LazyBanghard

Punting Has Made Me More Picky About Looks

51 posts in this topic

I've been dating a girl for about 3 months and in a dilema looks vs. personality.  Before I met her I have seen around 60 or 70 escorts total.  Some of the experiences have been great with escorts.  I struggle to find meaning in life in general particularly the rat race, careers and buying houses, cars or stuff, like many people do.  So great sex is about as good as it gets for me while for now nothing else much matters or is interesting.

 

The girl I'm dating is wonderful but very overweight and not getting slimmer and doesn't want to diet or be healthy.  She wants to have liposuction and a tummy tuck instead (typical South American approach to losing weight).  After that I don't think she is willing to be healthy and doesn't care if I fancy her or not.  I don't fancy her and have lost interest in sex with her due to her body shape.  However, I'm in my 30s and it's the first time anyone has really cared for me (family or otherwise), so that makes me want to stay with her.

 

How can I decide between staying with a woman who cares and missing out on very good sex or being free and chasing it again??

 

eta - by the way I don't see pressuring her to lose weight as an option.  At the moment my plan is to gradually withdraw and think about things, and if I want to break up, let her think it it's because of something else.

Edited by LazyBanghard

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There are two schools of thought.

 

Love should be blind…but you dont love her

 

Dont settle…sounds like you will be

 

Dont marry someone just so there will be someone to love you…she deserves better than that. She deserves to be loved back

 

Then again…you didnt mention wether you love her or not. You seem preoccupied with wether you fancy her or not. If fancying is something thats the main priority then how important is love to you?

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It's still early.  Too early for deep long-term love.  I don't fancy her so can't get obsessed in an infatuted way.  There are other problems, intense jealousy and suspicion any time I want to be alone or go out without her, and being smothered, not being left alone.  She works long hours for low pay and is always tired and doesn't have time to do many fun things.  

 

I don't think I can go crazy over a girl when I first meet her again regardless, I think I'm too experienced and jaded for that.  My previous girlfriends were far too self-absorbed, me caring for them, feeling early on was a disappointment and it's not going to happen again.

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My god…this thread has depressed me..im going to watch this link again and rediscover the joy in life 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-b2YNErwxw

 

Sorry, I can't help with decent advice here other than watch the link to cheer yourself up a bit xxx

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Simple.  Identify if she is with you purely because of some 'advantages'.  There are lots of great warm women out there who are addicted to sex, just like you so finding somebody else should not be a problem.

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Been there, done that.  My advice: drop the ball.

 

The fact that she doesn't care about being healthy, and looks for shortcuts, signals character traits that are incompatible with yours.

 

The fact that she doesn't care whether you fancy her or not, means that she doesn't care about you as much as you think.

 

You will be better off alone. I think that men are always better off alone, but in this case, even more so.

 

Oh, and when you will find the meaning of life, please let me know.

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I hate to say it, but a young woman who doesn't care, after only 3 months into a relationship, if you fancy her or not? What are you doing in this relationship? Any port in a storm? Are you so afraid of being on your own that you're settling for a woman with serious self-esteem problems, and almost certain future health problems? I know it's a cliche, but maybe take up a new hobby and meet some motivated new people who share your interests (and I don't refer to punting as a hobby). She is prepared to risk problems with her fertility, mobility, and health, and seems too depressed to even contemplate helping herself. Imagine her in 5 years' time, another 20 kg heavier.....

 

Judging by your comments about the meaning of life (or rather the lack of it) you yourself are suffering from a bit of melancholy/boredom/depression, and you can't afford to hang out with somebody so unmotivated. Stay friends, but go your own way and get better - set yourself some realistic goals and don't let this relationship drag you down further. Judging by your other thread, you admitted that you may be prone to a bit of passivity and/or miscommunication. Don't fall into this confusing trap with this woman. With partners who don't want to help themselves, you can NEVER work hard enough to make it better.

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I find myself from time to time meeting ladies and after a few weeks ultimately not finding them to be 'the one'. I've met some delightful ladies but after a while just didn't want the physical intimacy any longer and indeed worried about not finding them attractive enough to perform.

 

It is annoying. Maybe before internet porn and escorts I'd have been quite happy to settle down with one of these ladies. Who knows?

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difficult hun I wouldn't like to comment as don't have the answer im afraid. best of luck with things though. kate lll x

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If you've lost the physical attraction and have no other ties I'd say either do something together to bring the attraction back - plenty of couples get healthy together, or tell her you no longer have the same feelings, stay friends but lose the relationship.

