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Ed In Thirties

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Hello all,

 

I'm a slim, physically healthy guy in my early thirties. I've had ED off and on for several years (both when punting and when not). Although it eventually improved with my partner, I still struggled both to maintain an erection and to keep the wolf from the door (as Partridge would say) when we were still in an intimate relationship.

 

In my last four punts I've failed to get an erection on each occasion. I was nervous, but not massively so and enjoyed all four experiences. However, I'd be a liar if I said it wasn't something I was worrying about. I'd like to try some type of medication and did go to my doc. Because of my physical health he fobbed me off with 'psychological problems' as an explanation. Whilst this may be quite true it doesn't offer a clear next step and was a bit of a demoralising experience.

 

Any advice would be gratefully received...

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Your GP is rubbish. A doctor can prescribe Cialis, Levitra, or Viagra for performance anxiety / psychological problems. Actually, the main cause of erectile dysfunction in young healthy males is performance anxiety. If you go to Lloyds Pharmacy online, you can get a prescription if you fill in their questionnaire. If you go for Cialis, one tablet can keep you going for a few days.

Good luck.

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Performance anxiety and other worries in your subconscious are key points here.

Viagra isn't going to work on the underlying causes, because the problem sounds more mental not physical.

You said that it eventually improved with your partner...In your subconscious mind you were more relaxed with her, even though you still had some problems.

Still, these things are so deeply embedded, it can take a while to change. But if you are not being helped or sent in the right direction, then your anxieties are going round and round in circles!

I have met many men of all ages and several young men who failed to get an erection with me, but they were ok by themselves. It's quite obvious that there was nothing wrong with them, it's all in the subconscious mind.

I suggest CBT. Cognitive behavioural therapy. Your doctor should have referred you to a CBT therapist, so ask him about that.

CBT is a very powerful therapy, it works on the subconscious mind. Your biggest sex organ is your mind. If that's off kilter, then your body follows! It's really very good for sexual problems. I have sent a few guys off to see a therapist, and several have sent me emails months later saying that they are improving, improved or completely changed for the better. It doesn't change overnight, but in my exp, I've spoken to guys who were really happy that they had seen a CBT therapist. I don't know how many visits you can have on NHS but privately it's about £80 per hr.

Edited by Dollymopp

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I have had a few psychological problems similar to what you describe. I'm early 50's but I know for a fact there are no medical issues, and that it's all in my mind. I've used Levitra and found that it helped me immensely.

I only take half of a 10mg tablet but it has given me confidence that I'm not going to have any problems when performing, and I haven't. I had an overnight with a girl recently and had no problems at all, even the next morning. Side effects affect people in different ways but I've not noticed any at all.

If your doctor won't prescribe anything, just go to Lloyd's online and try something.

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Hi There

Performance anxiety is a real problem, if you have natural erections in private and/or wake with morning glory that's enough to prove it's an anxiety issue.

Viagra, Levitra and Cialis all work differently and I've tried them all. For me Viagra did nothing, not even a headache, Levitra is marvellous stuff for a stress free hard on but stops me cumming. Cialis isn't far behind Levitra but no problem cumming.

Levitra also tends to make me feel flushed with a mild headache but Cialis is pretty much free of side effects.

I always pop Cialis around 2 hours before a meet.

These are just my personal experiences and no guarantee of how they'll affect you.

I always use Lloyds online pharmacy and collect from a reasonably local store, fortunately there are several near me.

Top tip, whichever drug you go for ask for the highest strength and split them, saves a fortune. I now have all three available to reorder any time and an order is usually reviewed by a GP and the prescription sent to my chosen pharmacy within an hour or two.

Come back to the thread and tell us what you do or PM if you have any questions.

DG

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People advising pills..it's not dealing with the real root of the problem. Don't think the young guy should have to take a pill for the rest of his life every time he has sex. What if he's suddenly out of pills one day? The panic sets in, back to square one, because the root of the problem is being ignored. Performance anxiety is mental, not physical. These pills are not working on the mind. He's physically healthy, so it sounds like he needs long term solution not short term fix. Sexual arrousal starts in the mind? CBT has worked for several of my visitors, they were all trying pills before that, and overdosing sometimes, they were so panicky about not getting hard! Sometimes getting headaches etc. Their anxiety wasn't helped at all, because they weren't working on the real cause. I wish one of them would write on here...it would prob help this guy.

