DentalDam

A Very Serious Topic And Need Some Advice!

83 posts in this topic

My wife has now found out that I am either having an affair or seeing escorts.  I expect I have a problem "sex addiction"  and I have said I have had a problem and seen an escort.  She doesn't believe me she thinks I am having an affair!!  Shall I tell her yes affair or just go with the truth!!  It never pays to lie and I knew I was going to get caught eventually as I was taking more and more risks!!  Any advice greatly appreciated!  It looks like I am in trouble!!

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Sorry to hear that bu the only advise i can intially give is that treat others the way you wish to be treated, so i'd stick with the truth and hope in time all resolves itself for the best...

Goodluck DD

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I would stick to the truth.If you tell her you are having an affair she will want to know who with and how long its been going on etc etc so you will have to tell more lies.

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Oh dear, sorry to hear that. It has to be your call. Presumably you know her well enough to judge what would upset her more: her husband getting emotionally involved elsewhere, or a husband who is capable of having sex with a woman he has no feelings for. Women seem to differ wildly in their reaction to this issue. Does she know you well enough to know when you're lying? Then simply tell the truth, and hope for the best. I wouldn't use "sex addiction" as an explanation. No woman wants to be married to a man who can't be trusted because of his "cock emergencies".

 

Oh, and no "blaming the victim" along the lines of "if you gave me blowjobs more often....."

 

I'd say be honest and speak from the heart.

Edited by MatureUschi
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Bad luck!

To give you useful advice, we really would need to know more. You say "seeing escorts" in the plural. Why does she think there have been various occasions? Because, if you can get away with a single lapse, I would personally go with the escort scenario. But then, we really would need to know more about your wife. Lancelot, who is often on this forum, had a similar experience, but he also gave us a lot of information on Mrs Lancelot. If she knows there have been multiple encounters, it might be best to make up a whirlwind affair which is now over.

It also depends on how good a liar you are. I'm hopeless.

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It never pays to lie [snip]

 

Unless you are good at it.

 

You could react like women usually do: blame your partner for you straying.  Don't act too apologetic, and don't get nervous: you didn't have an affair, so why should you worry if she thinks otherwise?

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Why not blame the victim? If it id true them wives need to know they csnt have sexual loyalty and also deny sex

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Sorry brother, but it's your wife I have the sympathy for. Sure, I know nothing about your situation and life, but if you want (or in your case, maybe need) multiple partners, then you don't get married.

 

Best to fess up and tell her everything. Hope it works out.

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Why not blame the victim? If it id true them wives need to know they csnt have sexual loyalty and also deny sex

Right, in the same way a murderer says He pissed me off so much I had to hit him over the head with a huge lead pipe.

This is the worst advice ever!

Trust me this tact won't work!

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Also, having an affair is worse than seeing an escort, hence if you will admit you had an affair, you will fare worse, not better.

Edited by Malmostoso

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Not that I have any experience in the matter, but assume that it would be (relatively) easier for your wife to take the fact you've been seeing WGs against the emotional attachment that would come with having a long-term affair with a single woman. That said, given how irrational society is when it comes to all things escorting, I could be entirely wrong as an affair might be seen as more 'normal'. In short, I have absolutely no idea and have probably clouded the issue even further. As others have advised, probably best stick to the truth and hope for the best. Good luck!

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I am feeling a tad bitter so apologies if that came over as the worst advice ever. But, digging deeper into the hole, I find it hard when a wife drives her husband to look elsewhere and is then allowed to don the holy mantle of the wronged woman. And yes I agee I know nothing of the circumstances of the couple at the centre of this shit storm.

The rain has stopped. I am going out for a walk and I will try to be a less of an asshole contributer once the fresh air hits my lungs.

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I am in no position to give you advice but your wife finding out near Valentine's day is not good.

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Posting on here for advice is not the best idea .......

Edited by finn5555
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Sorry to hear of your problem.I would stick as close to the truth as you can, even though you may not tell the whole truth

 

Once you start to fabricate, things quickly unravel and you are tied up in even more knots.