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I've been dating a girl for about 3 months and in a dilema looks vs. personality.  Before I met her I have seen around 60 or 70 escorts total.  Some of the experiences have been great with escorts.  I struggle to find meaning in life in general particularly the rat race, careers and buying houses, cars or stuff, like many people do.  So great sex is about as good as it gets for me while for now nothing else much matters or is interesting.

 

The girl I'm dating is wonderful but very overweight and not getting slimmer and doesn't want to diet or be healthy.  She wants to have liposuction and a tummy tuck instead (typical South American approach to losing weight).  After that I don't think she is willing to be healthy and doesn't care if I fancy her or not.  I don't fancy her and have lost interest in sex with her due to her body shape.  However, I'm in my 30s and it's the first time anyone has really cared for me (family or otherwise), so that makes me want to stay with her.

 

How can I decide between staying with a woman who cares and missing out on very good sex or being free and chasing it again??

 

eta - by the way I don't see pressuring her to lose weight as an option.  At the moment my plan is to gradually withdraw and think about things, and if I want to break up, let her think it it's because of something else.

 

 

You have already answered your own question. :(

 

As lonely as you may feel, in the long run staying with her would be a path of self destruction, resentment and a very nasty break up.

 

better to cut the ties now before it ends in disaster.

 

You only have one life, so live it. otherwise you may look back and wonder what if.

Edited by Autumn Temptation

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I don't usually go for the hottest of the hot women, not that I lack confidence or think they're out of my league, I just go for what I like.  And in punting, provided she's not hideous to me but is reasonably attractive, I don't care.  Punting to me is just about fun/release, not fantasising about fucking women who look like models.

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Simple.  Identify if she is with you purely because of some 'advantages'.  There are lots of great warm women out there who are addicted to sex, just like you so finding somebody else should not be a problem.

Thats a complete lie !  :D

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Banghard you made a comment about previous girlfriends being self absorbed, but aren't you being a little like yourself?   You say this woman works hard for little pay and doesn't have a lot of time to care for herself, that pretty much says it all does it not?  IMHO I think you need to end this Asap, not for your benefit but for hers!  It's cruel to string someone along like that, if you don't fancy her then it's not going to go anywhere and you know it, be kind about it though.

 

Having said that do you think your chasing the holy grail or wishing that you could punch above your weight rather than enjoying and being content with your lot?  I don't know because I've not met you, but so many times I've felt like shaking a man and saying to them 'often the most attractive woman is the one that's always going to have your back rather than the one that you lust after'.  Maybe you need to stop being so shallow, stop thinking with your dick and start thinking about the long picture.  Your playmate/partner can lose weight and probably will when she's not so shattered, what are you going to do about your foibles and attitude?  

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Holly Maddison, I beg to differ.

 

First, attraction is not a choice. We can't choose whom we are attracted to.  Nature decided otherwise.  It would be easy to choose "the [person] that's always going to have your back rather than the one that you lust after", but it doesn't work in reality.

 

Second, it is true that she may be overwhelmed by her current situation, but a valuable partner would at least make an effort, no matter how small, to show good will.  You may say that she wants him to accept her as she is.  And there lies another issue: women want men to accept them the way they are, while having a 467 bullet point list that a man must match to even be considered a candidate.

 

Third, in a relationship between adults, BOTH partners have to pull their weight.

 

As I have already said, been there done that.  I dropped the ball and I don't regret it in the least.  I recommend to the OP that he does the same. Since he is 30 years old, he has at least another decade to find a match. There is no reason to be in a hurry.  No reason at all.

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Holly Maddison, I beg to differ.

 

First, attraction is not a choice. We can't choose whom we are attracted to.  Nature decided otherwise.  It would be easy to choose "the [person] that's always going to have your back rather than the one that you lust after", but it doesn't work in reality.

 

Second, it is true that she may be overwhelmed by her current situation, but a valuable partner would at least make an effort, no matter how small, to show good will.  You may say that she wants him to accept her as she is.  And there lies another issue: women want men to accept them the way they are, while having a 467 bullet point list that a man must match to even be considered a candidate.

 

Third, in a relationship between adults, BOTH partners have to pull their weight.

 

As I have already said, been there done that.  I dropped the ball and I don't regret it in the least.  I recommend to the OP that he does the same. Since he is 30 years old, he has at least another decade to find a match. There is no reason to be in a hurry.  No reason at all.

Exactly….he is wondering if he should stay because she loves him….HE has to love her back or its pointless x

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Exactly….he is wondering if he should stay because she loves him….HE has to love her back or its pointless x

 

In this case we are on the same boat.

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As much as I hate to say it I agree with Holly. Let this woman go so she can find someone who deserves and appreciates her love and care. If you truely loved her you'd not give a toss about her weight.