Edited by Dollymopp
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The people above seem to think that painting over rust works. Until the rust keeps seeping through, that is. And it does. They even talk about psychological issues and yet, still advise pills that just send blood to your penis whilst ignoring the real underlying issue. Dreadful advice.

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The people above seem to think that painting over rust works. Until the rust keeps seeping through, that is. And it does. They even talk about psychological issues and yet, still advise pills that just send blood to your penis whilst ignoring the real underlying issue. Dreadful advice.

I was stating what worked for me, that's all. Spending £80 a go for god knows how long may not be an option for the OP. I know what my underlying issue was, it was a lack of confidence and constantly thinking about trying to sustain an erection when with a woman made matters worse.

In my case I purchased 1 x pack of levitra which cost £40 odd quid, and lasted me enough times to give me the confidence to no longer need the tablets. So if that is dreadful advice, I can live with it.

Edited by Burty

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It doesn't change your mind, it just sends blood to your penis. Confidence doesn't come from those pills, but if you had that psychosomatic side effect then that's great.

CBT is available on NHS, I've said that already. I imagine paying for pills for god knows how long can cost the same or more than private in the long run. Whilst not working on the real issues of anxiety. Plus the side effects of taking meds every time you have sex. For years, for ever?

And the underlying causes, lack of confidence, performance anxiety, worrying about sustaining an erection, it's all mental. They get hard by themselves and struggle when a woman is there. I've said this several times now. That's to be addressed, and that's what CBT does. Changes your anxious mindset and negative thought patterns. It works on psychosomatic ED really well. I'm fed up repeating myself now..

Edited by Dollymopp

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One more thing..the guys I knew who eventually went after trying other things first, three had 4 sessions, two had 7/8, another one had 10, one is still going after 4, two have had 1 session each so far.

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Dollymopp, no-one said CBT wouldn't work for the OP, nor did they say it wasn't the best way forward for him

 

All some of us did was recount our own experiences. I agree that a 30 year old in good health shouldn't be taking tablets for the rest of their life when they want to have sex, - but it was a relatively quick fix for me, and therefore in my original post suggested the OP give it a try. that's all.

 

On a side issue, CBT and other forms of psychological treatment do not work for everyone in every case, and I have living proof in my partner who has had years of it after completely losing her libido after she was involved in a very traumatic incident over 20 years ago. After so long and so many attempts at treatment, we've both accepted it isn't coming back. Hence the reason I occasionally punt.

 

So forgive me for posting a personal account of what worked for me, but to dismiss it out of hand as dreadful advice is a little harsh IMO.

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I suggest the OP gets his blood pressure checked. I had the same problem in my early 30's erections disappearing and was about to join a gym when I discovered I had high blood pressure. Also try to doing some exercises in particular stretching your back and abdominals. As we get older we spend a lot of down sitting down at the pc not forget driving that really not good guys.

Also try avoiding watching straight porn instead try Lesbian or erotica. As a gay guy once said to me all porn bar lesbian is for gays because of the penis shots.

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Hello all,

 

I'm a slim, physically healthy guy in my early thirties.

 

I'm slim as well and in my early 40's. Just because I could still fit in the same sized jeans I did 20 years ago I always assumed I was healthy.

 

Had the same problem myself. Started going to the gym and working on my cardio to make sure I was pumping blood around the body more efficiently.

 

The other thing I did was started taking a zinc supplement. I had stomach problems when I was younger and knew I had problems absorbing iron. I've have been on iron tablets for years. Recently found out zinc is absorbed in the same area of the digestive tract and is important for testosterone production. This is all information that no GP ever bothered telling me. I found out about the iron deficiency when I had to be admitted to hospital for severe anemia. The zinc I only just figured out for myself by doing some research.  

 

After these 2 changes I'm getting morning wood every day and occasionally spontaneous erections like I was a teenager. All without prescription medication.

 

Worst position for maintaining an erection is lying flat as the blood is having to pump uphill into the penis.

 

There was still a psychological block, but a very helpful and understanding young lady got me through that. 

 

Hope this helps and good luck.

