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Kodiak

Getting A *girlfriend*

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As warmer times approach (or so we hope!), thoughts of mine have again turned to holidays. As I've mentioned before, been single for quite some time and have been blaming everyhting but myself for being on my own; hence, I have gotten very used to booking escorts and visiting massage parlours.

 

I know, for me, this is unhealthy long term, and has to stop. So, I have forced myself to acknowledge the fact that the reason I rarely meet ladies is because I rarely go out. Friends all paired up and long work hours hasn't helped. So, tried Match.com. Had a couple of dates over the years - been on and off there for way too long - and a few intimate liaisons in amongst the disasters.

 

Tried a new dating site today, and It made me wonder if I'd been going for the wrong girls...I'm at that age where I'm earning well, have my own place and, unlike younger fellas who seem increasingly possesive these day, would be very comfortable with my lady partying without me; indeed I would encourage it. My previous dates have all been with ladies around my age, but, after seeing many of the profiles of ladies 25-30, maybe a guy ten years older is what they may be looking for.

 

Having never been a smoker or big drinker, I'm told I look a few years younger than my age, and I'm sure my generous nature would appeal to many girls who have gone for lookers and charmers to discover they are skint or just players; that's not to say that I'd be easily taken advantage of, or that money is all that motivates women!

 

Been drawing up and pros and cons list, and this is where I hope, comrades, you will assist.

 

Pros: company; love-making (not just sex); meals out; weekends away; holidays; new family (don't care if she has kids); possibility of children of my own; motivation for continuing to work hard; save money that is essentially wasted on SP's; feel good about myself

 

Cons: right now can't think of any

 

The awful thought that did, just for a second, creep into my mind, was that I could continue to see my regular even if I had a partner. I'm appalled at myself.

Edited by Kodiak

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A Friend of my Dads went without a girl friend for prob 30years and just kept picking up girls and WG when ever he had the need,

I think he had a great life as he liked him own company and didnt need the hassel of a wife and his ex wife and him became the best of friends once they divorced,

I think I would do the same if it happend to me far less hassel.

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I think in other posts i've made my opinion of internet dating sites quite clear.Full of trolls,bots controlled by the owners and the unhinged.Scams a plenty and not worth the bother of signing up,unless like me you find out one of your older relations is one one :)

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_______________________________________________

A man's got a heart, hasn't he?
Joking apart -- hasn't he?
And tho' I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint...

I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint...

I'm reviewing the situation
Can a fellow be a villain all his life?
All the trials and tribulations!
Better settle down and get myself a wife.
And a wife would cook and sew for me,
And come for me, and go for me,
And go for me, and nag at me,
The fingers, she will wag at me.
The money whe will take me.
A misery, she'll make from me...

...I think I'd better thing it out again!

A wife you can keep, anyway
I'd rather sleep, anyway.
Left without anyone in the world,
And I'm starting from now
_____________________________________________

 

As you may have surmised, an excerpt from 'Reviewing the Situation' sung by the character Fagin, from Oliver.

 

Just seemed to fit somehow? :)

 

:ph34r: 
 

Edited by Thurson

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As you rightly said you need to get out more mate. There are women who go through a phase of dating players and charmers but eventually settle for the quiet shy provider type as they are predictable. Enrolling on evening classes is one way of meeting girls, possibly yoga classes ? the gym ?.

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There's nothing wrong with thinking or temptation, it's how you act on it that can be good or bad. If you're appalled at yourself for still possibly seeing working girls, do you really think you are truly ready for a relationship? 

 

You're not the first person to something they're not proud of. There's nothing wrong with that (within reason) so you should look at it as an experience and move on as no effort you make can take it back. I know it sounds callous but if you keep beating yourself up about it, your guilt and self pity will probably consume you and threaten or destroy your prospects of a relationship.

 

I'm no advocate of dating sites but that's more to do with my own qualities as I'm shamelessly forward about what I don't want (in one word: princesses), which puts off the majority of women because I don't play spit games.

 

However, as I see it, the only con for you using dating sites is your self pity. I'm no expert on relationships but I can guarantee you without any doubt that no right-minded woman will find you attractive if you keep feeling sorry for yourself.

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 @ kodiak  , when you say the money wasted on Sp's  , you've been seeing the wrong ladies then .  Not a very nice comment to post on this forum .

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As warmer times approach (or so we hope!), thoughts of mine have again turned to holidays. As I've mentioned before, been single for quite some time and have been blaming everyhting but myself for being on my own; hence, I have gotten very used to booking escorts and visiting massage parlours.

