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Ideas Required For An Excuse Please

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The wife has gone off with the kids for a few days.  I'm alone and have not got a lot to do this evening.  Really fancy a punt.  Would never punt at family home ... either book a hotel or go for incall appointment.

 

So far this has happened a few times and I have gone off punting and its all been good.

 

My concern always, however, is what happens if the wife phones home while I am out.  What excuse can I have for not being in and not being able to get back in the next hour or two or not having picked up my mobile.  Given that I moved to this area late in life I have no friends to say I am with locally.

 

So far I try to leave my punts until really late i.e. 10 pm so the chance of the wife phoning at that time are much reduced.  However, I am noticing that round my way girls are often not willing to meet up that late.

 

Just thought that I'd post on the off chance anyone had any ideas.

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My concern always, however, is what happens if the wife phones home while I am out.  What excuse can I have for not being in and not being able to get back in the next hour or two or not having picked up my mobile.  Given that I moved to this area late in life I have no friends to say I am with locally.

 

 

You may not have friends locally, but why not say one of your friends from out of town is passing by on business. He has an expense account, so he treated you to a meal at some pub with loud noise where you couldn't hear your phone.

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  You call the wife just before you go into the punt  then why would she need to call you back so soon after you hang up .

 

   Or ,  sorry I had the mobile on silent .

 

   Or , sorry I was out in the garden and left the mobile indoors and never heard the call .

 

   Or , there was an accident out on the street , had to go out and assist and ended up having to go to police station /   hospital  .

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You may not have friends locally, but why not say one of your friends from out of town is passing by on business. He has an expense account, so he treated you to a meal at some pub with loud noise where you couldn't hear your phone.

 

Nice idea.  TBH though not many of my friends pass this way given I am living out in the sticks miles away from them and they would have no reason to.

 

The other problem using friends is that there is always the chance the wife will one day mention it to them when they actually do visit or we visit them (i.e. It was nice of you to visit enzio the other month etc.).  I have one friend who also punts and always covers for me when I visit London but he is a hairdresser and there just would be no reason for him to pass this way.  Thanks for the suggestion though.

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Phone her just before for a chat and to say that you have a headache and are going to bed early.

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Would it be out of character for you to go to the cinema on your own?

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OP, fair play to you, but you do like living dangerously. I know that the perverse part of the buzz with punting is that you might get found out, but I take my hat off to you!

 

I would never contemplate having a WG within a mile of our house. I'm convinced my missus puts hairs on every door and hidden cameras around when I'm left home alone. Every woman is fitted with the "other woman " detection syetsm of a forensic scientist. Any WG's DNA would be processed within 5 secinds of her return, before or after me.

 

Best of luck to you.

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  You call the wife just before you go into the punt  then why would she need to call you back so soon after you hang up .

 

   Or ,  sorry I had the mobile on silent .

 

   Or , sorry I was out in the garden and left the mobile indoors and never heard the call .

 

   Or , there was an accident out on the street , had to go out and assist and ended up having to go to police station /   hospital  .

So wifey comes home and gets chatting to the neighbours.... "what happened with that accident in the road outside!?"

 

Neighbours know nowt about it.

 

:rolleyes:

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holy hell what is wrong with us women.......... I picked up on the line what excuse can I give for being able not to get home in an hour or something like that (sorry i'm lazy don't read long text) .............what kind of life do you guys have if you are breaking a sweat that you can't just be out, you know for a few hours just hanging just getting some space from the every day routine of life without having to practically be water boarded by the CIA (thank god for the single life)

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You nodded off

 

You were in the bath

 

You decided to go for a jog

 

You left the phone in the care and didnt realise till you looked for it, thank god you didnt lose it.

 

You were reading in the lounge, phone in brief case

 

Just any old excuse that separates you from your phone, dont make it complicated, just simple, dont involve anything that anyone else could verify or deny especially the neighbours

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you had a problem with the car and needed to take it to a mechanic who found an electrical problem instantly and didn't charge!! I pressume you have a car!!

 

Alternatively take up cycling and say you went on a bike ride...no bike so you went on a walk

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The wife has gone off with the kids for a few days.  I'm alone and have not got a lot to do this evening.  Really fancy a punt.  Would never punt at family home ... either book a hotel or go for incall appointment.

 

So far this has happened a few times and I have gone off punting and its all been good.

 

My concern always, however, is what happens if the wife phones home while I am out.  What excuse can I have for not being in and not being able to get back in the next hour or two or not having picked up my mobile.  Given that I moved to this area late in life I have no friends to say I am with locally.

 

So far I try to leave my punts until really late i.e. 10 pm so the chance of the wife phoning at that time are much reduced.  However, I am noticing that round my way girls are often not willing to meet up that late.

 

Just thought that I'd post on the off chance anyone had any ideas.

This is exactly my problem - does your wife send you texts or try to contact you by mobile? In fact that's the reason I posted recently and asked if girls do after midnight slots - you poor bastard I know where you are coming from

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You nodded off

 

You were in the bath

 

You decided to go for a jog

 

You left the phone in the care and didnt realise till you looked for it, thank god you didnt lose it.