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@Dolly

You're quite correct with your accurate advice.

I'd taken a pre meet Cialis for a long while now as I had a couple of failures which were definitely of the psychologic variety. I now remember it pretty much started when a very lovely lady bobbed up during a OWO and reminded me not to cum, killed the moment and caused issues after.

Anyway, after taking Cialis with great results pretty much ever since yet knowing things worked fine at home I decided it was time to confront the demon again.

I told my very lovely regular lady I wasn't taking a pill next time we met. We are very comfortable in each others company, no nerves whatsoever on my part and I said if things don't work then so what, we'll still have fun.

Needless to say I had a great time. I didn't need CBT - although I'm very well aware it's a hugely beneficial therapy - but explaining the issue before hand and accepting in advance that what will be will be was key to success.

I doubt I'd go and visit a new lady just yet without my "crutch" but may try a repeat visit sometime with a lady I've only seen twice before. The familiarity will at least be there if not the absolute comfort of a regular. I'd also tell her in advance so there was no pressure.

Hope this might help others with an intermittent problem.

DG

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Has anyone on here tried CBT and can recommend someone in London / south east to go to? Has it helped ?

I know it's in my head as I've no problem getting hard on my own but struggle when I'm with a woman. It's especially frustrating as I find the women I've been with very attractive and it's something I want to resolve without pills if I can.

Some great advice on here so thanks for contributing...I've started to take a zinc supplement & a testosterone one and plan on starting cardio exercise in order to help myself as much as I can. It will be interesting to see what difference,if any,it will make.

Edited by Chubber

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I read somewhere that there's a big rise in ED in young men that's been ascribed to internet porn. The idea is that the sheer volume and variety desensitizes the part of the brain that causes arousal.

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Was going to post new thread, but this seems a good a place as any to add some thoughts.

I am 57, and started having ED about a year ago. I just thought that it was the toll of years of working 70+ hour weeks and generally getting on a bit. Until last February when I collapsed and paramedics had to be called as a stroke was suspected. Turned out to be coronary heart disease...totally unexpected as I was 11 stone, didn't smoke, didn't eat crap and cycled 150 miles a week.

I have since had bypass surgery (actually a motorway as they did three lanes) and have discovered a whole lot of stuff about cardio health. What seems to be increasingly accepted in the medical literature is that ED can be an accurate indicator of heart disease. Basically, the crap that blocks up the coronary arteries also blocks up the rest of the vascular system. This prevents the receptors in the penis from receiving the chemical messages that tell it to man up, because the receptors cannot get through the plaque to the vessel wall which tell them to dilate on the in circuit and constrict on the out circuit. All the Viagra type medicines are devised to improve this messaging system.

All the stuff about sex starting between the ears is right, in my experience. Performance anxiety can have quite a lot to do with it, but if you do go to a doctor with ED, it might be worth while getting blood pressure and lipid levels checked to see if there is a cardio-related factor.

As for me, I am 6 months out of surgery, I still occasionally experience ED but increasingly less so as the drugs and animal fat free diet are flushing the crap out of the system. Choice of escort helps too...in my case, more mature ladies who have seen everything, are fazed at nothing and have a kindly disposition. Just being able to relax in my head knowing this is purely a physiological glitch and enjoy the moment for the pleasures available allows me to rise to the occasion eventually but without undue delay, and everyone goes home happy!

Hope this helps.

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Hypnotherapy might be a good alternative to pills... I lost my virginity this year after masturbating daily for well over a decade and failed to cum on my first appointment, before realising it was because my body was used to ejaculating in a certain position. Had more success since then, following periods of abstention, but it still takes me a very long time to ejaculate in any other position than lying down, just under or over an hour in some cases. I've heard good things about hynotherapy removing mental blocks, which it sounds like yours could be, so I'm going to give it a try and will report back if things get any easier. I'd be reticent about relying on pills as, having seen how my body adapted to my masturbation habits, it'd worry be me that I'd become dependent on them* for my sexual performance.

(*Should point out this is not based on any experience or knowledge, just a concern)

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Its not always about confidence. If the OP is blessed with a particularly large willy or an over  long but slim one then I have noticed that these guys quite often have difficulty in maintaining a full erection. I dont know why though..perhaps simply a blood pressure thing x

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