 

I know, for me, this is unhealthy long term, and has to stop. So, I have forced myself to acknowledge the fact that the reason I rarely meet ladies is because I rarely go out. Friends all paired up and long work hours hasn't helped. So, tried Match.com. Had a couple of dates over the years - been on and off there for way too long - and a few intimate liaisons in amongst the disasters.

 

Tried a new dating site today, and It made me wonder if I'd been going for the wrong girls...I'm at that age where I'm earning well, have my own place and, unlike younger fellas who seem increasingly possesive these day, would be very comfortable with my lady partying without me; indeed I would encourage it. My previous dates have all been with ladies around my age, but, after seeing many of the profiles of ladies 25-30, maybe a guy ten years older is what they may be looking for.

 

Having never been a smoker or big drinker, I'm told I look a few years younger than my age, and I'm sure my generous nature would appeal to many girls who have gone for lookers and charmers to discover they are skint or just players; that's not to say that I'd be easily taken advantage of, or that money is all that motivates women!

 

Been drawing up and pros and cons list, and this is where I hope, comrades, you will assist.

 

Pros: company; love-making (not just sex); meals out; weekends away; holidays; new family (don't care if she has kids); possibility of children of my own; motivation for continuing to work hard; save money that is essentially wasted on SP's; feel good about myself

 

Cons: right now can't think of any

 

The awful thought that did, just for a second, creep into my mind, was that I could continue to see my regular even if I had a partner. I'm appalled at myself.

As I have disclosed here before, I started punting before marriage as unhappy with sexual experiences thus far. Them met the missus, got married and after a while went back into the pool. I s'pose I would have been expecting not to revisit my hobby but there it is. Just one question - you're not mixing your pro's up with booking criteria..are you?. Good luck to you whatever.

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 @ kodiak  , when you say the money wasted on Sp's  , you've been seeing the wrong ladies then .  Not a very nice comment to post on this forum .

I think smokers probably would say the same about all the money they have frittered puffing away - it's no insult to the cigarettes.

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There are nice looking women on dating sites - very few though as an overall percentage and masses of fake profiles. I actually saw a lady in London a few months ago sitting outside cafe nero with a laptop on her table next to her caramel latte. She logged into a dating site and was filling out her profile - it was really quite amusing to watch. I happened to be with my o/h - otherwise I would have gone up to her and said "Excuse me, I don't know how many boxes you just ticked, but you certainly tick all mine"

 

I actually think it is more work to find a women by online dating - and getting out there is the only reliable way - the direct approach is still the best.

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 @ kodiak  , when you say the money wasted on Sp's  , you've been seeing the wrong ladies then .  Not a very nice comment to post on this forum .

 

I expect the majority of folk on here - service users and providers - will understand that from my perspective, it is money wasted as for me it is like a quick fix of a drug user; enjoy it at the time but then the come-down and realisation that long-term, this isn't healthy.

 

I've seen, and continue to see, some wonderful ladies; you're entitled to make your opinion known, but it does irritate me when some people take offence on behalf of others.

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As you rightly said you need to get out more mate. There are women who go through a phase of dating players and charmers but eventually settle for the quiet shy provider type as they are predictable. Enrolling on evening classes is one way of meeting girls, possibly yoga classes ? the gym ?.

Also joining a running, cycling or walking club, starting a new hobby, (cookery classes have done me a few favours in the past), learning a new language, photography classes, the possibilities are endless. Just get off your arse and do something, anything, to get you meeting people; they don't have to be women! Then meeting new women will come naturally to you.

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Already do gym, not a great place to *meet* women in my opinion...all very self conscious.

 

I work long hours and making a weekly commitment before 8pm on a weeknight could be problematic...will just go into town for a pint on my own maybe :o

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Love will find you when you least expect it. Fate is a wonderful thing and the right woman will present herself at the right time. 

just relax, enjoy life, be yourself and think of any women you meet as a human, an equal and as a possible new friend

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Already do gym, not a great place to *meet* women in my opinion...all very self conscious.

 

I work long hours and making a weekly commitment before 8pm on a weeknight could be problematic...will just go into town for a pint on my own maybe :o

 

That defeatist attitude will get the better of you. Why do you allow your long working hours to become an excuse not to pursue happiness? Forgive my bluntness but you say you want a relationship hopefully leading on to something more committed but you seem to give up at the first hurdle. No, it's not easy but giving up so readily makes things only more difficult. 

