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OSFAB

Can One Truly Leave The Sex Industry? - A Blog Post

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Can we ever truly leave this industry? No idea! Never really tried and have no interest in finding out right now tbh.

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Interesting.  I think she's right in a lot of ways.  I left but its hard and if being honest can't stay truly away (although I don't earn money from it any more nor really want to ever again, its other parts that I miss).

 

I do know lots of girls that have successfully left and been away for several years, whether they will stay away forever is another thing though.  I also know lots of girls that have retired swearing never to return, but are back out there again.

 

This job is addictive in so many ways.

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Interesting.  I think she's right in a lot of ways.  I left but its hard and if being honest can't stay truly away (although I don't earn money from it any more nor really want to ever again, its other parts that I miss).

 

I do know lots of girls that have successfully left and been away for several years, whether they will stay away forever is another thing though.  I also know lots of girls that have retired swearing never to return, but are back out there again.

 

This job is addictive in so many ways.

 

If "retirement" still involves things like:-

 

 Last Sat I did a S/TV/TV/SM/MA/MM/F session (not a bukake by the way) and most of the attention was not on me...  :eek:  ( cut and pasted from one of your own previous posts, Holly  :wub:  )

 

then should you not be still getting a good income from such activities ;)  :D ? 

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I wonder how many highly paid people walk away from well paid work for something that pays less. We all know about the Corporate leader who leaves the rat race to become a monk, or aid worker, but leaving highly paid work is not easy for anyone whatever the work.

 

The internalisation of sex work as inherently damaging is a reoccurring theme in this blog which I find thoughtful and insightful, but I don't believe that sex work is necessarily emotionally damaging but I believe stigma is...

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In general I guess it's the same once you have punted it is hard to really fully walk away and never punt again....... :huh:

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If "retirement" still involves things like:-

 

 Last Sat I did a S/TV/TV/SM/MA/MM/F session (not a bukake by the way) and most of the attention was not on me...  :eek:  ( cut and pasted from one of your own previous posts, Holly  :wub:  )

 

then should you not be still getting a good income from such activities ;)  :D ? 

 

I'm retired from escorting love.  I no longer sell my services in any way shape or form and that includes my current activities within the BDSM scene, that's purely for pleasure. :P   :D

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Holly,

 

Are you saying that you had no pleasure at all while you were "working", and only found this after your "retirement" into the swinging /BDSM side of things ?

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Holly,

 

Are you saying that you had no pleasure at all while you were "working", and only found this after your "retirement" into the swinging /BDSM side of things ?

 

Oh god no not at all, but being frank, charging and not having complete control wasn't part of the pleasure for me after a while. 

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Oh god no not at all, but being frank, charging and not having complete control wasn't part of the pleasure for me after a while. 

 

I am not quite understanding "where you're at" Holly, but "good on yer" anyway   :D  :wub:

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I think in some cases this industry is a trap an that is why some ladies do not leave.  I've been shot down in flames before for this................

 

Some ladies start doing this with a goal in mind...  they want to leave at a certain point so they can resume normal life, get married and have children etc etc..  and they don't.  They don't get married,, they don't have the children, and so they carry on working.

 

For the other part of the question I don't know.  How does anyone know if they have left until they make that move to leave?

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Just came across this great blog entry. Would be interested to know what you guys thought.

http://exoticescortdiary.com/2011/06/18/can-one-truly-leave-the-sex-industry-and-not-be-haunted/

I thought that this would have had more responses than there have been. I assume referring to "guys" meant as in "men" in which case there seems to be a reluctance to express an opinion.

I'm not sure I know how to respond so it's no wonder others may feel the same way. Not wishing to offend or patronise or be metaphorically be ripped apart by angry women is a good reason as well.

It was a very interesting blog. Told me many things that I already knew. Made me feel sad in some ways. Sad may not be the correct word but I can't at the moment think of a better, more appropriate, one.

I have this impression of an attractive, independently minded, young lady who decides that by "selling her body" she can make a lot of money whilst she is young. Then, with a degree of financial stability, return to a "normal" life. Whether that means remaining single; getting into a relationship; having children would be entirely up to the individual lady.

I also have this impression of an attractive, independently minded, lady who is struggling to raise a young family as a single parent. So she decides to become an escort with the same intentions. What's wrong with that.

