RandallPMcMurphy

Why do we do it?

70 posts in this topic

No really, I'm serious.

I'm a (reasonably) happily married guy. Lovely wife. Gorgeous kids. And yet, at the slightest opportunity, I am unfaithful.

If my wife found out she'd be devastated and the consequent breakup would leave massive psychological scars on the kids.

I have quite a good sex life at home.

And yet, the slightest opportunity...

Am I just massively selfish? Probably. But I still don't understand why I need to do it.

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No really, I'm serious.

I'm a (reasonably) happily married guy. Lovely wife. Gorgeous kids. And yet, at the slightest opportunity, I am unfaithful.

If my wife found out she'd be devastated and the consequent breakup would leave massive psychological scars on the kids.

I have quite a good sex life at home.

And yet, the slightest opportunity...

Am I just massively selfish? Probably. But I still don't understand why I need to do it.

I do it because its fun and i can have sexual relations with ladies who would never look at me twice if i wasnt paying.

I certainly am selfish and would like to have a sexual encounter with as many ladies who i like the look of as possible. I also enjoy meeting new ladies to me.:confused:;)

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Because we are genetically programmed to behave like that. We are not a monogamous animal.

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Because we are genetically programmed to behave like that. We are not a monogamous animal.

The wandering Albatross is, I think, one of the few genuinely monogamous animals - he has (perhaps, maybe tongue-in-cheek) the ideal life! Once mated they meet, by prior arrangement, on some dot of land in the Southern Ocean, fold their seven foot wings, and go all lovey dovey for a couple of months (produce one chick), and then, at the end of the season, it's "OK, darling! Was wonderful! Must dash! See you here next year? Great! 'Till then! Byeeee!"

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No really, I'm serious.

I'm a (reasonably) happily married guy. Lovely wife. Gorgeous kids. And yet, at the slightest opportunity, I am unfaithful.

If my wife found out she'd be devastated and the consequent breakup would leave massive psychological scars on the kids.

I have quite a good sex life at home.

And yet, the slightest opportunity...

Am I just massively selfish? Probably. But I still don't understand why I need to do it.

I can totally understand why men, whose wives have put a sex ban in place at home, do it. But men like you, who have active and good sex lives with their partners are yes, quite frankly, being selfish.

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I can totally understand why men, whose wives have put a sex ban in place at home, do it. But men like you, who have active and good sex lives with their partners are yes, quite frankly, being selfish.

Sure, I get that the fact that I do it is massively selfish.

I still don't get why I do it though.

I stand to lose a hell of a lot. And yet I keep doing it.

Is it some kind of affirmation seeking?

I remember Olympia Dukakis in some movie saying men cheat because we fear death! I wonder if at some level that's it?

Or am I just over-complicating it needlessly?

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I can totally understand why men, whose wives have put a sex ban in place at home, do it. But men like you, who have active and good sex lives with their partners are yes, quite frankly, being selfish.

I have punted through all my relationships and at 44 there have been a number. I enjoy it and like most, but not all the ladies i meet. Ultimately i feel its better than having an affair where an emotional bond might well develop, and believe me i have walked away in the past from the affair scenario. Punting is for me a sexual outlet, a relationship is about love and emotion, two very different things in my eyes. I also like the simplicity of punting, picking the phone up and making an appointment is easy and straightforward, most of the time.:confused:

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Prior to punting I hadnt had sex for over a year,Im married,I could easily have an affair but I dont want any complications.For me punting is ideal.

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I can totally understand why men, whose wives have put a sex ban in place at home, do it. But men like you, who have active and good sex lives with their partners are yes, quite frankly, being selfish.

I don't understand that either.

It was ten years of no sex before I 'did it' and even now I feel guilty. Not a sex ban more a case of losing interets or growing apart sexually.

If I had sex at home I would not be here; end of.

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Punting is for me a sexual outlet, a relationship is about love and emotion, two very different things in my eyes. I also like the simplicity of punting, picking the phone up and making an appointment is easy and straightforward, most of the time.:confused:

I couldn't have said it any better than that, well summed up.

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As someone else said, you ARE programmed that way. Your entire raison d'etre is 'PROCREATE! PROCREATE! PROCREATE!'

