Sarah Summers

Any Funny Punting Stories?

68 posts in this topic

About seven years ago I had an appointment with a reg in a rather nice hotel in Leeds. Earlier I took an appointment to see someone else and when he told me he was staying in the same hotel I was a little taken aback.......... but not put off :)

I made my way to the hotel, and used the back stairs in case I met my regular guy in the lift ( he liked to have a drink in the bar before we met) and found my way to the new client.

Shock horror - he was only a couple of doors away from my reg but on the other side of the corridor..........

We had our fun, and then I showered and left. Two minutes later I was gently knocking on the door of my reg..........

I do not think I would dare do stuff like this now, but back then it was par for the course and a blast :)

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I did something similar Sarah, funnily enough that was in a posh Leeds hotel too, they weren't golf players by any chance?

I used to see a guy in Notts who rang and said he had some friends interested in a good time. Ok says I (only because I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't put me in a bad situation, he is a male porn star quite well known around the curcuit). Anyway he told me not to take any more work for that day and off to Notts I went expecting a bit of full on fun. Lucky me, he had lined up five of his mates and I saw them all individually throughout that day at his place and then we all went across to Birmingham in the evening together for more fun. Was not expected, only ever did that the once with him, but was a very lucrative enjoyable day.

One guy in London ordered a take away to the hotel, a girl arrived with it, I was in the bathroom at the time but could hear them muttering in the doorway, about an hour later the door goes again and there was this girl all dressed up and ready for fun, she stayed with us all night. Don't know many guys that would have the nerve to ask her in the first place, but glad he did.

Another in a london hotel opened the door with a glass of champers in one hand and a rose in another. I swooned on the spot, stood in front of me was a dopple ganger for Patrick Swayze, gorgeous and so intentive, I was in lust mega style. That was until the moment the phone went and he went on to tell me he had to keep the phone on because his wife was in labour. Mmmmm that burst the bubble big style.

Another one I found a bit strange the first time I did it. A bunch of guys used to meet up at each others houses, put on the porn, get the beer out and have a lads night. It was never long before they were all wanking furiously to the porn, not playing with each other as they were straight. It was my job to make sure they had enough beer and give the occasional helping hand with nothing more than my boobs on show. I did this several times and often there were different guys there so think there must have been a lot of them involved with this.

I almost got embroiled in a mess with a client who is a bit of a celeb that went on to write a book (in fact I can also think of another, that wasn't me but some close friends that got dragged into it). This guy mentioned his sexploits in this book, then his estranged wife went on the hunt. not funny that one.

Another and possibly my favourite was a guy that booked a whole restaraunt, the only three people in the place were him, the chef and myself. I soon found out that I was on the menu and the food was not all for eating, the Chef even got to enjoy a bit of desert that night too. All good fun.

Could probably bore you all with hundreds of tales like this if I think about it, as I'm sure most of the girls can.

Edited by Holly Maddison

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I was on an overnighter, and the escort and I were sat in the hotel eating our dinner, when in walked the owner of a Parlour i frequent.

When we had finished our meal, she walked over and chatted a bit, and I told the escort whom she was.

A few weeks ther escort was the receptionist at the parlour, and she had got the job because the owner was impressed the way she handled the chance meeting in the restaurant...she did a few jobs escorting though, including an overnighter in the parlour....it was weird though, as she dressed up as differant workers to have a bit in every room, favourite one was in reception though on the desk, as she prented to be the owner......

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There's a working girl,punter and a maid,they're being chased by a policeman.They see this old warehouse so they run in,inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor,they each jump in a sack.In comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor,he goes up to the first one and kicks it.The working girl shouts out,"Woof woof",and the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the secong sack.The maid yells out,"Me-ow me-ow",he leaves this one as well thinking it's just an old cat...he walks over to the last sack and kicks it,and the punter yells out.."Potatoes potatoes..!"

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keep em coming ladies, I for one enjoy your stories immensely x

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I’ve become a master of the overlong boring post just recently so here goes.

