Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Jonnybgood

Tell Tales.

76 posts in this topic

During some of my past punting adventures Ive come away with some visual evidence that would be hard to explain to my wife.

They include half a dozen long black hairs found after a bath, all my family are fair headed, the worst was body glitter, even after a couple of showers it was impossible to get rid of it all. By chance it was near xmas and after writing several xmas cards the glitter just gets everywhere. :)

Last week I saw a girl who was friendly and chatty, so we had a pre and post punt chat over a cup of coffee, she asked if I minded her smoking, not thinking I said yes. What with a smoking ban in pubs, restaurants and the workplace Ive forgotten how much your clothes and hair just soak up the smell of cigarettes. It wasn't till I got outside into the relative ( London) fresh air that I realised how much I stunk.

Back home, clothes in the washing machine, a quick shower and a visit to the dry cleaners with my jacket.

This game turns you into a forensic expert pretty quick.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Or putting your socks on inside out by mistake as the girl rushed you out in time for next punter, sitting with your socks on in house and gf asks why they aren not the same as when you left the house that morning! :eek: :eek:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Youll be amazed at the amount of things that get left behind. I've had everything from socks, undies, watches, wallets, briefcases, laptops and more left behind, and actually found a shirt and T shirt on the chair after a client had left, he never came back for those either, often wondered how he explained that away.

I once left some vibes in the boots of a married clients car, he rang me panicking wanting to know what to do with them 'good job he discovered them before he took her shopping', they ended up in the bin much to my annoyance because they weren't cheap, and I had to stop one guy that I caught putting my knickers on instead of his own undies in his rush.. That would have been a hard one to explain away methinks.

Edited by Holly Maddison

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One WG I met had the most luxurious towels for after we had shared a very erotic shower. Although I've been handed some skanky towels in the past and these were lovely, I emailed her afterwards suggesting she change them for something a little less luxurious or at least less colourful as I had later discovered bright pink bits of fluff all over me. The first small thread I spotted was on my dick and when I pulled back the foreskin I found loads more - first of all it looked like broken blood vessels! Then I looked in the mirror and realised they were all over my back too...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

During some of my past punting adventures Ive come away with some visual evidence that would be hard to explain to my wife.

They include half a dozen long black hairs found after a bath, all my family are fair headed, the worst was body glitter, even after a couple of showers it was impossible to get rid of it all. By chance it was near xmas and after writing several xmas cards the glitter just gets everywhere. :)

Last week I saw a girl who was friendly and chatty, so we had a pre and post punt chat over a cup of coffee, she asked if I minded her smoking, not thinking I said yes. What with a smoking ban in pubs, restaurants and the workplace Ive forgotten how much your clothes and hair just soak up the smell of cigarettes. It wasn't till I got outside into the relative ( London) fresh air that I realised how much I stunk.

Back home, clothes in the washing machine, a quick shower and a visit to the dry cleaners with my jacket.

This game turns you into a forensic expert pretty quick.

As i have posted before a good punting mate of mine got caught out by glitter on his back despite having two showers it was their for his wife to spot, he was in the doghouse for a long time.

I have always been a non smoker of cigarettes but of course in the 80s and 90s and later many people smoked in public places so it was easier to explain away if you came home smelling of smoke. Nowadays this is harder. Fact is in my experiences many WGs still smoke so punters should be careful.

Obviously perfume is another thing to be wary of, sometimes it just lingers on you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

and I had to stop one guy that I caught putting my knickers on instead of his own undies in his rush..

Holly .... are you sure it was really a mistake? ;-)

worst example for me was leaving a fave of mine a few years back, into the lift which was all mirrors and spotting my skin round my mouth red raw from her pussy stubble ...... ooooops!

Another similar one was red raw elbows after a vigorous mish session on a rather rough bedspread

Edited by AnotherFrank

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Perfume is the worst one and being a long time board reader before a punter I make sure to leave at least 24 hours beween punt and seeing the mrs whenever possible. You can't come home smelling to clean with a different soap either chances are she'll pick up on that and uncharicatstically using the washing machine could also raise suspicions. What the number one tell for her indooors is, Doing something however small out of your usual behaviour. Women have a 6th sense for that. It's not that they think you have done something it's that when home you are doing something different.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh women always know when you've been up to no good, the secret is not enable her to figure out what!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh women always know when you've been up to no good, the secret is not enable her to figure out what!

Keep believing that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh women always know when you've been up to no good, the secret is not enable her to figure out what!

Depends on how much a priority not getting caught out is and how devious and careful a person is in my experience, certainly with me anyway. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I once left my passport at a girls flat, on the way to the Chunnel. Realised in time and fortunately she was still there to return it.

Guys don't realise how keen a womans sense of smell is. They should replace bloodhounds and sniffer dogs,

I always shower post-punt unless going overseas or to a hotel later, in water only, and plain soap as at home. Important to wash jt as it carries the smell of lube under the foreskin for days!

