JamesRichards

Punting As A 'bit On The Side'

23 posts in this topic

Hi all,

New to all this so be gentle with this virgin... :-)

Having read through the threads it's clear a lot of contributors punt as their main (if not only) outlet for sex, whether within or without a relationship. However, I would like to know from those who enjoy a fair degree of close, intimate sex within their normal relationship but who punt occasionally to fulfil one or another sexual need/fantasy which would never be on the menu at home.

How often do you punt?

Do you feel it's affected the intimacy of home love making?

Is this a fools fantasy?!

Genuinely would like to learn from others. Of course everyone is welcome to their opinion but not interested in debating the 'morality' of extra-marital sex as this space is surely one of the few places on the net to discuss the realities with those who experience them rather than get into a debate around ideologies.

Many thanks,

James

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Definitely a bit on the side for me.  Been married 20+ years and sex with the missus is still OK, it's just a bit routine and not frequent enough for me.  Would never consider an "affair", even a casual friends-with-benefits thing, since I'm certain it would come out eventually and I don't want to lose my marriage.  I go punting when I go up to London on business, where nobody knows me.  Sure, there's still a minor risk, but at my age I've decided I can afford to take those from time to time.

 

I read a book where some academics had done a study.  They asked couples 3 questions:

1-To him: how often would you ideally have sex

2-To her: how often would you ideally have sex

3-To both: how often do you actually have sex

It turned out that whatever the numbers, the answers to 2 and 3 were almost the same.  So if you want it 7x a week or 3x a week or twice a month, it doesn't matter, you're getting it as often as she wants it.  And of course 9 times out of 10 she wants it less than you do.  If I was getting the full service off the missus 3x per week and a couple of sloppy BJs thrown in, I wouldn't have the energy for punting.

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I would be amazed if you get any useful replies to this topic.

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You could actually answer most of the questions youve asked by actually reading the board and exploring old threads

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Thanks HotDogBurger for your helpful comments :) , I agree with your observation about couples getting as much sex as the woman wants.  In those circumstances I can imagine punting is the only way for the guy to stay 'happy' and maintain the status quo at home.  If a guy has a high sex drive it's a high calling for him to embrace effective celibacy and one that goes against nature I feel.

 

Lancelot, why so the amazement?

 

Markdee, common comment towards forum newbies.  Answer is mixture of timesaving, wishing to introduce myself to the community, genuine thoughts not hither to answered by the lurking/searching I've already done.

 

JR

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Hi JR, I have no problem with your post, although my judgement at this time of night is often influenced by the amount of sauvignon I've ingested. :)

 

Personally, I just don't get excited about sex with the OH. 

 

Unlike the research conducted above, in my case it is likely the OH doesn't get as much sex from me as she would like.  Maybe if she tried just a little bit to make it fun for me I would be more inclined, but when I have had such gorgeous girls spending 100% of their time with me trying to make me happy, there is just no competition.

 

I don't actually think punting makes a great difference to our relationship, which sex asides, is actually quite ok.

 

The only thing that would make a difference to our relationship is either:

 

1) I fuck up and get an STD that I can't disguise, or

 

2) I leave my OH to take up my hobby full time.

 

The latter is possible, but unlikely.  The former is a risk we all take.  As someone who caught an STD in the first 3 months of punting without once going BB I know more than most (IMHO) that this is a risk I live with while I punt.

Edited by Thurson

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How often do you punt?

Do you feel it's affected the intimacy of home love making?

Is this a fools fantasy?!

 

James, I started punting 11 years ago to scratch an itch. I’d never had any problem with sex within my relationship. It was as frequent as I wanted it and reasonably adventurous (by my then standards, anyway!) It certainly met my needs.

 

I’m not conscious of punting having affected the intimacy of that relationship but, for a number of reasons, the frequency of that intimacy has dropped off somewhat in the last few years. Nevertheless, in my first year I had 21 punts and last year I had 22. The most I’ve had in a year is 28 and the least, 18, so the frequency of punts has remained pretty constant.

 

I must, of course, admit that punting has enabled me to fulfil a number of fantasies, some of which I didn’t even have when I started!

