grateful gentleman

Submissives And The Rules.

61 posts in this topic

I have some very mild vanilla fantasies involving submissive girls. I started to research ladies who specialise and it is a very different world. The list of services offered well on the face of it appear quite brutal. If I were to make a booking would I be unwelcome as well, I don't necessarily want to leave a lady with glowing buttocks, or whipped breasts, with tears down her face.

 

So I am looking for some guidance either from those who use these ladies services or the ladies themselves. Some of the SPs do not appear to offer sex or kissing, it is about the application of pain. So do the girls ever get any enjoyment or satisfaction from their chosen speciality.

I like Role Plays, I like an element of control and a lady bent ever with her dress up around her middle is exciting, especially if she is laid across my knee. So a little spanking, and light slaps is probably my marker. With perhaps some teasing with a whip or cane, but not to inflict any damage. Would I be a disappointment to those ladies who specialise? Would I actually get to kiss them, touch them intimately and enjoy a range of sexual activity or is that outside of the fetish remit.

 

One last thing I have found, a lot of the ladies specialising do not provide their service charges on their website. Does anyone know what the range of costs per hour would be. I do not want to be a timewaster, so I thought it best to ask of the collective wisdom here what your experiences are and what would be expected of me.

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I provide this service but it's not my main activity and indeed, there are "fifty shades" in submission. Some ladies enjoy being controlled, not disciplined. Some of them enjoy more than that. The roleplay can be tender or rough, it has to be discussed beforehands IMO.

 

Concerning rates, I guess the submissive ladies on here display them on their profiles.

 

If you're a newcomer to this world, best is to pick a lady who can guide you :)

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I'm a submissive, but as Belle says there are 50 shades of submission, so my 'likes' are not necessarily the same as other subs. The issue is can be complicated by the various combinations of masochistic and submissive tendencies. Masochists are not necessarily submissives and vice versa. 

 

For instance, I am a submissive but not a masochist, I don't like pain but when the dominant wants to cause pain then I 'cope' with it because I am submitting to the dominant. I know masochists who don't submit but love pain. So, for a lot of subs it's not so much about what they like but what the dominant likes, they are submitting to the dominant. You say you like an element of control. For a lot of subs giving up control means giving up the choice of what the dominant wants to do to them. Of course in a professional capacity what they are willing to submit to is tempered by safety considerations. Not sure if all that makes sense :) 

 

I think the lack of sexual services offered by some submissives comes from the connection to Dominatrixes who tend not to offer them. You may find that a lot of them do offer this service but they don't advertise it, so it's worth asking.

 

In terms of costs, I think most are similar to those of escort services, although some charge extra for each stroke of the cane etc. 

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This is a very wide question.  My advice would be to get in touch with your chosen one and simply ask.

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To the OP, in terms of guidance it is both very simple, and also potentially complicated.

 

The starting point imo must always be based around consent and good communication, and in part that should happen before the meeting to reduce the risk of disappointment.

 

If your fantasies are "mild vanilla", then I suspect that you can cast your net quite wide, a good proportion of WGs (as in civvy life too) enjoy being spanked.  The first priority is to establish trust, so if you have already met a WG for a vanilla meet, and you enjoyed her company it is worth asking if she would consider such activities.  Some WGs who do not list such services, will indulge if they already know and trust the client.

 

I hope that helps, and enjoy your search.

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You might be better off doing some spectating at a fetish fair or bdsm club. get to see a few things and talk to some of the folks. you might get some of your first experiences in a more organic way.

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There are some interesting and challenging psychological dimensions for doms too, that require a shift from the usual consensual mindset, into a mindset that is still consensual but different. You might like to look at www.thejourneyofwill.blogspot.co.uk, a very interesting and insightful blog written by a dom, that may help answer some of your questions about subs. The two are inextricably and symbiotically linked.

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I've been a Dom for a few years now and have done a range of stuff from light spanking and role play through to much more intense sessions. I would suggest the important two things are to discuss and agree what you are going to do and to have a safe word. Given what you are looking for is toward the mild end of the spectrum I wouldn't go with a sub who specialises in extreme play, less because you might disappoint her and more because a part of your enjoyment is her reaction to what you are doing, which might be quite minimal.

 

I would also suggest taking your time and having a reasonably long session, alot of the pleasure is in anticipation and creating the scenario which is difficult if you are trying to cram everything into a short time.

 

There are some pro-subs who don't offer sexual services but most seem to, of course you just ask. There are some subs who can take considerable amounts of pain, the ones I've met seem to meditate, intentionally or not, and handle it that way.

 

Personally I wouldn't start by going to a bdsm club as it can be daunting, but you might enjoy it, fetish fairs are interesting as you can take a look at some equipment and see what you like, most people are pretty friendly and happy to help.
 

Good luck and remember, in a couple of years time, when you are in a dungeon wielding a long rattan cane with your sub upside down on a wheel and a crowd of onlookers, it all started with you lightly spanking a girl dressed as a secretary.