Edited by one eyed panda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I always shower post-punt in water only, and plain soap as at home. Important to wash jt as it carries the smell of lube under the foreskin for days!

Very good advice. The shower after is just as important as the one before.

I generally drive home with the car windows open (except on a day like today). It helps get rid of odours of all sorts of things.

Edited by porker paul

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A lunchtime rumble when I met a new lady to me who was wearing loads of lippy (which I do like) Anyway, we get snogging faces off throughout the punt and I rush back to work where fortunately I pop straight into the gents to notice I have a mouth like Coco the bloody clown. Close one!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I once left my passport at a girls flat, on the way to the Chunnel. Realised in time and fortunately she was still there to return it.

Guys don't realise how keen a womans sense of smell is. They should replace bloodhounds and sniffer dogs,

I always shower post-punt unless going overseas or to a hotel later, in water only, and plain soap as at home. Important to wash jt as it carries the smell of lube under the foreskin for days!

I always take my own soap, shower gel, underarm and spray deodarants to punts.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...or you could reluctantly come to the conclusion that gf or wifey doesn't do it for you anymore, go your seperate ways and see as many girls as you like with no guilt or remorse...

...just a thought...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Reading this thread has made me realise that there a some ( not many, but a few ) advantages to being a widower.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...or you could reluctantly come to the conclusion that gf or wifey doesn't do it for you anymore, go your seperate ways and see as many girls as you like with no guilt or remorse...

...just a thought...

I agree with everything here except "reluctantly"!

My OH knows she doesn't do it for me anymore, we haven't done anything for many years and I've vowed to myself I never will again. Oh to be single again.

I always ask ladies to not wear perfume and like Smiths I take my own shower gel and deodorant to my punts. Don't use too much deodorant though otherwise it's obviously fresh, just a quick squib is enough.

The biggest worry to me is if she calls during my punt. I've turned my phone off so many times to fake a bad reception it's untrue so sometimes I have to leave it on silent and hope for the best. Any other calls don't bother me and it's just "her" with that sixth sense. One punt she rang as I was dressing so I called her back a few mins later and said I was fuelling the car when she rang.

Mobile phones are equally the worlds best and worst invention (and that's without GPS location - mine is OFF). Always contactable is not good for going to ground for a hour or two.

DG

Edited by Diamond Geezer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I always wonder reading threads like this whether you should congratulate your significant other for being so tolerant or yourself for being in a relationship with an idiot whose eyes you can so easily pull the wool over. I think it's foolish to underestimate a woman, that sixth sense mentioned above is a significant one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another similar one was red raw elbows after a vigorous mish session on a rather rough bedspread

A rather rough bedspread !!!! Are you sure you weren't on a bed of nails with an indian lady after one or two too many?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very good advice. The shower after is just as important as the one before.

I generally drive home with the car windows open (except on a day like today). It helps get rid of odours of all sorts of things.

If I'm going home after the visit then the shower is absolutely essential. Most ladies that I have seen offer a selection of toiletries including the neutral ones although if sufficiently concerned it's quite easy to take your own and a towel. If I'm going on to a hotel then I like to take the scent of the lady, lipstick and all, with me. One lady likes, when possible, to "brand" her men with lipstick on a particular appendage. I doubt she's the only one that does this !!!

As a further safeguard I also drive as much as possible with both windows down. When the windows have to be closed have the aircon on. Gets a bit chilly but if you want the pleasure............

The phone is a major problem. Fortunately my visits are very spasmodic. I can have the opportunity for 2 or 3 encounters within the space of a few days and then no opportunity for weeks. This does help with the "missed call" syndrome. I also have several different ringtones for different people. They are all very "individual" and if my phone rings at an "inappropriate" moment it can change the mood of the moment. I therefore tend to put it on silent and look for a surface where the "vibrate" will be accentuated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A lunchtime rumble when I met a new lady to me who was wearing loads of lippy (which I do like) Anyway, we get snogging faces off throughout the punt and I rush back to work where fortunately I pop straight into the gents to notice I have a mouth like Coco the bloody clown. Close one!!

Why on earth did she let you out of her flat looking like that?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been seeing a lovely redhead recently who uses fake tan so she appears less translucent. The problem is after two hours naked twister the smell seems to rub off. It's a bit like the whiff of biscuits, odd. Tried taking my own shower stuff but it doesn't seem to shift it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One lady likes, when possible, to "brand" her men with lipstick on a particular appendage. I doubt she's the only one that does this !!!

And which appendage might that be Mr Gibbs?

Your big toe should always be ready for inspection!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And which appendage might that be Mr Gibbs?

Your big toe should always be ready for inspection!

I refuse to divulge that information but I did get curious looks from the guys on either side of me in the motorway services toilets.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank God I don't have to worry about such things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0