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Why not blame the victim? If it id true them wives need to know they csnt have sexual loyalty and also deny sex

I totally hear you, Lessingham. It's not rational of women to expect their partners to "shut the shop" for the rest of their natural, just because the female no longer fancies them. I'm simply saying attack is not the best form of defense in this situation, and is bound to get her blood pressure to 180. I'm talking damage limitation here....

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I'd stick with the truth, chopping and changing only digs a deeper hole.

 

There are a few papers out now suggesting "sex addiction" may be a convenient label for something that is simply the result of high sex drive, or meeting your own needs and desires. Don't use it as a cop out.

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I agree with the majority of people on here, honesty is the best policy . Good luck!

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I would say stick to the truth, but think you are stuffed whichever way you call it. You have confessed to seeing an escort, how can you change your plea, now? Are you using the sex addiction thing as an excuse..or do you really believe that? 

 

Whilst this is a logical place to come for advice ( who else can you talk to objectively about punting?), none of us know your situation well - enough to be a great deal of help.

 

When I got my number called 10 years ago,on the spur of the moment I said I had a gambling problem dunno to this day how I got away with it.

 

Good luck to you, my friend. But for the grace of god go all us in relationships. 

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DD

is the way she found out something we should know about in case we get caught the same or were you just careless with computers/phones etc?

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Don't you dare try turning the blame on her the way some here have advised, that's the action of a coward and an absolutely disgusting thing to do.  You decided to play with fire not her, so why should she get burnt too?

 

You need to sit down with her and be completely honest about everything.  I wouldn't go as far as to show her the girls you have been seeing as some do when caught because that puts the girls at risk and if they are more attractive than the wife could have her feeling bad about herself, but be totally honest as to your reasons for seeking sex elsewhere.  It's important that she understands that it's actually the physical act you were seeking rather than comfort and affection.  

 

I also feel that men use this sex addiction thing as an excuse a lot of the time.  You are no different to most red blooded males.

 

You need to talk and also be prepared to....... LISTEN!  Something a lot of men are not that good at IMHO. 

Edited by Holly Maddison
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My wife has now found out that I am either having an affair or seeing escorts.  I expect I have a problem "sex addiction"  and I have said I have had a problem and seen an escort.  She doesn't believe me she thinks I am having an affair!!  Shall I tell her yes affair or just go with the truth!!  It never pays to lie and I knew I was going to get caught eventually as I was taking more and more risks!!  Any advice greatly appreciated!  It looks like I am in trouble!!

My advice is stick to saying you have punted with a WG, you say seen an escort so if that means one just stick to it being one. Say you did everything with protection including Oral and didnt kiss the WG, i.e. try to limit the damage done and give the impression it was merely a one-off punt with someone who meant nothing to you where there was no emotional connection, just a physical need for sex with her.

 

Then throw yourself at your wifes mercy. A punting mate of mine got caught out and it took a year or so before he was out of the dog house with her. I hope it gets sorted.

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Bad luck!

To give you useful advice, we really would need to know more. You say "seeing escorts" in the plural. Why does she think there have been various occasions? Because, if you can get away with a single lapse, I would personally go with the escort scenario. But then, we really would need to know more about your wife. Lancelot, who is often on this forum, had a similar experience, but he also gave us a lot of information on Mrs Lancelot. If she knows there have been multiple encounters, it might be best to make up a whirlwind affair which is now over.

It also depends on how good a liar you are. I'm hopeless.

Indeed, DD says he has said he has seen an escort, if that is the case i wouldnt advise admitting its more than one unless there is evidence his wife has thats its more than one. Its of course all about damage limitation now. Saying its one WG is better than saying its a number, but he has to be absolutely certain his wife doesnt know already thats its more than one though.

 

Good point about how good a liar a person is.

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For now it will be hell. But if you are worth your salt, you and your wife will get over it. A new phase will begin.

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Sorry to hear about what's happened, but for me the only way is to tell the truth. Too easy to start concocting stories and then getting into further trouble if they're found to be false.

Hope everything works out ok.

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