In a central London hotel several weeks ago:

I’m living the dream with this girl topping me and towards the end of the booking I’m on my knees handcuffed behind the back. To complete the gimp ensemble, I’m sporting a gas mask laden with extra strong jungle juice. I’ve got a buttplug up the arse, I’m wearing a collar and lead, nipple clamps, a ball stretcher and a cock ring, and she’s whipping rows of clothes pegs off the shaft of my cock with a leather spanker. Then, suddenly, PAAAAARP PAAAAARP PAAAAARP, the fucking fire alarm goes off. It’s like a ship’s klaxon situated just above the bathroom door. Really loud. I was so mullered that I thought for a minute that I was back on the Atlantic Conveyor.

She was cowering in the corner covering her ears with a pillow, and for someone who’s supposed to be unwell, I’ve jumped backwards over the cuffs quicker than Houdini so that I can quickly get to the key. Sadly the amyl briefly got the better of me and I couldn’t see my glasses or focus on getting the key into the lock. It felt like a fucking eternity, stumbling about with my head wrecked and my vision totally fucked, fumbling around trying to get the cock ring off.

We were both trying to scramble into our clothes and she looked really worried. To add to my problems I’ve got this priapic boner that won’t fucking go. Ironic really, I spend so much time and money getting it up and the one time I need it flaccid, hah. I tried to get into my jeans but I couldn’t get my dick in so I left them undone and hitched over my hips, grabbed the bathrobe and dashed out into the corridor to assess things, all the while holding the front of the robe in front of me to try and hide this pulsating, concupiscent knob.

I can see people are evacuating along the corridor so I performed a quick recce and by now the amyl’s wearing off and I notice that I’m attracting a few strange looks from the evacuees, all presumably fleeing imminent disaster. My unfastened jeans are now around my ankles so I’m shuffling, unable to bend down to pull them up and still using this robe to shield my tumescent dick. The ball stretcher is now feeling very painful, and not in a good way.

When I’ve returned to the room I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I looked debauched. The robe had opened across the chest to reveal a huge meaty chain attached to my nipples with a fuck-off pair of crocodile clips. My hair was plastered across my face, soaked in mixture of her piss and my sweat, my eyes were like saucers and I was still wearing a spiked leather collar with a heavy chain lead swinging away incongruously against this white toweling robe. I was so fucking mangled I hadn’t noticed.

The room had all the evidence of some serious depravity. Fuck me, it looked like a bomb had gone off in a sex shop. There were whips, paddles, manacles, chains, latex hoods and associated paraphernalia all strewn about the place. I try to keep my sex bag under 16 kilos if I’m on public transport but it’s still a lot of gear when unpacked.

However, I soon realised that the alarm was only going off in our room, not outside. Panicking she asked me to stay so I told her that I’d handle when management rock up. I’m always very good in a situation, so feeling more focused I set about putting the place in order and getting properly dressed. Anyway the alarm suddenly stopped. We shrugged and I offered to amend the worst typos in her AW profile while we waited. She sat on my knee and we began. No-one turned up.

The rest is boring. Basically we continued with an epic hour long session eating cunt, and she totally smashed my mouth up. When she finished squealing and finally pushed my head away I asked her if she came and she said, ‘ Several times but that was a proper orgasm’. People’s definitions confuse me sometimes, and then she added, “I feel a bit light headed, I’ll just lie back here for a minute and close my eyes, do you mind?” She looked a bit hot and slightly unwell so I rinsed a flannel and put it over her forehead to cool her down. I did the same to her inner wrists, gave her some water and she recovered after resting for a few minutes.

My lips were really bruised inside. The skin below my tongue was ground away by my bottom teeth. My dick looked like a charred sausage for about a week and my nipples felt like they’d been fed through a mincer. But man, I was deliriously happy for a fortnight.

Awesome punt. The alarm just added an extra frisson. I’m seeing her again this Saturday, hopefully sans alarm.

I think perhaps you needed to have been there to appreciate the funny side but we were in hysterics afterwards.

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It was about 2am and the escort and I had just gone off to sleep, bloody fire alarm went off in the hotel and we all had to file out onto portland street in Manchester as quickly as possable.

It was late December and I remember snow was on the ground and all these drunken people were returning from parties or heading to night clubs etc, and then the fire brigade turned up and rushed inside the hotel, my escorts eyes were huge at the sight, and she was clearly turned on by the sight before her, she whispered in my ear that we could go to her car in the car park, luckily, we were allowed back in about 5 minutes later, and wow was she turned on by the event.

