Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
openminded

Thinking Of Visiting A Submissive

38 posts in this topic

I am not new to the punting scene, but I am only a very occasional punter.  Once a year or less.

 

I have known for some time that I have masochistic fantasies, and my wife does not share those with me.  Sex between us is nice, but also a bit... bland :(.

 

Recently I have started having sadistic fantasies.  I am thinking of visiting a submissive escort.  There is one based near me who works for an agency and who does incalls for £150 an hour.  

 

I want to tie a woman up, gag her, cane or whip her, and then have sex with her.  The sex would be protected.  I also like the idea of facials.

 

I want to dominate and control someone totally.  I won't use someone who insists on a man being present, or who has strict limits (e.g. only 12 cane strokes).

 

Having said that, what limits the lady sets beforehand would be respected.  And I would not cause any permanent or serious injury, just a few marks.  I have some limits myself: I am not into needles, watersports, or hardsports for example.

 

 

Is there anything in particular I need to be wary of when doing this?  

 

My emotional health is one thing that springs to mind.  How would I feel after unleashing the sadistic side of me?

 

I am of course aware that I would be responsible for the welfare of the submissive.  Gagged people should not be left unattended, for example.

 

I am very large (about 136kg/21 stones) so I would also need to be careful that I don't hurt someone with my weight.

 

Is there a danger that the person will try to blackmail me, and claim it wasn't consensual?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gagged and tied people need not only to be not left alone but you also need to be extremely aware and responsive too their body language and breathing.

Edited by Chloe Kisses

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd recommend seeing an experienced submissive. Controlling someone totally is not a realistic expectation, nor is it something you should be asking of a stranger, and yes, the limits the lady sets before (and during) the session must be respected, because otherwise what you are doing is assault. Every submissive I've ever met works with a maid and has strict safety procedures. Charging by the stroke is standard practice, though I know that some ladies offer an 'all you can cane' special (usually pricey and time-limited) to trustworthy regulars who don't like being limited.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with the above, I think Holly needs to comment. Perhaps join a forum dedicated to Bdsm and get advice from experienced people before you unleash your beast so to speak. If your not careful you could end up causing serious hurt x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

IME, start off with a light submissive experience built on trust with the escort. This could involve not actually tieing her up to start with, but roleplay as if you are, This gives her and you different options and both have some control.

 

I enjoy my regular escort to be a little submissive and able to switch to dom. Really peps up the meeting.

 

Not sure which area your in, but the escort LEXI ticks alot of boxes and is on my hotlist if my regular drops off the radar.

Edited by JKay

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not new to the punting scene, but I am only a very occasional punter.  Once a year or less.

 

I have known for some time that I have masochistic fantasies, and my wife does not share those with me.  Sex between us is nice, but also a bit... bland :(.

 

Recently I have started having sadistic fantasies.  I am thinking of visiting a submissive escort.  There is one based near me who works for an agency and who does incalls for £150 an hour.  

 

I want to tie a woman up, gag her, cane or whip her, and then have sex with her.  The sex would be protected.  I also like the idea of facials.

 

I want to dominate and control someone totally.  I won't use someone who insists on a man being present, or who has strict limits (e.g. only 12 cane strokes).

 

Having said that, what limits the lady sets beforehand would be respected.  And I would not cause any permanent or serious injury, just a few marks.  I have some limits myself: I am not into needles, watersports, or hardsports for example.

 

 

Is there anything in particular I need to be wary of when doing this?  

 

My emotional health is one thing that springs to mind.  How would I feel after unleashing the sadistic side of me?

 

I am of course aware that I would be responsible for the welfare of the submissive.  Gagged people should not be left unattended, for example.

 

I am very large (about 136kg/21 stones) so I would also need to be careful that I don't hurt someone with my weight.

 

Is there a danger that the person will try to blackmail me, and claim it wasn't consensual?

 

Not so long back a young girl advertised on another forum that she was thinking about advertising as a submissive escort and despite all our warnings she went ahead with it.  Not surprisingly a few months later she was posting pictures of her face horribly battered and bruised because she has a client that lost it and went too far.  This is the reason I hate it when escorts advertise as being submissive, they are leaving themselves wide open to clients and people that really don't have a clue what they are doing. 

 

My partner is a TOP (Domme) and I switch, but we do it within a scene where it is safe to practice it and know what we are doing.  If done properly it's fun and can be everything you want it to be, but this is not the scene to find it.  For a start of if your doing it right, as a TOP your not really the one that's in control the Sub is.

