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turboguy

Guilt, Remorse, And Feeling The Need To Stop.

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All of these feelings come to mind when I think about what I have been doing.

 

Society, or faith has lead us to believe that what we are doing is wrong. So, I come away with a feeling of being a sinner.

 

These feelings create and fuel a guilt complex that leads me to believe that I am on par with the lowest of human society.

 

This is not something that I want to be doing, but I'm single, human, and I feel the need to be with someone.

 

It's not easy dating when you are nearly in your 40's, and my lifestyle is seldom one of a social go getter.

 

I managed to stay away from seeing an escort for 4.5 months earlier in the year. But I've recently had a relapse and seen 3 in the past 3 weeks.

 

Before that I was starting to feel good about myself again, and I was thinking about how stupid I have been.

 

I've been doing this on and off now for about 14 years with my longest break probably being 6 months.

 

This has been a rollercoaster from hell, and I can't form lasting relationships. This could also be due to my skin condition that put's me at a social disadvantage with the oppostise sex.

 

As I find it hard to expose myself to others and feel overly anxious.

 

On top of that, I became the best friend  to a foreign girl that fell into difficulties in the UK. She used to escort and I helped her through some of her darkest moments. Which ended up with me visiting her in a Psychiatric ward and bailing her out of the UK.

 

I've seen what this life has done to others and myself.

 

I often look at people in love and wonder why can't that be me. I know things don't always appear to be what they are, but surely a life of monogamy is better than one of tatters and tears.

 

This game is bad for the mind.

 

I don't know what I can do.

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If you are single, you have no reason to feel guilty, unlike cheating bastards such as myself.

You sound like a decent person, and there are plenty of girls/ women out there who I'm sure would be very happy to spend time with you.

Many people get psychologically fucked up by the work they do, not just escorts. I know people who will never work again because of being bullied by their manager or boss.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

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I completely understand your need to "be with somebody", but commercial sex is not "being with somebody", it's just paying to use somebody's body. It'll never satisfy your need for proper companionship, friendship, intimacy and love - it's just scratching an itch, but ultimately temporary and meaningless. I really suggest you stop if that's what you feel like doing. Why persevere with something that makes you feel bad, and costs money?

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This is going to sound massively crass and insensitive but it is what I happen to believe.

 

We all end up as worm food. All our hopes, dreams, loves, passions and achievements are ultimately meaningless. Each of us is no more significant than a grain of sand on a beach. So life is something that cannot be taken seriously. In the words of Bill Hicks, it's just a ride.

 

To be honest you sound too sensitive to be punting. However, you say you've been doing this for 14 years, so it can't be all bad, can it? You say society or faith tells us punting is bad. But why care what society or faith has to say?

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In my case TurboGuy, I waited patiently for 10 years hoping the girl that is the "one" would come or stumble into my life. And I became more and more depressed, until I couldn't take it anymore.So I bit the bullet and decided to get stuck into punting.Now I look back on my life I could see that, my fears of how society would see me as a "user of Prostitutes" held me back and stopped me from enjoying my own sexuality.I Strongly believe today that not getting an outlet for my sexual energy very nearly destroyed me! My own circumstances forced my hand in the end.Today I have a great time and fun with some lovely ladies, and I've found I get on really well with some Wgs.I try to keep it light and fun, nothing heavy and enjoy myself!

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Life is the most wonderful thing, don't waste it with such negative energy...get out there and enjoy until your hearts content (and some)

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You are single and free - cherish that - I was free once and now I cant even listen to music when I want - let alone find freedom for a punt

 

avoid marriage/relationships - if you've been payiong for sex all this time you will probably only end up with someone as desperate as yourself

 

paying for sex is not a sin - you are hurting nobody.

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I am one who is riddled with guilt and often decide tovpack in punting, then creep back.

Is it wrong? Technically the bible bans adultery not sleeping with prostitutes so as a single guy you are not breaking the commandment. Plus the book is filled with tales of prostitutes and the writers seem to have a soft spot for them .

In the end we all stand before God with our bag of sins hoping for forgiveness.

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You are single and free - cherish that - I was free once and now I cant even listen to music when I want - let alone find freedom for a punt

 

avoid marriage/relationships - if you've been payiong for sex all this time you will probably only end up with someone as desperate as yourself

 

paying for sex is not a sin - you are hurting nobody.

 

These little glimpses you give us into your marital life, Lancelot, are getting more and more hair-raising. But a good corrective to the OP's ideas: being married isn't a bed of roses, mate!

 

I am one who is riddled with guilt and often decide tovpack in punting, then creep back.

Is it wrong? Technically the bible bans adultery not sleeping with prostitutes so as a single guy you are not breaking the commandment. Plus the book is filled with tales of prostitutes and the writers seem to have a soft spot for them .

In the end we all stand before God with our bag of sins hoping for forgiveness.

 

Actually, the New Testament draws the line even more restrictively: "Ye have heard that it was said, Thou Shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that every man that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew V 27-28)

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These are all mixed thoughts and feelings, which abound when you are in an indecisive state of mind. They prompt you to contemplate.

 

At some point you make a decision and you dispense with them, because they have done their job.

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Better this way to scratch an itch enforced on a man by nature than to start banging your secretary and ruin her life, yours and your wife and kids. Eat it up we are human and you are doing it with less collateral damage to your loved ones as possible.