It took a couple of hours to get back to sleep that night/morning, (my thanks to the fire brigade for the fun activities), and was a big step into the role-play scenario for me.

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I’ve become a master of the overlong boring post just recently so here goes.

In a central London hotel several weeks ago:

I’m living the dream with this girl topping me and towards the end of the booking I’m on my knees handcuffed behind the back. To complete the gimp ensemble, I’m sporting a gas mask laden with extra strong jungle juice. I’ve got a buttplug up the arse, I’m wearing a collar and lead, nipple clamps, a ball stretcher and a cock ring, and she’s whipping rows of clothes pegs off the shaft of my cock with a leather spanker. Then, suddenly, PAAAAARP PAAAAARP PAAAAARP, the fucking fire alarm goes off. It’s like a ship’s klaxon situated just above the bathroom door. Really loud. I was so mullered that I thought for a minute that I was back on the Atlantic Conveyor.

She was cowering in the corner covering her ears with a pillow, and for someone who’s supposed to be unwell, I’ve jumped backwards over the cuffs quicker than Houdini so that I can quickly get to the key. Sadly the amyl briefly got the better of me and I couldn’t see my glasses or focus on getting the key into the lock. It felt like a fucking eternity, stumbling about with my head wrecked and my vision totally fucked, fumbling around trying to get the cock ring off.

We were both trying to scramble into our clothes and she looked really worried. To add to my problems I’ve got this priapic boner that won’t fucking go. Ironic really, I spend so much time and money getting it up and the one time I need it flaccid, hah. I tried to get into my jeans but I couldn’t get my dick in so I left them undone and hitched over my hips, grabbed the bathrobe and dashed out into the corridor to assess things, all the while holding the front of the robe in front of me to try and hide this pulsating, concupiscent knob.

I can see people are evacuating along the corridor so I performed a quick recce and by now the amyl’s wearing off and I notice that I’m attracting a few strange looks from the evacuees, all presumably fleeing imminent disaster. My unfastened jeans are now around my ankles so I’m shuffling, unable to bend down to pull them up and still using this robe to shield my tumescent dick. The ball stretcher is now feeling very painful, and not in a good way.

When I’ve returned to the room I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I looked debauched. The robe had opened across the chest to reveal a huge meaty chain attached to my nipples with a fuck-off pair of crocodile clips. My hair was plastered across my face, soaked in mixture of her piss and my sweat, my eyes were like saucers and I was still wearing a spiked leather collar with a heavy chain lead swinging away incongruously against this white toweling robe. I was so fucking mangled I hadn’t noticed.

The room had all the evidence of some serious depravity. Fuck me, it looked like a bomb had gone off in a sex shop. There were whips, paddles, manacles, chains, latex hoods and associated paraphernalia all strewn about the place. I try to keep my sex bag under 16 kilos if I’m on public transport but it’s still a lot of gear when unpacked.

However, I soon realised that the alarm was only going off in our room, not outside. Panicking she asked me to stay so I told her that I’d handle when management rock up. I’m always very good in a situation, so feeling more focused I set about putting the place in order and getting properly dressed. Anyway the alarm suddenly stopped. We shrugged and I offered to amend the worst typos in her AW profile while we waited. She sat on my knee and we began. No-one turned up.

The rest is boring. Basically we continued with an epic hour long session eating cunt, and she totally smashed my mouth up. When she finished squealing and finally pushed my head away I asked her if she came and she said, ‘ Several times but that was a proper orgasm’. People’s definitions confuse me sometimes, and then she added, “I feel a bit light headed, I’ll just lie back here for a minute and close my eyes, do you mind?” She looked a bit hot and slightly unwell so I rinsed a flannel and put it over her forehead to cool her down. I did the same to her inner wrists, gave her some water and she recovered after resting for a few minutes.

My lips were really bruised inside. The skin below my tongue was ground away by my bottom teeth. My dick looked like a charred sausage for about a week and my nipples felt like they’d been fed through a mincer. But man, I was deliriously happy for a fortnight.

Awesome punt. The alarm just added an extra frisson. I’m seeing her again this Saturday, hopefully sans alarm.

I think perhaps you needed to have been there to appreciate the funny side but we were in hysterics afterwards.

Very well written and hilarious post. 5 stars.

