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bluelunar

Bad Reaction To Knowing The Escort From "real Life".

36 posts in this topic

So, I'm new to the punting scene, and I've now had five sessions in Glasgow with four different girls. All of the girls so far have commented that it's unusual to see someone as young as me (I'm 22), and have been somewhat curious as to why I'm doing it. I've often told them a half truth that I more or less believed myself... I was very reclusive for various reasons between the ages of 17 and 21, with basically no social life, and now that I've gained new confidence after moving out of my parents home to live with friends and work a new job, everything is looking up except I have no sexual experience and wanted to get rid of the mystery in a controlled environment, a safe easily acquired environment, before hooking up with anyone for mutual sex or whatever. Now, I also sold this as me being a commitment-phobe who wanted to be a "player" ultimately, with my aim being a string of one night stands when I had the sexual experience to give me that final bit of confidence. That's more background to my dillemna now.

So I booked the last girl for my first incall (I had always done outcalls before but now my new flat doesn't work for that as I stay with friends) during the week. Vintage style, corsets and the like, seemed very attractive and like my type. We messaged one another back and forth to arrange a time and to be clear on what was going to happen, and it came to light we both just finished Masters degrees from the same uni after finishing undergrad at the same uni, in a very similar course. Now, the photos didn't look like anyone I knew, and she said she wasn't concerned as I seemed trustworthy and worse things had happened in this job. So I went along.

When she opened the door, I didn't recognise her. Good. We got on quite well, I feel I was quite reserved as per usual and not immediately charasmatic, and the kissing was exactly the type I enjoy, passionate and convincing. I'd let her know about my relative inexperience so she gave me pointers on going down on her, which she seemed to enjoy a lot, she was a lot wetter than the other girls I've been with. Sex itself was good, but my relatively short penis (I'm just under 5 inches, but quite thick) slipped out a lot which was frustrating.

Anyway, when sex was over, I think the hour was probably up. But we chatted for some time anyway, with me leaving about half an hour after the booking should have ended. She told me what course she did, and named a few people, and I knew the names, they were very familiar people to me from uni (although I had little social life outside of classes I did have a few friends from when I was actually in class). I named a male friend of mine, one I respect and get on with more than most people I've met, and it turns out she knew him well... In fact, she was meant to be going for a drink with him the night before (as friends, he's got a girlfriend). And she was going for a drink with another guy I knew after our meeting. Then the penny dropped. I DID know her. She was one of those people you've seen on a friends Facebook wall, and she was actually one I'd noticed before and thought seemed cute. Turns out we probably even commuted on the same bus route at some point as undergrads. Anyway, discretion's not the issue here, we both agreed that it's clear why both of us will keep quiet.

I guess where the problem comes in is that it all seems a bit too real to me now. The other girls I know little about, and would never have met any other way. But this one has worked in the same building as me, and told me she was promiscuous there and that many of the other people working there had been too. She was very open with me actually, telling me lots of stories of escorting, and her past relationship problems due to it etc. Anyway, what really got me was her surprised and confused reaction to me saying I wasn't interested in dating anyone. I think she probably opened my eyes to the bullshit behind it. She was on about being a commitment addict, and it just hit me that I should be dating cute girls my own age, not paying. I'm not against escorting, and likely will do it again, and definitely think it's a likely habit when I'm older and have the younger girls cut off from me as even an option, but it's really made me reconsider things. It's an eye opener to realize a girl who was in my social sphere in a way where I could have been dating (not neccesiarly her, but people like her) has been someone I've ended up paying to be with. Suddenly, for the first time, I had great sex and still felt unfulfilled.

I'm not massively sure what my question is. Do you think I should cut punting off now and focus on dating? I know some see punting as easy in a way where putting in effort to get women naturally doesn't seem worth it anymore, that that's a risk of punting and i'd been warned that before i started, so even using it as a back-up if I don't find anyone for a couple of months or whatever could be bad. Moreover, should I see her again? She asked if she would at the end and I said maybe and she seemed pleased, and it's a great arrangement, but is it risky seeing someone with those sort of associations for you as opposed to a perfect stranger?

