Burty

Help Meeeee!

27 posts in this topic

Not sure if I've posted this in the correct place but any advice would be gratefully received!!

It's no secret that I enjoy repeat visits with wg's I like and get along with. However I have a problem, I'm sure I know the reason why, what I don't have is a solution!

This has happened with 2 wg's in particular, one of whom is my favourite, the other is another favourite I've seen quite a few times - the problem is I never orgasm through intercourse with either of them and it's doing my head in! Probably 15+ punts in 3 months with my favourite and not once could I come through full sex. Came close several times but nothing, I do orgasm through oral / hand relief so should be thankful for that but would really like to get there by traditional means! :rolleyes:

Now favourite 1 has gone on her travels, I want to see fav 2 again but am put off doing so because of this issue as I'm beginning to find it a bit frustrating.

I've had punts with other wg's (including a punt with a new wg 2 weeks ago) and had no problems. It's these two in particular, and it's nothing they do wrong. They are both two of the prettiest, sexiest and most amiable girls I've ever met in real life and we get along really well.

I'm sure the reason is purely psychological but I don't know how to resolve it. Things I've tried are

Talking it through with the wg's during a punt - makes it worse

Not mentioning it and just going with the flow - hasn't worked

Had a few drinks to relax on a longer booking - nope

Using a little warming lube in condom - fail

I suppose one solution is to only see girls where I don't have a problem but I'd rather try and resolve the issue. Plus if my no.1 ever returns there's no way I'm not seeing her!

Any ideas?

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Have you tried using skyn extra sensation condoms. I bought them by accident and they have tiny knobbles on the inside to give extra sensation to the guys. They are different to the ones that have the nobbles not the outside, they are for female stimuation. Try them. They seem to work with a couple of my guys who have slight issues xx

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Have you tried using skyn extra sensation condoms. I bought them by accident and they have tiny knobbles on the inside to give extra sensation to the guys. They are different to the ones that have the nobbles not the outside, they are for female stimuation. Try them. They seem to work with a couple of my guys who have slight issues xx

Thanks Chloe. No I've not tried them but will do ;)

I forgot to mention I (or rather we) had tried different condoms. Mates skyns, Passante something or others, Durex thinner ones - all to no avail. The problem is clearly all in the mind but getting over that first hurdle so to speak is the main problem - as proven by the fact I've not had issues with other girls using whatever condoms they have available...

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Without wishing to pry     you don't tell us your age. That may be a factor. Also are you on any medication?

 

No solution but there may be something to think about

 

Good luck

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Without wishing to pry you don't tell us your age. That may be a factor. Also are you on any medication?

No solution but there may be something to think about

Good luck

I'm 52 Paul. Have had an mot at the docs recently and apart from very slightly raised BP, no medical issues.

I had a similar issue reaching orgasm at all when I very first started punting but never have that problem now, only through intercourse and only it seems with these two Wg's in particular!

Ironically, the wg who resolved the not coming at all issue is one of the ladies I'm having trouble with now :blink:

Edited by Burty

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I think you need to decide how important it is to get penetrative satisfaction from your arrangements.

If you are not getting 100%, it's time to move on.

You have a bond with these ladies which is probably why you haven't walked already.

 

It's best not to try and over analyse these things. Just accept things as they are [i wouldn't if it were me paying] and move on.

Punting shouldn't be stressful in any shape or form. Particularly with ladies you have seen a number of times.

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Burty,

One possibility is that you could consider is treating this as Delayed Ejaculation "DE". Not to be confused with "ED", or Premature Ejaculation.

The recommended course of action seems to include:

1. No porn, no erotic literature.

2. A period of abstinence - try a fortnight to start. Including no masturbation.

3. When/if you do return to masturbation - no use of hand. Buy a "Fleshlight" with a smooth sleeve.

4. Only fantasies from within your own thoughts alowed - no porn, no erotic literature.

5. No alcohol. No painkillers. No ED drugs.

To this I would add, don't beat yourself up. When you are with a 'regular' (by far your best option) let her lead - relax and receive pleasure. Give her pleasure orally, but do not attempt to be the active partner in an attempt to achieve your orgasm quickly. Slow it down - extended foreplay - give in to the moment and just let it happen.

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I think you need to decide how important it is to get penetrative satisfaction from your arrangements.

If you are not getting 100%, it's time to move on.

You have a bond with these ladies which is probably why you haven't walked already.

 

It's best not to try and over analyse these things. Just accept things as they are [i wouldn't if it were me paying] and move on.

Punting shouldn't be stressful in any shape or form. Particularly with ladies you have seen a number of times.

never satisfied us blokes are we? ;)

I do really enjoy these punts anyway, it's just I find the issue frustrating when there's no apparent reason for it...it's like something about me isn't working right and I want to correct it!

But you are right, enjoy it for what it is and stop fretting is the only way.