Whos the lady in question? Sounds like quite an expensive dom?

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I can see people are evacuating along the corridor so I performed a quick recce and by now the amyl’s wearing off and I notice that I’m attracting a few

Am I the only one to worry about this sort of behaviour in a top hotel?? :o

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In the middle of round two of an incall, with the lady being quite vocal in top jockey and going for it, I notice the door in corner of the room slowly open to reveal a small boy, "Mummy, you shut the door..." I tapped her thigh repeatedly, "[Name] get off, get off!" She runs out the room starkers, scooping him up as she goes. Turned out he'd had a bad dream and wasn't used to his bedroom door being closed. I didn't even know he was in the house.

Fast forward a couple of months at another incall. Just had a bit of play, rubber on, she lying back on bed, me standing at its edge about to penetrate. "Bang, bang, bang" goes the front door. "It's okay", she tells me, "just my [16 year old] son home from school. Ignore it, carry on." More banging louder and louder, shouting through the letterbox to let him in. Me standing there going limp, thinking one of us is gonna get hurt here. In the end she rings him, tells him she's out and to go to his nan's. Then she tries to get me going again, but I make my excuses and leave. Not a mother f*cker.

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Oh thats so wrong to be caught up in that, on both occasions I would have flown out of the house as quick as I could and never contact the escort again.

Though on reflection in the second tale, when someone bangs on the door and shouts through the letter box, and is immedialtly phoned to say go to your nan's im out, I would wait a bit to give him time to get away, as if it was me id think that it was more than a coincidence that she rang him then.

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There have been some classic stories on here over the years. Anyone else remember the tale of the guy who had an in call at his place while his wife was away. The escort put greasy hand prints all over the new wall paper, put some wet wipes down a toilet with a macerator, which then seized up, broke a mirror and a few other hilarious things happened too.

I have searched for it quickly but can't find it to redirect people to.

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Another thread reminded me of a guy that took me to his works do. It'll be fine he says, the wife never attends these things so they won't know you aren't her. Mmmm yer right! As we were walking out, this young guy came running after us and said 'I just wanted to say goodnight to you both, its nice to see you out L******, its been ages since we last met, you must remember me, I came to your house last year'. Right at that moment I wanted the pavement to open up and disappear, this young guy was either blind or extremely stupid because I looked nothing like his wife. Some guys really do like to live on the edge don't they?

Come to think of it the same guy decided to do me a FR here and typed it out on a piece of paper first, wife walks in (I get the impression they live very seperate lives) so he tucks it on the desk at the back hoping she doesn't notice it, with which a gust of wind blows through the open window and deposits this piece of paper right at her feet. She picks it up, reads it and says 'some people have vivid imaginations' then walks out. He'd told her that he was writing fantasy stories for a website he was building (she knows he builds them for escorts and the adult industry but really believes he doesn't see them himself).

It gets worse. I've actually met her a few times under the guise of being a work collegue (his kink I think is one of the naughtiest I've come across), he likes doing things like this, but I drew the line when he asked me to go to their wedding aniversary party, that was asking too much.

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Damn, you've got some crazy storys Holly. You're like a bond girl :P.

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It gets worse. I've actually met her a few times under the guise of being a work collegue (his kink I think is one of the naughtiest I've come across), he likes doing things like this, but I drew the line when he asked me to go to their wedding aniversary party, that was asking too much.

Imagine both of you ladies bumping into the young guy from his works do, at the same time! Would he act even more stupid??

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Imagine both of you ladies bumping into the young guy from his works do, at the same time! Would he act even more stupid??

He's such a wily old fox I'm sure he'd wiggle out of it somehow.

He took me to a very very posh hotel for the weekend once. It was that posh in the restaraunt there was a little man cleaning the table in between the courses with a little dustpan and brush, each room had an open log fire and there were baby reindeer prancing about under the window, lovely place. There was I living the high life and hobnobbing with the landed gentry, that was until they brought the menu and he says 'I can recommend the Chateaubriand'. 'Oh no says I', quite loudly, 'I simply can't stand Champagne'. How as I to know it was Steak.