It is not, however, 'Procreate! But with just one female!'.

We are not designed for monogamy, religion introduced THAT.

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As someone else said, you ARE programmed that way. Your entire raison d'etre is 'PROCREATE! PROCREATE! PROCREATE!'

It is not, however, 'Procreate! But with just one female!'.

We are not designed for monogamy, religion introduced THAT.

Religion has got a lot to answer for.

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Religion has got a lot to answer for.

Um - because I like it -

As noted I believe blokes 'in general' - and IMO - have more of a problem with monogamy than girls - girls are nicer

Blokes also respond far more to the physical - hence girly mags etc - punting is an extention

I get sex at home but I want more -

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No really, I'm serious.

I'm a (reasonably) happily married guy. Lovely wife. Gorgeous kids. And yet, at the slightest opportunity, I am unfaithful.

If my wife found out she'd be devastated and the consequent breakup would leave massive psychological scars on the kids.

I have quite a good sex life at home.

And yet, the slightest opportunity...

Am I just massively selfish? Probably. But I still don't understand why I need to do it.

What an excellent and interesting question! I've often wondered myself!

I think it's all down to temptation. If sex with gorgeous women is available then lots and lots of guys will not be able to resist - regardless of what's at home waiting!

Angelina Jolie, Jenifer Anniston, Elizabeth Hurley, Maryilyn Monroe, Cheryl Cole - all waiting at home for their men - all wearing stocking & suspenders, waiting in bed with a wicked smile on their faces. Whilst their husbands were off with another woman. Why???

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What an excellent and interesting question! I've often wondered myself!

I think it's all down to temptation. If sex with gorgeous women is available then lots and lots of guys will not be able to resist - regardless of what's at home waiting!

Angelina Jolie, Jenifer Anniston, Elizabeth Hurley, Maryilyn Monroe, Cheryl Cole - all waiting at home for their men - all wearing stocking & suspenders, waiting in bed with a wicked smile on their faces. Whilst their husbands were off with another woman. Why???

Really? Are they all superwomen then? Don't they get periods, bad moods, sick of his jokes, annoyed 'cos he hasn't washed up, headaches, just generally, "if you do your 'sex routine' with me one more time i think i'll kill you with a stick"?

Being a celebrity doesn't mean 'Always looking her best and up for it'.

Being an escort (during working hours) DOES.

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No really, I'm serious.

I'm a (reasonably) happily married guy. Lovely wife. Gorgeous kids. And yet, at the slightest opportunity, I am unfaithful.

If my wife found out she'd be devastated and the consequent breakup would leave massive psychological scars on the kids.

I have quite a good sex life at home.

And yet, the slightest opportunity...

Am I just massively selfish? Probably. But I still don't understand why I need to do it.

if you have a good relationship , why would your wife force a break up if you were caught out ? you have not had an affair which would be very damaging. certainly, there would be trouble but provided you could prove that there had been and is no threat to her health whatsoever and provided no- one else in the family or the world at large knew of your behaviour, then I think your marriage should be safe going forward. obviously you would have to stop your actions. break-up would be a nightmare scenario.

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if you have a good relationship , why would your wife force a break up if you were caught out ? you have not had an affair which would be very damaging. certainly, there would be trouble but provided you could prove that there had been and is no threat to her health whatsoever and provided no- one else in the family or the world at large knew of your behaviour, then I think your marriage should be safe going forward. obviously you would have to stop your actions. break-up would be a nightmare scenario.

There speaks a man! ;)

Now think like a woman. :confused:

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:confused:

No really, I'm serious.

I'm a (reasonably) happily married guy. Lovely wife. Gorgeous kids. And yet, at the slightest opportunity, I am unfaithful.

If my wife found out she'd be devastated and the consequent breakup would leave massive psychological scars on the kids.

I have quite a good sex life at home.

And yet, the slightest opportunity...

Am I just massively selfish? Probably. But I still don't understand why I need to do it.

I can totally understand why men, whose wives have put a sex ban in place at home, do it. But men like you, who have active and good sex lives with their partners are yes, quite frankly, being selfish.

selfish !!! --- I I'd settle gladly for that.I think you'd find our wives might use somewhat stronger language !

