Bewilderbeeste

"a Whiff Of Twattery"

19 posts in this topic

My eye was caught by this colourful turn of phrase in a post by LondonLydia earlier in the context of time wasting.

This world seems very prone to all sorts of twattish behaviour (including TWs): perhaps people could share some examples of the worst (or funniest) instances they have come across. The odd confession would be good too, if you're feeling brave.

I'd offer a prize for the best submission, but the mechamics of awarding it will defeat me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not attempting to outdo anyone with a "twattery" tale but what

alerts me to someone being a possible one is if he can not speak correctly

on the phone.

I use my best telephone voice and pronounce all my words properly,... no slang...

you get my drift? ;)

If the voice I am hearing sounds vague or as if preoccupied doing something while

speaking to me... and this could be a loud television in the background or thudding

music playing....

then that is when my twatteration signal starts tweeting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not attempting to outdo anyone with a "twattery" tale but what

alerts me to someone being a possible one is if he can not speak correctly

on the phone.

Oh god thats me, I find using the phone very alien to me, not only do I think its a weird system of comunicating, well I used to be okay with it.

But I had a mild stroke about 5-6 years ago and though I have since gained full use of my limbs, the thought process can become very jumbled especially when i use a phone, and words dont seem to come out of my mouth in the correct order, unless I speak very slowly, and deliberate....thats why i much prefer using a pm or e-mail, face to face though im okay with most of the time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh god thats me, I find using the phone very alien to me, not only do I think its a weird system of comunicating, well I used to be okay with it.

But I had a mild stroke about 5-6 years ago and though I have since gained full use of my limbs, the thought process can become very jumbled especially when i use a phone, and words dont seem to come out of my mouth in the correct order, unless I speak very slowly, and deliberate....thats why i much prefer using a pm or e-mail, face to face though im okay with most of the time.

Hey Spks! I did not mean a voice with any kind of impediment. I was referring to someone who can not

speak with even a hint of eloquence or articulation. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dont speak with a kind of stammer, more of get tounge tied, its weird but like someone who stammers, i find that i can sing the words in my head easier....so if you ever get a singing booking request....Run to the hills quickly...lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not attempting to outdo anyone with a "twattery" tale but what

alerts me to someone being a possible one is if he can not speak correctly

on the phone.

I use my best telephone voice and pronounce all my words properly,... no slang...

you get my drift? ;)

If the voice I am hearing sounds vague or as if preoccupied doing something while

speaking to me... and this could be a loud television in the background or thudding

music playing....

then that is when my twatteration signal starts tweeting.

The one that annoys me are people who cant like say a like sentance without like saying like between words, like.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dont speak with a kind of stammer, more of get tounge tied, its weird but like someone who stammers, i find that i can sing the words in my head easier....so if you ever get a singing booking request....Run to the hills quickly...lol.

oh no............. I think you know me by now....

I would probably sing right back at you with a dirty ditty or something............. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The one that annoys me are people who cant like say a like sentance without like saying like between words, like.

That's a lot of us - if not 'like', then 'erm' or something else. A couple of years ago I cooperated with a research student St Teela sent my way, who wanted to know all about my punting experiences. She eventually sent me a complete and embarrassingly faithful transcript of the half hour of my burblings, with every redundant grunt and stammer painstakingly recorded. I had to recognise that that was indeed me speaking.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well when I was a younger person "twat" meant something different and maybe it still does. to me a twat is a pussy so "A whiff of twattery" has a whole different thread.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well when I was a younger person "twat" meant something different and maybe it still does. to me a twat is a pussy so "A whiff of twattery" has a whole different thread.

It not just me then! When I read the title I thought it was going to be about unwanted fish too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a lot of us - if not 'like', then 'erm' or something else. A couple of years ago I cooperated with a research student St Teela sent my way, who wanted to know all about my punting experiences. She eventually sent me a complete and embarrassingly faithful transcript of the half hour of my burblings, with every redundant grunt and stammer painstakingly recorded. I had to recognise that that was indeed me speaking.

Ah yes, the lovely St Teela Sanders. Didn't she twist everything you said into her own 'speak' anyway?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It not just me then! When I read the title I thought it was going to be about unwanted fish too.

So do you also remember;

Muffs

Muff Diving

&

Bald Muffs?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh goodness, I am not sure whether to feel flattered or embarrassed at being quoted in a thread title!

I'd like to make clear that if a bloke sounds nervous and tongue tied it doesn't mean my twattery radar will kick in. I expect some chaps to be nervous or making a call somewhere where someone could walk by at any point. What tends to get my radar going is the over confident cocky chaps or the ones that can't manage basic politeness. I have a policy that if someone can't even say hello I won't see them. Phone calls that start with:

"Are you free?" or "Where are you based?" get a short shrift from me. Perfectly reasonable questions, but they way they are delivered bugs me.

If a man can't say 'Hello, I've just seen your website and wondered if you were available tomorrow night?" or similar then my twattery radar kicks in. It's about being polite. If a man can't even say hello or form a civil conversation the chance are he's the kind of man who will also mess about with timings, payment and general respectful behaviour.

Other conversation killers include:

1.Men who have (I guess) written a load of numbers down then call and say "Can you describe yourself?, How old are you? Where do you live?" It is unflattering- Maybe I am being precious, but surely if he has seen my profile/website and taken my number he has see my photos and information? I kinda prefer men who want to see *me* not just any old hole who happens to be available.

2. Men who say things like "Have you got huge knockers? or "Have you got a shaved cunt?" or "Are you horny today?" (answer in my head, "NO, but I'll pretend to be for money"). I have no problem with dirty talk in the moment, but timing and context is all!

3. Men that say "Are you clean?"

4. Men that don't show up on time then 5 minutes after he should have arrived text and say I'll be 30 minutes.

Oh the list goes on....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lydia I agree with what you say above.

Feeling much happier that a man has chosen to or would like to see me makes all the difference

to how I see the meeting progressing.

If he has a list of numbers and doesn't even know my name then it could mean if I accept the booking

and he turns up not sure if he has booked the 20 year old he also had his eye on.... he could be in for

a surprise.

The initial "what are your rates" "where are you based" "can you give me details and services" kind of questions

just puts me right off and they won't meet me. Other girls may be happy to answer those queries but I am not.

Fussy? Me? yes too right! Being fussy and selective has ensured I remain happy in this work and as we all know

the guys much prefer a lady to be happy (well most of them do!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like very much appropriately fussy girls. It is like being chosen. It is not dating, but I like to see girls that like to see polite clean men.

The list of numbers thing can happen though. One time I was looking for a same day booking. So I had done proper research done and all that. I had a plan and back up plan. I phone Girl A:no reply. Then phone Girl B: same. Girl C: same. Sigh. Rinse and repeat. An answer! "Hi hun, sure I can meet". Panic:who am I on the phone with?

Worst nightmare. Phone when you get outside the building. Press redial. Girl answers. "I am downstairs", I say. "Who is this", she says. Oh no - I somehow phoned back Girl A, but I am outside the place of Girl B. (This part has not happened to me, but I'm convinced it will - I was very very close once! When it does I'll be up for the Twattery prize)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ladies, when the "twat" radar malfunctions and the odd idiot slips past you should add a further charge. Something we call where I work "wanker tax" :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ladies, when the "twat" radar malfunctions and the odd idiot slips past you should add a further charge. Something we call where I work "wanker tax" :D

They would make a fortune... :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now