dna1408

In Desperate Need Of Direction!

43 posts in this topic

hello everyone - 

 

i'm completely new here and in a bit of a bind (no pun intended  ;) )

 

for reasons best known to me, i really would like to re-immerse myself in the hobby after many years away, but am now rather married and i'm completely crippled with fear that my OH will find out and that i will lose everything for the sake of a decent jump once in a while - i can't move forward with this because i can't even think straight about what i need to do to cover my tracks. 

 

i have a spare phone and have done my research regarding wgs in the area and who i might like to try, but i just know i'm going to slip up in some really dumb and obvious way, so here i am asking for some clues on you guys keep it discrete.  please? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Where are you going to keep your punting phone; how are you going to avoid the scent of perfume when you get home; how do you cover for where you are when punting; will you need to prevent sat nav showing up your past routes; will you buy an unusual train ticket you may leave in pocket; where will you store addresses

 

All basic stuff I have read from previous answers to this sort of question but I will have missed many and others will also have more subtle points or others borne of bitter experience.

 

And how will you cope with the guilt

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Find a way to release the cash from accounts little by little,

find a legitimate excuse to be out of contact for 4 hours (perhaps do this for innocent purposes a few times first so as not to arouse suspicion), 

keep your punting phone switched off at all times except while "on the job"

keep your normal phone off when punting and get in the habit of turning it off as in point 2 above to see what reaction you get

Don't use a sat nav which records where you have been

Get in the habit of emptying your pockets before you get home

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't punt on your own doorstep.

Control your enthusiasm. Don't get carried away with "I must have a punt". Punt when it's safe.

Always have a shower before leaving the lady unless there is going to be no one at home when you return and you can shower then.

Only use a satnav if you can delete all information afterwards (before you get home).

Have a good reason for having a spare phone. Delete phone numbers, call information after use.

Open a e-mail account specifically for punting e.g. dna1408@hotmail.co.uk with an easy to remember password that you don't use on anything else.

You can save all information about ladies (telephone numbers/addresses etc ) in the form of draft e-mails that obviously never get sent. Therefore no need to save any information on phones or written down.

Above all. Be careful out there. Don't get cocky (unless with a lady).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After recent events, I would suggest having a genuine reason for being as close as possible to where you are punting. You never know when you're going to crash your car or run into somebody both you and your OH know. Trying to explain why you're miles away from where you said you were going to be is not going to be easy.

 

The best excuses are ones that are true, but just leave the punting part out. Combine it with things you are already doing. For instance, I'm a music lover, always have been. I like a wide range of music and some of it is pretty obscure, at least in this country, so often go to gigs on my own because the people I know aren't interested. Therefore, many of my punts have been just before gigs when I say I was in the pub for a pre-gig drink. As many are in London, it also explains why my phone is off (Must have been on the Underground at the time). I also play a couple of instruments, so going to a nearby town to try out some guitars for a couple of hours in a music shop is a valid excuse as it is another thing I would be doing regardless if I was punting or not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Buy rail tickets for cash

If you drive to a punt fuel up before you go or pay cash if you're 100 miles down the road. This applies for all out of area purchases, never use a card out of area.

If you feel the need to groom yourself more for a punt start doing this at home for a few weeks without going out anywhere. Don't suddenly make a massive effort one morning if you're only going fishing or something.

If you have an iPhone turn off the "find my iPhone" function or ensure the Mrs doesn't know you iTunes password.

DG

Edited by Diamond Geezer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Have a good reason for having a spare phone. 

 

yes!  this one is a problem -  why DO i have this spare phone?!?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thanks folks - do keep them coming - it's really reassuring to read stuff and think to myself "yep - got that covered" and give myself a pat on the back - know what i mean?  the "how will you cope with the guilt" i can't even begin to guess, because i don't know if there'll be any or if there is, what size of a monster it's going to be. 

 

As for "how will i cope with the fallout of it comes on top?" i'm trying not to go there - or do you have yourselves all mentally prepared for EVERY eventuality? i fear i may use the ability to enjoy the hobby at all if i dwell to much on the consequences - do most of you have that all mentally sorted and ready to roll or block it out? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yes!  this one is a problem -  why DO i have this spare phone?!?