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There speaks a man! ;)

Now think like a woman. :confused:

I'll leave that up to you hun----- go on share your thoughts--- you wont turn off any punters from their selfish,mindless, unfaithfull behaviour :)

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A lot of the time I think I do it not so much for the sex but for the thrill of escaping the routine 9 to 5 world for a brief time and entering a secret world.

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No really, I'm serious.

I'm a (reasonably) happily married guy. Lovely wife. Gorgeous kids. And yet, at the slightest opportunity, I am unfaithful.

If my wife found out she'd be devastated and the consequent breakup would leave massive psychological scars on the kids.

I have quite a good sex life at home.

And yet, the slightest opportunity...

Am I just massively selfish? Probably. But I still don't understand why I need to do it.

I think we do this because we genuinely can separate the physical function of sex from the love and regard we have for our partners. I can anyway.

however, we also do it because we control the purse strings and this is an absolute abuse of power and our position. it is the one thing [ outside a health risk ], that gnaws at me and is indefensible. were I to come under serious financial pressure,I would have to stop my addiction--- hope I would be able.:confused:

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were I to come under serious financial pressure,I would have to stop my addiction--- hope I would be able.:confused:

I found it no problem at all when things were tight this year; it would feel no better than going out for a Michelin-starred meal and ordering champagne when the electricity board were about to cut you off.

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I'll leave that up to you hun----- go on share your thoughts--- you wont turn off any punters from their selfish,mindless, unfaithfull behaviour :confused:

Firstly, I don't subscribe to the whole 'selfish, mindless, unfaithful' shit. As i said earlier, I believe you guys ARE programmed that way, and I don't think we're meant to be monogamous.

So please don't think that my comments to you were a reflection of my opinions. They were simply based on knowledge of women, on observation, and on a basic understanding of the way most women are 'taught to think'.

So whilst to your mind it is not classical unfaithfulness, to your wife who sees these things in VERY black and white, you have cheated on her. The money is immaterial. You have said 'I want more than you give me, and I am going to get it'.

This, in the eyes of your 'scorned' wife, is a direct criticism. It says 'YOU are not enough'.

You have to understand that for the majority of women , sex becomes unimportant after they have something to nurture. This would be a child, or in childless couples, a pet or even the husband. If you're the kind of guy who is happy for his wife to 'look after him', then you have in effect given her something to nurture, which turns off her 'procreation' switch. From that point, sex can become unnecessary. She therefore cannot understand why for you it is still a necessity.

We as women are taught to look for Prince Charming, who will be devoted to us and look after us forever. We are told in sub-text that his sexual requirements are a necessary nuisance if the human race is to keep going, which means once we have sorted THAt out sex is off the agenda.

But that doesn't nullify those marriage vows which we believed in when our Prince stood next to us! When we said 'and keep only unto thee' we meant FOREVER. and we, sadly, meant 'You can only ever have sex with me, forever and ever. And if I don't want to, that's tough shit'.

Before all the ladies jump on me, obviously that's not the case for every single woman who ever walked the Earth. Some of us are different.

Personally, I'm not much good at nurturing. If a child falls, I'm the 'Jump up, you're fine, stop snivelling ' type, rather than the 'Oh let me kiss it better' type. Maybe this means that my Nurture Mechanism is faulty, which has kept my Procreate Sequence running. I dunno.

But the thing you have to remember above all else is that for the majority of women, sex and love are tied up together in a tight little parcel. We are told, 'Save yourself for the one you love, sex should be special, you should be making love not having a shag.'

Little wonder then, that when you guys go and have sex with another woman, your wife reads that as 'You don't love me then'.

And that's what will harm your marriage if she finds out. Not the 'sex with a whore' part, but the 'You obviously don't love me the way I love you'.

As I said, personally, I don't subscribe to most of it. I've never married, I never will, and I'm not that hot on the whole 'You belong to me' thing.

From where I stand, you guys have every right to do what you do.

But I'm not your wife.

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Veriety is the spice of life................ or so they say :confused::);)

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I found it no problem at all when things were tight this year; it would feel no better than going out for a Michelin-starred meal and ordering champagne when the electricity board were about to cut you off.

ha, ha --- presumably with the wife and kids at home hugging each other to keep warm !!

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