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As much as I hate to say it I agree with Holly. Let this woman go so she can find someone who deserves and appreciates her love and care. If you truely loved her you'd not give a toss about her weight.

 

Do you really believe that men cant  love their partners if they care about how she looks ?

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Do you really believe that men cant  love their partners if they care about how she looks ?

I mean if you really love someone then no it's not relevant, Unless they were unhealthily under or overweight and you cared about their health, but a few wrinkles, flabby bits and so on shouldn't make any difference to the love. Surely you fall in love with a person not the packaging they come in?

 

Yes, I know, I'm a terrible romantic! 

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I mean if you really love someone then no it's not relevant, Unless they were unhealthily under or overweight and you cared about their health, but a few wrinkles, flabby bits and so on shouldn't make any difference to the love. Surely you fall in love with a person not the packaging they come in?

 

Yes, I know, I'm a terrible romantic! 

 

 

In my view, women can be more critical of each other than me. However, from a man's perspective, if the woman 'lets her appearance go' . then that's a problem. The man might still love her of course, but an important ingredient of the relationship may get lost all the same.

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I'm hating this feud between myself and Lydia, not sure why she hates to agree with me cause I've agreed with lots of stuff she's said in the past , perhaps we are a little too alike, who knows...   Anyway back on topic!

 

Cumandgo you are confusing love with lust.  Men on the whole lust long before they love, whilst women are often the other way round.  Yes we can bitch and say stupid things about each other, but just one of you men criticise one of us and watch what happens.  Us girlies 'even if we hate each other' will band together and fight for each other.   That doesn't happen the other way round, girls can be pretty insulting with regards to a mans physical appearance and you boys would probably agree with them rather than fighting for your gender.

 

I often wonder how men would cope if women got turned on by the visual thing rather than the emotional thing 'like what you boys do!'.  (Mmmm not interested in him and think I need to ditch him because he doesn't have a six pack and has a flabby arse)....  How many of you have actually looked at your butts in the mirror or really looked at yourselves?  

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In my view, women can be more critical of each other than me. However, from a man's perspective, if the woman 'lets her appearance go' . then that's a problem. The man might still love her of course, but an important ingredient of the relationship may get lost all the same.

It works both ways I guess- when he gets paunchy, balding and starts growing ear hair she might not fancy him quite so much- I suppose if both partners go off each other in old age it ends up being a nice cosy partnership rather than the passion of youth- Unless of course one still has urges which is why men end up here and their wives are bonking the milkman! 

 

HOWEVER, that's fine after years, you shouldn't be going off them at the start! 

 

 

 

Cumandgo you are confusing love with lust.  Men on the whole lust long before they love, whilst women are often the other way round.  

Yup, women fall in love with  man who stimulates their brain (nothing sexier than a man who stimulates you mentally) and lust follows. Men fall in lust with good tits and then decide later he quite loves the rest of her!

 

;) 

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I'm hating this feud between myself and Lydia, not sure why she hates to agree with me cause I've agreed with lots of stuff she's said in the past , perhaps we are a little too alike, who knows...   Anyway back on topic!

 

Cumandgo you are confusing love with lust.  Men on the whole lust long before they love, whilst women are often the other way round.  Yes we can bitch and say stupid things about each other, but just one of you men criticise one of us and watch what happens.  Us girlies 'even if we hate each other' will band together and fight for each other.   That doesn't happen the other way round, girls can be pretty insulting with regards to a mans physical appearance and you boys would probably agree with them rather than fighting for your gender.

 

I often wonder how men would cope if women got turned on by the visual thing rather than the emotional thing 'like what you boys do!'.  (Mmmm not interested in him and think I need to ditch him because he doesn't have a six pack and has a flabby arse)....  How many of you have actually looked at your butts in the mirror or really looked at yourselves?  

 

Much  better . Men are results driven  . If it was critically important for women that men keep themselves in the best reasonable physical state possible, then men would do it, as sex is more important to them. Simple.   However, in the overall scheme of things , men know that as far as women are concerned, the physical state of the man is far less important than other characteristics . !

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Yup, women fall in love with  man who stimulates their brain (nothing sexier than a man who stimulates you mentally) and lust follows. Men fall in lust with good tits and then decide later he quite loves the rest of her!

 

;)

 

Ha. In the real world, the best way to 'stimulate' a woman's brain is too lift all financial worries she might have about housing, schooling and caring for her. Best stimulation is then thinking out how to spend lots of extra lolly on fine clothes,holidays with the girls,cars etc etc. These .are all generalisation but that because generally they are right, :)

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