strategy?

Thanks

If you love her enough you will see past her past and look to the present and future. If she makes you happy lap her up and dont worry about the past is my advice. Just concentrate on all the positives this relationship is giving you, i hope it works out. :)

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I can't give you a lecture or man to man chat to help you. Others may be better able to do so.

But look, she chose you like you chose her. You mention having so much in common as well as the successful sex life.

Being a loving couple is surely the most important thing and the unexpected nature of someone's past job didn't affect you when you didn't know about it so it is illogical to think it is affecting you now when it's in the past and evidently wasn't affecting your relationship.

I've had long friendships with working girls while they were still working and they thought of it as just a job.

Don't risk losing something precious when the person you love is the same person you love.

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I can see why this might effect you, but we all have a past or have done something not everyone would approve of. There is nothing at all that can be done to change the past and anyway why should she?The things that we do for good or bad shape the people that we are. Probably some of her past has made her the strong, independent amazing (or whatever it is that has made you fall for her) woman that she is now. You must try your best to not think about it and I hope the counselling will get you into a better place and once your head is a bit straighter you might be able to cope with it better.

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I find the tone of this thread really weird -- can we just point out that the woman hasn't murdered anyone? She worked a job, which many women, including myself, do or have done. I didn't realise that it was automatically 'a mistake' to be a sex worker.

To the OP, but also to everyone: what exactly is the problem with a woman having had sex before you? What does it matter whether she's had sex with one person or a thousand? What bearing has that got on your current relationship other than maybe making you wonder if you compare favourably to her other lovers? I don't make friends with someone and then when I find out they used to have a lot of friends back in the day, decide that makes our friendship less special, or that my new friend is used goods because of their 'past' with all those friends.

And, I might add, I doubt very much that we'd ever sit around and discuss a man as having 'a past'. He'd be a player who managed to 'get' loads of ladies, no doubt, and the one who managed to 'snare' him or whatever would be covered in glory for managing to make a player settle down.

Sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but the sexism is bloody rife around here and it's doing my head in.

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Everyone has history, in realality who cares what her past is just get on with enjoying your future.

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I find the tone of this thread really weird -- can we just point out that the woman hasn't murdered anyone? She worked a job, which many women, including myself, do or have done. I didn't realise that it was automatically 'a mistake' to be a sex worker.

To the OP, but also to everyone: what exactly is the problem with a woman having had sex before you? What does it matter whether she's had sex with one person or a thousand? What bearing has that got on your current relationship other than maybe making you wonder if you compare favourably to her other lovers? I don't make friends with someone and then when I find out they used to have a lot of friends back in the day, decide that makes our friendship less special, or that my new friend is used goods because of their 'past' with all those friends.

And, I might add, I doubt very much that we'd ever sit around and discuss a man as having 'a past'. He'd be a player who managed to 'get' loads of ladies, no doubt, and the one who managed to 'snare' him or whatever would be covered in glory for managing to make a player settle down.

Sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but the sexism is bloody rife around here and it's doing my head in.

Nobody has made a sexist comment or said anything about 'if this was a man' etc. except you. Likewise nobody is forcing you to stay and in an enlightened society I fully support your decision to do whatever the fuck you want including but not limited to not reading a forum that you dislike.

To somebody who has never had any dealings in this world... Yes it does seem rather seedy. It's the truth and no doubt why most of us are here under the cover of anonymity and why lots of wgs prefer not to publish their face on photos.

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My first Wife, many years ago and my present Wife get on really well. My first Wife tells me that she has had so many Men, that she has lost count. Rather crudely, I commented 'So they have spunked in your c*unt'. Not a word I often use. It put it in context though. Its sex, not a loving relationship,

A good (female) friend of ours, sat on the end of our bed one evening: 'I've really f*cked up my life, I've shagged loads of men'. I said the same.

We all have history and carry baggage, if your relationship with this ladyis sexaully liberated, as I guess it would be with an ex working girl and the 'normal' day to day stuff is good also, such as the food you eat, the drinks you drink, the social intercourse that you enjoy keep with it.

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I find the tone of this thread really weird -- can we just point out that the woman hasn't murdered anyone? She worked a job, which many women, including myself, do or have done. I didn't realise that it was automatically 'a mistake' to be a sex worker.