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never satisfied us blokes are we? ;)

I do really enjoy these punts anyway, it's just I find the issue frustrating when there's no apparent reason for it...it's like something about me isn't working right and I want to correct it!

But you are right, enjoy it for what it is and stop fretting is the only way.

I'm no trick cyclist but I get the feeling that the problem is in your head rather than anywhere lower down your body. Maybe a totally new lady might be a solution?

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I'm no trick cyclist but I get the feeling that the problem is in your head rather than anywhere lower down your body. Maybe a totally new lady might be a solution?

Well I've found a new lady local to me and everything worked last time so maybe I'll see her a couple more times, then give fav. No2 a try if all is well. Fav no.1 isn't about anyway for the forseeable future so I have time to sort my head out!! :blink:

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Burty,

One possibility is that you could consider is treating this as Delayed Ejaculation "DE". Not to be confused with "ED", or Premature Ejaculation.

The recommended course of action seems to include:

1. No porn, no erotic literature.

2. A period of abstinence - try a fortnight to start. Including no masturbation.

3. When/if you do return to masturbation - no use of hand. Buy a "Fleshlight" with a smooth sleeve.

4. Only fantasies from within your own thoughts alowed - no porn, no erotic literature.

5. No alcohol. No painkillers. No ED drugs.

To this I would add, don't beat yourself up. When you are with a 'regular' (by far your best option) let her lead - relax and receive pleasure. Give her pleasure orally, but do not attempt to be the active partner in an attempt to achieve your orgasm quickly. Slow it down - extended foreplay - give in to the moment and just let it happen.

Thanks Pickle and welcome to Punternet!

Apart from 2, which I'll try before I next see the wg I'm having the problems with - I pretty much do all of the above now.

The odd thing is it is regulars I've had the problems with and yet I prefer regular visits. Everything about it seems a bit back to front - I'll get there in the end.

As mentioned above I still enjoy the punts which is the main thing, I just want to sort this one issue out. I think if I achieve it once it'll be a big help, which is what happened when I first had issues reaching orgasm at all. At least that problem is cured :)

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I've found whenever i've had trouble finishing, technique and or position variation helps alot. yeah and thinner condoms. Also changing the scenario/location helps as it feels more sponteneous and less routine.

 

Condoms aren't fun, but they're necessary wee beasties. Sometimes that pause moment to put it on usually ruins the vibe for me. Only time it's not is when she puts it on with her mouth and rolls it down into a nice deep BJ, so in that sense it doesn't ruin the flow.

 

Could be just a case that your regular isn't riding you well enough or you're bored. Change it up dude!

 

:)

 

Good luck

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I've found whenever i've had trouble finishing, technique and or position variation helps alot. yeah and thinner condoms. Also changing the scenario/location helps as it feels more sponteneous and less routine.

 

Condoms aren't fun, but they're necessary wee beasties. Sometimes that pause moment to put it on usually ruins the vibe for me. Only time it's not is when she puts it on with her mouth and rolls it down into a nice deep BJ, so in that sense it doesn't ruin the flow.

 

Could be just a case that your regular isn't riding you well enough or you're bored. Change it up dude!

 

Totally agree about condoms...

Defo not boredom, and I can't blame either lady. The last night before no.1 regular left was fantastic, the sex was amazing and she was really into it - we both were. Then the thoughts crept into my head about not coming...and hey presto - I didn't! Not until she finished me off by hand / mouth anyway. I enjoyed that night so much but was really pissed off with myself afterwards!

I think a change at least for a short while to get things going again is a good plan, then see what happens. The problem was I only saw the one wg for 3 months so once I made it an issue it was never likely to improve.

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I think if you're thinking about it whilst in the moment it's never gonna happen.

You need to not think about I and go with the flow, stressing about it won't help.

If it's with the two WGs in particular it could be you need to find someone new but as you said you don't want to so have fun trying new positions and new ways to make it happen.

I think it might be down to you thinking about it whilst you're banging away, the less you think about the problems the more likely it will happen!

Hope you overcome it anyway! X

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 I've not had issues with other girls using whatever condoms they have available...

Okay, I think then that if a guy cannot get an erection with one particular lady (or two in your case) but can with all the others he visits then that lady simply is  not the lady for him, not for sex anyway. You cannot argue with your own penis really can you. 

Edited by Chloe Kisses

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sorry, make that "cum" rather than get an erection, too late to edit ^^^^^ although it applies to erections too 

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Okay, I think then that if a guy cannot get an erection with one particular lady (or two in your case) but can with all the others he visits then that lady simply is not the lady for him, not for sex anyway. You cannot argue with your own penis really can you.

Nooo there's no problem with getting (or keeping) it up - just coming through shagging, and like I mentioned I find them both as sexy as any girl I've seen - in fact more so. Which makes it all the more annoying!

As TYE says I need to stop thinking about it while in the act - but you can't always help what pops into your head at precisely the wrong moment!! I just wish it would bloody well pop somewhere else! :D

Edit - I just saw your edit! :)

Edited by Burty
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Totally agree about condoms...

