Sandster

Domination

35 posts in this topic

New to the scene and had my first punt a couple of months ago and we met up at my place. Do people usually do it this way?

We had fun all night and I had to take the little blue pill just to keep up!

I'm going to do the same next weekend but wanted some good domination tips- I'm really into being submissive but don't know where to start. I want to prep the lady appropriately. Any help appreciated. Thanks!

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There are a number of more specialist sites such as Informed Consent or Serious Mistresses. I would advise you take a look there.

Good luck.

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Welcome to the forum

BDSM is well documented on google, put it into search engine and enjoy the read

Edited by spklors

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Thanks. Got some ideas-handcuffs, feet, whipping. But was hoping for some fresh ideas that have worked...

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When you say domination do you mean light tie and tease/spanking etc or are you looking for a full on BDSM scenario?

Obviously the key question that follows from that is whether or not the escort you're planing on seeing is experienced at that kind of thing?

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This has sort of jogged my memory.

Was it "Band of Gold" that was on TV a few years back and she had a dom appointment in a hotel room where he was dressed in a frock and she made him go down to reception for a bottle of wine? :lol::lol::lol:

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I don't agree that this question needs a specialist forum to answer. As someone who is very submissive myself I'm happy to assist.

One key tip I can give, and it's personal preference this I admit, but it works for me.

If you're going to be submissive then try and not plan out the whole encounter. The mistake I have made with both girlfriends and escorts in the past who I have been submissive with is to try and "top" from the "bottom" so as to speak. The trouble with that approach is that you lose the sense of not been control, and its that loss of control, with your partner doing whatever she wants to you, that can elevate the encounter to something special.

Obviously the key to this is having a dom partner who is comfortable experimenting on you and pushing you gently to see what you like and what you don't.You also need to have discussed beforehand what definite limits you have - how much pain can you take etc.

My best ever tie and tease was with my girlfriend of the time a decade ago now. I knew she was kinky when we started dating and she had teased me with the idea of handcuffing me to her bed, but it was only one night several months into our relationship that she surprised me with them! No pre-planning needed. It was a great night.

Obviously re-creating that with an escort is tricker - but not impossible, if you know the right girl(s). And recently I'm pleased to say I have found just that. Can take more than one encounter though to build that sense of trust and anticipation.

In fact I would go as far as saying that if you're going to go dow the road of domination with escorts then you'd be better off seeing just one or two, with whom you can build up excellent levels of trust etc with.

Hope that helps. Good luck with your meet next week.

Edited by Whitehall Insider

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You shouldn't need to prep the lady, domination is not something you can just mess about with, please get someone in that knows what they're doing...

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You shouldn't need to prep the lady, domination is not something you can just mess about with, please get someone in that knows what they're doing...

Ten out of ten for accuracy. Thanks LPU. The previous post is pure fantasy in my view. I'm too tired to even waste my typing in writing a reply.

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You shouldn't need to prep the lady, domination is not something you can just mess about with, please get someone in that knows what they're doing...

I agree with Paul You've hit the nail on the head LPU. You definitely need a lady who knows what she is doing. I like to have fun on a visit. Something more than a nice GFE. There are ladies who offer role play which is the sort of domination you need (not sure whether I worded that correctly) but because they advertise it doesn't mean they are any good at it as I have discovered. I assume you aren't talking about the domme and no sex scenario.

I did a dom/sub switch session recently with a lady who is good at roleplay. I'm not naturally submissive and neither is she but we can both act the part. We had met a few weeks before for a two hour session and got on very well. So we decided to do a dom/sub switch session. I went first with her as the sub. She didn't know what was going to happen. I had asked her to have a few things ready including a blindfold. Then we switched roles. I had given her a scenario with her as the dom. It was a very basic scenario to give her an idea of what I wanted (as we know it's my session because it's my money) and then I let her loose.

But to go back to what LPU said you do need someone who knows what they're doing otherwise you're asking for trouble. Get someone who is experienced (just because they are 30 and have been doing it for 10 years doesn't mean they are any good as I can verify) and make sure that they fully understand what you want but don't give them 10 pages of script. Just the facts. Just the basics.

If I were you I wouldn't do it this weekend or the next weekend. Curb your enthusiuasm. Have a few 1 to 2 hour sessions. You'll find someone you click with and then the following morning you'll run round the block in your underpants. Or maybe her knickers if it's gone that way. :)

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Ten out of ten for accuracy. Thanks LPU. The previous post is pure fantasy in my view. I'm too tired to even waste my typing in writing a reply.

I'm assuming you are referring to my post. It was not pure fantasy at all. Just an honest attempt to describe how to get the most from a dom/sub encounter based on a lot of experience, both with escorts and girlfriends in the past. Not really sure what you were getting at with your unfriendly dig.

Like others here I was pointing out the fallacy of trying to "prep" the escort involved.