To the OP, but also to everyone: what exactly is the problem with a woman having had sex before you? What does it matter whether she's had sex with one person or a thousand? What bearing has that got on your current relationship other than maybe making you wonder if you compare favourably to her other lovers? I don't make friends with someone and then when I find out they used to have a lot of friends back in the day, decide that makes our friendship less special, or that my new friend is used goods because of their 'past' with all those friends.

And, I might add, I doubt very much that we'd ever sit around and discuss a man as having 'a past'. He'd be a player who managed to 'get' loads of ladies, no doubt, and the one who managed to 'snare' him or whatever would be covered in glory for managing to make a player settle down.

Sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but the sexism is bloody rife around here and it's doing my head in.

I don't find the tone weird at all. Neither do I find sexism rife in what he says. i wonder why exactly you see these things?

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I find the tone of this thread really weird -- can we just point out that the woman hasn't murdered anyone? She worked a job, which many women, including myself, do or have done. I didn't realise that it was automatically 'a mistake' to be a sex worker.

To the OP, but also to everyone: what exactly is the problem with a woman having had sex before you? What does it matter whether she's had sex with one person or a thousand? What bearing has that got on your current relationship other than maybe making you wonder if you compare favourably to her other lovers? I don't make friends with someone and then when I find out they used to have a lot of friends back in the day, decide that makes our friendship less special, or that my new friend is used goods because of their 'past' with all those friends.

And, I might add, I doubt very much that we'd ever sit around and discuss a man as having 'a past'. He'd be a player who managed to 'get' loads of ladies, no doubt, and the one who managed to 'snare' him or whatever would be covered in glory for managing to make a player settle down.

Sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but the sexism is bloody rife around here and it's doing my head in.

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Do you feel betrayed because she didn't tell you at first? I can understand that. If i went out with a girl for a bit and then she came out with that i wouldn't be particularly thrilled. More so because i would feel i'd been lied to. But, it's not one of those things you say on a first date.. I dunno, it's tough. The girl you thought you knew isn't what you thought. So, now you know, it's up to you to accept it or move on. Whatever you do, don't stay in a relationship where you feel resentful and will drag this issue up at any arguement etc. Have a long walk and think about it.

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I find the tone of this thread really weird -- can we just point out that the woman hasn't murdered anyone? She worked a job, which many women, including myself, do or have done. I didn't realise that it was automatically 'a mistake' to be a sex worker.

To the OP, but also to everyone: what exactly is the problem with a woman having had sex before you? What does it matter whether she's had sex with one person or a thousand? What bearing has that got on your current relationship other than maybe making you wonder if you compare favourably to her other lovers? I don't make friends with someone and then when I find out they used to have a lot of friends back in the day, decide that makes our friendship less special, or that my new friend is used goods because of their 'past' with all those friends.

And, I might add, I doubt very much that we'd ever sit around and discuss a man as having 'a past'. He'd be a player who managed to 'get' loads of ladies, no doubt, and the one who managed to 'snare' him or whatever would be covered in glory for managing to make a player settle down.

Sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but the sexism is bloody rife around here and it's doing my head in.

Text in bold above:

I think you may have hit on something there Rose! It's easy to feel those kinds of insecurities.

Sorry to hear the other comments about your frustrations with this site though. :(

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Can anyone suggest a good coping strategy?

One thing I am fairly sure of is that simply ignoring this (and asking her to never mention it), will not make it go away. If you love your partner, you'll find a way to accept this facet of her past (emphasis on the past - it's not who she is today). I'd encourage you to both talk it through, perhaps with a professional counseller if you can't face it unaided. Bottling it up will mean it will only gnaw away at you from the inside. Your partner is probably feeling low as well, worried that this bombshell has made your depression worse. Stick together, talk and love her lots and you may come through it.

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I can relate to that, as I was engaged to an ex wg : it didn't work out but we remain very good friends to this day. I remember finding it very difficult to come to terms with her past. But as the relationship evolved, I came to appreciate that what I felt for her was far more than just about sex, and actually what she had done in the past was just her history, not mine. And of course, somewhere along the line, what she had done with her body was entirely up to her. Like others have said it's really a case of appreciating what you both have in the present. Hope it goes well for you. And by the way, I think it's good that you've found this forum, so that you can at least air the issue without being judged by others in a more public space.