 

I think porker paul gave cracking advice but you give the vibe that it's either beneath you or too much effort.

 

 

 

Love will find you when you least expect it. Fate is a wonderful thing and the right woman will present herself at the right time. 

 

just relax, enjoy life, be yourself and think of any women you meet as a human, an equal and as a possible new friend

 

"Love will find you" sounds like a certainty but death and taxes are the only certainties in life. To paraphrase a quote from the Terminator, there's no fate but what you make. I don't think the right woman is going to present herself to any man who keeps moping about wallowing in self pity and finding excuses not to persist in what he's looking for.

 

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Already do gym, not a great place to *meet* women in my opinion...all very self conscious.

 

I work long hours and making a weekly commitment before 8pm on a weeknight could be problematic...will just go into town for a pint on my own maybe :o

Ok.I've seen this discussed on many different types of forum,but whats so shocking/strange about going to a pub on your own?I seriously dont get it.I do it frequently,either a nice quiet drink,or as often happens,i end up chatting to people.

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I thought most blokes went to the pub on their own if they are a regular there as there is usually someone they know?

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That defeatist attitude will get the better of you. Why do you allow your long working hours to become an excuse not to pursue happiness? Forgive my bluntness but you say you want a relationship hopefully leading on to something more committed but you seem to give up at the first hurdle. No, it's not easy but giving up so readily makes things only more difficult. 

Its not defeatist, its realistic. If you work till late in the evening you are often just too tired to go out. I can count the number of nights out I have had over the last several years on one hand...literally. I would love to meet someone but then I also have the obstacle of my job, which I wish to disclose to noone so Im stumped as I dont want to meet someone and then lie to the either. Thats not defeatist, its just being real with myself x

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Just get off your arse and do something, anything, to get you meeting people; they don't have to be women! Then meeting new women will come naturally to you.

 Absolutely - sex aside, men are far more interesting than women. I recall when I went to Ukraine years ago on one of these romance tours - the best time I actually had was meeting the guys, mainly Americans - I had a real laugh with them. The women were a bore!

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Love will find you when you least expect it. Fate is a wonderful thing and the right woman will present herself at the right time. 

just relax, enjoy life, be yourself and think of any women you meet as a human, an equal and as a possible new friend

 

This has always been my experience. When I used to be looking for love I'd have no luck at all. 

 

But whenever I decided to stop looking and enjoy being me for a while it would come find me. Years later I now realize it's because I was more comfortable and natural in those situations. And the real me is far more attractive than the on the pull me. I'm happy about that now, but it sucked all those nights when I was younger coming home from nightclubs alone while the women all left with total knobs.

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Good luck in your search, mate.

 

I wouldn't bother with trying to pick women up in clubs or pubs. As others have suggested, take a class which women are likely to be interested in or perhaps volunteer for something - obviously not where only grannies work like in Charity shops.

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Amateur dramatic groups are an age old route to adultery classes. So even if you get to play the arse end of a pantomime cow, there is often more chance of a bonk.

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That defeatist attitude will get the better of you. Why do you allow your long working hours to become an excuse not to pursue happiness? Forgive my bluntness but you say you want a relationship hopefully leading on to something more committed but you seem to give up at the first hurdle. No, it's not easy but giving up so readily makes things only more difficult. 

 

I think porker paul gave cracking advice but you give the vibe that it's either beneath you or too much effort.

 

Do you think I work long hours through choice?!

 

I work long hours because right now employers can give you 60 hrs work and pay you for 35 of it...and if you kick up a fuss, there's someone else willing to do it.

 

Such simplistic nonsense can be rather irritating sometimes.

Edited by Kodiak

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This has always been my experience. When I used to be looking for love I'd have no luck at all. 

 

But whenever I decided to stop looking and enjoy being me for a while it would come find me. Years later I now realize it's because I was more comfortable and natural in those situations. And the real me is far more attractive than the on the pull me. I'm happy about that now, but it sucked all those nights when I was younger coming home from nightclubs alone while the women all left with total knobs.

Yeah - and those total knobs who went off with all the pretty girls from the night clubs are those that did not wait for love to arrive on their doorstep.

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 Absolutely - sex aside, men are far more interesting than women. I recall when I went to Ukraine years ago on one of these romance tours - the best time I actually had was meeting the guys, mainly Americans - I had a real laugh with them. The women were a bore!

I remember seeing a programme on romance/find a bride tours to Russia etc.Seemed the organisers,to get a decent % turn out offered free food and booze for the ladies.It seemed to work but most were there for the free night out

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