Thanks.

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Over the years I have had the misfortune of meeting people I knew from my real life. My advice would be to research a little more carefully, you have been lucky in this instance but what if this person who was on the same course, and mutual friends was a blabber mouth.

I would choose in the future someone that was not on the same sort of courses, or close home town. Public transport is good enough for people to be able to travel without having to bump into people they know.

Don't let this experience put you off. I personally think seeing her again would open a massive can of worms and you run the risk of it coming out at some point. Unless you are prepared for this to happen and the fallout then don't go back. If she contacts you then just apologise and say that you have stopped, you had only done it a couple of times and meeting her has been the wake up call you needed. xx

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Sounds to me like you now have the experience and confidence to get out there and date. No reason why a young guy shouldn't punt to have fun and maybe do things that a gf might not but, unless you really don't want civvy sex and to date girls, dating is really what you should be trying (IMHO ofc)

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OP. just wait until you're 40, still single and seeing escorts. I enjoy the sex but feel desperately empty after the event.

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My advice for what it is worth goes as this..

In younger days ( 20's ) I had a great group of friends ( guys ) and our time was spent down the pub drinking, playing pool, getting pissed and into trouble. Some had girlfriends, others you saw loads and then they would vanish when they were dating only to turn up again at the pub once the relationship was over.

For me it was about drinking and getting pissed, I didn't really date in my 20's!!!

Now approaching 40 I look back and think SHIT why did I waste that time, what was I doing. I could have been dating, having fun, sex with girls of the same age.. Not now having to fork out £100+ to have that sort of time / experience.

Don't waste your time chap, start dating girls of your age NOW!!

Edited by Ianburton76

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My advice for what it is worth goes as this..

In younger days ( 20's ) I had a great group of friends ( guys ) and our time was spent down the pub drinking, playing pool, getting pissed and into trouble. Some had girlfriends, others you saw loads and then they would vanish when they were dating only to turn up again at the pub once the relationship was over.

For me it was about drinking and getting pissed, I didn't really date in my 20's!!!

Now approaching 40 I look back and think SHIT why did I waste that time, what was I doing. I could have been dating, having fun, sex with girls of the same age.. Not now having to fork out £100+ to have that sort of time / experience.

Don't waste your time chap, start dating girls of your age NOW!!

Well said, I couldn't agree more.

It also reminds me of a great Alec Baldwin quote from 30 Rock. After a long confession to a Catholic priest (which his girlfriend insisted on) he says he is not looking for forgiveness. "So why are you here," asks the priest.

"Why is anyone anywhere," Baldwin responds. "Why do men build bridges? Why are there jets? ... I was hoping to have sex tonight!"

My point is this: if you are already punting regularly at 22, it will start to feel like an easy solution to the age-old question of "how do I get this fantastic girl that I really like to sleep with me?". Why bother, when you can leave the pub early, spend £200 for a quickie and still be home in time for Match of the Day?

But alas that soul-destroying trial-and-error process of finding the right girl is something that you have to go through and if you start to use punting at your age as an easy substitute for it, then I'm sure you will regret it later on.

IMHO

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Well said, I couldn't agree more.

It also reminds me of a great Alec Baldwin quote from 30 Rock. After a long confession to a Catholic priest (which his girlfriend insisted on) he says he is not looking for forgiveness. "So why are you here," asks the priest.

"Why is anyone anywhere," Baldwin responds. "Why do men build bridges? Why are there jets? ... I was hoping to have sex tonight!"

My point is this: if you are already punting regularly at 22, it will start to feel like an easy solution to the age-old question of "how do I get this fantastic girl that I really like to sleep with me?". Why bother, when you can leave the pub early, spend £200 for a quickie and still be home in time for Match of the Day?

But alas that soul-destroying trial-and-error process of finding the right girl is something that you have to go through and if you start to use punting at your age as an easy substitute for it, then I'm sure you will regret it later on.

