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Nicebuthick

What Excuses To You Use For Sneaking Out For A Punt?

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My balls are going to burst, and the door at home is locked for various reasons.

But I am struggling for an excuse/reason to disappear for an hour or two.

I'm off work, shopping is done, I've been down the tip already, I've met all my mates for Xmas drinks, no DIY on so wickes/scewfix are out of the question.

Any ideas or funny story's about how you escaped would be appreciated.

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Just random thoughts:

1. Gym induction (if necessary at gym near work)

2. Left something in office (iPod? Credit card you took out to buy something online and then left in the drawer?)

3. Long bike ride

4. Shopping for something nobody would want to join you on (something geeky)

5. Sports massage - treat yourself while you're off work

Any use?

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Tell her indoors that you dont like the present she bought you, so your taking it back to the shop and getting a refund which will be better spent in your local whore house.

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Try to create some small DIY issue that er indoors will want fixing immediately.

Suggestions are faulty ballcock :) or internal door lock - you need something that will be noticed quickly at which time you can leap into action to fix it. This will involve an epic saga of visiting DIY stores to find the correct replacement part ;)

Only issue is the missus may be so grateful she will want to express her delight in coital terms that night so make sure you save some energy.

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I can't believe that anyone would consider doing something this dangerous and liable to getting caught!

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Im sure would wonder why I'm cleaning my balls to go to tool station.

I'm at work an my plan was to go somewhere on the way homebuyers she baggsie'd the car so now need a lift from her.

I'm thinking of pulling a long lost friend out of

Nowhere an going to meet him for a pint.

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Live alone so dont really need an excuse. Only if work gets in the way..

"Going to see someone in town. Cant be late as they'll be waiting and he doesnt have a mobile" or "Need to drop his kids xmas presents off"

Usually gone with "Doctors appointment". No one asked questions that way I found out when I used it as an excuse for visiting the gum clinic..No ones going to go "oooh What have you got?"

Although I cant use it too often otherwise people will become worried Ive got some strange disease seeing the doc all the time...

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lots of guys go for a run in their running gear and stop off somewhere

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lots of guys go for a run in their running gear and stop off somewhere

Yeah its the javalin throwers and shot putters that clutter up reception with their gear that I am against,...... :D

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The going to the gym followed by a swim usually works, gets you out of the house for a couple of hours. An hour spent punting and then you actually go for a swim to relax and freshen up before heading home!!

Winner...

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How about 'the steering needs tracking, after I hit a pot hole" ?

Or:

Wheels need balancing (but the delay coming back was caused by a queue)

Car keeps cutting out, going for diagnostic check

Need new wiper blades/headlight bulb

Going to the hobby shop (aircraft, model railways?)

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Just quote Capt. Lawrence Oates to her - I'm sure she'll understand!

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Just say, there is a good sale on at Aw just now, and I have to make the most of it, its a lads thing.

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You could say...*Honey...all I want is to be the best man I can be for you..I have been thinking.....* Her: *yes dear*?

You: *Well. your cooking is great, you really know the way to my heart, however..(lift shirt for effect), I have been putting on a bit of weight..and fancy a jog..*

Her: *A jog...really??*

You: *Sure honey..next to me you make me look like a sloth..maybe twice a week, even once a week, a jog, join my local gym, and if I manage to stick at it, maybe we can train together some time*

Her: *Are you saying I NEED to work out..oh..so now I am fat*, You: *Honey, you got me all wrong...you are lovely, just thought over time, may be ....sexy for us to both work up a sweat down at the gym..you are perfect as you are, it is me who now needs to become perfect for you*.

Her: *Awwww...I really struck gold with you* cue...kissing.

Or something like that. :D

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You could say...*Honey...all I want is to be the best man I can be for you..I have been thinking.....* Her: *yes dear*?

You: *Well. your cooking is great, you really know the way to my heart, however..(lift shirt for effect), I have been putting on a bit of weight..and fancy a jog..*

Her: *A jog...really??*

You: *Sure honey..next to me you make me look like a sloth..maybe twice a week, even once a week, a jog, join my local gym, and if I manage to stick at it, maybe we can train together some time*

Her: *Are you saying I NEED to work out..oh..so now I am fat*, You: *Honey, you got me all wrong...you are lovely, just thought over time, may be ....sexy for us to both work up a sweat down at the gym..you are perfect as you are, it is me who now needs to become perfect for you*.

Her: *Awwww...I really struck gold with you* cue...kissing.

Or something like that. :D

if I tried that with mine I'd need a defibrilator. Me? jog? Hahahah!

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I don't sneak out.

I wait for Auntie to do her own 'sneaking out' (not that - as far as I know she doesn't go about a shaggin - I could be wrong about this but do I care?) usually I think to see girly friends or to visit the poor, sick and needy or to indulge her passion for watching England trying not to get trounced at Twickenham

Then I know I've a good few hours to myself with my own interests to take me 'abroad' so to speak.

Uncle pokey

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I don't sneak out.

to indulge her passion for watching England trying not to get trounced at Twickenham

I enjoy my visits to the rugby at Twickenham, and I have a little confession to make to Uncle Pokey. Do you think I should confess in public?

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I enjoy my visits to the rugby at Twickenham, and I have a little confession to make to Uncle Pokey. Do you think I should confess in public?

thanks paul. i had just taken a mouthfull of coffee when i read that :(

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Many of my clients see me during their lunch hour at work so don't have to come up with anything- maybe fib to their boss about a dentist appt or something to give them a bit longer. That or punting on the way home from work letting the other half know that they have to stay a bit later/going for a drink with colleagues.

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thanks paul. i had just taken a mouthfull of coffee when i read that :(

Sorry about that :( but not as sorry as I shall have to be to Uncle Pokey when he finds me :wacko:

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What I don't understand about you guys who have wives who will accept - just popping out for a couple of hours dear - and never wonder why they can't get you on their mobile at those times. Surely she would twig sooner or later. What do you say when she asks - why was your mobile turned off? If it happens many times she would start to wonder if she had any intelligence.

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What I don't understand about you guys who have wives who will accept - just popping out for a couple of hours dear - and never wonder why they can't get you on their mobile at those times. Surely she would twig sooner or later. What do you say when she asks - why was your mobile turned off? If it happens many times she would start to wonder if she had any intelligence.

I do get antsy about being off the radar for more than an hour, although my wife has a job where she is very unlikely to be able to just call me during working hours.

Smart phones of course notoriously run out of charge, and on London Underground you are out of range. I also have customers I visit where I will often be in a basement with no signal.

It helps if you're not one of those people who is a slave to their phone, so that it would not be unusual if you don't answer.

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I am fortunate in that I don't need to sneak out. As I work shifts I get day's to myself when OH is at work and tend to arrange my punts around that. I do still have the gym excuse to fall back on and and will usually go for a little pre punt swim and relax in the spa area.

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It helps if you're not one of those people who is a slave to their phone, so that it would not be unusual if you don't answer.

That can have a down side as Vin mentions. Best to let it ring from time to time, especially when it the OH ringing.

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I do get antsy about being off the radar for more than an hour, although my wife has a job where she is very unlikely to be able to just call me during working hours.

Smart phones of course notoriously run out of charge, and on London Underground you are out of range. I also have customers I visit where I will often be in a basement with no signal.

It helps if you're not one of those people who is a slave to their phone, so that it would not be unusual if you don't answer.

It sounds like you have that problem well covered.

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