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Thank you for all the advice offered so far. Very insightful. Some parts I follow and understand already, I like long appointments hence the role play. A safe word is in mind is a given, the lady has to be confident that there is a quick end if she is uncomfortable with a situation. I am thinking of bonds that are loose for visual effect but easy to release as an extra safety net. Please do keep on sending your advice, I am finding the advice helpful 

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In terms of costs, I think most are similar to those of escort services, although some charge extra for each stroke of the cane etc. 

 

In my effffin dreams.............. 

 

if only I dared!   :eek:

Edited by Lynn

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Thanks GG, for this post. I too like a mildly submissive lady, but I'm not looking for any physical stuff. I don't like to be bossed around and I like to feel I'm in charge, especially after I think we've agreed the terms. I don't mind if she makes suggestions, in fact it's nice, although I'm not happy with being taken no notice of when I ask for something to be done how I want, especially if it's reasonable. One girl I visited years ago (Thai) wanted me to lie on the bed exactly as she said - 'a bit more to the left, no a bit more to the right' etc. Another, more recently insisted on coming in the shower with me even after I'd said, "No, it's ok" So now I have some favourites I visit of the mildly submissive type. It seems to be just in their natures and feels ok - relaxed. But I'm on the look out for some more. 

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Is nice meeting a guy who likes being in control, although lots asked me to be bossy and even brought lots of stuff with them.  And I am thinking 'why me?'.  The extreme is when they really start spanking my bottom hard and I am thinking 'bloody hell, that is going to leave marks for several hours'.  

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Thanks GG, for this post. I too like a mildly submissive lady, but I'm not looking for any physical stuff. I don't like to be bossed around and I like to feel I'm in charge, especially after I think we've agreed the terms. I don't mind if she makes suggestions, in fact it's nice, although I'm not happy with being taken no notice of when I ask for something to be done how I want, especially if it's reasonable. One girl I visited years ago (Thai) wanted me to lie on the bed exactly as she said - 'a bit more to the left, no a bit more to the right' etc. Another, more recently insisted on coming in the shower with me even after I'd said, "No, it's ok" So now I have some favourites I visit of the mildly submissive type. It seems to be just in their natures and feels ok - relaxed. But I'm on the look out for some more. 

 

 

With you on this.

 

My preference is pretty straight and I neither want to inflict or receive pain. For me being 'in control' is a prerequisite, but that said mutual enjoyment where invited is welcome. By asking for certain things I'd like the lady to wear that is already assertive and progress at my leisure is everything. Being bossed and put on a 'businesslike' converor belt is a huge turn off for me and I wouldn't go back.

 

I guess we pay and so can expect to be in the driving seat if we pefer it that way?

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A good dom know in reality the sub is always the one in control! 

 

Vicar summed it up very well I think, but to add to that...

 

I have a sub streak but I don't offer this service because of the obvious risks. As well as that a true sub shouldn't do this professionally because of the risks of them falling into a deep sub space mode and losing control and being less aware of what is happening to her. Pro Subs have all manner of security and safety devices in place and are often not actually naturally submissive. However, this doesn't mean a client would know this or think she was faking it. After all much of punting is the suspension of disbelief. 

 

I think for those wanting mild control the best way is to build up trust with an escort. I know of many escorts who do not offer 'sub' (including me) but with the right person once trust has been gained (and sometimes that can happen quite quickly) then more submissive services can be gained. I can tell if a man is being in control in a 'good' way compared to those who are in control because they resent or are bitter about paying for sex pretty much from their phone call let alone on a meet! 

 

The problem with this world is that because of the risks (and paranoia) most sane escorts will be super cautious of those asking for sub services. The problem is a good dom will know this and know how to reassure a woman. They will also be able to use their experience and knowledge in a session to gauge what she is enjoying and how far he can go. I can spot a client who knows what he is doing a mile off, and have had a few clients in my time pick up on my sub side (because they have done domming before) without it being discussed when arranging the booking and we have gone from there! 

 

Also, each person has their limits,  likes and pain threshold so it has to done slowly and with checking things are OK. One person's mild spanking could be excruciating pain for another.  It also depends on your state of arousal. Personally, if I am very turned on then I am more likely to enjoy a spanking rather than someone arriving cold and saying straight away they want to spank me. I guess it's the two way street thing! 

 

Not terribly helpful for a chap starting out, but I think this thread has raised the issues and subtleties of  this kind of service! But if it's any help, this mild level of submission would probably be enjoyed by many who aren't pro subs, I think it's how you approach it when them that will make the difference, In terms of wanting this from a pro sub, they won't be disappointed (many escort in the conventional way too) and as long as you are paying they won't care how hardcore you are or not! 

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I like submissive ladies! It’s not something I always look for and in reality has only been exploited with a very few of the ladies I’ve seen over the years.