 

You need to get off to your local Munch and meet like minded people and learn the art (and no you won't turn into a monster either).  Tomorrow I'll mail you some links.

 

Hugs H xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd recommend seeing an experienced submissive. Controlling someone totally is not a realistic expectation, nor is it something you should be asking of a stranger, and yes, the limits the lady sets before (and during) the session must be respected, because otherwise what you are doing is assault. Every submissive I've ever met works with a maid and has strict safety procedures. Charging by the stroke is standard practice, though I know that some ladies offer an 'all you can cane' special (usually pricey and time-limited) to trustworthy regulars who don't like being limited.

 

I agree that strict safety procedures have to be put into place (which is why the sub is really in control) but the secret is not how much you charge per stroke or where can I place that stroke but more immersing yourself into a scenario and knowing when to quit.

 

I met a lady a couple of weeks ago that really bad scars on her buttocks.  I was pretty shocked when she said they were two years old (they looked fresh to me).  That was a Domme that went too far, but she was tied (well to be honest it was actually a shemale) and couldn't get out of it and now has scars for the rest of her life.  Not good that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I suppose total control is an illusion - a fantasy really.

 

I would be horrified if I left permanent scars on anyone.  I certainly won't be bruising anyone's face either!

 

I agree that you need to be very attentive and observant if someone is tied and gagged.

 

Perhaps I should start off with something light and work up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I suppose total control is an illusion - a fantasy really.

 

I would be horrified if I left permanent scars on anyone.  I certainly won't be bruising anyone's face either!

 

I agree that you need to be very attentive and observant if someone is tied and gagged.

 

Perhaps I should start off with something light and work up.

Yes absolutely. You need to build up her trust and also see just how severe your punishment might be. It could take 6 or more sessions before you can really get her tied up. Her safety is paramount and you must use a safe word or other system.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes absolutely. You need to build up her trust and also see just how severe your punishment might be. It could take 6 or more sessions before you can really get her tied up. Her safety is paramount and you must use a safe word or other system.

 

Quite a few Dommes hold special nights in swingers clubs where they showcase their talents (there is a really good one near here), the sub's line up to be administered to.  Caning someone is not as simple as getting a cane and whacking away so I suggest the OP contacts a local Domme and asks for the loan of one of their subs (after watching them at work) or maybe joining them in a session with one of their clients.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I did visit an escort who had been a pro-domme and, also, has a strong submissive streak.

 

She wanted me to spank her and I did, but could not bring myself to spank her as hard as she wanted me to do. She kept saying that she wanted me to spank her a lot harder but my in-built concern for her well-being would not let me go there. She gave me examples of what she had endured before in an attempt to persuade me but to no avail. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As someone who likes a bit of BDSM play (both as sub and dom), I think there's a lot of nonsense talked about it. You don't need to go to a "Munch" to learn what to do. I often feel people who are into the BDSM lifestyle like to set themselves up as "experts" to inflate their own importance. You just need to be sensible and remember it's a game and not for real. Agree limits in advance and stick to them.

 

I have tied and been tied with several girls, and usually on the first meeting. I always a agree a safe word, but the girl has never had to use it as I am listening/watching to what she says anyway. If spanking or caning then it's just common sense to start gently and see how the sub responds.

 

If you feel that you really want to hurt a girl, then don't even consider a BDSM session.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I did visit an escort who had been a pro-domme and, also, has a strong submissive streak.

 

She wanted me to spank her and I did, but could not bring myself to spank her as hard as she wanted me to do. She kept saying that she wanted me to spank her a lot harder but my in-built concern for her well-being would not let me go there. She gave me examples of what she had endured before in an attempt to persuade me but to no avail. 

This only goes to show that the fantasy does not always live up to the reality. The OP may well find the same applies to him when he actually gets down to it; on the other hand he may get carried away with too much enthusiasm. All the more reason for him to take great care with his experiments.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not new to the punting scene, but I am only a very occasional punter.  Once a year or less.

 

I have known for some time that I have masochistic fantasies, and my wife does not share those with me.  Sex between us is nice, but also a bit... bland :(.

 

Recently I have started having sadistic fantasies.  I am thinking of visiting a submissive escort.  There is one based near me who works for an agency and who does incalls for £150 an hour.  

 

I want to tie a woman up, gag her, cane or whip her, and then have sex with her.  The sex would be protected.  I also like the idea of facials.

 

I want to dominate and control someone totally.  I won't use someone who insists on a man being present, or who has strict limits (e.g. only 12 cane strokes).