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Interesting how everybody seems to have a vested interest in encouraging the OP to keep punting, although he "feels the need to stop", in his own words. Frankly, it's no good giving advice just to validate one's own behaviour, without listening to the person posting. Maybe giving up punting is a bit like giving up smoking (or any other compulsive behaviour): you know it's bad for you, you've stopped enjoying it, you give up, relapse, give up again, smoke less and less frequently, until eventually you give up, wondering why you ever indulged a habit that was harmful to you. In the case of smoking, harmful to your physical health + you wallet, in the case of punting your emotional health (again the OPs own words) + your wallet.

 

It's ok to stop, and accept that once in a blue moon you may fall off the wagon. I hope you'll eventually find a more rewarding "hobby", turboguy. Develop other interests, and you just may find a lovely lady who shares them.

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Better this way to scratch an itch enforced on a man by nature than to start banging your secretary and ruin her life, yours and your wife and kids. Eat it up we are human and you are doing it with less collateral damage to your loved ones as possible.

 

In the case of the OP, he's single.

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I managed to stay away from seeing an escort for 4.5 months earlier in the year. But I've recently had a relapse and seen 3 in the past 3 weeks.

 

Before that I was starting to feel good about myself again, and I was thinking about how stupid I have been.

 

I've been doing this on and off now for about 14 years with my longest break probably being 6 months.

 

This has been a rollercoaster from hell, and I can't form lasting relationships. This could also be due to my skin condition that put's me at a social disadvantage with the oppostise sex.

 

 

 

I don't know what I can do.

There is a solution, 'Turboguy'. These 2 comments from posters are correct - 'paying for sex is not a sin'  'I am one who is riddled with guilt and often decide to pack in punting, then creep back' and they, along with yours illustrate the difficulty well. If you want to stop but you can't, it's simple - its an ADDICTION. You are powerless over it. IT is not YOUR fault. The solution? Go to SAA and SA - look these up on the internet and find out where they are in your area and GO. Just go and see if it's for you.

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I believe punting keeps you young at heart for one thing.  As I've got older I've lost count of the number of non punting acquaintances who have become bitter old men through lack of sex or have been so desperate they have jumped into relationships that they regret very quickly.

 

I was married  for almost 20 years and guess that now I've become very picky on who I would have a relationship with. If the right person comes along then fine but until then I'll carry on punting.

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I believe punting keeps you young at heart for one thing.

 

That's a very valid point. In my case, although I have a busy life and am never bored (except when in the company of boring people and unable to escape), it gives me something to look forward to, and that's important.

Edited by Handshandy

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There is a solution, 'Turboguy'. These 2 comments from posters are correct - 'paying for sex is not a sin'  'I am one who is riddled with guilt and often decide to pack in punting, then creep back' and they, along with yours illustrate the difficulty well. If you want to stop but you can't, it's simple - its an ADDICTION. You are powerless over it. IT is not YOUR fault. The solution? Go to SAA and SA - look these up on the internet and find out where they are in your area and GO. Just go and see if it's for you.

 

Ha, ha, I like the way you are thinking there. Thats it, I'm powerless ! :P

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I believe punting keeps you young at heart for one thing.  As I've got older I've lost count of the number of non punting acquaintances who have become bitter old men through lack of sex or have been so desperate they have jumped into relationships that they regret very quickly.

 

I was married  for almost 20 years and guess that now I've become very picky on who I would have a relationship with. If the right person comes along then fine but until then I'll carry on punting.

 

 

Excellent and very true observation. I have little or no difficulty now conversing with 20 somethings !

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It is quite extraordinary how difficult many people find meeting members of the opposite sex. For something so fundamental and inportant, why is it so difficult ?

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All of these feelings come to mind when I think about what I have been doing.

 

Society, or faith has lead us to believe that what we are doing is wrong. So, I come away with a feeling of being a sinner.

 

These feelings create and fuel a guilt complex that leads me to believe that I am on par with the lowest of human society.

 

This is not something that I want to be doing, but I'm single, human, and I feel the need to be with someone.

 

It's not easy dating when you are nearly in your 40's, and my lifestyle is seldom one of a social go getter.

 

I managed to stay away from seeing an escort for 4.5 months earlier in the year. But I've recently had a relapse and seen 3 in the past 3 weeks.

 

Before that I was starting to feel good about myself again, and I was thinking about how stupid I have been.

 

I've been doing this on and off now for about 14 years with my longest break probably being 6 months.

 

This has been a rollercoaster from hell, and I can't form lasting relationships. This could also be due to my skin condition that put's me at a social disadvantage with the oppostise sex.

 

As I find it hard to expose myself to others and feel overly anxious.

 

On top of that, I became the best friend  to a foreign girl that fell into difficulties in the UK. She used to escort and I helped her through some of her darkest moments. Which ended up with me visiting her in a Psychiatric ward and bailing her out of the UK.

 

I've seen what this life has done to others and myself.

 

I often look at people in love and wonder why can't that be me. I know things don't always appear to be what they are, but surely a life of monogamy is better than one of tatters and tears.

 

This game is bad for the mind.

 

I don't know what I can do.

 

 

I get the feeling that your life of seeing escorts is not the root cause of your concerns.

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Was it Mark Twain who said Heaven for the scenery but Hell for the company?

It is everyone's decision whether or not to punt but if you come to a punting forum you are going to get a prejudiced response, mainly to stick with it.

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Just checking the bible by the way and it says that prostitutes are not to offer their fees up to the Temple. So if any of you women are giving money to the Temple, stop it now! It's the Law.

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 surely a life of monogamy is better than one of tatters and tears.

 

 

 

well, I don't think that has to be the case

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It is quite extraordinary how difficult many people find meeting members of the opposite sex. For something so fundamental and inportant, why is it so difficult ?

It's not difficult at all...just being youself normally helps...

Woman can easily pick up on negative vibes and insecurities!!!

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