IMHO

Nice post :)

And pretty much agree

I was lucky in that i started punting at what i think mustve been round about the perfect time for me

I'd already 'loved and lost' as the cliche goes, had a few one night stands and then 'loved' again, which gave me perspective, i 'knew myself' to at least some degree, and had an ability to understand the huge difference that exists between paid for sex (however great that can often be) and mutual loving sex with a genuinely caring partner

Confusing the 2 can lead to real problems if you dont have the sufficient experience and the, correspondingly earned, thick skin and self esteem to cope with rejection and other related issues regarding the whole 'love/sex/loveless paid for but often great sex' conundrum

Listen to Ian Burton - his advice is sound i think

Edited by BillGoldberg

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I think I started punting occasionally around 22. But it was a fairly rarely, and normally when I was pissed and randy. But it hasn't effected my relationship with girl friends at all. I see it in pretty much the same way as wanking.

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You have had some very good advice already but I will chip in anyway (just because I can!).

Try to start meeting girls around your own age. This could be at work, in the pub, on the bus or at a gym. Try joining a night class on cookery, a new language, woodwork etc. All of these will have females in attendance. Join a sports club or team. Following this advice will bring you into contact with a range of girls, some of whom will be very friendly.

I would avoid meeting your escort again. You cannot be sure just how discreet she might be. I already think she has overstepped the mark by telling you about mutual friends that you share. It's just too close to home for me.

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A has been touched upon: if punting is in addition to other sexy stuff then it can be delightful and fun, but, if it is the only source of sexy stuff - for a twentysomething - then it is likely to be unhelpful and probably harmful.

You have had a handful of punts. You are no longer a complete novice. You will no longer make a fool yourself..though I dare say that making a fool of yourself is very far from being the worst thing in the world.

I hope you are not thinking to yourself: just another couple of punts to master oral, or this or that position, or to become more at home in the company of women...whatever.

I really hope you are not doing that.

If not now, when?

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Hmmm...An interesting one because there is much to think about.

I have broken down what you say to the following issue:

Do you think I should cut punting off now and focus on dating?

Perhaps take a break from both, just enjoy being you, doing things you like, hobbies etc for now and see where that takes you over the next month or so

Good luck

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I actually think you should meet her again, you get on, you are similiar. You will soon stop punting anyway, as its basically too expensive for someone just starting out. I dont buy that punting changes your attitude to woman. You are intelligent, and I imagine socially competent, no matter that you intend going for a stream of one nighters, like almost everyone you will find somenone to spend time with. Staggering home in the rain with a stranger is fun, best bit about living in Britain. But it will be something you do between relationships.

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I'd say go out there and fill your boots while your young enough to do it, but whatever you do be careful. SP tend to be a more careful with their sexual health than young girls out clubbing do.

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The general advice from posters here for a chap of 22 - date, don't punt - seems worth trying, for a period, when the chap hasn't tried it yet. Who knows, it may even work for him.

Or it may not. The advice can't be complete unless it covers that possibility. If it isn't working after the period, make the switch. Punt, don't date.

How long that period should be is mainly down to the strength of the chap's sex drive. Also down to the question of how long (for how much of the rest of his life, that is) sex is likely to be important to him. Only he can rate those properly. Big answers for at least one of them mean he shouldn't feel doubtful about keeping the period short.

Possibly period isn't the best way of measuring things. Number of girls and women dated could be better for that job.

Does anyone have any suggestions for what that number should be (before a sensible person would decide it's better to switch to punting because dating and attempted dating isn't getting him anywhere), or how to realise you've reached it?

If you're a pro-dating poster you've probably never thought of that question, but imagine you're one of the unlucky chaps. Those certainly exist. What would you say then?

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Thanks for the response everyone. I'll try to respond to as much of it as possible.

Don't let this experience put you off. I personally think seeing her again would open a massive can of worms and you run the risk of it coming out at some point.