 

Having said that, what limits the lady sets beforehand would be respected.  And I would not cause any permanent or serious injury, just a few marks.  I have some limits myself: I am not into needles, watersports, or hardsports for example.

 

 

Is there anything in particular I need to be wary of when doing this?  

 

My emotional health is one thing that springs to mind.  How would I feel after unleashing the sadistic side of me?

 

I am of course aware that I would be responsible for the welfare of the submissive.  Gagged people should not be left unattended, for example.

 

I am very large (about 136kg/21 stones) so I would also need to be careful that I don't hurt someone with my weight.

 

Is there a danger that the person will try to blackmail me, and claim it wasn't consensual?

 

 

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I suppose total control is an illusion - a fantasy really.

 

I would be horrified if I left permanent scars on anyone.  I certainly won't be bruising anyone's face either!

 

I agree that you need to be very attentive and observant if someone is tied and gagged.

 

Perhaps I should start off with something light and work up.

 

 

What you asked for can be achieved, but I think you need some experience, and not just 'straight out of the box"

 

Juliet offers this at my place, but only under strict conditions, and I have always been present when she offers Sub services, as having worked with her for years I know her body language, especially under duress.

 

Having looked at your thread we talked, and her opinion was the same as mine...

 

We doubt you will find an escort even a sub one, who will allow you to do all you want on a first meeting and with no protection for herself..

 

Being tied up, means the lady has no way of moving if you are over exuberant, and being gagged means she has no way of telling you either, so for a first meeting that is an extraordinary amount of trust to put in someone with no experience and who doesn't want a minder present.

 

I think if I am honest having lived the life for years and being both a domme and a sub, your best bet would be like holly has said, if you go and visit some places, and get a feel for it.

 

Your Ideal senario would be to find a top and bottom pair that would be happy to let you join in and can show you the what, why, and where.

 

Obviously that doesn't mean it would be the same with the lady you choose as each sub is different, in terms of what they can and can't take via cane...

 

but it would give you a starting point, and technique counts for a lot.

 

Also start without the Gag, and go from there at least until you can be sure of your chosen sub's body language.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Plenty of subs on AW if you are willing to travel. And they don't have to many restrictions providing you adhere to safe words or signals.

Just be careful as some claim to be sub and enjoy BDSM but only a very few actually fully allow it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What you asked for can be achieved, but I think you need some experience, and not just 'straight out of the box"

 

Juliet offers this at my place, but only under strict conditions, and I have always been present when she offers Sub services, as having worked with her for years I know her body language, especially under duress.

 

Having looked at your thread we talked, and her opinion was the same as mine...

 

We doubt you will find an escort even a sub one, who will allow you to do all you want on a first meeting and with no protection for herself..

 

Being tied up, means the lady has no way of moving if you are over exuberant, and being gagged means she has no way of telling you either, so for a first meeting that is an extraordinary amount of trust to put in someone with no experience and who doesn't want a minder present.

 

I think if I am honest having lived the life for years and being both a domme and a sub, your best bet would be like holly has said, if you go and visit some places, and get a feel for it.

 

Your Ideal senario would be to find a top and bottom pair that would be happy to let you join in and can show you the what, why, and where.

 

Obviously that doesn't mean it would be the same with the lady you choose as each sub is different, in terms of what they can and can't take via cane...

 

but it would give you a starting point, and technique counts for a lot.

 

Also start without the Gag, and go from there at least until you can be sure of your chosen sub's body language.

 

I disagree that you won't find a sub WG who will do most of this on a first meet. Some won't, but I have met girls and have agreed BDSM sessions with all he's asking for on a first meet.

 

However, I would agree to leave off the gag on a first session.

 

At the risk of offending, your post seems more like an advert for your business than anything else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I disagree that you won't find a sub WG who will do most of this on a first meet. Some won't, but I have met girls and have agreed BDSM sessions with all he's asking for on a first meet.

 

However, I would agree to leave off the gag on a first session.

 

At the risk of offending, your post seems more like an advert for your business than anything else.

Totally agree :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I disagree that you won't find a sub WG who will do most of this on a first meet. Some won't, but I have met girls and have agreed BDSM sessions with all he's asking for on a first meet.

 

However, I would agree to leave off the gag on a first session.

 

At the risk of offending, your post seems more like an advert for your business than anything else.

 

You haven't offended me, and not an advert as Juliet wouldn't see this gent, if he called and asked for this.

