ladyofthemansion

Minging outcall joints

33 posts in this topic

Have any of you ladies gone on an outcall only to find the home of the punter is a total shi*hole.

The guy who booked me today said there would be no room for my table. Understatement of the year. You couldn't even see the carpet for all the rubbish there. I even had to move pots and pans out of his BATHROOM sink so I could wash my hands.

The house reminded me of the squat in Trainspotting.

OK. It could have been worse. He could have been wielding an axe. His heart was in the right place as he offered me a shower I dareth not enter and tea from a mug I could not drinketh of.

Have any of you ladies encountered dives before?

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Have any of you ladies gone on an outcall only to find the home of the punter is a total shi*hole.

The guy who booked me today said there would be no room for my table. Understatement of the year. You couldn't even see the carpet for all the rubbish there. I even had to move pots and pans out of his BATHROOM sink so I could wash my hands.

The house reminded me of the squat in Trainspotting.

OK. It could have been worse. He could have been wielding an axe. His heart was in the right place as he offered me a shower I dareth not enter and tea from a mug I could not drinketh of.

Have any of you ladies encountered dives before?

Only once and I did not stayed. He took me straight to the bedroom with only an inflatable mattress on the floor, which was half deflated. He started to blown in it, which he could not do it. It would be 22nd of April 2011 by the time he will finish. Then he started to look for the pump which he could not find. Long story, and could have been even longer, if I waited. I left with a smile, but not for a right reasons.

I've been in a few untidy places, but generally just a bit of failed housekeeping and lots of clutter around: (Nothing like you described!) Just a mucky carpets, dirty sinks and bogs under the rim (clean enough on the top of surface though), bed sheets smell of stale sweat and wet dog, piles of CDs and DVDs spread around, and few empty pizza boxes stacked in the tower in the corner. (was not even any leftovers of pizza left in it, with some strange mushroom growing, as I did checked).

Apart of the very few rare occasions, most guys who invited me in theirs places where much tidier then mine. Even theirs rubber ducks in the bathroom were well cleaned, polished and shiny. Mine: looks like it need to be plucked again.:cool:

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Even theirs rubber ducks in the bathroom were well cleaned, polished and shiny. Mine: looks like it need to be plucked again.

Can't sleep, cough, sore throat etc but thanks, Xenia, for making me laugh

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I can still remember my very first job. It was to a flat above a corner shop. Well flat is pushing it a bit. It was one room with a bed (no bedding), no bathroom, nothing else AND he locked the door! I went home with a massive smile on my face and a handfull of notes. Put me in that situation now and I would have walked lol!

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I went on an outcall a couple of years ago to a venue that could best be described as a scene from those TV shows about hoarders and the council employees that have to go in and clean the houses. It was absolutely vile.

For those who remember Steptoe and Son, my client resembled the Dad, complete with filthy clothing and hair that was matted to his head. :)

I wouldn't mind but he was absolutely lovely on the phone. *sigh*

I had a can of diet coke with me which I sipped and so deftly avoided the kind offer of a drink. Rather remarkably, I developed a sudden and very crippling migraine and had to leave. :cool:

Edited by Laura Lee
Addendum

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Yes.. I had one in Australia and it was gross! it was apparently a 'regular client' so I couldn't walk away even now I wish I had. Pulled up at his house told to take my shoes off as his mum and dad are sleeping inside! bare in mind this guy is about 40 himself. So do as I am told, Go up to his room and I have never seen anything like it. a stinking stained yellow mattress lay on the floor no sheets on it or anything and 2 dribble stained yellow pillows I felt sick! the place stunk & he had 2 cats living with him but the litter tray was in the room hadnt been cleaned for ages was cat poo all around it on the floor with FUR ON IT! omg even thinking about it makes me feel sick! He was dirty he obviously hadn't showered he was a very large man who was very sweaty! I text to ask if I could leave but was told 'none of the other girls complain just do it and come out' so I did as I was told!(well kinda I managed to just talk most of the time he just wanted a massage:D) I quit the next day though and actually got a normal job because I just can't do things like that I am a clean freak & my mess frustrates me & I have to clean straight away. Other peoples moldy cat poo and yellow stained mattress is just a NO NO! forgot to mention the litter tray was next to the mattress on the floor!

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Not in a punting way, but I had to go to a customers house recently and it was disgusting. I'm currently on water tablets and get sudden and frequent requirements to use the loo, I asked if I could use theirs, went up and wished I hadn't. I wasn't sure if it would be more hygenic to pis myself than touch anything in the bathroom.

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Mike,you have my sympathies....on a similair was out drinking one night in East(ish) London and the PUB toilet....well, what can I say....it would be easier to make it up but put it this way....there most have been at least 3 piles of puke and someones shit in the urinal....funny enough I didnt drink after that....

and good job I've eaten breakfast before writing this....

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I'm not a W.G but if I was I would make sure that on going to an outcall alongside lube, toys, condoms etc would be my own soap and towel.

There can't be anything worse than washing or even showering then having to dry off with a manky towel.

Even as a Punter visiting in-call establishments there seems to be a vast difference in what people constitute as good hygiene.