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One other bit of advice would be use of safewords. Make sure you use them. NO gags, until you are both very comfortable with each other.

Yet another reason, if one were needed, to making sure that the escort you visit is experienced and comfortable with BDSM.

Edited by Whitehall Insider

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Thanks for all your input. I'm definitely interested in tease etc but with a view to having full sex once the dom session is over. Not sure I can wait and not have it this weekend though!

I'm thinking I will ask her to wear PVC and bring a blindfold, handcuffs and a whip. I will then just be in her hands but will agree the safe words in advance.

God this week is going to be long just waiting for it.

What are girls/guys actual experienced of this. Other examples?

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Thanks for all your input. I'm definitely interested in tease etc but with a view to having full sex once the dom session is over. Not sure I can wait and not have it this weekend though!

I'm thinking I will ask her to wear PVC and bring a blindfold, handcuffs and a whip. I will then just be in her hands but will agree the safe words in advance.

God this week is going to be long just waiting for it.

What are girls/guys actual experienced of this. Other examples?

In case of interest, I note that you are interested in Escorts who also provide a domination experience, rather than a "mistress" with no intimacy.

Here is a listing of escorts who I completely trust in their dominant side:

SexyNataly11 (own site)

Turandot (AW)

Cherry (AW)

All of the above have posted on here.

Megan (Maxes Angels)

Bombshell (AW) She told me last week that she does quite a few domination bookings, although not, to date, with me. Since she trusts me enough for me to dominate her (probably quite rare for an escort to allow a client to render her completely helpless) our encounters tend to explore that side of both our personalities.

The London Retreat is well respected and reviewed. It's a different lady each day of the week, but you are only able to book on the day of the appointment.

Of the above, only Bombshell normally works outside London.

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One other bit of advice would be use of safewords. Make sure you use them. NO gags, until you are both very comfortable with each other.

Yet another reason, if one were needed, to making sure that the escort you visit is experienced and comfortable with BDSM.

Absolutely vital an any and all BDSM sessions. Absolute trust is vital.

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One thing I will say Sandster is to take it slowly, look for girls with good reps and be careful.

The reason I'm saying this is because we have had guys come on here before that have dabbled in BDSM and ended up getting seriously screwed in the head because of it. Start with your more gentle tie and tease, mild domme ect and work up to where you want to be with it. Also its worth noting that while a lot of escorts will dabble with mild domme, tie and tease etc, the full domination thing is a specialist area and lots of full dominatrics do not offer sex at the end so do that research.

I know that a few men here are into this so I'm sure they can give steer you towards the right lady.

Good luck with it and have fun.

Holly x

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You shouldn't need to prep the lady, domination is not something you can just mess about with, please get someone in that knows what they're doing...

Eh? This is nuts. Of course it's something you can mess about with. How on earth do you think most of us got started? The girl doesn't have to know a damn thing. Willing and adventurous is all she needs to be.

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Eh? This is nuts. Of course it's something you can mess about with. How on earth do you think most of us got started? The girl doesn't have to know a damn thing. Willing and adventurous is all she needs to be.

No its not nuts at all. If all you are talking about is fluffy handcuffs and a toy paddle for some light spanking then yes you're right. Your chosen escort just needs to be adventurous. (Although even fluffy handcuffs can cut circulation if you're not careful!)

But once you get into the realm of serious pain then you need someone who knows what she is doing. Unless a possible trip to A & E is on the agenda....

I sympathise with your POV. Of course everyone has to start somewhere. That's why light fun tie and tease is a good start. Then build slowly from there.

Edited by Whitehall Insider

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Light fun tie and tease seems to be the consensus. Will try that first and see how it goes.

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I think its very good advice to try somewhere like the London Retreat for your first dom experience as all the girls there are experienced in mixing a dom session with sex. You can let them take the lead without being worried that they haven't any real idea about what is likely to be enjoyable for you.

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I'm going to do the same next weekend but wanted some good domination tips- I'm really into being submissive but don't know where to start. I want to prep the lady appropriately. Any help appreciated. Thanks!

When you say you are into being submissive, do you mean you just want to be controlled (i.e. tie and tease, a bit of spanking, face sitting etc), or do you mean you actually want pain? You need to be very clear about this with the lady of your choice, and when you talk about a whip - whips really fucking hurt, and leave serious red marks, when properly used. There is an order of magnitude difference between a hand spanking and being whipped.

Since the number of people who genuinely get off on real pain is tiny, you probably mean you want something on the milder side. I suggest you start with a regular WG who does some dom on the side, and work your way up from there if you like it.

And watch out for handcuffs. If you have them on too tight and for too long, you can cut off your circulation and cause all sorts of problems. Any good sex shop will sell much safer types of restraint.

I'm not trying to put you off - just don't try to go too far, too soon.