I feel like she's reliable, but of course that wouldn't apply to someone else if I met them in similiar circumstances, I agree. As for it putting me off, it's not really discretion that worried me, although of course that's always a factor. It was more that I had fairly good sex and got on with her... and I was paying. Now, I don't remotely grudge that (I'd say I have more respect and understanding and empathy for women now than I did as a frustrated virgin) but I do question why a fairly run of the mill guy, as in not bad looking, smart, occasionally witty and charasmatic once I get over initial approach anxiety, has given up on being able to get the same sort of experience without cash going between hands. All in all though, I do think the escort experience is an enjoyable one and one I'll no doubt do again in my life... I just think it's got to be a supplement to a more conventional sex life based on mutual desire, a very occasional treat as opposed to the norm. I could have had laser eye surgery with the money I've spent on escorts so far! That sort of thought is sobering.

In a way I guess I ended up replying to a bunch of other opinions you guys gave me just in reaction to one sentence in the first reply, ha.

dating is really what you should be trying (IMHO ofc)

I have sort of came to that conclusion, yeah. It's like tomorrow I have an interview with a uni for a PhD. Now, I also am somewhere in the process with another uni for a project I prefer with a set-up I like more and possible work in a top USA university as part of it. I've spent a few days stressed imaginging this course I'm less keen on offering me the position immediately and me feeling I need to take it out of fear, or because being upfront that I'm still mulling over the decision will offend someone, and I guess that applies to how I saw dating. As if it always had the end game of being forever after, as opposed to being a lot more casual in your 20's. I do want more than just sex, I enjoyed the conversations with the girls I've met as much as the actual sex, so I feel it is something to aim for. not every girlfriend is a wife.

OP. just wait until you're 40, still single and seeing escorts. I enjoy the sex but feel desperately empty after the event.

Yeah, that is a big fear. I mean, choosing to be single as a lifestyle choice is one thing but I don't want to cut off the possibility of dating before I've been there and done that and she's worn my t-shirt. So far I've always felt satisfied and fulfilled after a meeting, but this last one did throw up some emotional baggage the others didn't. Maybe a good wake up call.

For me it was about drinking and getting pissed, I didn't really date in my 20's!!!

Now approaching 40 I look back and think SHIT why did I waste that time, what was I doing. I could have been dating, having fun, sex with girls of the same age.. Not now having to fork out £100+ to have that sort of time / experience.

A bunch of my friends are quite anti-social (as in not hugely outgoing) too, and I think I need to be careful of their influence. I want to remain good friends with all of them, but when I see groups of different sorts of people (last night I saw a cute girl approach a bunch of normal looking student type guys, like not even athletic or anything, just like me really) and open up a dialogue beween them and her group of cute female friends, and I feel I've missed out hugely in not being in those more open social circles where dating or even just sex happens naturally. It's all down to bad thought patterns, I think.

But alas that soul-destroying trial-and-error process of finding the right girl is something that you have to go through and if you start to use punting at your age as an easy substitute for it, then I'm sure you will regret it later on.

I think so... I feel if I could seperate the two fully where a quiet fortnight during a time of year where nobody is doing much social and I'm too busy to be going out much could benefit from a punt and a couple of months of active social life would make me forget the option was even there, it'd be fine. But even then once you accept it's always a fair option, it'll be a fair option more often than you'd like. Seeing this girl was a kind of impulsive choice, I had thought I'd wait to Christmas after the punt before that... Lasted like three or so weeks.

.though I dare say that making a fool of yourself is very far from being the worst thing in the world.

I hope you are not thinking to yourself: just another couple of punts to master oral, or this or that position, or to become more at home in the company of women...whatever.

I really hope you are not doing that.

I'm not. To be fair, I feel a few meetings to really get to grips with sex was a good choice. On the first meeting, the idea of using fingers was somewhat confusing to me, it made me anxious. After the last one, I've got a pretty solid understanding of the basics, I've experimented with it a bit. I know I'm not on a hair trigger and ejaculate prematurely, and that I can get an erection and maintain it. Things like that already have made me feel better about myself and the idea of sex in general. Making a fool of yourself with a girl you're really close to who wants to stay with you forever is one thing, but I'm not in the mindset for that sort of relationship yet and if I, say, had a one night stand or a fuckbuddy situation (the opportunity has arisen in the past a couple of times and anxiety contributed to me not jumping on the chance) and a girl just looking for fun ends up with someone clueless looking like an obvious virgin, it'd definitely dent my ego. The escort that influenced this thread even reacted similarly to you to be fair, dismissed the idea being clueless was that bad. But I don't know, a lot of the girls in the clubs I go to are pretty open and confident sexually, or come off that way, so I just feel at least having some backstory sexually is a real asset.