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Jeez, I wonder how you girls manage it sometimes!

I've been a few manky run down flats to see hookers but nothing with furry cat shit lying about thankfully! :cool:

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I bet anything that you left without providing a service due to lack of hygiene!

No. I did the service. He was still a nice man and his body didn't smell too badly. Like I said before, better than a mad axe man.

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Like I said before, better than a mad axe man.

But not as good as a sane axe man?

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I am sorry that you have to deal with a clientele that live in shit halls and carry axes. Do be careful.

I never stated I have to deal with clients that carry axes unless you know something I dont.

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Ok so what about minging incall places .

Went to one the other day and she said hang on the cats been sick when she didnt wash her hands i left :cool:

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Many a time did I end up in a filthy hovel, this is sometime ago when I worked in Bournemouth for an agency. We did outcalls as well as incalls. This was the 'exciting' part of being sent out, you just didn't know if you'd end up at a multi-million pound mansion in Sandbanks, or a germ-infested shack. Unfotunately the latter was more common.

This is partly the reason I decided not to offer incalls to residential addresses when I became an indie. I don't expect every outcall customer to have a luxury mansion, but I do think a clean bed and shower are absolutely essential. You'd be shocked at how some people live...think of the 'Life of Grime' tv series if you can remember it.

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You'd be shocked at how some people live...think of the 'Life of Grime' tv series if you can remember it.

Quite right Ma'am, I was shocked to the core to hear about the current vogue for people to actually have a toilet inside their house! How unhygienic must that be, have they no shame?

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Quite right Ma'am, I was shocked to the core to hear about the current vogue for people to actually have a toilet inside their house! How unhygienic must that be, have they no shame?

What the hell are you talking about?!

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What the hell are you talking about?!

A good question, and one that many people have asked over the years, usually I have no idea however on this occasion I can be of some assistance. I am appalled, as I have no doubt that you are as well, to learn that there are some people who are happy to evacuate bodily waste in the same premises in which they live and eat! Small wonder that this green and pleasant land is in the state that it is with such goings on.

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Yes.. I had one in Australia and it was gross! it was apparently a 'regular client' so I couldn't walk away even now I wish I had. Pulled up at his house told to take my shoes off as his mum and dad are sleeping inside! bare in mind this guy is about 40 himself. So do as I am told, Go up to his room and I have never seen anything like it. a stinking stained yellow mattress lay on the floor no sheets on it or anything and 2 dribble stained yellow pillows I felt sick! the place stunk & he had 2 cats living with him but the litter tray was in the room hadnt been cleaned for ages was cat poo all around it on the floor with FUR ON IT! omg even thinking about it makes me feel sick! He was dirty he obviously hadn't showered he was a very large man who was very sweaty! I text to ask if I could leave but was told 'none of the other girls complain just do it and come out' so I did as I was told!(well kinda I managed to just talk most of the time he just wanted a massage:D) I quit the next day though and actually got a normal job because I just can't do things like that I am a clean freak & my mess frustrates me & I have to clean straight away. Other peoples moldy cat poo and yellow stained mattress is just a NO NO! forgot to mention the litter tray was next to the mattress on the floor!

Thanks Crystal. Thats put me off my lunch! That sounds horrific!

You have to think what on earth goes on in these peoples heads.

I refuse to go out on a punt if I havent freshly cleaned everything Im going to wear and had a shower and a shave. Ive even not bothered when I felt my hair was too getting long and needed a haircut!

Ive only ever done incalls but luckily all the girls Ive met always kept their place spotless.

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A good question, and one that many people have asked over the years, usually I have no idea however on this occasion I can be of some assistance. I am appalled, as I have no doubt that you are as well, to learn that there are some people who are happy to evacuate bodily waste in the same premises in which they live and eat! Small wonder that this green and pleasant land is in the state that it is with such goings on.

no one really has outside loos anymore lol

outside toilets attract rats & vermin don't you know:eek:

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no one really has outside loos anymore lol

outside toilets attract rats & vermin don't you know:eek:

I think Sasfan pulling your leg here. :cool:

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A good question, and one that many people have asked over the years, usually I have no idea however on this occasion I can be of some assistance. I am appalled, as I have no doubt that you are as well, to learn that there are some people who are happy to evacuate bodily waste in the same premises in which they live and eat! Small wonder that this green and pleasant land is in the state that it is with such goings on.

I don't see what that has to do with anything I've posted. My point was that if you're going to invite someone round, some basic hygeine is in order. Seems like you don't agree...I'll send Kim and Aggie round your gaff tomorrow.

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outside toilets attract rats & vermin don't you know:eek:

That is my point exactly, I do not want rats & vermin in my house.

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I think Sasfan pulling your leg here. :)

LOL! He's doing a pretty good job too :cool:

I 'get' his soh and 'dig' it :D

As for minging outcall joints... I'd either walk out or roll up my sleeves and ask for some rubber gloves and bleach!

No way on this earth would I stay... NO WAY!!!

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I'll send Kim and Aggie round your gaff tomorrow.

That is most kind of you Ma'am, I shall have the tea and biccies ready and waiting, and a fresh newspaper cut up into nice little rectangles in the outside loo just in case.

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