In case the one you use has the battry ran out, so you have a spare one charged as back up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

you can protect the phone with a sim PIN.

 

Your web of deceit must be based on truth.  If caught in a strange part of town you can be "going to pick up something I bought off eBay" - but the excuse needs to match up with your interests.  This lie wouldn't work if you're a complete luddite who never buys anything online.

 

If you're in a position to punt during working hours then that is probably going to be safer than during a weekend.

 

Of course this totally depends on your lifestyle and circumstances.

 

If right now you would find it hard to get away for 1-2 hours without arousing suspicions then you're going to have to play a longer game and sow the seeds ahead of time, but doing it this way has potential for more things to go wrong.

Edited by Buzzkill

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would also begin to prepare an alter ego for punting use. It doesn't need to be too involved but think of the name you will use, your job, where you live etc. Only you can decide just how close to the truth you stick.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

....................for reasons best known to me, i really would like to re-immerse myself in the hobby after many years away, but am now rather married and i'm completely crippled with fear that my OH will find out and that i will lose everything for the sake of a decent jump once in a while - i can't move forward with this because i can't even think straight about what i need to do to cover my tracks. .........................

Hi dna1408, 

 

No one has thought to say that if you really are that paranoid then perhaps a return to punting is not for you. With all those fears and worries hanging over your head, you probably won't enjoy the experience!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And the trickiest one, which noone has really covered (because they are men!) is don't act all weird. When men have done something naughty they either over compensate by being extra nice or become twattish or pick a fight- maybe to avoid close contact or maybe as a form of defense or bizarre self justification (if my wife wasn't so unreasonable I wouldn't have to do this).

 

Also, don't walk around looking like the cat that got the cream.

 

How you ensure you 'act normal' I don't know because the minute we all try to 'act normal' we end up looking weird.

 

Interesting to see what the chaps have to add to this one!  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

get into the habit of turning your phone off or having the battery go flat so mrs gets used to your phone not receiving calls.

 

When you go to a supermarket get a few quid cashback and put it in your punting cash stash.

 

get an app to clean down your phone.  I use history eraser for android.

 

i dont have a punting fone.  Its too complicated having 2.  So i keep mine clean and don't leave it around for nosey people to look at.

 

when going to a punt drive really carefully. don't get speeding tickets.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is the thrill of a quick fumble really worth your marriage, family, home?

 

I'm not judging you, but would ask that you consider why you're looking into this. I'm aware that as a single man who has never been married, I do not know your situation. However, I'd like to think that if I were married, I would either sit down with Mrs K and sort out the marital issues, or if she was unwilling, then the marriage would come to an end.

 

I understand married men may see this as simplistic, but marriage is about compromise and give and take. I know women who have divorced their husbands on the basis that their income took a hit since 2008; I feel if wifey was a little minx prior to her big day but now with the house and ring on her finger decides you're not having it anymore, it's just the same as you quitting your job without any thought for her.

 

Feeling your pain brother. Be well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You will take a risk however and whatever you do. very often guys get pulled from the way they are overdoing their own security. If you become preoccupied with something, people tend to expect a product of some kind.

 

But if you do take it up again, your wife will eventually twig. Be ready to meet that situation when it comes. You are ready, but is your wife? If she isn't its a no go. if she can cope with it, its a doer. But things won't ever be like they were or are now. what's it worth to you?

 

She could live with it, and still chuck you out 20 years from now. this is the risk you take. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After each punt take out the sim card from the phone and throw it away and  delete all messages from the phone / voicemail blah blah  

this ensures that should your wife find your phone  ( and after a few punts and you get away with it you will become more relaxed and drop your guard ) there  will be nothing on the phone for her find and you don't have to worry about her finding the the phone if this happens  

 

Or you could simply remove the  sim card after each punt and hide the sim card  (at your office /place of work is probably the best place as its somewhere you wife probably wont have access to same for the spare punting phone )  

 

You might find it easier to have just buy a sim card for punting put that in your everyday phone and then remove it afterwards and throw it away saves having to hide a separate phone  

 

A small bit of petrol on your hands /shoes is always brilliant to hide any perfume that the escort might leave lingering on you

 

Don't buy credits for  adultwork on your credit /debit card  it show up on your statement as work and you can easily google this and find out what it means 

there are numerous threads on forums on mumsnet where husbands have been caught out by doing this.