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Thurson, thanks for your kind words (a little wine does add a nice glow to the world ;) ).  You raise a valid observation that, through punting, the OH can't meet the new standard which would affect the further development (if possible) of any domestic sex.  I'm one (amongst many I'm sure) who likes the full range of sexual experience from close intimacy ('love making') through to animalistic/kinky fucking and which depends on the mood, weather, partner etc.. In an (at least, 'my') ideal world one would experience this range with just one lady (preferably to whom one was in a committed relationship) but wisdom shows that this is rare and that most marriages move from an early 'frisky phase' towards 'familiar friendship' after many years and children.  My OH is a lovely lady but her sexual tastes have always been towards the conservative side of 'mainstream'.  I've no doubt that we can move towards the mainstream with time and effort (and I'm committed to putting in that time and effort) but she's never going to be able to come near fulfilling many of my milder fantasies and it would be unfair to her to expect her to, we're just not matched in that way.  My interest in the hobby concerns being able to satisfy the occasional adventurous side in myself and have some honest fun with someone who shares a similar mindset.  Again, thanks for your observations!

 

Calynx, wow!  Thanks for that.  18-28 times/year works out as once every 2 weeks which shows commitment to the hobby! :D Good to hear you've had a good experience and fulfilled many of your fantasies!

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I have been married for nearly 40 years. In that time domestic sex has moved from rampant, through good and frequent to what is now a rare surprise. When it does happen it is perfunctory and routine, little foreplay and very much "if you must, get on with it. There are things to do (shopping, laundry etc.....)". It is always in the same position, in fact is really very little pleasure. Our relationship is much better when we keep away from sex, sadly. So.....

 

.....an hour spent in the company of a lovely WG is an hour where there is no pressure, there is time to enjoy what we are doing, some good sex (once is enough). We can kiss, cuddle, chat, fuck, do oral both ways, and I leave feeling very happy.

 

Generally the OH thinks I am in a good mood after a punt (not that she knows why, of course) unless, as happened once, she tried to call me while I was "out" and wanted me to explain why I was not answering the phone. An occupational hazard, I guess.

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James, I started punting 11 years ago to scratch an itch. I’d never had any problem with sex within my relationship. It was as frequent as I wanted it and reasonably adventurous (by my then standards, anyway!) It certainly met my needs.

 

I’m not conscious of punting having affected the intimacy of that relationship but, for a number of reasons, the frequency of that intimacy has dropped off somewhat in the last few years. Nevertheless, in my first year I had 21 punts and last year I had 22. The most I’ve had in a year is 28 and the least, 18, so the frequency of punts has remained pretty constant.

 

I must, of course, admit that punting has enabled me to fulfil a number of fantasies, some of which I didn’t even have when I started!

I have stopped counting after 33 years. Do you keep a log? I guess if I had I could be writing a book now. Don't let any partner see your stats!

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she tried to call me while I was "out" and wanted me to explain why I was not answering the phone.

 

Thanks for your response fireplaceman.  That last bit made me chuckle.  As I've said on another thread, a couple of years ago I had a go at hooking up with some ladies via an 'Affair' website for the purposes of meeting a fuck buddy.  On one occasion I was meant to be in a hotel many miles away from home but was, instead, at a local(ish) hotel getting up to no good.  During a pause in proceedings I went to check my phone to see that the battery was totally dead.  On charging it up I started to get loads of texts/messages from the OH asking, firstly, how I was, then getting increasingly worried with my lack of response.  The phone then rang from an unfamiliar number, I answered to find Derbyshire's finest Constabulary on the line inquiring if I was ok and where was I?  The wife had got so freaked out, she'd reported me as a missing person and the police had attempted to make inquiries at the hotel I was meant to be staying at (I don't think the staff there confirmed any more or less other than to say that I wasn't in my room).  That put a damper on things :o

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Help out a junior punter here... what are the most likely STD's to catch through the odd punt if you never go bareback?

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Help out a junior punter here... what are the most likely STD's to catch through the odd punt if you never go bareback?

Perhaps go and have a look in the health and safety section of the forum.

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Help out a junior punter here... what are the most likely STD's to catch through the odd punt if you never go bareback?

The same ones that you are likely to get if you have protected sex with anybody!

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Help out a junior punter here... what are the most likely STD's to catch through the odd punt if you never go bareback?

If you use a condom for sex your chances of getting an STD are obviously much reduced.  However there are ways you could still get an STD.  The most likely route if you use a condom for penetrative sex only would either be through OWO or pussy sliding.

 

As neither of these, or other non penetrative sexual activity, are likely to result in the mixing of blood the risk of HIV infection remains very low.  I would guess (not being an expert) that the same applies to Hepatitis B infection.