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I find the tone of this thread really weird -- can we just point out that the woman hasn't murdered anyone? She worked a job, which many women, including myself, do or have done. I didn't realise that it was automatically 'a mistake' to be a sex worker.

To the OP, but also to everyone: what exactly is the problem with a woman having had sex before you? What does it matter whether she's had sex with one person or a thousand? What bearing has that got on your current relationship other than maybe making you wonder if you compare favourably to her other lovers? I don't make friends with someone and then when I find out they used to have a lot of friends back in the day, decide that makes our friendship less special, or that my new friend is used goods because of their 'past' with all those friends.

And, I might add, I doubt very much that we'd ever sit around and discuss a man as having 'a past'. He'd be a player who managed to 'get' loads of ladies, no doubt, and the one who managed to 'snare' him or whatever would be covered in glory for managing to make a player settle down.

Sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but the sexism is bloody rife around here and it's doing my head in.

I agree with what you say especially the sexism bit, but.. there will always be sexism in some form or other because some men can't get past the equality woman demand and deserve. I think also - some men do not even think they are being sexist - they just don't think.

Thank goodness the majority of men are not like this. The few who make silly remarks - and there has been a few of late :) only serve to show that the rest do not either agree or follow suit.

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she quite fairly pointed out that it was a role, a job and it was in the past, mistakes were made and effectively we have to draw a line under it.

Sex work is work...I think if you're having problems with your relationship it's because you have an image in your head of how your partner 'should be' rather than how she is.

No magical solution...but here's a Buddhist story that I use when I want to let go of sh*t: http://www.endlesshumanpotential.com/buddhist-monk-story.html

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It's not a good sign if you feel the need to come on a punting forum to sort it out in your mind. This is the last place to come......given what we all get up to here!! You'll end up putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 106, starting to imagine if any of us could have been clients!! :eek:

You need to accept it was her job. She wasn't lovingly engaging in romantic sex with all these men, it was work. Would it be better or worse if she'd had just as much sex but with just one guy who meant the world to her, so now you would be second best, or lots of guys who meant nothing to her other than a wage to survive on?

It seems the biggest obstacle you have is the lack of trust in her???

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It's important to remember there's a difference between making love and going through the motions of having sex. Many of us esorts manage to have a loving relationship at the same time as being an escort (thats a whole different topic altogether, but true), some even have very understanding husbands. I hope she doesn't view her time escorting as a 'mistake', I hope to look back fondly on my years doing this! Piggy123, if you have said to your girlfriend that you don't want her to talk about it anymore then you must do the same in return; it can't be a case of you will talk about it when you want to but she's to keep quiet unless spoken to. She hasn't done anything wrong, so if you are struggling to see past her being a former escort then be prepared for her to up and leave. It doesn't matter if she used to see up to 16 or 1000 clients a day, she's only seeing you now, and it's the here and now what matters.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a difficult time at the moment, and I hope that when you start counselling things become easier for you both. Your negative feelings towards your girlfriends past are no doubt manifesting because of the other issues going on, but be careful not to pin too much on her.

I've been around a few years, so I have a few former escort friends who have gone on to have successful relationships. The ones who chose to tell their partners about their past have all received snide comments, and it's made reference to frequently in arguments - in a derogatory 'you used to be a whore' kind of way. It's what any girl dreads when all she's trying to do is be honest. I completely agree with the points Curious Rose made, as if it was the other way around that would never be thrown back in a mans face like that. Men expect women to be a saint in the courtroom whore in the bedroom, but oh no not with anybody else! We're not damaged goods, we're savvy business women. My mother has always said at least I had the sense to charge for it whilst all my uni friends were giving it away for free! Really I think it boils down to men feeling threatened by a woman's experience! As they like to be the ones giving it the 'big I am' about sex. I can modestly go about spending time with men and not bragging about what great blowjobs I give etc, but men seem to want to make women aware of their conquests as though it's something to be proud of. Maybe us women should try doing the same?!

Edited by Jasmine escort

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The OPs partner should be congratulated for not hiding her past. I guess it would have been far more devastating if the OP had found out via rumour and innudendo.

The fact he was told shows a high degree of honesty and intergrity, and a desire to draw a line under her past and by coming clean is sort of saying 'trust me'.