 

 And never admit it  even if you get caught   

 

 

Remove any details from a sat nav

 

Don't use the family  iPad / pc to look for escorts  

 

Have a lock on your phone and ensure that your other half wont suss it out  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The best excuses are ones that are true, but just leave the punting part out. Combine it with things you are already doing. For instance, I'm a music lover, always have been. I like a wide range of music and some of it is pretty obscure, at least in this country, so often go to gigs on my own because the people I know aren't interested. Therefore, many of my punts have been just before gigs when I say I was in the pub for a pre-gig drink. As many are in London, it also explains why my phone is off (Must have been on the Underground at the time). I also play a couple of instruments, so going to a nearby town to try out some guitars for a couple of hours in a music shop is a valid excuse as it is another thing I would be doing regardless if I was punting or not.

Definitely this. I have an obscure hobby (sufficiently obscure that I won't mention it by name here as it might make me identifiable :o ) which gives me a reason to be almost anywhere for an hour or so.

Also, I travel a lot for work. Not only does this 1. Fit well with my hobby ( or hobbies LOL ) and 2. Allow me to punt well away from home, but also 3. Since I'm often away for a few days it lets me wipe perfume and the smile off my face before I get home. Of course, not everyone is lucky enough to have that...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

again, thanks everyone.

 

i like the way you're thinking with the "petrol for perfume", Ebony - "like water for chocolate", but not ...  ;)

 

for now, whilst i'm gearing myself up to this, i've kept the battery for my phone separate from the phone - renders it useless and it would take a concerted effort to go out and source one - knowing myself i reckon i'm less likely to lose something that little bit bigger than a sim.  

 

Kodiak and Oddbloke, i do hear you, i really do, but i think i'm past that point in my head now - kind of like i'm already up in the airplane with my parachute on all ready to jump but just getting a bit OCD about the safety checks.  if i don't jump i'll have to spend the rest of my life remembering how it felt to be up here and kicking myself for my cowardice.

 

If i'm honest, i'd probably have to say that the high stakes are probably part of the lure here - i've always been a bit of a risk taker and am prone to going "all in" and i'm guessing the same must be the case for the majority of married hobbyists, no? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't punt on your own doorstep.

 

I read you initial post and saw this "and have done my research regarding wgs in the area" So i figured this point could definately do with highlighting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

why DO i have this spare phone?!?

It's up to you whether you have a spare phone for punting or do the "swop the sim cards" routine. Personally I prefer the spare phone but it's up to the individual.

I was fortunate. I upgraded and for a period of six months had one problem after another with first a Nokia and then a Samsung. Eventually I got an iPhone which has been great. I bought a cheap payg phone as a backup during that period and still have it in the car.

Another possibility is that, if you have a smartphone, the battery drains quite quickly. As has been already said make sure that you allow the battery to die on several occasions and then get a simple phone because the battery lasts a long time.

There must be other posters, male and female, who can come up with good reasons.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re the point about AW credits, I use an online only credit card so no statements come to the house. I also use it for outcalls to hotels etc. I'm ok though as my current account banking is online only as well and no one knows any of my passwords as we don't have joint accounts.

I use my own ipad / iphone for browsing AW etc, and use private browsing so as it doesn't save history. But it does save cookies and website data if you know where to look, so beware!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Web history security precautions thing is not always necessary. Mrs HDB does not know how to search history, look at cookies, etc, and we use separate logons to our shared home PC. So it's unlikely that she would become suspicious or do a preliminary exploration that way. Of course, if she called in a private detective (unlikely, I'm guessing), lots of info would be there, but I'd assume that a halfway competent PI would be able to get access to your ISP's proxy records and then you'd be truly screwed regardless of your efforts on the computer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*reminds herself not to get married again*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*reminds herself not to get married again*

I know what you mean Lydia. I think relationships can be wonderful, nurturing, things but for some they can be nightmares. Don't know if its a case of marrying the 'wrong' person or just being the wrong sort of person to get married!

JR

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now