 

That only leaves, NSU, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HPV, Herpes, crabs...

 

So no worries for you, honest... :wacko:

 

Very few punters on this site who don't go bb have had an STD from their hobby.  Oh, other than me, obviously. :lol:

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Not unlike others, I think.

I love my OH, most things about her are great, and I definitely want to stay with her, but though the infrequent sex can be very good, it tends to be cautious and limited - "not now" /"please don't touch me there" (above the waist)/ "I'm looking fat so I want to keep this on" / etc - which, even if it's because of an insecurity I've tried my best to remove, takes a lot of the thrill out of it.

In contrast there are the separate excitements of considering, selecting, booking, travelling to, and obviously meeting a wg. A wg who'll certainly be willing to be looked at and admired and almost certainly up for anything within my modest range of desires.

Which then makes me a more satisfied companion for my OH.

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I don't really believe in morality and don't condemn cheating at all.  

 

However, I would think many punters are married or otherwise attached.  

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Hi,

 

I am in a very similar situation to Newhouse above - happy, long term relationship but sex with my partner is infrequent (once a month if that) and fairly cursory (no foreplay and limited positions). I enjoy it when it happens but it is not comparable in quality to what I get with good working girls. My partners lack of enthusiasm would be a big issue if I did not have the outlet of punting. I do feel that punting has stopped me addressing and (hopefully) resolving the problem so that is a downside. It also has made things like oral pretty normal - my partner makes a big thing about it if she ever gives me a blowjob - so some loss of intimacy definitely

 

I tend to see girls that I like regularly and enjoy developing a rapport with them. I normally punt about once every three weeks but this varies with opportunity and finances. I guess that about one in four of my punts are with a new girl - the others are with regulars.

 

 

Nowadays I find girls through AW but did use parlours in the past. These have been pretty much stamped out in the areas I frequent  :mad:. One thing that was good about parlours was that I tended to punt with a wider variety of girls and found that, despite tending to be attracted more to those with slimmer figures, sex with more curvacious ladies was actually really great (apologies for the sweeping generalisation). I recently proved this hypothesis with a curvy lady from Glos/Worcs who posts on here.

 

I guess punting is fine as long as you keep it under control (do not spend more than you can afford), do not get attached and most of all are discrete. 

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Doesn't really answer your question at all but just to say, the sex I get at home is extremely infrequent, months apart, and only a few minutes at best with only myself wanting it and doing anything active, so it's not remotely like 'lovemaking'. In fact I've even lost my confidence to approach her now for sex and cannot feel confident to even stay erect long enough to penetrate her. I feel too embarrassed about even trying it with her. For some reason my confidence is shattered. It's probably because I just know for certain that she doesn't want it. 

Anyway, I've been spending a fair bit on various things recently (things nothing to do with sex), just far too extravagant and self-indulgent, so thought I'd not pay for sex for several months or maybe even not ever again. Just lead a totally uncomplicated life from now on, no cheating again, no guilt, no nothing. 

However, somehow I can feel within me that I maybe can't seem to stop because I just don't want self relief only. Being with a woman, getting to touch an attractive woman I don't know, and getting into a sexy mood with her, is just so tempting and exciting somehow, even if it's only once more I do this. So I'm now thinking seriously of indulging myself one last time in the next day or two, and then maybe try to stop for a while. But seriously, since I'm not at all young, I'll maybe try to make this the final time. Then turn over a new leaf in what remains of my life. A new beginning. 

Don't even know why I'm telling anybody this. Just want to express my inner thoughts to someone, anonymously, of course. If my thoughts don't seem to make much sense or to be logical, well, that's just me, I'm afraid.

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Doesn't really answer your question at all but just to say, the sex I get at home is extremely infrequent, months apart, and only a few minutes at best with only myself wanting it and doing anything active, so it's not remotely like 'lovemaking'. In fact I've even lost my confidence to approach her now for sex and cannot feel confident to even stay erect long enough to penetrate her. I feel too embarrassed about even trying it with her. For some reason my confidence is shattered. It's probably because I just know for certain that she doesn't want it.

Anyway, I've been spending a fair bit on various things recently (things nothing to do with sex), just far too extravagant and self-indulgent, so thought I'd not pay for sex for several months or maybe even not ever again. Just lead a totally uncomplicated life from now on, no cheating again, no guilt, no nothing.