But I can easily see how that could continue on forever and ever. I'm not thinking like that now.

Perhaps take a break from both, just enjoy being you, doing things you like, hobbies etc for now and see where that takes you over the next month or so

Yeah, right now is a pretty key time in my life (social opportunties are good, job break where getting income is my main concern, writing up my thesis for my current course) so getting consumed by either dates or escorts would be dumb.

The other few posts in here have interesting stuff in them too that I'll respond to, but I need to sign off for now. Thanks again.

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This isn't necessarily good advice, just what I would do. I'd see her at least once more, just to see how you get on. What's to be gained from not seeing her again? You can't un-see her, so any worries about feeling weird if you're ever in the same social situation or whatever are pointless - that ship has sailed. Why not embrace it? Maybe you'll find that you get along REALLY well? It's not exactly outside the realms of possibility since you've already got a lot more in common than the average punter and WG. Even if not in a dating capacity, maybe it could help lead you to being a bit more sociable. Those guys you know that she was meeting for drinks - maybe you could be joining them?

On the other hand, suppose you never see her again. Or more to the point, you don't see her in a punt again, but you DO see her in a social situation. You're then put in a position of feeling awkward for saying you'd see her again but not doing so (even though, as a professional, she wouldn't think of it that way herself.)

You're shy, you have trouble meeting girls, and now here's a girl that you've admired on a mate's Facebook page fallen onto your lap. Fuck, the curiosity alone would be driving me round the bend. I'd be booking her again, seeing if things went anywhere, and if not, making her my sounding board for when I need female advice.

But I'm a bit weird, so you might be best ignoring me...

(If so, PM me her working name - she sounds like she'd be worth seeing next time I'm in Weegyland!)

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I'm not sure the OP is feeling bad for healthy reasons. If your problem is 'I'm paying for it, when I could have got it for free if I'd been bold enough a couple of years ago', then just accept that you're not going to spot and hook up with every likely girl you come across. Meanwhile you've learned a little bit more from her about what to look out for, so it's all good.

That said, you call her behaviour at the time you could have hooked up with her 'promiscuous', not a positive term, so what exactly is it you want? Commitment? What is your 'string of one night stands' if not promiscuous?

If you don't get opportunities and situations to meet potential gfs, or if you're after something that girls you meet don't want to do, then punt. Otherwise, date. And only punt if you work out why you feel unfulfilled. Sure, a bad punt is going to leave you feeling like you've pissed away money, but you need to look back on good ones without regret.

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Every time a young guy comes on here, the veterans come out with dont punt your a young guy, hinting that it will change forever his view of woman, plenty of "at your age rubbish i was fighting them off". The only downside of punting is the cost. If you already had a piss-poor attitude to woman, and some do, punting wont change anything. Young guys especially are so priapic, they could punt and date, and still be walking around with a hard-on.

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I dated when I was 20. I wish I fucked more. Having friends, doing social things (even at work) and being active (like having a hobby that allows you to interact with others) creates opportunities to find a partner. There is no guarantee that you will though.

Me? I'm very clear why I punt. I like to fuck and I like paying to fuck, paying is a turn on in itself.

I'm also clear about why I have relationships. I like/love/am attracted to the person, they add to me as a person and I add to them. I want to share my life with them and would enjoy being a part of theirs.

I've never made love to someone I've paid.

All that said, I'd have probably tried to strike up a nonpaying date with the WG in the OP. Dating a WG would be cool, an experience and you only live once so fuck it, why try to over think it...