 

You were reading in the lounge, phone in brief case

 

Just any old excuse that separates you from your phone, dont make it complicated, just simple, dont involve anything that anyone else could verify or deny especially the neighbours

 

 

I think "I was in the shower, heard the call but couldn't be bothered to get out to answer it, forgot to check who had called when I got out and remembered now [i.e. two hours after or the following morning]" might actually work.  Thanks everyone for some great ideas  :)

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You nodded off

 

You were in the bath

 

You decided to go for a jog

 

You left the phone in the care and didnt realise till you looked for it, thank god you didnt lose it.

 

You were reading in the lounge, phone in brief case

 

Just any old excuse that separates you from your phone, dont make it complicated, just simple, dont involve anything that anyone else could verify or deny especially the neighbours

Those excuses will work once, maybe twice - but there will come a time when suspcion may set in if he is often not able to answer the phone.  In my case - none of those would do as suspcion is already there - I take my mobile into the session and answer if need be. But what if you can't answer the landline. I have already used the landline fault excuse - that's one of your nine lives

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There were foxes fighting in your garden over an injured bird, so you had to go out and sort it out... variations might include having to bury the bird or take it to the RSPCA... in the hurry you forgot your phone etc... collect some feathers and keep them in a bag in the boot of your car... and if necessary spread them around the boot.... 

 

Remember she might be checking the mileage on the car... or she might notice an unexplained drop in the fuel gauge... 

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My god, talk about ball and chain! Do you really have to account for your whereabouts to that extent? Try something completely different - tell the truth, she won't believe you (can't find the little smiley with the devil's horns)

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I assume you work so here are two:

 

1) We had to do an urgent stock take as someone was nicking stuff from the shop/warehouse/office and I did not hear the mobile;

 

2) The boss wanted us to celebrate a new important contract, there might be a promotion if I play my cards right

 

If you don't work then:

 

1) I went to the supermarket and on the way back there was an accident and the police wanted a statement from me (hero mode)

 

2) The car broke down on the way back from the supermarket/takeway and had to wait for friend/RAC/AA to fix it.  I had to spend £xxx (insert cost of punt) but they got it fixed and now I have cold chips/pizza/indian (favourite take away)

 

Do not get to creative/elaborate as in the work stuff is still confidential and the no work stuff do not elaborate on the injuries or route.  Remember to KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid!

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Just call her twenty mins before you go and then put phone on silent. If she calls you went out to get a takeaway.

 

Can't help feeling queasy about 'wife and kids are away, I need to go have sex with another woman'. Why on earth do these guys get married and have kids if as soon as they're here all they want to do is play away?

 

Those with wives and families sometimes forget how fortunate they are. Sorry if I sound judgemental, just the way I feel.

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My god, talk about ball and chain! Do you really have to account for your whereabouts to that extent? Try something completely different - tell the truth, she won't believe you (can't find the little smiley with the devil's horns)

Some of us do yes - those that don't have to are lucky

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So the wife and kids,are away for a few days enjoying themselves !  ln this day and age its all about equality,if she;s enjoying herself,you enjoy yourself, :D ,get on that phone to the chosen WG and enjoy :)

Edited by djs4862

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How about 'Sorry darling I forgot to turn the hearing aid up'. :)

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Tell her you were engrossed in a sex board and were bombarded with so many wacky and ridiculous suggestions how you could shag a hottie and get away with it ...........

 

and the time went by so fast you didn't even have time to sin...... or hear the phone ring.

 

she may just  believe you............... unless of course she is a member of mumsnet.

 

or..........   :rolleyes: 

 

just say your phone was off and you didn't realise it.

 

or..........   :rolleyes: 

 

if you are referring to your landline phone............. you are buggered matey.

 

If she has no reason to think you may be up to no good.... why would she phone you?  To remind you of the shepherd's pie in the freezer?

 

I get the idea you have Braveheart syndrome............. can almost hear you cry  FREEEEEDOM!  :) 

Edited by Lynn

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Whatever else you do keep it simple, I would say it's all about reducing the risk of the OH actually phoning you, so whenever possible get into a routine e.g. call shortly before the kids go to bed.  If you have to come up with a  story simple and plausible are musts, pub, shops, takeaway.  three to be used on rotation!

 

I find myself in a similar position and while the it can get exciting as someone said early on that's part of the thrill.  Of course it won't be quite so thrilling when she has me duct taped to a chair and is coming at me with a cheese-grater  :eek:

 

ALN

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I have got into the habit of turning my phone off when I drive.  So its off a lot as I commute a fair way.  And I forget to turn it on sometimes, and I let it go flat from time to time

This has trained the missus to accept it when my phone is off.  Punters dont need to be connected to the whole world 24/7.

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You nodded off

 

You were in the bath

 

You decided to go for a jog

 

You left the phone in the care and didnt realise till you looked for it, thank god you didnt lose it.

 

You were reading in the lounge, phone in brief case

 

Just any old excuse that separates you from your phone, dont make it complicated, just simple, dont involve anything that anyone else could verify or deny especially the neighbours

 

Excellent suggestions. All simple.

 

I have got into the habit of turning my phone off when I drive.  So its off a lot as I commute a fair way.  And I forget to turn it on sometimes, and I let it go flat from time to time

This has trained the missus to accept it when my phone is off.  Punters dont need to be connected to the whole world 24/7.

 

This is good too. Unless you're a mobile-obsessive and keep it on all the time. Get in the habit of turning it off. Or you could say it was recharging.

 

Bad idea what someone else said about ringing her just before the punt. Unless you're very very sure indeed that your voice won't betray you. Women are quite preternaturally sensitive to things like that.

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