However, somehow I can feel within me that I maybe can't seem to stop because I just don't want self relief only. Being with a woman, getting to touch an attractive woman I don't know, and getting into a sexy mood with her, is just so tempting and exciting somehow, even if it's only once more I do this. So I'm now thinking seriously of indulging myself one last time in the next day or two, and then maybe try to stop for a while. But seriously, since I'm not at all young, I'll maybe try to make this the final time. Then turn over a new leaf in what remains of my life. A new beginning.

Don't even know why I'm telling anybody this. Just want to express my inner thoughts to someone, anonymously, of course. If my thoughts don't seem to make much sense or to be logical, well, that's just me, I'm afraid.

Thanks for this honest post. I can totally relate to your experiences of marital sex. When the OH is just a passive receipient it makes the whole thing very, very un-sexy and I think performance issues with the guy happen all too often.

I don't presume to judge or question whats going on with the OH but if you can't feel sexually fulfilled at home then that is a horrible place :-(

JR

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Hi all,

New to all this so be gentle with this virgin... :-)

Having read through the threads it's clear a lot of contributors punt as their main (if not only) outlet for sex, whether within or without a relationship. However, I would like to know from those who enjoy a fair degree of close, intimate sex within their normal relationship but who punt occasionally to fulfil one or another sexual need/fantasy which would never be on the menu at home.

How often do you punt?

Do you feel it's affected the intimacy of home love making?

Is this a fools fantasy?!

Genuinely would like to learn from others. Of course everyone is welcome to their opinion but not interested in debating the 'morality' of extra-marital sex as this space is surely one of the few places on the net to discuss the realities with those who experience them rather than get into a debate around ideologies.

Many thanks,

James

 

Hi James,

 

Like you, I'm new to all this. First punt this year. 3 to date.

 

I can't remember where I read this: Married people are happier, live longer, and have more sex than single people. Furthermore, married people who have a bit on the side are happier than those who don't.

 

My experiences with WGs so far have been OW / No FK. All have been absolutely amazing. I have noticed some very interesting positive consequences of punting. I no longer drool over younger female work colleagues at work - I can now have normal conversations with them. I feel more horny when I'm with my wife. I am more likely to spontaneously offer my wife a massage. I am generally happier. Of course, I have now become a bad person, but at least I'm happy :-)

 

PS My relationship with the OH is great. I occasionally feel guilty, but then I think of what I was like before I started punting, and the guilt vanishes :-)

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Hi all,

New to all this so be gentle with this virgin... :-)

Having read through the threads it's clear a lot of contributors punt as their main (if not only) outlet for sex, whether within or without a relationship. However, I would like to know from those who enjoy a fair degree of close, intimate sex within their normal relationship but who punt occasionally to fulfil one or another sexual need/fantasy which would never be on the menu at home.

How often do you punt?

Do you feel it's affected the intimacy of home love making?

Is this a fools fantasy?!

Genuinely would like to learn from others. Of course everyone is welcome to their opinion but not interested in debating the 'morality' of extra-marital sex as this space is surely one of the few places on the net to discuss the realities with those who experience them rather than get into a debate around ideologies.

Many thanks,

James

Most of the people I see are one half of a couple.  The men punt because they want to regardless of whether or not they get sex/enough sex at home.  Punting is a risky business when you have a partner.  I would be far more concerned about covering my tracks if it were me, than whether or not it affects anything else, although I do understand where you are coming from with your second question.  When you are getting fantasy sex with a WG you may want to try different things, and you have to be careful not to deviate from the norm when 'at home'.  If you wish to try that kinky thing you did last week with a WG then talk about it first with t'wife :)

Good luck!

Edited by Sarah Summers

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Thanks both. Well I'm 2 in now and honestly it's like therapy for me. I relax more, smile more and naturally feel closer to my wife and family. It's taken the pressure off my expectations with the OH and I feel more 'me' than I've felt in a long time. All my life I've been very sexual and had a slight kink here and there and my wife was never going to be on the same page. We married for honest, but naive, reasons and I love her dearly. As my adult life has unrolled the monastic existence I was once happy to sacrifice all for has hollowed me out and the ability to be honest to myself is like a long drink after a trek through the desert.

I'm actually pretty vanilla in my kinks and if she was a fundamentally different type of sexual person then I'd be satisfied with only her but the disconnect between us on a sexual level is a fundamental flaw in our marriage, but the only flaw.

I don't want an emotional connect with anyone else, just the ability to express my sexuality.

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