 

I’m not into administering pain (well, not much!) but enjoy having that degree of control and, especially, taking some of that control away from the lady. I’ve seen several who openly offer a submissive service over the years and they can be great fun to be with but the best fun has been with a few ladies who don’t openly offer such a service and – in two cases – had never submitted to a customer before. Once you’ve gained a rapport with a lady you’d be surprised what she might agree to!

 

There is some really good advice here – particularly from Lydia – the important thing is, as others have said, not to rush things. A sub/dom session for me is as much about the build-up and anticipation, and spreading it over a couple of hours allows for that.

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Is nice meeting a guy who likes being in control, although lots asked me to be bossy and even brought lots of stuff with them.  And I am thinking 'why me?'.  The extreme is when they really start spanking my bottom hard and I am thinking 'bloody hell, that is going to leave marks for several hours'.  

A bit of light slapping of a shapely bottom is pleasurable, Annabelle - while it's riding up and down on top - even better if I can look round the side at a well-placed mirror.

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I like submissive ladies! It’s not something I always look for and in reality has only been exploited with a very few of the ladies I’ve seen over the years.

 

I’m not into administering pain (well, not much!) but enjoy having that degree of control and, especially, taking some of that control away from the lady. I’ve seen several who openly offer a submissive service over the years and they can be great fun to be with but the best fun has been with a few ladies who don’t openly offer such a service and – in two cases – had never submitted to a customer before. Once you’ve gained a rapport with a lady you’d be surprised what she might agree to!

 

There is some really good advice here – particularly from Lydia – the important thing is, as others have said, not to rush things. A sub/dom session for me is as much about the build-up and anticipation, and spreading it over a couple of hours allows for that.

 

I think you are pretty much on the mark there.  When the dynamic is right between the participants then the "pain" can often be seen more as stimulation rather than pain per se imo.  It does require trust and a period of build-up, and also a decent degree of understanding by the dom in particular to achieve that.  I would add that whilst the dom appears to have control, and the sub is yielding that control to the dom, the underlying reality is, or certainly should be, that the sub is the one who can call the whole thing off.  A good dom will always respect the sub and her chosen limits.

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As well as that a true sub shouldn't do this professionally because of the risks of them falling into a deep sub space mode and losing control and being less aware of what is happening to her. Pro Subs have all manner of security and safety devices in place and are often not actually naturally submissive. However, this doesn't mean a client would know this or think she was faking it. After all much of punting is the suspension of disbelief. 

 

I don't really agree with this part. I'm submissive and I offer submissive services. I also know other people that are both submissive in their private lives and are prosubs.

 

I agree there is a risk of going into sub space but with proper communication and safety nets in place the risks are small. 

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In my effffin dreams.............. 

 

if only I dared!   :eek:

 

LOL

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I don't really agree with this part. I'm submissive and I offer submissive services. I also know other people that are both submissive in their private lives and are prosubs.

I agree there is a risk of going into sub space but with proper communication and safety nets in place the risks are small.

I am only going on the pro subs who have advised me in the subject obviously and from discussions with other sub escorts who won't do it professionally Of course there will be those who choose do it.

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A bit of light slapping of a shapely bottom is pleasurable, Annabelle - while it's riding up and down on top - even better if I can look round the side at a well-placed mirror.

 

Kinky............. and nice.

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I agree there is a risk of going into sub space but with proper communication and safety nets in place the risks are small. 

 

The sub space is the biggest danger IMO. This is where you end up when you explore very dark places. It's a state of mind that makes you high, like on drugs, hence the danger. The experienced Doms are very careful and usualy if they feel you're going there, they bring you back to reality quickly.

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Im not a sub, this sub space place sounds like someone zoning out so they can zone out whats happening to them?????

 

Either way, a lady bent over the bed with her skirt being pulled up for a little smacked bottom isnt really sub, its just a bit of slap and tickle to me. I dont allow spanking  but if someone wants me bent over the bed to give my bum a little smack then so be it so long as its not too hard, there is nothing sub about it to me as Im in control and if they give a smack too hard I just stand up and the bum smack is over

Edited by Chloe Kisses

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I think that the best is to set some STOP signals, so in case you are overdoing it the lady should touch you or make a signal so you can be able to stop and dont destroy the whole scene. Wouldnt be nice that she start to scream or tell you that she have pain or whatsoever. A touch signal or a visual signal would be perfect, so you can enjoy as much hard as you can while she enjoys too!

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Im not a sub, this sub space place sounds like someone zoning out so they can zone out whats happening to them?????

 

Either way, a lady bent over the bed with her skirt being pulled up for a little smacked bottom isnt really sub, its just a bit of slap and tickle to me. I dont allow spanking  but if someone wants me bent over the bed to give my bum a little smack then so be it so long as its not too hard, there is nothing sub about it to me as Im in control and if they give a smack too hard I just stand up and the bum smack is over

It's a really odd sensation, quite amazing in the right hands and you've got a dom on hand who is loving and kind and can administer aftercare. Which is why I wouldn't trust anyone other than my current dom/partner to to to the extremes to get me there. I guess if you do it professionally you take more control and don't let yourself go into that space. 

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