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Every time a young guy comes on here, the veterans come out with dont punt your a young guy, hinting that it will change forever his view of woman, plenty of "at your age rubbish i was fighting them off". The only downside of punting is the cost. If you already had a piss-poor attitude to woman, and some do, punting wont change anything. Young guys especially are so priapic, they could punt and date, and still be walking around with a hard-on.

:lol: :lol:

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Every time a young guy comes on here, the veterans come out with dont punt your a young guy, hinting that it will change forever his view of woman, plenty of "at your age rubbish i was fighting them off". The only downside of punting is the cost. If you already had a piss-poor attitude to woman, and some do, punting wont change anything. Young guys especially are so priapic, they could punt and date, and still be walking around with a hard-on.

To be fair thats some of the veterans, my advice is punt and pull, punt for the sex and pull because the one might be round the next corner, if the punter wants to find the one though of course at this time. Shag around as much as possible and enjoy yourself. But i have noticed what you mean myself on here.

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Every time a young guy comes on here, the veterans come out with dont punt your a young guy, hinting that it will change forever his view of woman, plenty of "at your age rubbish i was fighting them off". The only downside of punting is the cost. If you already had a piss-poor attitude to woman, and some do, punting wont change anything. Young guys especially are so priapic, they could punt and date, and still be walking around with a hard-on.

Personally I think there is a difference between having the 'sex' and being able to interact socially with women.

I think if a young male view women merely as sex objects when young and do not interact with them in the civvie world in all aspects. Then I think punting can increase that negative

outlook.

For me this is what is usually missing on this forum when we give advice to young male who are keen for the 'sex' whetehr it be through punting and/or via dating./

Moving it back, this does not in anyway take away from your suggestion that a 'pooter'...ooops typographical error 'punter' can do both ;)

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I had girlfirends in my teens and early twenties, and didn't start punting until my late twenties by which time I was in a long term relationship which provides me with comfort and affection, and occasional sex. I punt purely for the thrill of it (and also to do some stuff I wouldn't dream of asking my girlfriend to do).

What I find ironic is that when younger I was quite shy, and while I had girlfriends, I definitely wasn't a player. Yet now that I'm older and don't try to chat up women, I get far more interest shown in me by women (of the same age) then I ever did when I was young and keen. Seems a waste somehow, yet also good for the ego.

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I had girlfirends in my teens and early twenties, and didn't start punting until my late twenties by which time I was in a long term relationship which provides me with comfort and affection, and occasional sex. I punt purely for the thrill of it (and also to do some stuff I wouldn't dream of asking my girlfriend to do).

What I find ironic is that when younger I was quite shy, and while I had girlfriends, I definitely wasn't a player. Yet now that I'm older and don't try to chat up women, I get far more interest shown in me by women (of the same age) then I ever did when I was young and keen. Seems a waste somehow, yet also good for the ego.

Another one that is best summed up in a great sitcom line:

Jerry: well, at least you haven't lost hope.

George: I want to lose hope. Hope is killing me. I want to be completely hopeless. See, when you're hopeless you don't care. And that indifference makes you attractive.

Jerry: So hopelessness is the key?

George: It's my only hope.

This thread has made me realise that whilst my punting is suitably moderated, I may be watching too much TV :(

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I punt purely for the thrill of it (and also to do some stuff I wouldn't dream of asking my girlfriend to do).

Two good points. A different thrill for different people. The thrill for me is being with a lady who ( hopefully ) makes me feel wonderful for a short time. Also for doing things you want to experience but don't feel able to do with your partner. But if the lady has been honest in detailing her services you don't have to beat about the bush you can just get on with both of you, presumably, having a goid time.

What I find ironic is that when younger I was quite shy, and while I had girlfriends, I definitely wasn't a player. Yet now that I'm older and don't try to chat up women, I get far more interest shown in me by women (of the same age) then I ever did when I was young and keen. Seems a waste somehow, yet also good for the ego.

I think the key words are " don't try to chat up " because in my experience and humble opinion if you treat a woman as a friend, as a normal human being, instead of drooling over her she is far more likely to be friendly to you.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach and to a woman's heart is through her laughter.

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