 

She hasn't met him, and would consider it too big a risk, without a minder nor would she allow herself to be tied up by a novice, or gagged, whilst being canned by someone whom has never wielded a cane.

 

Not sure how that is an advert... I was talking from the perspective of someone who knows and works with someone on a regular basis who offers this. Nothing more.

 

 

Sure if he calls around and asks some girls, some probably would... but then what happens if the cane is a fraction off and a fraction hard and he causes damage that is not intentional or meant, but still irreversible.

How would he feel then? 

 

There is a very fine line between pleasure and pain and I mean that quite literally. We are not talking pleasurable pain but just pain. and I doubt anyone wants that least of all the OP.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know of a couple who offer this PM me for info as they may not wish for me to divulge their details on an open forum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to tie a woman up, gag her, cane or whip her, and then have sex with her.  The sex would be protected.  I also like the idea of facials.

I want to dominate and control someone totally.  I won't use someone who insists on a man being present, or who has strict limits (e.g. only 12 cane strokes).

 

<snip>

 

Is there anything in particular I need to be wary of when doing this?  

My emotional health is one thing that springs to mind.  How would I feel after unleashing the sadistic side of me?

 

 

You need to find a girl offering the service openly - not just ticking a "likes" box - and who is obviously from her profile or web site experienced enough to educate you in what is acceptable. I've visited two different sub girls and they were like chalk and cheese so there's no single rule.

 

The first appeared to be the more experienced and was certainly older, but almost nothing was allowed. No ropes, gags, restraints, nothing. Her sub service was really limited to laying fairly still and saying "stop", "no don't fuck me" in a stuporific way. The second girl was only 19 and yet was amazing - suggesting all kinds of fun things to try with ropes, collars, hoods and really getting into the spirit of it with realistic squealing and objections, but with absolutely clear boundaries set - fabulous.

 

A huge dose of common sense is needed of course. Never assume the girl is happy with something you've not discussed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While not for me at all, a really interesting and enlightening thread. I can't contribute anything useful, but wanted to say that I thought this was very much PN at its best.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As someone who likes a bit of BDSM play (both as sub and dom), I think there's a lot of nonsense talked about it. You don't need to go to a "Munch" to learn what to do. I often feel people who are into the BDSM lifestyle like to set themselves up as "experts" to inflate their own importance. You just need to be sensible and remember it's a game and not for real. Agree limits in advance and stick to them.

 

I have tied and been tied with several girls, and usually on the first meeting. I always a agree a safe word, but the girl has never had to use it as I am listening/watching to what she says anyway. If spanking or caning then it's just common sense to start gently and see how the sub responds.

 

If you feel that you really want to hurt a girl, then don't even consider a BDSM session.

 

I'll bow out to the expert then and let you all get on with it with your well meaning advice.  Mind you if anyone wants links to threads on other forums where escorts have got involved in stuff they shouldn't be and suffered awful consequences I'll be more than happy to provide them.  Also there are threads on here where others have got involved in BDSM and found it to be a complete headfuck.  Glad that didn't happen to you.

 

H xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 "a complete headfuck."

 

H xx

 

Not my idea of a "headfuck" at all, Holly  :angry:

OWO to CIM is more my scene  :wub:  :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll bow out to the expert then and let you all get on with it with your well meaning advice.  Mind you if anyone wants links to threads on other forums where escorts have got involved in stuff they shouldn't be and suffered awful consequences I'll be more than happy to provide them.  Also there are threads on here where others have got involved in BDSM and found it to be a complete headfuck.  Glad that didn't happen to you.

 

H xx

Holly I don't think pokenn is saying you are the one talking nonsense and I am sure you can direct him to threads where prostitutes have got into all sorts of trouble by offering BDSM when they shouldn't.

The key is agreeing limits and sticking to those limits. Admittedly there is a lot of trust required by the prostitute offering the service but if she has some experience and keeps her wits about her then the likelihood is she will be OK.

I believe the issue comes with punters wanting to try it and prostitutes offering it where both parties are complete novices.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Holly I don't think pokenn is saying you are the one talking nonsense and I am sure you can direct him to threads where prostitutes have got into all sorts of trouble by offering BDSM when they shouldn't.

The key is agreeing limits and sticking to those limits. Admittedly there is a lot of trust required by the prostitute offering the service but if she has some experience and keeps her wits about her then the likelihood is she will be OK.

I believe the issue comes with punters wanting to try it and prostitutes offering it where both parties are complete novices.

 

As I'm the only one that mentioned going to local munch meetings and meeting like minded people who else do you think he was referring to?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0