Defo not boredom, and I can't blame either lady. The last night before no.1 regular left was fantastic, the sex was amazing and she was really into it - we both were. Then the thoughts crept into my head about not coming...and hey presto - I didn't! Not until she finished me off by hand / mouth anyway. I enjoyed that night so much but was really pissed off with myself afterwards!

I think a change at least for a short while to get things going again is a good plan, then see what happens. The problem was I only saw the one wg for 3 months so once I made it an issue it was never likely to improve.

 

Burty, I think you should go into porn. Earn loads of dosh and have your wicked way with lots of beauties. BONUS! lol

 

Jokes aside. Deffo think it's a psychologic thing, but hey just speculating - I think you know already. Nothing to worry about, most men would die to be able to have such control over not cumming and lasting a good while, though I get your frustration.

 

How about a word trigger? Some times all it takes is a dirty whisper in the ear....and :eek:

 

:lol:

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You cannot argue with your own penis really can you.

Oh I dunno - if little B lets me down again we'll be having a few serious words!!

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I've learnt not to bother if I don't climax. It's usually because the foreplay has been/is great, and I'm enjoying myself too much - having a near-climax for most of the time together. Particuarly  when with 'favourite' ladies climaxing happens during most meetings, and on other occasions it doesn't. With one-off meetings I climax. So I've given up looking deeply into the matter.

 

(Actually, I have the lurking suspicion that the more I like/am relaxed with the person I'm with, the less my body feels the need to ejaculate and just gets on with lapping up all the sensuality.)

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Thanks for the welcome, Burty. I was holding off posting but when I saw your note I thought that I couldn't think of a more worthwhile thread to reply to.

Technically you have three main chemicals in your brain. Dopamine is the desire chemical that controls whether you can achieve an orgasm. Oxytocin is the loved-up chemical that you get after orgasm - and which turns your erection off (and so starts your refractory period). And, of course Testosterone controls the 'floor' of your libido level.

As we get older our Testosterone level drops over time. At my/your age it is about 35% less than our 'peak'. Moreover, it can be depressed further by factors such as weight (belly fat especially), alcohol, lack of exercise, low levels of vitamin D etc.

Although you may exhibit physical desire (as evidenced by an erection) that is different from establishing chemical desire. As we get older the rate at which Dopamine rises also decreases - another reason why our refractory period gets longer as we age. Basically you can have an erection for a long time - but until Dopamine reaches the threshold for ejaculation you won't come. In fact, if you 'keep trying' it is likely that you will just get numb (over-stimulated). My advice would be to slow down, book a longer 'date' and focus on pleasure and getting 'lost in the moment' once you have given the old Dopamine levels _plenty_ of time to rise.

Yes, I think talking with the lady about this is the right way to go. And, I think a regular partner is the right way to go, too (if possible).

Me? Well, I have had younger less experienced girls pleading in my ear: "come for me, please! why won't you come for me?". Which was endearing, but not so helpful really! I have also had older, much more experienced girls recognise that I was in difficulty and shift their position and 'clench' to help push me over the 'finishing line'. But most valuable was a regular partner who understood people, was patient, who accepted me, and kept it fun. Five months later the end of term report would read - 'not perfect, but pretty damn good!'

And of course if anyone asked me in real life if I have ever had any problems I would say .... "no". I wouldn't admit to anything less than perfection!

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Good advice from Pickle! I'd agree about longer dates, and letting the WG take charge - also try and refrain from masturbating for as long as possible before the session.

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That's one hell of an insightful post, thanks Pickle.

Thanks also for the other responses, one or two things mentioned that I've not tried. Not least EGM's going into porn suggestion! Haha! The poor ole porn industry is apparently struggling enough without me adding to its woes! :D

I think one of the other main problems apart from thinking about it too much is desensitisation due to a.) the condom and b.) too many years without 'proper' sex and too much DIY...

Will bash on regardless and see how it goes next time... ;)

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Good morning all

 

Have read all of the above, some good advice contained within

 

I would add:

 

Don't let it do your head in - or spoil your fun!

 

I am very rarely able to come inside a girl when I'm wearing a protective raincoat, been like that for ages and I am well past 52, still spunking on a regular basis!.

 

Personally feel it desensitises the whole issue!

 

I find most ladies these days are quite happy for you you to fuck them protected and when you feel your time to cum approaches to withdraw and finish off over selected part of their anatomy, usually in my case breasts, but that's a personal favourite!

 

Either doing it yourself manually or getting the lady to do same or with an oily tit wank!

 

Then you might get a nice clean up shower together afterwards if you're lucky, prolonging the pleasure!

 

Always had a prob with condoms for the above reason, obviously for health issues they are a must in wg situations for 2 way protection, but find the above order of activity satisfies one's requirements!

 

Just a thought - happy punting!

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Two interesting and enlightening first posts from pickle, a thumbs up from me.

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