There are other scenarios as well but as long as the lady makes her own decisions who are we to say she's wrong. Even if the lady makes it to the higher reaches of maturity whilst remaining single, by choice, who are we to cast an opinion in any way?

I personally just want to get to the end thinking "on the whole I've had a good life and most of the decisions, good or bad, have been mine". Edith Piaf lives again.

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I am not quite understanding "where you're at" Holly, but "good on yer" anyway   :D  :wub:

 

Happy to take it to PM otherwise we are at danger of going off topic.  But in a nutshell and quickly:

 

Was a swinger before escorting, started escorting to get more sex and the money side of it was also a huge turn on for me.  Then quickly realised that ultimately my client called the shots not me because of the money, so it lost its attraction, but the sex was still great in the main and the money paid the bills.  Then had an evil client that said he did what he did because I was a hooker so therefore it was ok to do that to me, that made me realise that I could no longer be a hooker to get that fun.

 

So in a nutshell I will still have my fun but will never be a hooker again.

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Happy to take it to PM otherwise we are at danger of going off topic.  But in a nutshell and quickly:

 

Was a swinger before escorting, started escorting to get more sex and the money side of it was also a huge turn on for me.  Then quickly realised that ultimately my client called the shots not me because of the money, so it lost its attraction, but the sex was still great in the main and the money paid the bills.  Then had an evil client that said he did what he did because I was a hooker so therefore it was ok to do that to me, that made me realise that I could no longer be a hooker to get that fun.

 

So in a nutshell I will still have my fun but will never be a hooker again.

 

 

Thank you Holly.

 

You have given me an insight into the way a girls mind sees these things, but should I now feel more guilty because I pay for sex ?

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Thank you Holly.

 

You have given me an insight into the way a girls mind sees these things, but should I now feel more guilty because I pay for sex ?

 

Not at all.  Those are my experiences but very different from a lot of other ladies including at a guess most here.  That's a different thread though poppet x

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Thank you Holly.

 

You have given me an insight into the way a girls mind sees these things, but should I now feel more guilty because I pay for sex ?

 

Unless you have some underlying misogynist agenda I don't think so.

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Thank you Holly.

 

You have given me an insight into the way a girls mind sees these things, but should I now feel more guilty because I pay for sex ?

Guilt would only come into it if you intrinsically believed it to be wrong

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Guilt would only come into it if you intrinsically believed it to be wrong

 

exactly, when we internalise the stigma we become our own "prosecutors"  what is the difference between us and wives ? Engels truly understood that marriage where partners were unequal in their economic resources was prostitution. When we equalise the value of our sexual labour we can escape patriarchy. 

 

I think every WG needs a good education in the basics of Marxism. 

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exactly, when we internalise the stigma we become our own "prosecutors"  what is the difference between us and wives ? Engels truly understood that marriage where partners were unequal in their economic resources was prostitution. When we equalise the value of our sexual labour we can escape patriarchy. 

 

I think every WG needs a good education in the basics of Marxism. 

 

That and a very good website :)

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Unless you have some underlying misogynist agenda I don't think so.

 Inna you're super smart, so could you explain how thinking paying for sex is wrong indicates a misogynist agenda? 

 

I'm not baiting you, I'd genuinely like to know. I think I have a rough idea but would like you to elaborate.

Edited by OSFAB

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 Inna you're super smart, so could you explain how thinking paying for sex is wrong indicates a misogynist agenda? 

 

I'm not baiting you, I'd genuinely like to know. I think I have a rough idea but would like you to elaborate.

 

Most simply Engels postulated that any relationship (particularly marriage) that was based on the economic dependency of the wife on her husband was a form of prostitution, and therefore the commodification of sex was a way for women to properly value  their sexual labour. This has led to a lot of campaigns to get payment for housework.

 

So the denialism of the the financial value of sex is misogynist in that it denies the legitimacy of women asking for compensation for their sexual labour.  The presumption that women should provide sex as an act of free "love" is no more than a legacy of patriarchy that considers women to be the chattels of men to whom sexual access is a right not a privilege to be accorded by free will.

Edited by Inna

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PHEW !!