That caused a lot of laughter but not as much as when I clocked the two girls sitting on the table behind me with two very distinguished gentlemen. I leant across the table and whispered to him 'do you recognise the two ladies behind me?', 'no he says', so I left it. Later in the bar these two ladies came wandering across and one of them said.... And this is true.... H your never going to live this one down when we get on the forums tomorrow. Yes you've guessed it they were both working girls that I recognised and both recognised me, and they were right, I didn't live it down, they had a lot of fun with that one.

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'I can recommend the Chateaubriand'. 'Oh no says I', quite loudly, 'I simply can't stand Champagne'. How as I to know it was Steak.

I didn't live it down, they had a lot of fun with that one.

Nice to see that you can laugh at yourself Holly. I had already guessed that you can, but there are a few sensitive souls on here from time to time aren't there.

Also I'm glad to hear of another who isn't fond of Champagne. Give me a full bodied red every time, together with a lovely glass of wine that goes down well. That would be nice. :D

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Broke a bed in a hotel in kent many years ago. The girl I was with was quite athletic and she was slamming down onto me using the headboard as leverage, so the bed was really bouncing, and suddenly there was this huge crack and the divan base gave way in the middle. As she was hanging onto the headboard when the bed went she put most of her weight on it and it came off the mountings with another crack. Fortunately there was a settee in the room so we used that for the rest of the encounter.

Next day I went to reception and reported the broken bed. The girl on checkout looked about 17 and she asked me straight out how it happened. I said my girlfriend came over for the evening and she was a bit enthusiastic on the sex front, and basically the bed couldn't take the strain. It must have been damaged already I said. And that was it.

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not funny but a great coincidence

so planned on meeting up with someone for the first time, good reports etc so decided to do an incall.....popped in to the local supermarket to pick up a box of choccies for her....as usual a long queue and saw this lovely girl behind me and we exchanged smiles ...paid and made my may to the car where i sat down before trolling over to the incall location....rung the bell and the door opens and unbelievibly the girl from the supermarket was the one who opened the door...gosh we both were schocked and laughed at the coindicende....nice time was had i would add....

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not funny but a great coincidence

so planned on meeting up with someone for the first time, good reports etc so decided to do an incall.....popped in to the local supermarket to pick up a box of choccies for her....as usual a long queue and saw this lovely girl behind me and we exchanged smiles ...paid and made my may to the car where i sat down before trolling over to the incall location....rung the bell and the door opens and unbelievibly the girl from the supermarket was the one who opened the door...gosh we both were schocked and laughed at the coindicende....nice time was had i would add....

Couldn't you get any chocolate from work? :confused:

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I have a few more but I'm not sure they fit within the remit of this thread. I think they're funny, but everyone else might find them sordid. Best not.

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I have a few more but I'm not sure they fit within the remit of this thread. I think they're funny, but everyone else might find them sordid. Best not.

Start a new thread then, with a parental warning at the top!

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I have a few more but I'm not sure they fit within the remit of this thread. I think they're funny, but everyone else might find them sordid. Best not.

Oh go on, its fun to read them.

I've got a couple more:

Abbie and I were hosting a party in London once and both took overnight bookings in the apartment for the night before. Driving down there we got stuck behind an accident and couldn't get off the motorway, after a couple of hours sitting there both busting for the loo the police let us onto the nearby services. We dived for the loo, rang our guys to say we may be late and shot back to the car only to find the battery had gone flat in the keyfob, Oh bugger...

No matter, I ran into the garage to get a battery, only to find that she had opened the keyfob and we were out of the 30 second window to replace the battery, so we ring the breakdown recovery but they are dealing with accident so we would have to wait. Eventually they get to us and disconect the alarm, but that meant we had no indicators. Now we had to decide whether to turn back or carry on, so we ring our guys again and its decided we will carry on and get the car sorted in London the next day.

Eventually we arrive at this apartment 9 hours late and both our boys bless em were still hanging around waiting. Because we were cold and more than peed off we decided, sod it! We were going to have a drink, let our hair down with our boys and enjoy the rest of the evening, which is what we did. Later more than a little tipsy I drag my guy off to my room, but unfortunately it only had two single beds and was not a very big room, so we push the beds together and proceed to have fun.

He's quite a slim guy and I was more than all woman back then, if you get my meaning, so there we are bouncing about on these beds, me on top and him groaning for england underneath, all inhibitions completely out of the window (I get horny as hell when tipsy), really going for it. I could sense he was heading for the vinegar stroke and braced myself because I wasn't that far off myself, when suddenly, he just disappeared from underneath me!