We've all got baggage or skeletons we'd rather not have our partners find out about because of the serious risk it could have on a relationship, but this lady has been open, and some how the OP needs to clear it from his mind and move on. I once found text messages from another male on my partner's phone, and went apeship. It took some time but I did move on. Hope the OP can too, as lack of trust will just screw up a relationship.

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The OPs partner should be congratulated for not hiding her past. I guess it would have been far more devastating if the OP had found out via rumour and innudendo.

The fact he was told shows a high degree of honesty and intergrity, and a desire to draw a line under her past and by coming clean is sort of saying 'trust me'.

We've all got baggage or skeletons we'd rather not have our partners find out about because of the serious risk it could have on a relationship, but this lady has been open, and some how the OP needs to clear it from his mind and move on. I once found text messages from another male on my partner's phone, and went apeship. It took some time but I did move on. Hope the OP can too, as lack of trust will just screw up a relationship.

Yup.

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Sex work is work...I think if you're having problems with your relationship it's because you have an image in your head of how your partner 'should be' rather than how she is.

No magical solution...but here's a Buddhist story that I use when I want to let go of sh*t: http://www.endlesshu...monk-story.html

:)

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Hi,

Although i have not been to see a WG I thought i would ask the question here.

My partner sat me down a few months ago and confessed she had been a WG for several years. She didnt want to tell me until her ex started mouthing off and she wanted to tell me before he did.

Shes also done escort & domme work, a video, the odd party and also revealed that her busiest periods as she was popular involved up to 16 men a day.

Believe it or not she is only my 2nd relationship partner, however we have loads in common and a great sex life but recently I told her to not mention her past WG exploits to me from now on. However occasionally i have visions of her 16 men a day sessions and it really gets me down. I am on anti-depressants because of fallout from a bitter divorce and confidence boosting counselling is going to start soon hopefully.

A few weeks later, i asked her to not talk about it anymore, I told her of my unease and although sympathetic she quite fairly pointed out that it was a role, a job and it was in the past, mistakes were made and effectively we have to draw a line under it.

I can handle my divorce issues, i can handle the domme work she did as well and the video/party stuff but the many men in a week is tough to take in my mind on occasion.

Can anyone suggest a good coping strategy?

Thanks

After a long pause and considering whether I have anything positive that may be of some help to the O.P (note the difference in times betwen my last post and this one :unsure:).

I've decided to give it a go And not being an 'expert' even though my name here may suggest otherwise.

From what you wrote, here are my thoughts (in the form of a strategy plan - which you have alluded to in your initial post).

1. I am on anti-depressants because of fallout from a bitter divorce and confidence boosting counselling is going to start soon hopefully.

Even though you later say: I can handle my divorce issues...

2. Occasionally i have visions of her 16 men a day sessions and it really gets me down

I think if you can overcome 1. then you will be in a far better position to cope with 2.

I think 1 is directly feeding 2.

Good luck and all the very best to you!

Edited by Superego

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To be honest you have three brutal choices.

a ) Swallow it, carry on and never mention it again, act as if you dont know and treat her the same as before.

b )End the relationship and move on if you cannot do the above or below.

c ) Have a good long frank and brutally honest discussion, get it all out so you know everything and she knows you are not going to throw the occasional accusational question at her over the years.

If you do not want her to talk about it or bring it up in conversation then you yourself cannot decide to occasionally bring it up to "get your head around it", its a two way streak. She was honest with you, you need to be as honest with yourself and with her.

Edited by Chloe MKEscorts

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It must have been very hard for her to open up to you like that and she must have worried herself sick with the possible outcome of telling you, her ex threatening (and harrassing?) to "out her" can't have been easy for her to cope with either!

So your partner has had sex with a lot of men and you cant get it out of your head, thats the only problem? Well I'm sure you wasnt expecting her to be a virgin? We all have a past. Most wg's take good care of themselves and have sex with protection, so really it all boils down to how many men shes had sex with for you. Does that really matter in the grand scheme of things?

I feel really sorry for your partner as your sat here worrying about how many men shes slept with, shes just had to tell you the biggest secret of her life which must have been very distressing and her ex is bothering and threatening her. I'm sure you don't want to hear the in's & outs but do give her some support. You both need to talk, your not going to sort this out by ignoring it.

Charlotte x

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