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No its not nuts at all. If all you are talking about is fluffy handcuffs and a toy paddle for some light spanking then yes you're right. Your chosen escort just needs to be adventurous. (Although even fluffy handcuffs can cut circulation if you're not careful!)

But once you get into the realm of serious pain then you need someone who knows what she is doing. Unless a possible trip to A & E is on the agenda....

I sympathise with your POV. Of course everyone has to start somewhere. That's why light fun tie and tease is a good start. Then build slowly from there.

Essentially I agree with the main thrust of your post but I vehemently disagree with your remarks about possible A&E admission. Your observations are evidently not based on practical experience, mine are.

I've been a scene-player for decades. My first ever [unwanted] sub experience was when the babysitter tied me to the stair bannister with a dressing gown cord and thrashed my arse with a garden cane over 50 years ago.

Consensual BDSM play is perfectly safe, in spite of how it might look to the uninitiated. Experienced players are well versed in safety and etiquette. Establishing the parameters of the scene are the most important planning elements. Contrary to what has been reported above, prepping, is a vital element of any successful scenario. Communication is key, you can't expect a girl to read your mind.

As a fetish event organizer of considerable standing I can truthfully say that the only A&E admissions I have ever seen have been due to drunkenness: people stumbling and cutting themselves on thoughtlessly abandoned glasses or tripping up over dungeon furniture and falling.

In a previous life I trained as a combat medic and oversaw many airborne casevac operations, so I’ve been up to my ankles in bodily fluids and know what major trauma really is. In reality BDSM practices do not reflect this level of injury, ever. And nor should they. No pro-domme would willingly wish to send a client to hospital and it’s nonsensical to suggest that it regularly happens. Injuries should be superficial and limited to minor cuts and bruising. Quite simply, if you need more than two paracetamol and some Savlon after a session then you’re doing it all wrong.

Prior to retirement I managed clinical trials in primary, community and, more relevantly, emergency medicine. This meant unrestricted access to A&E admission forms and the patient report forms completed by emergency medical technicians and paramedics. The main sexual reason for casualty admission is, and always was, to retrieve objects lost in anal, penile and vaginal passages. Compared to the overall admission stats these occurrences are so rare as to be negligible. The A&E departments of this country are just not full up with BDSMers who’ve overdone it.

As to limits. Do you think that when I cuffed some provo, I worried about cutting off blood circulation to his arms? Growing up in care - transgressions would be punished in a variety of ways including including being stripped and tied to those old cast iron radiators with a length of clothes line while the heating was increased. Did anyone respect our limits? The beatings I took as a child (good old 50s/60s parenting) would be punishable by the courts nowadays, but limits were always broken – that was the idea! Discomforting and painful certainly, but no lasting physical damage occurred. However in a mutually agreed BDSM environment you need to carefully establish your limits in your preparatory talk with the girl, well before embarking upon any form of play.

The human body can endure incredible hardship and severe pain for sustained periods. Imagine the continuous pain caused by a growing tumour, eased only by palliative drugs like fentanyl. That type of miserable and unrelenting pain is totally different to selective consensual punishment which should be ‘enjoyable’, stimulating and sensual.

Furthermore, unless the wide range of dungeon equipment is essential then I would always recommend a WG, certainly for a first encounter. Only visit a pro-domme when you've gained sufficient experience and have a good idea of the scenario you want to act out. My opinions on pro-dommes may prove unpopular so I'll shut up now.

Lastly, I hope my views haven't offended anybody, it's just with this sort of activity being among my defining raisons d’être - I'm very sure of my ground, hence my forthright, fulsome contribution.

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Lastly, I hope my views haven't offended anybody, it's just with this sort of activity being among my defining raisons d’être - I'm very sure of my ground, hence my forthright, fulsome contribution.

I haven't quoted the whole post but it was one of the more thoughtful on any topic that I have seen for many a long year. There is much good sense it it and I would advise anyone contemplating exploring BDSM to read and understand the post before going any further.

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Hell yeah, it ceratinly came over as something that the poster had thought about, and his experiance of this is good to know.

But why pay an escort to Dominate you, if you like having sub tendancies, why not tell the wife you punt!......only joking.

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Eh? This is nuts. Of course it's something you can mess about with. How on earth do you think most of us got started? The girl doesn't have to know a damn thing. Willing and adventurous is all she needs to be.

You think fems can just read 50 shades and then just dip their toe in and take over as a domina?

You go on to post some truths, but I think it's incredibly insulting to say the girl doesn't have to know a damn thing...do you think inexperienced fems know what equipment to use, or how damaging simple equipment can be when used incorrectly, say in the wrong place, or at too much of a harder stroke, too hard too soon? How much of a mindfuck it can all be for the sub?

Of course you need to sit and discuss what's going to happen between the two of you, what you like, what part of domination gets you off, a lot of it is in the mind, not just about using some crappy handcuffs on someone with a girl in a tacky pvc bra and knickers. :D

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