The beds had parted and he'd fallen between them, all I could see where a pair of skinny legs poking out of the middle and heard him going 'oh fuck, oh fuck, please not now'! That was it, I couldn't help it, I just collapsed in fits of laughter, which in turn brought the other pair running in the room to see what was going on. Problem with that was, they pushed the door against the bed meaning he couldn't get out from between them and we couldn't budge it.

It must have taken half an hour after all the tears of laughter to work out that we had to tip one of the beds to release the poor love.

Thats a night I don't think any of us are ever going to forget.

On another occasion, whilst getting ready for an incall, I broke one of my nails. So being the stupid dumb blonde I can be at times, I decided I was going to glue a false one on to hide the broken one, but I'm far from the brightest person and not realising what I was doing, I put the nail glue bottle between my teeth while I concentrated on sticking the nail on.

Trouble with that was I'd got the glue bottle upside down and the glue poured all down the front of my lovely new top. This top for some strange reason started to melt onto my boobs (was some sort of nylon), but it was stuck fast and I couldn't get it off. So I'm struggling with this melting nylon all over my tits and the door goes. 'Oh hell' I thought, he's flippin early, so I have no choice but to open the door thinking, well at least I'll get some help, but it was the meter man who very quickly realised I had a problem.

He steps inside and says 'can I help you love', by this time I'm starting to get a little upset because this nylon is still melting and starting to sting. He poured a cup of cold water over my chest and asks for some baby oil, which I go and get, then proceeds to gently massage the oil into my chest and release the burnt nylon. It took quite a while and in my panick I hadn't pushed the front door shut properly and in walks my client, to find me stood there in the hall outside the bathroom door with my boobs out being massaged by a guy with a bottle of baby oil in his hand.

The client annoyed says 'You could have told me you were expecting someone else' and walks out in a huff, so there I am running after him, half naked, boobs bouncing all over the place, dripping with oil and a rather bemused meter man standing in my hall. Took me a while to convince him what had really happened and I didn't see him again after that so still not sure he believed me.

I tell you being a dumb blonde can be a serious afflction at times... :D

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This is not my funny story, but one told to me by a client.

He attended a party thrown by some Leeds ladies (one of whom I know of and know she is great fun) a few years ago.

It was held in The Queens Hotel and they were using the Lord Mayor's Suite. I have been there on a punt and it is /was quite palatial in a brothelly sort of way. There were silk sheets on the massive bed and a sumptuous (but in an aged way )bathroom and a weird balcony. Tacky but decadent.

The party was in full swing. There were ten partially clothed men and some even less partially clothes ladies romping around, when security knocked on the door and told them all to get out now.

The funny part was when he told me they all trouped out of the place - through the reception area like naughty schoolhildren and told never to return :)

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And this one is mine all mine..

I saw a client who was staying in that hotel I mentioned above. i worked for an agency at the time and the doorman at this hotel had seen me come and go in the evenings when he was on the door and always opened it and said 'hello'.

One evening this doorman pulled one of our girls over as she was leaving the hotel and accused her of stealing the contents of the drinks cabinet. He made her turn her handbag out on a table in front of hotel guests.

She was a sweet lovely girl (but filthy) and he humiliated her. She had not done anything wrong at all, but he wanted her to know that she was not welcome there any more. He told her to go back to her agency and tell the boss that none of the ladies would be allowed in there from now.

So here I am with an appointment in there. The boss said to me that i would be alright - I was not so sure.

I met the client outside and we walked in together. The doorman stopped us and said to the guy that he could come in but I could not. The guy protested and said we were together. The doorman insisted that he would shout out loud what I was if we did not go away.

We walked away and went into the bar instead which you could access from the outside.

There were some back stairs in the bar. We decided we would take them and go to his room that way.

We ran up the stairs like two kids, and we got to his room and laughed at the ridiculous situation and that we had managed to get in anyway.

Once again there was a knock on the door by security. We stood still and did not speak. The guy said 'if you don';t come out with her now, we will evict you from the hotel.'

We came out and left by the main entrance. They walked right to the door with us :o

I did go in there again, several times in fact but not in the evenings :)

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