 

So I can carry on paying Lovely Ladies for their sexual favours, without having to worry myself to the extent that I become a "head-case" then ?   :D

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Most simply Engels postulated that any relationship (particularly marriage) that was based on the economic dependency of the wife on her husband was a form of prostitution, and therefore the commodification of sex was a way for women to properly value  their sexual labour. This has led to a lot of campaigns to get payment for housework.

 

So the denialism of the the financial value of sex is misogynist in that it denies the legitimacy of women asking for compensation for their sexual labour.  The presumption that women should provide sex as an act of free "love" is no more than a legacy of patriarchy that considers women to be the chattels of men to whom sexual access is a right not a privilege to be accorded by free will.

 

Okay, I see where you're coming from. 

 

But surely the vast majority of relationships including marriages in the 21st century involve both parties working for a living? Unless we're talking about the super-rich. I have no idea about their arrangements so maybe it is more like the old fashioned relationship you alluded to above.

 

Putting the legacy of patriarchy aside, could we not turn your logic on it's head and say it's misandrist for a female to expect a male to provide sex for her out of love or fidelity? Many women expect sexual gratification from their partners, and they have every right to. But what if the man has erectile disfunction? Or depression? Or has been diagnosed with a serious illness? Is it fair for a woman to argue that she does the housework, takes care of children, etc. at home and therefore has a right to have her sexual needs met by the other half when he comes home from work? Is sex always sexual labour? Or just having fun?

 

I'm also unclear as to whether thinking paying for sex is wrong necessarily implies that women selling their sexual labour is wrong. I'm sure there are many people out there who may think less of a friend, relative or partner if they admitted they had paid for sex or did so regularly. They might not all be of the opinion that the women they had spent time with were necessarily doing anything wrong themselves, or at least they might focus their moral indignation on the punter instead of the WG in that hypothetical situation.

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I don't foresee me leaving completely, I do foresee a time when I'll phase out the sex side as another career takes over - and I'm sort of looking forward to that. Why?Because whenever I take on a new 'job' I throw myself into it and I enjoy becoming knowledgeable and skillful. It'll also be a time when I'll almost definitely downgrade my lifestyle, which I know I'll find very grounding and good for the soul. At that time I might also seek and find a life partner - that is going to be the scary bit because they'll have to accept me warts and all. I feel I'll carry on seeing a few dedicated, trusted regulars. It's a good way to top up a basic income and the extra sex keeps me from doing stupid things, whereas pre-sex work (and during any breaks I take) I was more at the mercy of my sex drive.

 

I don't think you can ever, or should ever wish to take the whore out of the prostitute. It's part of me, it's formed me and I've no problem with that.

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Okay, I see where you're coming from. 

 

But surely the vast majority of relationships including marriages in the 21st century involve both parties working for a living? Unless we're talking about the super-rich. I have no idea about their arrangements so maybe it is more like the old fashioned relationship you alluded to above.

 

Putting the legacy of patriarchy aside, could we not turn your logic on it's head and say it's misandrist for a female to expect a male to provide sex for her out of love or fidelity? Many women expect sexual gratification from their partners, and they have every right to. But what if the man has erectile disfunction? Or depression? Or has been diagnosed with a serious illness? Is it fair for a woman to argue that she does the housework, takes care of children, etc. at home and therefore has a right to have her sexual needs met by the other half when he comes home from work? Is sex always sexual labour? Or just having fun?

 

I'm also unclear as to whether thinking paying for sex is wrong necessarily implies that women selling their sexual labour is wrong. I'm sure there are many people out there who may think less of a friend, relative or partner if they admitted they had paid for sex or did so regularly. They might not all be of the opinion that the women they had spent time with were necessarily doing anything wrong themselves, or at least they might focus their moral indignation on the punter instead of the WG in that hypothetical situation.

 

Where the various partners are economically equal and their partnership is not based on the structural dependency of either the relationship could be equitable. Marriage is often institutionalised as requiring the partners to supply the other with sex as part of the social contract, the provision of sex in an equitable partnerships is neither disadvantageous nor onerous. This provision can be jointly waived but should not unilaterally excised. However such sex can no longer be demanded or compelled. 

 

Sex is multifaceted and is performed for many different reasons including "love" and financial reward. Thinking less of someone for engaging in paid sex is stigma, and is the moral problem of the prejudicial, however such stigma can have real consequences to those deemed to have erred or strayed from the social norm.

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